Tuesday, March 30, 2004

So here I am. Monday. feeling like it's a Monday. I feel like the girl in the song. I don't like Mondays. Wasn't really in the mood for sitting under flourescents staring at a multitude of computer screens but here I am. Gotta pay the bills right.

So anyway.

In other news I still haven't finished my website. Laziness. And it looks like I will have to wait until this coming week to get done. I just realized that the computer I'm working on lags so bad the clock is thirteen minutes slow. Beautiful. Gotta love working with the quality equipment.

I'm starting to think that it's not my body causing all the tiredness but my job. I do like my job but, the work enviorns make me so sleepy. It's draining. The bad light. Bad chairs. Unadjustable monitors. All are adding up to stresses on my body I'm not liking. Up and down the stairs. Knees hurting. Sciatic pain. Mmm what next? Contacts drying out in my head.

I want to complain but, I don't see what good it would do. I'd rather not stress out my boss or coworkers with my ravings. I just want to not be hurting and headachy and shit after or during work. It's distracting.

Aside from that I might be doing ok. Not that I know because I feel weird and strained here. Constantly on edge and tense. Not healthy. Perhaps it is a good part of why I've been feeling so wibbly and ill-ish the past year and a half or so. And it feels like the purse strings etc are tightening.

Stress is so much fun. Innit?

Oh well. I remind myself now that I have a job and a roof over my head. I have people in my life who love me no matter how crazy I get. I should really be feeling much better at this point.

It seems to me that There's a fine fine line as to how much stress I deal well with until either my head blows up or I do something stupid. I've always been fairly good at gauging that but lately I feel like I've been slacking in that regard. There are a lot of things I just cannot bring myself to give more than a half a shit about. I've gotten apathetic in my old age.

And it does go in cycles. Yes it does. I get all fired up on one hand but then the minute after I'm shrugging and saying, 'whatever'. Not my usual MO. But there ya go. Hell.

I'm growing weary with myself. Weary with this shit I think about constantly. I'd much prefer having other thoughts in my head but these are the ones I've got. Weee.

Enough from me for now.

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