Saturday, April 10, 2004

So in the news in Shannon's world. Not so much. I did however do something wonderful. I cut off and dyed my hair purple.



Yeah!

I was feeing a terrible sort of need to do it. I can't really afford to do anything else really. The wardrobe continues to suffer. I don't have the money to join the gym. So there you have it. My jones for change satisfied by Manic Panic Plum hair dye.

It's funny it looks different shades of purple in different lights.

OH FUCKING HELL!!

I hate it when shit is being crappy at work right near the end of my shift. Ugh.

Anyway. As I was saying.

My jones for change. I've been that way a good part of my life. Sometimes it's a small thing. I change my nail polish and bam instant feel betterness. But this time it took something drastic.

I've heard people say that you store a lot of energy in your hair. Well I know I store alot of issues in it. Ask almost any blackwoman about her hair and you'll get a story of some sort.

Well the short version of mine is that in the past few years after trying my damndest to take damn good care of it, take my vitamins etc. It was not growing. Sure it thickened back up after some of it fell out. (Birth control SNAFU) But what I wanted was length and it wasn't happening.

Then I came to a crossroads. I did not have the money to go get braids or extensions. My forays into trying to figure out how to do it myself were frustrating and made me cry. I was wearing wigs but was tired of doing that every day. So what to do?

Yes you got it. Hack it all off.

Now it's not extreme short. No I didn't run out and get a fade. But because my hair is what it is, I'm not entirely thrilled with it. I love the color but my styling options are rather limited given my hair texture thickness etc. So I slick it back much as I can. Live with the sight pouf of it on the back of my fucking head.

Sometimes it still makes me want to cry. And then I feel stupid. I can't help but feel like an idiot when the state of my hair makes me want to cry.

maybe it's not stupid but it sure as hell feels that way.

So yeah. Not entirely happy but better.

I still have that tickle for change though. And as for now I'm not going to be able to do anything about it. Except maybe paint my nails. Finish up my website even though as the days pass I am starting to think it's lame.

I'm thinking maybe I should remove most of everything about me and focus on other things. Art I love. Magazines (print and online) that I like. Shit like that.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just having another one of those moments I tend to have when things aren't exactly going my way and I decide that everything is turning to shit.

I don't know.

When I figure it out I'll throw a fucking party.
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