Saturday, May 22, 2004

I was just making a list of some financial important big things I am going to take care of this month. I'll be getting a cushy amount of over time and I've got shit that needs doing.

First thing after rent is to get myself some new contacts. Actually it'll be contacts in the short term and then a new pair of glasses. I'm very tired of wearing exclusively contacts and miss having glasses.

My last pair of glasses were the CUTEST damn things you've ever seen. A rounded horn rim style in black. Very me and at the time I was wearing them very unique. Most people at the time were opting for the wire rims in either the wee tiny lenses or squares what have you. I bought the last pair of my style at Vista Optical. I in fact wound up getting the display pair because not one single other Vista store had any of that particular style and it'd been discontinued.

I loved my glasses. I've worn glasses since I was a kid so having cute ones is important to me.

My poor glasses were lost in a tragic kitten accident. What happened was that after getting up to start getting ready for work I'd gone out to check the mail. And I saw a kitten. Very cute fuzzy kitten that I just had to lean over and pick up. What I'd forgotten is that one of the ear pieces was loose and boom on the ground went my glasses. But no that's not the tragic part. Tragic part is that my eye sight is so bad I stepped on them and smashed them.

I called my boss in tears. In the midst of a full on panic attack because without contacts or glasses I cannot work, I can't read, I can't watch tv. I can do nothing. So after him getting out of me that no I wasn't hurt and didn't need a ride I called my Mom still in tears. She couldn't pick me up. Called my Dad. He couldn't come get me.

So my cheap ass decided it'd be a good idea to catch the bus. 2 Busses. One to downtown the other to Capital Hill where I could get an appointment, contacts and be at work by 4. So off I went into the wild blue yonder blind as a fucking bat.

I get downtown and as I'm squinting at busses this very sweet little old man decided I was blind and took my arm to guide me to the right bus. All while yelling in my ear, "IT'S OK YOUNG LADY WE'LL GET YOU WHERE YOU'RE GOING." At the top of his lungs.

He got me onto bus #7 and off at the right stop. I ran smack into no less than four people in two blocks and almost tripped getting into the store. I had my appointment then found out that they had no more of the contacts for my left eye. Tears again. Blubbering about having to go to work (to this day missing work for whatever reason can seriously freak me out) then the assistant/sales girl told me that the delivery guy would be there in twenty minutes and I could wait and she'd knock half off the price.

SOLD AMERICAN!

So I did get my contacts and my boss had waited at work for me to show up. He thought it was cute. I was not so amused.

So the moral of the story is, hold glasses on nose before bending to pick up kittens.

Yes. I need new glasses.

I also want to do something else with my hair. I think I'm feeling like a redhead. The purple is gorgeous but I'm bored with it already. And with it (hold your shorts...)my hair has been growing like hell I should do a color without such obvious roots.

I also want to invest in a new hot comb because mine is getting old and the temprature is wonky. No need to burn my damn self. At some point this summer I believe I'll invest in a ceramic straightening iron as well. They make very slim ones and I think that would do me well.

I will also be needing some new clothes. I have decided that instead of buying clothes I hate at whatever store I find them cheap at I'm going to do some careful bargain hunting. Find individual pieces I like where ever. Keep my eye on catalogs etc. I'm tired of having clothing that makes me want to pee.

But then again everything makes me want to pee.

I was just editing a story I wrote quite awhile ago and this line sticks in my head,

"I hope you're fairly well aquainted with asshole related ailments."

I'm not saying what the context is but...that is something that would in fact come out of my mouth.

I'm babbling. Mainly because I think I have a caffiene headache and my head is pounding. The advil hasn't kicked in yet and it's making me squinty.

I wonder sometimes about myself. I've been doing some reading on various personality type things and gods. I wonder sometimes if I'm not hell to work with and/or know. I try not to be. Sometimes I can't help being a wee mean thing.

All right I think I'm done now. I believe more tea is being called for and you guessed it I have to pee.


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Tuesday, May 18, 2004

I'm sitting here listening to Edgar Allen Poe readings, currently I just got done with Iggy Pop doing The Tell Tale Heart, and now it's Eartha Kitt doing 'The Black Cat'. Still at work and not minding so much.

I realized something this past weekend as I was feverishly finishing my latest work of fixshun. I believe that one bad employer sort of ruined me for any future ones.

A few years ago I worked for a phone sex company. I worked in the office doing billing and other various office work. I worked graveyard as I do now. At first it was a pretty kick ass job. Granted I was making monkey shit for money but it was good. The owner seemed like such a wonderful lady. She'd pulled herself up out of drug use and a terribly abusive past.

She did a lot of things for others and herself that at the time I respected quite a bit. She was the sort of employer who while working you like a mule could make you feel like, 'hey this is a good place to be.'

Atmosphere wise it was a good place to be. I worked with a bunch of chicks. There were always snacks, tampons, nail polish, movies anything you could want someone probably had and most likely didn't mind you borrowing. It was nice. I also met my favorite roommate who I lived with in Tacoma. We had a cute little 2 bedroom with her two kids.

For the time I was there (almost 2 years or so) I enjoyed my job greatly. I made good friends, monkey shit money but it was nice. And then Xmas of (oh good lord I can't quite remember now.) Let's say 2000 for arguments sake. That Xmas I was house/cat sitting for a lady I worked with.

The actual house/cat sitting was so bad. I not only had a terrible cold, this woman had seriously, twelve indoor cats. There may have been more there were a couple I never saw. So we have 12 cats, 1 litterbox, filthy nasty smelly house, fleas, and the coup de gras a hot water heater that was only capable of about 4 gallons of lukewarm water.

Seriously.

So I was struggling through this when on 12/23 I get a phone call from my boss. She tells me how much she loves me and starts crying. I figure maybe something bad happened to my roommmate or something like that. Oooohhhh no. She laid me off.

Now getting laid off isn't such a big deal it happens. But that day? And she told me the reasons why she couldn't lay off any of the other girls that worked there. Including a drug addict who owed her money and had a habit of spending weekends til Monday night in jail.

I was absolutely devastated. I had been socking away money for my roommate and I to put down together on a mobile home. I had serious BIG plans. Now really as close as we were supposed to have been I would have felt much better if she had at least given me some warning. I'd worked my wee arse off at that place for my 7.50 an hour pittance.

Really that's not the part that ruined me. It was the few months afterwards that did it.

So I get laid off. Am depressed and had to move back in with my parents for awhile. Then my old roomy calls me in tears because she'd gone to go to work and the company was gone.

Yep you heard me gone.

Not only had the company folded up but, the owners had taken off for parts unknown. Then come tax time I find out that my employer lied to me. She had told me (and all the other girls who worked in the office) that we were in fact regular employees. And she'd take the taxes out of our checks.

So there I was happy as a lark working away not realizing that my employer was skimming money off of my check. A good chunk considering I'd claimed 0 so I wouldn't owe money at the end of the year. And then my roomy and I had decided to try and get domestic partner status so we could pay together and be better off getting our house even tho she's not gay.

And then BADA BOOM! I got a friendly letter from the IRS saying that I owed upwards of 700$$ in taxes. Now that doesn't seem like a whole lot of money but when you're only making $7.50 an hour that is a fucking ass load of money.

At the time I was under the impression that if I didn't pay that money immediately I'd go to jail or face some other terrible fate so I put it on a credit card. Bad idea I know but it was the IRS and I was fucking freaked. So yeah.

So since then I've been what you might call leery at best of my employers. I've had several since then. Including the one I've had now for the last four years (as of last month) I can't help but be a little non trusting.

Perhaps it's a failing but, after the experience I just related and a few others I think it's been well earned. Promises of things that never ever happened.

So where does that leave me?

I think it leaves me in a place I'm none too fond of. I tend to be overly suspicious when it comes to employment. I take a lot of what I get told with a grain of salt. Mainly out of caution. Don't get your hopes up they don't get let down.

But at this point I'd say I'm getting a bit softer that way. Despite how it might seem sometimes I do like where I work. I do enjoy my job most of the time. Yes I'd like more but really, if it's not writing it's going to be just a way to pay the bills to me.

I've been feeling that to be unrealistic but as hard as I've tried I can't shake that feeling. That desire I have. Everything that isn't me sitting in front of my computer wrestling with recalcitrant Muses is just...paying the bills for now.

And well that's it for now. I'm rambling and I don't really know if I have any other point. But that's been something that's been on my mind. And it percolated enough for me to get it down and make it make sense. Bye bye now.
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Sunday, May 16, 2004

I have a great deal on my mind at the moment and can't really get it all out. So here's a little survey thing. Get to know me...least a little bit.

Name: Shannon

Sex:Female

Age: 27

Location: Home

Height: 5'2

Eye Color: Black

Favorite Relatives: Little brother

What do you remember most about this year: Finally getting my hands on my Mike.

Memory you miss the most: Sitting getting my hair pressed by my Great Grandmother. Listening to her talk shit about people

What do you think of Ouija boards: It depends on who uses them.

Guys, with or without hats:Hrm? Both

Girls, with or without nail polish: Both

Favorite TV shows: Currently it's either um...crap and of course I can't remember so never mind.

What's on your mousepad: Don't have one.

In the car, AC or open windows: Open windows.

Do you believe in yourself: Usually.

Favorite magazines: Vogue, Poets&Writers, Scared Naked, Marquis,

Favorite Drink: Single malt scotch

Favorite Cigarettes: Vanilla Dreams.

Favorite sound: A lovers sigh.

Favorite Smell: Desire.

Drinks, with or without ice cubes: Without.

Worst feeling in the world: Unfulfilled need.

Best feeling in the world: Love.

Favorite thing to do on the weekend: Read books. Dance. Write, write web pages, cuddle, watch movies.

Favorite Soundtracks: Dracula

Where do you see yourself in 10 years: Writing. Maybe have published a book or two.

What's the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning: I have to pee.

Do you get motion sickness: Nope.

Rollercoasters- deadly or exciting: Very exciting.

Pen or pencil: Purple ink pen.

How many rings before you answer the phone: as few as possible.

Future Son names: Don't know.

Future Daughter names: Don't know.

Are you a good friend?: Yes.

Chocolate or vanilla cake: PIE!

Do you like to drive: Yep.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Sometimes.

Thunderstorms-cool or scary: Beautiful.

If you could meet one person in the world, who would it be: Right now I'd say Chuck Palahniuk (not sure I spelled that right.)

What is your zodiac sign?: Pisces.

What do you wear to bed?: Perfume.

Boxers or Briefs? No undies mostly. If I do it's thongs or boy briefs.

Do you eat stems of broccoli: Yes it's green and crunchy.

If you could streak in front of one persons house, who would it be?: Yours.

Guys-If a girl asked you for the shirt on your back, would you give it to her: Yes.

Girls- would you ever ask a guy for his shirt: Yes.

If you could have an occupation when you get older, what would it be: I would like to be a novelist. Professional cranky old lady.

If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be: Next color I think is going to be red.

If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be: My next tattoo is either going to be an ankh or perhaps a pin up.

What's your favorite brand of gum: Cinammon.

What is your favorite quote: 'Leave but a kiss in a cup and I'll not look for the wine.'

Have you ever been in love: All the time.

What's on your walls in your room: Paint.

Is the glass half-empty or half-full: That depends.

Pick a song that describes yourself or that you can relate to: Currently the Moonlight Sonata

Which do you prefer-Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese Doritos: Salsa.

What's your favorite flavor Snapple: Mango Madness FOO

Favorite movie(s): The Last Unicorn, Lord of the Rings.

Which one, Coke or Pepsi: Neither I like ginger ale.

Which kind of milk is your favorite: 8th Continent Soy Milk vanilla flavored

Are you a righty or a lefty or ambidextrous: Righty.

Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: Usually.

When you meet a person of the opposite sex, you first notice their: Eyes or lips, if they are facing away from me butt and thighs.

Have you ever been attacked by a big dog: No.

Do you ever save your AOL conversations: Rarely.

Do you eat chicken fingers with a fork: Chickens ain't got fingas...

If you could be one gardening tool, which one would you be: Watering can.

What kind of shoe would you be if you had the option to be a shoe: Knee high lace up stiletto boot.

If you could do anything to the person you hated the most, what would you do: I don't hate anyone.

Which do you prefer, mud wrestling or Jell-O wrestling: Jello.

What's under your bed: The floor.

What's the best number in the world: 3

What is your dream car: Right now I'd say anything with wheels.

Who is your biggest crush right now: Lots of them..shhh.

Random thought: No I really don't want to kill things.
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Friday, May 07, 2004

What a week.

I have a beef with my nervous system (emphasis on the nervous part) whenever I have some strong emotion -read almost anything- my body does strange things. Now it's been a bit of a stressful week. Financial near collapse, impending upwards of fifty hour work weeks, migraine. And now that my head has finally decided that throbbing like it's three feet wide and full of hot water isn't a good idea I have hives.

I've been prone to hives since I was a kid. Pollen, stress, anger, occasionally joy and I get bumpy. Bumpy and itchy.

Gods.

The doctor said I'd grow out of this. Said 'oh when you're older it'll probably stop.'

HELLO...I'm almost 30 damn years old.

And I'm sitting here with hives in the crack of my ass.

Why don't docs ever just say, 'you know what I can't tell you if that will stop.' It'd make it easier to take.

Enough of this for right now.
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