Thursday, July 14, 2005

After yesterdays mental debacle of self doubt I'm regrouping and not posting my essays just yet.

In other news I have a decision to make.

I found some laptops on Ebay that look like they would suit many of my needs. But It's over 100 bucks (yeah yeah I know I'm a cheap fucker) and I have to think it all out very very carefully.

Pros: Ease of writing. I can work on what I'm working on, up my productivity, hopefully gain more ground in getting established. I've been wanting a laptop in a real bad way for a really long time and $300 bucks is a damn good deal. Speaking of productive I would be able to take my laptop walk to the coffee shop by the house and work. That would go a long way towards keeping me sane. So the HUGE pro here is time. I would have more time to write and that is something that matters to me.

Cons: It's expensive. That's a shitload of money. I'd have to get a laptop bag of some sort. It's expensive. It's fucking expensive. ~

So my big issue obviously is the cost. Rationally I realize that the cost isn't entirely the actual issue. It's that nagging voice that says, 'don't waste your time' 'why do you bother?' 'Jesus crispy you suck'. Etc etc.

I really have to make a decision here. I think doing it against all these bells and whistles going off in my head would be the start to a good thing.



In non-Nudiemuse angsting news I saw something disturbing last night. There's a group of homeless men I see most every day and as I was walking for the ferry last night I stopped to chat with one of them because he looked upset.

He got rousted by the cops and humiliated. He was almost stripped, his containers of food were taken and thrown away, his bottle of water someone bought for him the other day when it was warm was thrown away. It made me sad.

Given that I rarely have much money I gave him two dollars, (one for him and one for his friend) for bus fare to get to one of the shelters, and I gave him my groceries. It wasn't much just a few bananas, a few cookies and a sandwhich. But, it made me feel so bad.

I hate seeing people terrorized and harassed like that. I get angry that there's not much I can do. But I do what I can.

So yeah my trek home started off on a depressing note but got better because I sat and started yet another essay that I'm still not done with.

So there you have it. All the news in Nudiemuse world.

Goodnight Sally.
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