Wednesday, September 07, 2005

As is my habit after payday I tend to buy myself a little gift. Auctions sometimes, magazine, book, cd what have you. Usually nothing over ten dollars unless it's something I absolutely need. Today I got myself Joan Osborne's first CD 'Relish' 3.99$ I LOVE used music/book/anything stores.

I forgot how much I love this cd. I assure you I'll be singing very loud when people leave. One song in particular is one of my favorites. Crazy Baby reminds me of some of the good times with Pete.

For those late to the game Pete was my best friend for a number of years. We went through a lot together and our friendship was cut short as well as his life when he commited suicide. He was a drug addict off and on. Not because of some defect of character but because he had a fear of ending up institutionalized like his schizopherenic father.

I"m still pissed off about it. That's really all I want to say about that part of our relationship.

I remember Pete went out and bought this cd and we spent a night cuddled together in bed listening to it. He wrote out the lyrics to Crazy Baby and bothered me until I learned it. I used to sing it to him pretty frequently. Back then I didn't really think I could sing. My deep and often scratchy voice bothered me.

Pete was one of the few people at the time who really pressed me to sing. Around then I started playing in the swing band and he'd told a few of those boys I could sing but my death glare usually kept them from asking me to. And then after we lost our lead singer and band leader I did sing.

One of the things about Pete that I loved was that regardless of how fucked up either of us was he and I never really had to talk about it. We did but we didn't absolutely have to. We spent a lot of time together not speaking, just being together and appreciating something or other.

Aside from the music I saw a boy today that resembled Pete enough to make me stop and I probably stared. Pete looked a little like Jeff Buckley especially this picture:

Pete was younger, blonder. With a lot more hair. At that similar length his hair did whatever it wanted to. And very very green eyes. Had Pete lived to discover Jeff Buckley's music he would've enjoyed it a lot.

The things I remember most about Pete are very physical. Long skinny fingers, very soft skin for a boy, and the smell of his skin. Hard to describe but very memorable.

I suppose, maybe tonight I'll go home a little early and go have a drink in honor of my Pete.

I love you Pete. And fuck you for dying. Fuck you right in the goatass.

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