Tuesday, September 27, 2005

So yeah I'm feeling better today. Despite my lack of sleep. Maybe the walks are helping.

In other news.

I've been thinking a lot about culture (as in my own personal culture as opposed to the culture of where I live etc. Small culture not Big Culture) and I'm realizing that as I get older I'm finding it more difficult to really want to make the effort to seek out like minds.

My thoughts come mostly from the fact that I think I've developed too high hopes for some of my fellow humans.

I have to remind myself constantly that no Virgina not everyone wants to flex the big brain as frequently as I like to. And sometimes I just feel let down. Partially it's because I've had some damn good friends and cohorts in my life.

My few close friends have in common that we can talk about things and really talk about them. It's not just, 'Oh yeah that was cool.' and the conversational equivalent of a circle jerk. I'm fairly positive if someone read some of my im conversations and emails with people they'd be mystified by all the pissing references interlaced with talk about books mythology and whatever else.

I crave that kind of contact. I crave people I can talk about art and culture with, without the blank look or worse yet having it glossed over. I crave people who understand when I'm indignant that (insert book/song/etc here) has in my mind been tainted by (insert thing here).

I crave people who'll say to me, 'what the fuck are you talking about that (book/song/band) is fabulous.' I get tired of head nodding, and bumhole kissing.

Most of my frustration is online since I spend 8 hours a day in front of a computer. I get enamoured of a community and either I lurk so I don't ruin it for myself or I just stop going because I get disappointed.

I'm not the sort of person who'll sit and bitch and piss and moan that someone else's community sucks. If I don't think I can make it better in a constructive sense I'm going to keep my trap shut. Unless someone asks me then yes I'll give my two cents but generally I am not one to piss on someone Else's parade.

I don't know what my point is exactly. Aside from I feel the need to blabb er.

I suppose I'm just a little itchy. Restless inside. I have this want to do something but nothing I come up with seems to feel satisfactory. Or it costs more money than I have. Hopefully someday I will figure out how to sate this restless hunger I have. Maybe that'll keep me occupied enough that I'm not sitting staring disconsolately at my computer screen and craving something I can't even name.

So yeah.

I'm going to go smoke and read some poetry.

Goodnight Sally..

PS...the tag in my jeans is making my butt crack itch and I should've worn underwear. And ignore the misspellings I test drove gmail's spell check and it's weird.

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