Friday, October 21, 2005

These are fragments written on my way home last night. That's all thank you and goodnight.

Bright dawn comes yet relieves no fears.
I want the darkening of this light so that I might remain unseen.
Only another seething shadow amongst shadows.
Simple the shade of a thing gone to secrets.
Bring the battle in from the fields.
Return it to my soul.
Create in me the scourging flame.
Give me truth.
Bring the battle to me.
Another world that I cannot grasp.
My fingers scrape at a steel wool sky.
Dig until it bleeds.
And still I am no closer to God.
Sweet elixer.
Unknown-unremembered balm.
Once it was.
Now it is not.
My blood is no ample sacrifice.
There is no alchemy inside me.
Lost between spaces.
Dislocated spirit. Hear
the sound of tears.
All these unshed tears have dried and hardened. Become a salty crust around my tender heart. Chip away the rime of years and still no tears. These eyes are dry and yet I wail. Screams locked behind open opaque eyes. Numb stupid smiling mouth. Gnashed teeth and still no tears.
Sometimes I can feel the need to break. Thickness in my throat, eyes swollen as wet sponges. And then I take a breath. I am steel. Still myself until I am cool as marble on the surface and molten rock in my heart.
I am afraid to show the red embers beneath the ashes of what I once was.

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