Monday, November 07, 2005

Ok it's Monday. And thus far I've managed to put on a full face of make up on a moving vessel. About trip and fall on my ass and forgot to take my antihistemine before I got a cup of coffee so now I have the swelly scary feeling in my throat.

It's not that I can't or am having a hard time getting breath but, it's still not the greatest feeling ever. It reminds me in a very bad way of having an allergic reaction to a medication as a kid and having my throat about swell shut.

Medivac-Childrens hospital-heart about stopped-yeah bad fucking memory.

Anyhow. In other less childhood trauma type news I've been thinking about my issues around self care. I took a good look at myself in the mirror last night and my outsides are suffering the turmoil of my insides.

My skin looks almost haggard. The stress feels like it's coming out of my pores. So in order to stem the inevitable flow of "I don't give a fuck I have other things I have to take care of." Which translates roughly to I come last.

I've done a few nice things for myself. Including buying myself this lipstain off of ebay that I've been lusting after. I bought new hair, and a wholesale lot (For a dollar!!) of eyeshadows. The ones I don't like I'll probably sell.

I've also been making a conscious effort not to feel so bad when I look in the mirror.

As I get older and more "grown up" I find more and more reasons that self care comes last. There are bills to pay, other people to take care of, work to do and at the end of the day there's (at least it doesn't feel like) not enough left of me to take care of me.

That in and of itself is a complete 360 from how I was even five years ago. I don't know what happened exactly but here I am.

So I'm taking steps and making myself (even when I feel guilty about it) take care of myself. I have to face it. I'm not 20 anymore and I can't just bounce back in a few days.

So yeah.

In other news for those of you who think rottweilers are evil vicious dogs I have to share something from my walk to the ferry this morning.

As I'm walking down the street coming towards me is a lady with a stroller and baby inside, then just behind her a guy with a very big rotty. The "big bad" rotty stopped and refused to walk anymore until she got a good sniff of the baby.

What followed was nothing short of dog/baby CUTENESS. The baby squeals, makes one of those slobbery burbles and gets herself a handfull of doggy ears, the dog snuffed and licked the baby from chin to forehead, baby laughed, Mom laughed, I laughed, guy who's dog it was-was very adorably flustered.

He said:

"I don't know what it is she just loves babies. Everytime we pass babies she has to kiss them."

He blushed. Dog and baby communed as dogs and baby do in slobber and strange noises. Dog was satisfied, everybody had a giggle and went on about their day.

Not all rotties are vicious beasts just as not all humans are vicious beast s.

Some just need a chance, and to get baby slobbered on sometimes.

And Tommie the email address I have for you bounced I think it's broken.

And I'm spent. I'm going to eat my rice pudding and cruise Ebay for more uber deals.

Homo out.

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