Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I feel about as important to the grand scheme of things as a smear of
shit on the bottom of a shoe.

What absolutely did it for me was speaking to a gentleman who was
eager to tell me all about how wonderful the building he manages is,
then after telling me they only want "good" people that there is no
way they would even consider us. Then he laughed and said,

"The best you can hope for is a dump and hope there's a lazy slumlord
behind it."

He said that cheerfully.

Keeping the idea that having bad credit/rental history issues doesn't
make me a piece of shit is really really hard.

I almost threw up.

I am so upset right now I can't begin to explain it in other than
strictly physical terms.

The back of my neck is growing a tight lump that feels like someone
has a screwdriver jammed between my vertebrae and is working it like
there's a stuck board in there.,

My stomach hurts.

I'm nauseated.

My right eye is twitching.

My head is starting to hurt.

Had a roll of belly cramps.

I think when I get home after some sparkly fruit flavored water from
Safeway I'm going to take a sleeping pill, take a bath, and hopefully
be able to get some sleep.

I am probably going to stop talking about it here. I'll probably post
more music nattering, notebook crap but no more of this. Talking
about it only makes me feel worse.

And probably not much in the way of emails either. I just don't have
the energy.
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