Sunday, December 31, 2006

Porno and big booties

So I was just cruising around the net looking at boobs and reading blogs when I headed stumbled into AltPorn and saw this. How adorable is she?

And can I just say the fact that her thigh doesn't look like it'd snap if I nibbled on it doesn't hurt either?

While I'm talking about hotness I have a confession to make.

I go to a well known and vicious gossip site, not to read the gossip but usually to have an ogle at web sites that tend to get torn apart there. I was perusing one of these threads and came upon one (began of course by the cry of haters everywhere OMG OH NOOOOOEZ FAT WIMMIN IS NAKED OMG I'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN-esque statements) that caught my attention. One of the photos from the web site that was posted featured an interesting shot of a girl in panties a (I think) corset fishnets and it was taken and a slightly downward angle to get a good view of her butt.

After I blocked out (read:fucking ignored) the numerous shitty statements and predictable insults, I looked closely and that was a lovely butt. No, probably not for everyone. But it was a good photo, and a nice booty.

I read more of the thread and like many of it's predecessors and I'm sure more to come, the whole gist of it was that NOBODY can enjoy being fat and feeling sexy, that NOBODY might ever POSSIBLY find someone fat attractive. Unless of course they are just too (insert other insult here..fat lame ugly poor whatever) because it is decreed and so it must be. That is the biggest crock of shit.

There is little more trite and frankly ball-less to me than the ubiquitous fat bashing. We all know the chorus, fat people are gross, lazy, ugly, stupid, unhealthy blablablabla. Frankly that is such a gross generalization I don't know how seemingly intelligent human beings can still be saying that.

Let me be personal for a moment.

I myself have been both very thin, and fat. Not obese no, but by the "standards" (whomever's standards) I am fat. I am absolutely positive that if I right this instant posted naked photos of myself there would be all sorts of hateration. That's fine.

I'll tell you though, honestly that I don't look good thin. Anything under about a size 13/14 and my body looks strange. Even when I was very into being thin and thought I felt good being thin, I did not look good. It took someone I cared for quite a bit looking at me and saying, "that honey is not cute."

The person in question was a drag queen who Gods love her always, told me when I looked fug.

So anyhow. While I was busting my ass (literally) trying to stay a size 7 I was totally ignoring my body's own signals that no, this is not okay. It wasn't.

So yes, in case you don't know here's some things that are true.

No, not everyone is meant to be a thin human being. Deal with it.
No, your beauty standards are not the be all end all of the rules.
Yes, fat people can be beautiful and sexy.
Yes, fat people are not always the (insert generalization here) you think they are.
No, it is not okay to demonize other human beings because they have different bodies than you.
Yes, it is perfectly okay to be a size 0.

I'm sure you gentle readers catch my point.

My main point here is that fascist beauty standards fuck up good art. And that really seriously needs to stop.

There is beauty and good things about more than most people think. Just have to open your eyes and see it.

Even if you're not a person to appreciate a bigger body, the least you can do as an intelligent caring human being is not be an asshole about it. That's really all I would like to see.

Don't be an asshole.

While I'm babbling I want to share that I'm an ALL sorts of hot for this model? I am still up in the air about whether or not Torrid and I are breaking up but, straight up I will continue to go to the website just to have a gander at the hotness.

And while I'm talking hotness I'll say that while I really enjoy the enjoyment of the plus sized ladies at Judgement of Paris occasionally I get a taste of the "this is the ONLY way to be attractive" sort of attitude and that sort of thing makes my butthole hurt. It really does. It kind of ruins the whole thing for me.

The idea that you must be fuller figured to be beautiful and feminine is bullshit through and through. That ladies and gents makes me cranky. So I don't generally read the forums a lot. Rather I skin for interesting articles and screen out the rest.

I was similarly displeased while looking at a designers website where the first goddamn thing I see is Paris Hilton. That does NOT go towards making me think these are reputable people. If you are going to try to celeb pimp your wares please have a care.

Although I'm probably in the vast minority ofpeople entirely unimpressed with the fact that Ms. Hilton was wearing this womans clothes. Frankly I could give a shit. I will say it now, I've seen more of Ms. Hilton than I ever cared to and that too, makes my butthole hurt.

So yeah. Meh.

While I'm whinging let's talk about stockings shall we? Yes, I have big thighs. And I like cute tights and things. What is not cute is that most of them are at least 6 dollars more a pair than the "normal" sizes. Really an XL and a M size tights do NOT have that much material difference. And half the time companies only add maybe a quarter inch of extra material and or stretch and that is not worth six motherfucking dollars.

I am over it.

However I still want cute legwear. it's frustrating.

My next largish purchase I am going to order some handmade velvet thigh high stockings that will have to come from England because I've seen nothing like them in the States. I am excited because these are made specifically for the bigger girls and they are stretchy. That makes me happy.

It's lookign like I'm going to have to save up a bunch because there is a ton of stuff I want from this particular seller on Ebay. Oy.

When do I hit the lotto to fund my fabulous wardrobe?

Oh well,

That's all for me. Probablyfor the year.

So Happy 07 folks. Make it a good one.

Homo Out.
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Friday, December 29, 2006

Almost a new year

Usually this time of year I get uber contemplative and make long boring posts about things I knew last year but blablabla.

I don't think I'm really in the mood for that this year.

Intead let's talk about being fabulous.

I am going to be fabulous this Spring and Summer.

Why?

Well for starters I have been getting some hawt ass deals on some nice clothes. Stuff I actually like and will wear the hell out of. And I've got a better handle on what I need for actual cold weather so next winter I will be prepared.

All I really need now is more tops, some new sandals of some sort. And of course boots. I am a boot whore. I was cruising Payless shoes and found a couple of pairs of boots I just love. Also I'm thinking since I can't wear heels (like pointy stiletto kind) I will be investing in some wedges. And of course platform.

Also my hair. I'm going to do stuff with it. What? I'm not sure but I'm determined not to feel fugly all year again because that sucks.

Ugh it's hard to talk fabulousness when you have a migraine that makes you want to stab yourself in the eye.

I have one.

So I think i'm spent at least until I get home and can take off my pants and stink in the privacy of my own home.

Homo Out for now.
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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Broke ass state of mind.

So this is sad. I set aside money specifically to purchase myself some new clothes that I like. That I LIKE is the big caveat I gave myself.

So I'm doing just that. Trying to give Torrid another chance and I just can't make up my mind. They have plenty I actually like in my size but, I'm so unused to paying more than 5-6 dollars for a single item of clothing that even the clearance prices are intimidating.

That's sad isn't it?

I'm so used to being broke and absolutely having to be incredibly thrifty that, my chance to splurge is being ruined. Fuck sake.

Whatever I am determined.

How tiring it makes me feel old.

Anyhow.

I"m really over the whole belt right under the tits look. I've seen maybe three people that looks flattering on and it's just not for everyone. I'm also still fairly ambivilent about the whole leggings thing. If you are too skinny it's unflattering, and if you're a big girl what the hell do you wear with it?

I'm not at ALL into the flounced skirts. The tiered ones that is. Why? Very simple. I had to BEG and plead to wear those in the sixth grade.

That was over fifteen years ago. Been there done that not feeling it again.

In other news I do love the tunic length shirts. And skirts still.

And I think I'm about spent on this entry. I think Torrid and I are indeed breaking the fuck up. I will explain later.

Homo Out.
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Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas and boobies

Not my boobies. But I was doing some of the proverbial internetz wandering and franky am unimpressed with the nakedness.

I'll just say it finally, I'm really over it in general. The following are things that just ruin an erotic photograph for me:

ribs
ribs
hipbones
thighs that look like they would snap if grabbed
you get the picture.

Come on man. Really. WOuld it kill people to enjoy a thigh every now and then? It just does nothing in the tingly feeling.

That's not to say I've not enjoyed some fantastic lighting, lovely faces, etc but come on man. Is it a lot to ask to see someone who's lookin tasty and fertile and not like they need a sandwhich and a soda?

So yeah.

And it's Christmas. Which means mostly to me that I get both holiday pay and overtime. The holiday doesn't really excite me in ways other than wanting to kick tourists off of the bus, being annoyed that going to any store becomes a fuckarow of epic proportions etc. I do enjoy that I bought myself some nice things that I've needed for a long time because of the SUPER HOLIDAY PRICES! (That has to be in caps)

And um.

Yeah. My life is so exciting isn't it? I know I"m riveting.

I'm listening to the last book in the Gunslinger and I'm kinda sad about that. This book has been a sad one and I don't want the series to be over but there you go.

I've read some really good books lately. I am still entirely in literary love with Jerry Stahl. Love his prose like you people don't even know. I'm right this instant ordering his book PlainClothes Naked.. Every couple of months I order myself a couple of books. It's a habit I know.

I'm considering ordering Heavier than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain. I'm a little hesitant because biographies like this often tend to be written by superfans and that can be grating at times.

Anything else? NOt really. Am shopping for new glasses. I found the frames just have to get into the office there to get checked out and reminded just how shitty my eyesight is.

I have been having the stupid writerly type doubts. Meh. Bored with that. It's stupid I do it yearly and it's bullshit.

I really dislike the winter. Yes I know I keep saying it but it is really just not my time.

I'm cold and think I'm going to go get myself a cuddle or some such. And go do my JOhari window.

Arena

(known to self and others)

complex, intelligent

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

adaptable, bold, brave, giving, independent, loving, proud, reflective, self-assertive, silly, tense, trustworthy

Façade

(known only to self)

able, caring, dependable, searching

Unknown

(known to nobody)

accepting, calm, cheerful, clever, confident, dignified, energetic, extroverted, friendly, happy, helpful, idealistic, ingenious, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, logical, mature, modest, nervous, observant, organised, patient, powerful, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, shy, spontaneous, sympathetic, warm, wise, witty

Dominant Traits

66% of people think that nudemuse is adaptable
66% of people think that nudemuse is brave
66% of people think that nudemuse is proud

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (66%) bold (33%) brave (66%) calm (0%) caring (0%) cheerful (0%) clever (0%) complex (33%) confident (0%) dependable (0%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (0%) giving (33%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (33%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (33%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (33%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (66%) quiet (0%) reflective (33%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (33%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (33%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (33%) trustworthy (33%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 24.12.2006, using data from 3 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view nudemuse's full data.

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Talking down the Black Dog

I'm sitting here listening to Patsy Cline croon about Walkin after midnight and I'm trying to keep my decent mood intact. I am crooning a tenor along with her. My mood is mostly made wibbly by the fact that I'm so damn sore. That low level constant joint tenderness wears a person down.

Wow mood has been improved. I just bought a very nice total outfit for 6$. Hot damn.

And I am still investigating the whole migrating to Wordpress thing. It's proving a little more complicated than I thought.So yeah.

The outfit is a spring outfit but fuck it. I'll be ready for being cute when it warms up some.

So yeah holy crap.

I also need to find some gel insoles for my shoes. That is next on the list.

And now it's time for tea. Hojicha and some cookies.

Homo Out.
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Thursday, December 07, 2006

Rambling....etc

So I started a post the other day with a tirade about Torrid but I didn't feel like finishing it. I just cursed the person who manufactured the computer I'm using.

It's going to be one of those days.

Add together the holiday season+serious hormone anger+everyday bullshit and what do you get?

One cranky stabby little bastard.

U'm really very very tired. Not been sleeping well at all. Have I mentioned lately how much I fucking hate winter?

I hate it because my body is in no condition for cold weather. My joints hurt. And let's not even discuss what my neck and back are doing. Suffice it to say that they are both in danger of me ripping them out and beating myself to death with them.

Also while I'm complaining why the FUCK is my right armpit peeling?

Actually it's a simple answer. It's the same reason my skin has been wonky looking and I have a thing growing on my chin.

I haven't been drinking enough water.

Mainly due to me forgetting to buy myself a new water bottle to keep at work for refilling. For me to be well hydrated and non cranky I need to drink at least 2 quarts a day or so otherwise I get icky.

I went to QFC and got myself a new bottle before work. That will make it better.
In other news I'm listening to Beethoven Radio and right now Debussy's La Mer Is playing. That is a fantastic piece of music. Unfortunately I missed The Rites of Spring. Another favorite.

And I am distracted again and not really in the mood for this right now. I'm going to play with wordpress and try not to piss on the floor.

Homo out.
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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Onto the Soapbox I climb.

I've been reading here and there various takes on Tower closing up shop. I worked at Tower here in Seattle in the U district for a time and frankly, (contrary to what I thought i felt about it) I am not entirely moved.

Probably due to the fact that I worked there. Granted there were none of the absurd Pep Squad tactics of say the Warner Bros. Studio store (where I also worked) but, for all the amusement and cool things there was a lot of bullshit. Not just the typical retail bullshit, I was used to that by that point. But doing a lot of work for minimum wage.

What always irked me that even though I was (and am) a gainfully employed hard working drone, I could not afford to shop there. They did not keep up. When someone at the store lamented about getting crushed by local competition when it came to large selling titles my response was fairly simple. Stop charging 1991 prices.

I did love that I could find pretty much anything at Tower. I loved that I could call the store in LA, talk to the boy who always said I had a sexy voice and he would often send me something. I liked getting free shit from record lables, I loved after the boss went home blaring NWA interspersed with Squarepusher. I loved dancing in the front window for tips (with a few other disgruntled employees) when we were not allowed to leave a half hour early on New Year's Eve.

But am I really sad to see it go?

No.

Another reason I'm not overly upset about it is the greasy feeling I had working there. At a look Tower was fantastic. Cool strange people working there, I could wear pretty much whatever, no one batted an eye when I (or any of the other employees) wore weird clothes or hair. But, underneath the uber-cool facade was the reality. Wage slaving for minimum wage and praying for a "promotion" to make that extra quarter.

Most of the people I worked with weren't slackers, most of them just to make it, had 3-4 roommates, ate shit food etc.

Actually let me stop here. My blase feelings about Tower are the same blase feelings I have about many companies.

Too much expectation for too little payout.

I'm sure many of you gentle readers know what I'm talking about.

You take a job, whatever job you have and (at least from personal experience) most have the rah rah "give 110%" type credo of one sort or another.

Sell more!
LOVE the customers!
BE the BEST!

However when it comes time to pay you for your efforts, you're presented with what amounts to a drop in the bucket. I don't believe that people are poor simply because they don't work hard enough. I think many people are and remain poor because working doesn't pay the bills. Let me put it this way, if you're making 24k a year as a customer service rep. and where you live the median income to live is around 36K a year, do you really make enough money to give a tin shit about your customer?

When you're scrambling to make sure the rent is paid, the phone is paid, the car is working, you have a bus pass etc etc etc, when you are sitting debating eating ramen for a week so you can pay your phone bill or just going without, would you care?

I don't.

I don't know how many people I know who work damn hard, who struggle and hustle just to keep a rented roof over their heads. What's the solution?

I think Big Business needs to take another look. What would be the best thing ever I think, (as suggested by Tupac Shakur) would be that the Haves trade places with the Have Nots. As in that book Nickel and Dimed.. If you make say 250K a year, you get to trade places with someone who makes 25K a year. You're a well paid whatever? You get to work at McDonald's or WalMart.

I'm not talking forever. Say 6 weeks.

I'm suggesting that the people who ostensibly run shit, need to be reminded if they've forgotten, or learn if they don't know how hard it is just to be a working stiff.

Now don't mistake here. This isn't about welfare, liberalism or even so much class issues. It's simply about practicality. I'll steal a line from Fight Club here and say, "we protect you while you sleep."

It's about understanding what the fuck is really going on in this country. It's about right and wrong.

I will step off of my soapbox now.

No wait back on it for a minute. I just read a post in a LJ community about the "low income lifestyle" what the FUCK is that supposed to mean? Being poor isn't a fucking lifestyle. I hate it when people try to be some cachet into economic motherfucking hardship. Worrying about being homeless isn't a lifestyle. Working yourself to death just to stay clothed fed and housed is not a fucking lifestyle. Fuck sake.

And now I'm spent. I am honestly not in a great frame of mind. Holiday malaise combined with a cranky tummy. I'm spent.
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Saturday, November 25, 2006

Unplanned hiatus etc

So I took another unplanned hiatus. No special reason really.

Right this instant I am currently scouring ebay for something cute to wear to the Christmas party. Thus far I am vastly unimpressed.

But the following lyric makes me feel better:

I got a cute face chubby waist....

Mmm Missy Elliot to the rescue when the ole girl here is feeling fluffy and fat.

The chub feeling (while yes based partly in reality) is also sort of in there with the fact that I'm fairly bloated today from week long stomach issues. That icky post stomach anger puff.

I'll get over it.

I'm really very tempted to wear something bordering on outlandish to the company giftmas party this year. Mainly because I missed Halloween and haven't worn anything remotely outlandish in a very eon.

I am leaning towards something gothic lolita ish(yeah I know enough with that already but i can't really help myself). I really like this skirt but a.)it's expensive and b.) I don't have the proper boots or top to wear with it.

I really need to either strike the lotto or find a much better paying job so I can dress in a more appropriately fabulous fashion. Because it would make me really -really- happy.

I also am still seriously jonesing about wanting to have some synth dreads installed. I still may wind up doing it myself after purchasing a kit or somesuch.

And I'm spent I'm still not entirely in the mood for this.

So yeah.
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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Useless Shannon Trivia.

Since I believe I am working up to a migraine I'm going to share some useless Shannon Trivia, however if the Pink Mafia gets you, you know nothing.

The first two human beings I was in love with as a kid were Freddie Mercury and the black dancer with the long legs and uber ponytail from the intro to Solid Gold.

When someone tried to explain to me that Freddie Mercury had a boyfriend I responded (in what would become absolutely typical of me) "I don't care I'll marry him too."

Just a wee Beasty and already with the polygamy and the gays. Is it any wonder I turned out the way I did?

when I was a little kid my Mom was a model for Joico hair products. And I was absolutely no questions asked ass over tea kettle in love with her stylist who's actual name I can't remember but who I called Ramone. I even rolled my r's back in the day.

I loved Ramone because when my mom went to him for looks prior to doing new headshots, he would sit me down in his salon in Tacoma, give me a butt load of make up and make up remover and let me make myself over for hours.

I never once made a mess, I never messed up his make up. I was in love and amazed that he'd let me play.

As a young child my favorite babysitters were two drag queens, a Hippie Bellydancing naturopath who had something like 6-8 kids, lived on a farm with llamas and often let me help around the house.

I was really really sad when all my friends started having their periods way before I did. I also had no boobs. I often prayed to some booby fairy to bless me with the boobage.

Mission accomplished thank you booby fairy.

I like boobies.

The first girl I had a crush on was in Kindergarden and she was a TA. I just loved that girl. I remember she wore a lot of pastel polo shirts and she had this slightly curly light brown hair that never ever stayed in a ponytail. And when I wore beads and braids she like them quite a bit.

Speaking of firsts, the first time I ever kissed a stranger it was a boy named Kevin at summer camp. I think it was the summer between fifth and sixth grades. It was the first day of camp and we were doing one of those "get to know you" exercises. We all wound up having to partner up and hold hands, or something and after someone said something to him about getting stuck with a girl he said he got to hold hands with the prettiest girl in camp and snuck a smooch.

My first summer romance. He spent much of the week and a half of camp giving me little things and trying to steal another smooch. It was all very cute and ended in tears and I'll write yous. I think I saw him on occasion after that around West Seattle.

That's all for the way back machine today.

And oh yeah go read my new fiction at Wretched and Violent.
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Monday, November 06, 2006

I thought I said NO!

Okay so the pants thing is okay now. I ordered some fabulous boot cut black pants.

In other news I've added David Beckham to the list of men I'd like to beat up theh give it to in the nono place.

Who else is on that list you ask?

I'm not telling you.

State secrets.

Okay I'm going to talk about Oprah for a minute. Oprah and her ilk of talk show let's all weep and hug and make it better.

I hate that everything is so SHOCKING and OMFG that's TRUE?

Seriously people. How many shows have you seen where one of the following has happened?

Host: So, why do you hate yourself and want to die?

Guest: I'm fat/ugly/stupid/etc.

Host: Oh *takes guests hand* but I think you're beautiful/smart/fabulous. Why do you really feel that way? Come on you can tell me I care about you.

Guest: *Starts to weep, lays head on hosts boob/shoulder/whatever* My Daddy/Mommy/Fourth grade teacher/kids at school/siblings/grandma/wahtever is always telling me I'm fat/ugly/stupid/etc.

Host: *Gets teary, not enough to run the pancake make up* I'm so sorry I had no idea, it's okay.

COMMERCIAL

Is it really that much of a fucking mystery that if someone is treated badly for whatever reason for years that they will be depressed/feel shitty about themselves?

It irritates me.

Even worse when the "guest" is gay/trans/bi/otherwise considered not normal and the host and audience only get happy when that person reveals the big trauma that made them so strange.

That sends such a shitty fucking message. If everyone else things you're "weird" you must have some big dark secret trauma that made you that way. Fuck that. Fuck it in the ear.

Anyway before I get pissed off.

I LOVE Shanna Moakler not only did she bust that silly bitch Paris Hilton in the face but come ON. Someone that throws punches and is that goddamn cute?

You know who else I'm in love with?

ProjectGay. Just go read it. Love it. Probably don't hump it because if you ruin the crease in their pants those bitches would probably cut you.

Go love them.

I just saw a blurb on Nerve that Will Self has a new book out.I really enjoy his work. And turns out he has a fabulous voice too. I'm listening to a reading from How the Dead Live and am enjoying it quite a bit.

I think I'm spent my allergies are acting up someting fierce and my bladder just said bitch please.

So yeah. Goodnight folks.

Homo Out.
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Sunday, November 05, 2006

Vanity be thy name.

So I'm in the middle of quite the dillemma. Well not really because I know what the right thing to do is I just don't want to do it.

So I need warm clothes. Pants mostly. And honestly I don't really care for how jeans look on me nor how the fit me. I know what pants I like but, I can't afford those. I could go to Target or Kmart and just buy stretchy lounge type pants. That would be smartish. I can wear tights under those for warmth but, really style wise I'm not all into them.

Unless they are of the stretchy bootcut variety wearing them with boots isn't all that cute and, I have to get new sneakers. That's the only winter appropriate shoes I have.

I'm really not happy right now.

I know that I could go downtown to Ross and buy a pair of sturdy jeans for probably around fifteen bucks.

But, I keep thinking about how much I don't care for jeans and it's upsetting. I've been wearing a lot of clothing that I just don't really like and that is not my style out of necessity for about five years and I'm frankly really tired of it. It's depressing.

It's not news that my self image and self esteem has been suffering for awhile now. I get in a funk because I hate denying a big part of who I am so I can make sure other things are done. I get depressed because really I hate feeling ugly. I hate wearing things that are not my style. I hate that most of my clothes don't fit properly or in a flattering way because I can't really afford to replace even the basics at a faster rate than a shirt or a skirt every couple of months.
Anyway.

As I just told my friend Cookie I'm just blowing air. I'll do what needs to be done. As in buy another pair of jeans and live with it. For the cost, durability, wamrth lounge pants can't really compete.

So yeah there you have it.
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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Whores, my cervix and one of my heroes.

I was reminded to go have a look at one of my heroes websites today.

Annie Sprinkle.

I highly suggest checking out her 40 reasons whores she loves whores. Fantastic list.

I also highly recommend checking out her Love Art Lab.

I am also ass over tea kettle in love with Susie Bright. No seriously you people don't understand. Just reading her blog (linked above( I get giggly and feel mushy. If someone out there would like to buy me her podcasts I would cream my shorts.

Additionally if you'd like to buy me her photo book Nothing but the Girl: The Blatant Lesbian Image : A Portfolio and Exploration of Lesbian Erotic Photography . Cause yeah HI. That is some wonderful stuff right there.

While I'm on the subject of being so gay I'll share some fond memories of some of my favorite gay men.

One of them was during a night out at Neighbors. My Gayboyfriend and I were out dancing and drinking most all night long. I found these two absolutely gorgeous boys to dance with and while we were dancing, (me sandwiched between said hot boyness) someone said something about me being a fab hag.

One of the boys said: "Shit you're not a fag hag baby you are a fag."

So true.

I also just LOVED going to this local place called Sonyas. I wasn't an absolute regular but I had friends there. I spent a lot of time flirting, smooching, giggling, ogling and having my ego masturbated there. Lots of good memories.

Lots of good times there.

So my point mainly is that when I say things like, I am SO gay, I am super homo. I mean it because I am.

Whether or not I "seem" queer, or am running around fondling gay men and pining over hot butch dykes, nothing about my queerness changes. If I'm dating men or women or both at the same time nothing about the core of my being changes.

And okay back to my title I refer to my cervix. I highly recommend this to every woman to do at least once in her life.

At the gynecologist office ask if you can see your cervix.

I've seen mine and was amazed. It's one thing to have a theoretical knowledge of your own body but when you get to see something that generally only your doctor or your child being born is going to see it's very special.

I thought mine was quite cute.

Mine was pink and had a dimple. Just like yours. The little dimple looking thing is a hole called the Os.

While I'm on the subject of girly parts ladies. Look at your pussy. Make it a habit make it a practice. Get yourself a mirror at the dollar store, I like the round ones with the stand on them, aim it towards heaven and take a look. She is not going to bite or yell. She is not a scary place. She is a very important part of you.

I believe women should do this frequently for several reasons. Let's go with the sexual reasons first shall we.

How can you expect a partner to understand and enjoy your bits if you have no idea what's going on down there? Understand that no matter what your Mama said, or what your Daddy said, or what your sisters/friends/lovers/whomever said there is nothing wrong, ugly or weird about your cunt.

Look at her and appreciate her. Within those folds is the single MOST amazing organ in any human body. The Clitoris. Why did I capitalize that? Because my friends, the Clit is the only organ in any human being designed solely for pleasure. And oh what pleasures there are. But that's a whole other entry.

Moving on examine your labia. The clinical terms labia minora and majora are a bit of a misnomer. Many women I know their labia minora is longer than their labia majora. Myself included. Do not be alarmed. The fact is that I will venture to say, the vast majority of labia do not look all tucked in and even the way they tend to in magazines and movies.

That's not to say some don't but as will all things related to the human body labia vary in size, color, thickness etc. As many women as there are on the planet Earth, there are that many variations. And that is a wonderful thing.

Your pussy is beautiful and I encourage you to tell her so daily.

Now for the practical reasons.

The better you know your body the better chance you have of realizing when something isn't right.

I'm talking about when your discharge is off, or you have an itch, or hell if your skin is irritated from anything from soaps to detergents. If you know how your genitals look during the phases of your menstrual cycle how much easier would it be to know if that itch is just a random itch or if maybe you have a yeast infection?

You can be able to tell your gynecologist exactly what symptoms you may have instead of generalities. And it is empowering to take charge of yourself that way.

It saddens me that we (women) will spend so much time paying such close attention to our hair, our faces, how much our asses jiggle when we walk and then, turn a blind eye to our own genitals. Why?

Because of mis information.
Lack of education about how our bodies work and look.
Shame (perpetuated by "feminine hygiene" products and the like)
And the worst?
We leave it to someone else. Our doctors, our lovers, etc.

For all of us who never saw our Mothers naked. For all of us who had no one to ask questions. For all of us who have been shamed into thinking "down there" is a dirty smelly place. I say fuck that.

Fuck it right in the motherfucking ear.

Now.

Go out and find this book. And read it. Learn every bit of your mucosa, stray hairs, smells textures and everything else. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your daughters.

Like everyone always says. Knowledge is power. Go out and get some.
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Paen to Frank Muller

I am listening to the Dark Tower Series by Stephen King on audiocd and am reminded again of (in my opinion) the best audio book reader ever, Frank Muller. I was really upset when I found out about his motorcycle accident and the thought that I would not hear him read anymore books was heartbreaking.

The less selfish upset was that he and his wife were expecting a child and I can't imagine how hard it has been for them.

I really enjoy audiobooks. Something my Mom started.

There is something very special to me about being read to.

Some books I can only palate when read aloud. The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice. Her writing tends to grate at my nerves after awhile but read, I enjoy it. Except for Servant of the Bones. I am a total fool for that time period in history so I love that one.

Anyhow. My dinner is about ready and I am spent. I had a shitty day and want to lay down now. Goodnight.

Homo Out.
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Friday, October 27, 2006

Budgetary Fuckery

All right. I have discovered that in addition to a pair of new pants I am in serious need of a new pair of sneakers.

I haven't bought a new pair in years.

And HOLY SHIT I found the ones I want for a little over 30$ including shipping.

Black and purple (of course) platform sneakers that I have been lusting after for quite a long time.

Anyhow. Back to pants.

Instead of buying fitted pants I am going to find myself some cheapish yoga type pants or pull on boot cut pants of some sort. most likely this will involve Kmart and/or Target.

With that taken care of I'm budgeting for glasses too. Hopefully even with my crap ass 120 coverage on hardware I'll be able to afford glasses I don't hate since I will have to wear them for a minimum of a year.

Given that glasses are more expensive they will take a bit longer to get. Unfortunately.

Hopefully after Halloween auction sales will pick up some. That would be really fabulous.

I'd really like to plan a vacation of some sort but I'm not sure when/if I can afford it.

I think I might try for the round the birthday vacation again and barring illness go to the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival events. Save up over the winter and buy myself some fabulous fetish wear to work.

What I wouldn't give for the ability to have some frivoloty. Not to feel like a bum because most of my clothing is outdated ill fitting and not to my liking.

I'm a little depressed today. So I think that's all.

Homo Out.
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Ugh

Okay so I get the Torrid newsletter today and start looking.

Goddamn their clothes are SO fucking expensive.

Ugh.

And of course they put out things I absolutly LOVE. But I cannot bring myself to pay 54 fucking dollars for a goddamn acrylic sweater.

Mother fuckers.

I fucking hate being poor.

I hate it.

I hate not being able to when I want to get myself something nice without three months of planning.

I hate not being able to just go out for a fucking drink when/if I feel like it.

I hate it.

I hate that I work my ass off just to tread fucking water.

Goddamn it.

Is it TOO much to fucking want out of life just to feel comfortable. And maybe on occasion feel pretty and/or fabulous?

FUCK.

I feel a little better.

Homo Out.
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Thursday, October 26, 2006

Wotan in the hizzouse.

I've been dreaming about Odin lately.

Also of his cohorts Huginn and Muninn.

Mainly in the why aren't you fucking listening to me ya wee twat? Kind of way. So yeah. Not much to say about that for now aside from, goddamn you One Eyed Old Goat fine.

In other news I bid on two tops on Ebay. One is this hot boobs black top with long split sleeves and a shiny thing on the front. The other is very elegant with a draped neckline and three quarter sleeves. I better fucking win them or I will stab someone in the eye.

However my stabbiness is again mitigated today by the tastiness of houjicha tea. A japanese roasted tea that is one of my winter favorites.

FYI I really don't like the shirt I have on today it makes me have uniboob. Not cute.

Miles Davis and spicy peas to snack on are a wonderful thing.

I had some other stuff to say but frankly I'm not in the mood. Maybe some link salad of an adult nature later on.

Homo Out for now.
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Working it out.

Given that's it's getting cold out I'm saying goodbye to my floaty skirts and things. I am also realizing yet again just how much I hates HATES my feet being cold and sweaty.

Anyhow. My Beauty Blog. She is growing YAY. If you have links send them my way.

HOLY SHIT! I just checked my paypal and Safeway let their authoriztion expire without charging me so I have enough money for PANTS!

Okay so here is the saga of the new pants.

I purchased a pair of hot ass bondage pants on Ebay thinking (for once I'm sad I'm not as big as I thought I was) that htey would fit. Now let me tell you gentle reader, I have been absolutely desperate for pants. So much so that I contemplated giving it up and just going to buy another pair of jeans.

And I am really not feeling jeans right now.

So I find these pants and sweat over winning the auction for five days. I don't generally bid on things early in the auction but I wanted them SO bad. I get them last friday, shuck off my fuzzy yoga pants and....they are WAY too big.

Too big as in I didn't have to zipper/button them to pull them on and off. I was so upset. And they are too long which isn't as much of a problem but still.

So I made a post to a fashion community I belong to on the LJ. Hopefully someone will pick them up easy like that so I don't have to auction them.

So I am sad that the super cute pants do not fit however, since Safeway fucked themselves out of 17 dollars the hunt begins again. And if I can swing it I'm going to search for a new hoody too.

That said tonight I really need to retake my measurements so there are no more such pants issues.

I am also investing in a new supplement. In a month or so look to my beauty blog for that.

I actually slept last night, slept well in fact and an hour longer than I usually do. That by itself makes up for a lot of daily bullshit. I also had myself a good walk before work and I have gummy bears and genmaicha. In all I'd say my day is not too bad.

More later maybe right now I must make big water.

Homo Out.
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Monday, October 23, 2006

Beaty Bloggy

Look up above there, that link is my brand spanking new beauty blog that I've been babbling about.

So far only a couple of entries but, book mark it. There's going to be reviews, essays, how tos, how to do it on the cheap. And my advice/experiences are for everyone.

Go and enjoy.

I am going to go take a bath and scrub my face.

Goodnight Frank.

Homo Out.
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Friday, October 20, 2006

What HELL?!

I'm working on my first beauty blog entry but I had to say this.

What the FUCK is wrong with people tonight?

No seriously.

One fist fight on the bus.

One creepy looking dude with a jheri curl gone WAY bad mean mugging me.

Hot girl in dreads and glasses in cammo tights lookin sexay.

Me getting squashed by giant stinky man.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Hot girl is okay. But the rest?

Again, for the record.

What

The

Fuck?!

Okay I'm off.

I think I might try to get my high heeled bitch boots broke in. Good idea self.

New Blog will be linked tomorrow.

Homo Out.
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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Stabby and otherwise

So I'm still playing with wordpress. I'm looking for a template that I can kind of make look like this one. Having a time with that.

And yes, in case you gentle reader are wondering am I still bleeding?

Actually yes I am.

In more interesting news, I found my favorite tea at the discount grocery store. Genmaicha (green tea with toasted brown rice if you haven't been playing along).

Let's talk about shoes for a moment shall we?

I am ( ) that close to putting in an order for my first gothic lolita skirt and I am considering shoes. I have maryjanes to wear with it that would be cute but, I think I need to find something a tad bit stompier. STOMPY!

I also need some new tights. More stripey tights and of course my oft mentioned long socks. Cause its fucking cold and I don't want a draft up the ass.

I've been back and forth with myself on this skirt thing and I figure I might as well either put the look together or let it go.

I've been doing more auction vulturing but I'm having the hardest time finding shirts I actually like and it's depressing.

I bought some KK hair and have been practicing the braiding a bit. I think if I take a four day weekend I could probably do my whole head. Just have to practice. Practice FUCK...note to self get small elastics for braid out. DURR.

I still have SUCH a hardon to give myself synth dreads. That's what the braiding business is mostly about. I wants them.

Right now.

And I'm spent actually. I have more to talk about but right now I am going to indulge in some junky food.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Stabby

Okay still bleeding. Cranky.

I LOST the fucking entry I did so here's a couple of quiz results.

You scored as Candyman. You are the Candyman. You love living in the spotlight, and being feared. But should anyone question you, you make sure they suffer for their mistakes. You will go on, with people quietly talking about the evil that lives within you, while hoping they never have to experience it.

Candyman

85%

Pinhead

85%

Leatherface

80%

Michael Myers

80%

Hannibal Lecter

80%

Jigsaw

70%

Buffalo Bill

60%

Freddy Krueger

45%

Captain Spaulding

30%

Jason Voorhees

30%

Which Horror Killer are You?
created with QuizFarm.com


Uh yeah okay. Don't know about that one.






You Belong in Brooklyn



Down to earth and hard working, you're a true New Yorker.

And although you may be turning into a yuppie, you never forget your roots.



That one yeah I can agree. Save for the Winter weather I'd probably enjoy myself in NY.

Amd I am FANTASTIC at giving the finger.

No seriously.

Maybe later I will provide photographic evidence.

And yes my anonymous friend of the last entry venting is coming. Tomorrow when I can fucking see straight and I don't want to stab myself in the eye with a spoon.

Okay I'm done.

Homo Out.
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Monday, October 16, 2006

More Joys of menstruation

So if you didn't guess by the title I am bleeding and not entirely overjoyed about it. I am seriously cranky. I've had monster cramps since yesterday and being at work right now kinda sucks balls.

And I have no Midol. And I want meat. Lots of it. And a shovel.

Why a shovel?

To smack the next person that annoys me of course. That way i won't have to yell.

However I did win the auction I bid on, on Ebay. Thankfully. I would have had such a fit if I hadn't won that one.

So YAY new pants soon.

I've been quite the Ebay vulture cruising for deals. I have a serious need to have cute day wear. Right now I'm really obsessed with finding sweaters. I want some old school JCPenny mens vneck style. I love those.

I'm still working on my beauty blog. Wordpress is pretty cool so look for this journal to get migrated eventually as well.

What else?

Let's talk about riding the bus for a moment shall we?

Okay as much of a pain in the ass as riding the bus can be we can all do our little parts to make it a little less so.

When it is cold outside and fucking raining, please contain whatever your issue is and don't open every fucking window on the bus then yell at people when they close them. You want your own level of ventilation get a fucking car.

Also, if you know you are kind of let's say nuts. And things like talking about The Virgin Mary set you off, how about you DON'T decide to have that fuckig conversation and then start yelling- "THE VIRGIN MARY WAS NOT A WHORE! THE VIRGIN MARY WAS NOT A WHORE!" Especially when the person you were speaking to very clearly was talking about Mary fucking Magdalane who was, in fact a whore.

And, if you absolutely HAVE to show your little friends your new ring tone hold the phone up to their fucking ear. Nobody else on the bus wants to hear your crap ass muzak version of We Be Burnin seventeen motherfucking times.

Don't get on the bus hollerin at people. You want to have a conversation with someone who's not riding or getting on the bus take another bus or call them later. Yelling at a closed bus window is NOT going to make it happen.

If you are wearing headphones, don't sing. It's not fucking karaoke and nobody wants to fucking hear it OK? Ok.

And the big rule applies. Don't be an asshole.

Don't sit on the outside edge of your seat when the bus is crowded to capacity because you don't want the dirty public sitting with you. Tough shit buy a fucking car if you want a seat to yourself.

Okay enough for now. I'm going to drink the last of my cold coffee and go pollute my lungs.

Homo Out.
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Thursday, October 12, 2006

You suck

The title is in refernce to my back I am speaking to it directly.

Sciatica you suck and I hate you. I hate you like Bush hates wurds.

I hate you because you make me walk funny, sometimes fall down. I hate you because I am uncomfortable no matter what. I hate you because you make me not want to exercise. I hate you because you are NOT helping with the insomnia.

Fuck you Sciatica. Fuck you right in your irritated nerve clusterfuck.

Fucking fucker.

Okay I feel a little better now.

Anyway. In other news I am starting a seperate blog dedicated only to hair, beauty, DIY pretty etc. I think I might get wordpress going for that so I can test it out. More on that when I get it figured out. So yeah. I will include hair pics, trial and error with home styling, how to's, product reviews. Nattering about my trials and tribulations whilst makin myself pretty.

Um what else?

Because of a protest downtown today I stopped in at Sallys and got me a package of hair, a foam donut, a new comb and a nail file. Some of the hair will go around the donut for a base piece for a bun, the rest I will practice doing braids with.

Yeah that sort of thing will go in the making pretty bloggy.

And I am done for now. I hurt and need to walk around a little.
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Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sundries self care and what the fuck.

So I think my financial situation will be easing up some and I'm making my big list of self care supplies.

If anyone who's been reading awhile recalls I had an absolute fit that a drugstore type website carries only ONE fucking ethnic hair care/interest item among their "thousands" of things. I wrote them several emails with no response and stopped shopping there.

So I went back to Walgreens website and HOT damn they not only have the relaxer I've heard raves about but it's only 7 dollars. So I'm making my list there. I think I'll be going back to using Neutrogena's even skin cleanser as well. My spots aren't really doing so well.

Since I'm not buying from Urban Decay I think I might try the L'Oreal eyeshadow base as well.

And I'm going to buy a pair of fucking pants. I want a new pair of pants so bad and I really don't want jeans. I've never been a big jeans person and have worn them the last few years mostly because they are there and I found some that were cheap.

Granted I feel somewhat guilty that I have such a hard on to feel pretty so much. It bugs me that I feel vain and shallow even though I know I'm not overly vain or shallow. I think it comes from my jack ass sense of absolute responsibility. Don't get me started.

Speaking of pants the pair I really want I'm waiting on word from the seller to see if I can buy them outright in case her auction ends with no bids. Let's hope. They are soe hot pin striped bondage pants.

Mmmm I lurve me some bondage pants. And pin stripes. Straps and stripes can you ask for more?

I have to share. I have got a massive hard on to get me some bright lime greenish eye pigment from MAC. Not to mention other seriously bright obnoxious colors. I think it's my inner drag queen screaming to be fabulous.

But, fabulous make up means I need fabulous outfits to wear with said make up.

Ugh. Me and my fucking fabulousness. I do not live on a budget that allows for a lot of it and it's frustrating.

I feel kind of stupid and vapid now.

And I'm going to shut up before I make more of an ass of myself.

Homo Out.
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Friday, October 06, 2006

Stress and body mods

I've been thinking lately that with all the stress and bullshit I've gone through in the last two years or so I should reward myself with some sort of body mod to signifity me pulling out of it.

But, the question is what to get? How? Where?

I've been considering some scarification but, with my skin those fade. I had a brand of half of a heart on my left breast that is gone now. Maybe a suspension? I don't know. While I would like to do a suspension at some point right now I'm thinking more towards the permanent.

I'm thinking I want something of my own design. I'll start saving soon.

In other news I am in desperate need of a new pair of pants and think I am going to subject Mike to some serious thrifting this weekend. Value Village is calling my name. I have ten dollars and I am not afraid to use it bitch. I've been cruising various auction sites and just can't find a pair of pants I think will work.

I'd really like some basic black pants. Which reminds me does anyone else remember when you could buy Dickie's at Kmart for like 15 bucks? When the FUCK did those become fashion?

And of course as I'm bitching about pants I find exactly the pants I want on Ebay but, I won't have money in my paypal account by then to cover it.

Son of a bitch.

Ah the perils of being poor, thrifty and transferring money into your paypal account.

I just had such a tantrum.

I am so irritated.

I hate this.

Now excuse me while I have a fit.

Minky Boodle.

Homo Out.
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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

STOP twittering...

I'm still tired though I've finally gotten some sleep. It's more the type of run down that happens when you don't sleep well for a long time. I'm just cranky enough to want to yell at anyone who starts talking as they approach me:

"Stop twittering at me you ninny."

And I think I'm going to have to stop reading the news again. I keep seeing things like this. The only response to that I can think of involves either giving the finger and/or just telling people to mind their own fucking business.

Either way.

You don't HAVE to look at anyone regardless of what they are doing. If they are humping on your leg, yeah feel free to say something but otherwise reallyf or the love of all things cute and fluffy just avert your fucking eyes if it's that much of a fucking problem.

And how about people not being upset because a senator is gay but, rather because he's a chickenhawk and sexually harasses people? I'm fairly positive we all know that if it had been barely legal girls this douche was trying to diddle, he'd have gotten the wink wink nod nod, boys will be boys type spiel. Issued an apology and that would've been it.

I am more than finished hearing about this kind of thing and the ensuing shit that spouts from the mouths of people about it. Punish the man for behaving inappropriately, abusing his power and position not for being gay.

I find this magazine disturbing. I don't know where these chicks live in terms of reality but my life does not revolve around where I am in my menstrual cycle. If it did there would be monthly bloodlettings, gratuitous showings of boobs, not to mention the occasional serious fucking everyone within a fifty mile radius shut the fuck up right now. So well...suuure okay.

I don't know what it is. Sometimes I read these 'girl power' WOOO we are women watch us...Rooooooaaar I just feel, I don't even know how to describe it. I just kind of blink slowly several times, purse my lips, think about it for a second, nod very very slowly. And then say something like, "yeaaaaaah sure okay." Blink some more. Ponder, puzzle.

THen later of course I almost invariably have to start wondering what happened?

I just tune out.

Maybe my "experience" as a woman has not revolved around said womanhood as much as others has. I have no idea.

I get the same way in discussions/debates on feminism (insert whatever ism here) when people start dicksizing about privelige etc. To my mind to be so stuck on the divisive 'well I have it harder than you' does absolutely nothing. Makes me wonder if people realize that the longer we're bickering about who's got it better or worse nothing is getting solved.

In other news. I found a documentary about Hubert Selby Jr that I want to see so bad. I watched the trailer from It/ll be better tomorrow. That looks fantastic.

I'm also very excited about JG Ballard's new book 'Kingdom Come'. I love Mr. Ballard.

And I just got very distracted looking at UK editions of books and now I forgot what I was going to say. So I'm done.

Gooodnight Frank.
Homo Out.
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Friday, September 29, 2006

I want a new motherfucking tiara.

As the title says, I want a new motherfucking tiara right motherfucking now. I want one to put on and wear for about three days.

Why?

Beacuse sparkly things make me feel better.

I am really stressed out and I would like something sparkly to divert me. I'm working overtime this week and goddamn. I really seriously need the money but I don't want to work. I want to get some rest.

No rest for the improvished no?

Anyway onto some news.

Don't call the head of the NSA an idiot in writing. That is fucking absurd. And people wonder why the American people can get so nutty.

So for any justice types reading this...this is just for you:

George W. Bush is a fucking moron and should've been sterilized at birth to prevent him from spreading his moron seed.

Fuck the NSA, FUCK the rest of you motherfuckers.



Ahem.

Sorry. Had to get that out of my system. What was I going to say?

How about I change the subject because I don't feel like raising my blood pressure.

let's talk about kinks. I have many.

So I was reading Dlisted because that bitch cracks me up. I came on this post about Pink. I have to say I think she is fucking hot all butched up like that. I keep picturing her beating on Carey Hart Possible innit?

Some people I just love all butched up. Girl boy whatever. I think it partially has to do with my whole fetish with LeatherBoys. Who knows.

I also have a serious thing for bald women. And/or crewcut, almost all the way bald. I think it's the fuzz factor and that I'm such a tactile person. If I see a woman with hair that short it's really difficult not to pet her.

Enough kink for now I'm not really in the mood.

Tomorrow I will probably start screwing around with Wordpress.

Last night on my way home I was standing at the bus stop minding my own damn business when some jackass boy came along (walked by me) and muttered, "want some dick?"

He even slowed his stroll a little to say it as if his muttering at me was going to make me SO fucking hot I'd just have to tackle him to the pavement, rip off his pants, rip off my pants and fuck like drunk bunnies. Are there seriously men who think this approach works?

And if it does do you really want to fuck someone who'd get down after a stray snide comment?

I said: "Not yours Junior fuck off."

He actually had the nerve to look hurt.

Okay, for the record boys. This approach to getting laid? Not good. Probably among the top ten bad. Don't do it.

Ugh my Pandora station is not working it today. I may have to switch to Sanctuary or something like it.

There we go. I created a Black Flag Based Station. That makes it a little better.

I think I'm about spent. I'm going to microwave some coffee. I'm tired enough to consider snorting coffee but, I don't want to be sneezing and hawking coffee grounds for a week.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I don't like the drugs...but actually yes I do.

My Pandora station.. That Pandora thing is pretty kick ass.

But right now I'm not listening to it I'm actually audioscrobbling. What's that you ask? Click on the chart below. That little nifty chart shows you what music I've been listening to. I'm using an old plug in but at home I've got the new one and it's pretty damn fancy.





Nifty innit?

So lately along with my inability to sleep, stress and other general daily bullshit I've had a migraine for two days. I feel nasty and have an undercurrent of anger that's bubbling under the surface.

What might happen? Good question. If I were at home I'd probably request to get fondled by Mike. But as it is that would probably not help at this point. What I actually feel is that I might kick something or burst into tears.

I hate feeling like this. It does me no good and I can't really get things done in an orderly or timely fashion. I feel brittle and transperant. I really need to get some rest and have a little bit less stress. Otherwise I'm liable to blow. And nobody wants that. Nobody.
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Blatant consumerist greed.

I didn't get much sleep again and, I'm a little depressed so I'm going to do nothing but write about things I want. This entry is going to be entirely vacuous, if you want deep read someone else today.

Let's start with hosiery. I'm not sure how many of these will be work/kiddie safe so here we go.

Skull Knee high socks could those be any fucking cuter?

O Basic socks. love those. I'd need them in black, lavender and probably that lovely color pictured.

Sock It To Me Soccer Stripes. Simply for the cuteness factor.

Authentic Military Boot Socks. Cause yeah HI bootwhore here.

Thick & Baggy Longsocks. Thick and "baggy" I'd need the leg room I've got big legs. Love those they look so comfy.

Black Bow back thigh highs. I love thigh highs. You can't have enough of them I say.

Let's move onto boots and shoes shall we?

Black wedge heeled boots. Those are very sexy. Since I walk so much anything with too much of a heel is very impractical.

Linda Commando boots. Those are kick ass. Nuff said.

Tomb Raider boots. So fucking sexy.

Chunky platform boot. Once upon a time I had a pair of those and they were so comfy. I could stomp around in them forever.

Retro peep toe sling back. Speaking of sexy those are teh hotness right there. What did I say about heels again?

Gothic Lolita wedge platform shoe. I love the profile of that shoe. And it comes in SHINY!

Now let's move onto skirts and dresses. In the last few years I've had a waning love of pants.

Bondage Bitch skirt. That is adorable.

Countess Noir Skirts. I'd want both the medium and short length. I love the floof.

Embraced skirt. Another one to love simply for the floof factor.

Locked Skirt. Yes it would be better in purple and black but I love it anyhow.

Rapture Skirt. Oh GOD the floof. I'm a woman obsessed.

Velvet Rouched Vira Skirt That is really beautiful.

Doresshî I like that a lot. Cute cut.

And now some tops. A word on the uber goth tops. When will manufacturers and stores realize that some of uf in the batcave have big titties? So many tops and dresses for that matter are cut for the waifish and small of booby. It pisses me off. Don't even get me started about how small things tend to be cut. < snark > Cause you know fat girls can't be cute.< /snark> Tired of this yet?

Static Skulls long sleeved. I'm not one generally for prints but I like that.

Made in Hell - Bondage top STRAPS!

Punk G'rrrl - Black bondage top. Love that top.

Cap sleeve corset laced top. So cute.

I think I'm done. So you see how I'd dress if I hit the lotto.

I'm a clotheswhore.

Homo Out.
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Monday, September 25, 2006

Amusements, and I'm going to Hell

I was just reading Mike Philbin's post about a Fantasy Con and aside from his usual contentious self the only thing I cannot get out of my head is the mental image of Satan shoving his cock down someone's throat.

Is it wrong to say that gave me a little bit of a hard on?

Probably.

And why aren't people I really enjoy reading updating.

Anthony- Miss Natosha this is where you picture me pointing menacingly in your directions a la the Evil Monkey in Family Guy.

I should also share that as I'm reading Mistress Matisse's adventures at Folsom I am experiencing a twinge (or four) of the envy.

Note to self: should I actually make it to that particular event bring someone to keep me leashed.

Monks updates are very entertaining too.

Holy good LAWDAMIGHTY Cute Overload kills me. This is by far my favorite recently.

In other news I've been heavily considering getting into the adult webmastering business. Not in a way that involves my own boobs (at least not right now) but in some capacity that might include monetary gains.

I lean heavily towards Alt Porn in general because I enjoy Alt Porn in many of it's tattooed, pierced, mohawked splendor. I'm not sure if I want to own a site or just contribute. Probably just contribute at first then BAM my own nekkid people.

That's not to say I won't actually do some of the naked getting my picture taking myself. At some point. Not right now though because I've neither the time nor the balls to show the goods right now.

I've been thinking that I need to learn php too. Mainly to expand my web design abilities. First though I need to absolutely brush up on CSS and even some basic html. Such a process.

Maybe I'm too impatient but, I want to get shit done right now. I should take a breath before I stroke out or something.

I think that's about it for now.

Homo Out.
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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Tea and hot damn.

So if you note the time I've finally gotten my computer back online. A good thing now I can get some work done.

Right now I'm updating a shitload of things and perusing a tea shop.

I love tea. I think at some point soon I should stop drinking so much goddamn coffee and drink more tea. Mainly because my stomach likes tea a lot better.

Right now I'm looking at some >pu erh from Rishi Tea. One of the things that I love about Pu Erh aside from the earthy flavour is that you can steep it multiple times from one serving. Highly cost effective folks. So it's entirely worth it to buy good stuff.

I love genmaicha tea as well. As far as green teas go, that is on my top ten.

And as long as we're on the subject of shopping boots. OMG boots.

Not just boots but shoes.

I am having some serious shoe lust. And I can't stop. It's sad innit?

I am having serious need of clothing I like. When the finances are more stable I need to get to work making some things. I feel like I've got so much to do and not a great idea where exactly to start.

I have plans and as I'm getting adjusted to life in general, I hope I'll be able to get going on some of them.

First things first though I'll be opening up the porn area here soon. Also I'll probably get going with some sort of interesting stuff. And I think I'm spent. Goodnight Frank.

Homo Out.
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Friday, September 22, 2006

Fuck you taxpayer!

So, I realized today that I am in desperate need of a new pair of pants. And naturally every pair that I like and might be able to afford in the near future is not in my size. I think probably not this weekend but maybe next weekend we're going to have to make a forray to Marshall's. I don't particularly want another pair of jeans but, in lieu of other pants I might like that could work.

Might actually have to make a trip to the Hot Tooic on Broadway to paw through sale items.

So I was just reading the New York Times. And I have to say that all you folks so upset about them goddamned illegals don't bitch when you don't get your fruits and veggies. Read this article about it. One of the things I've always said to people with such serious ideas that people shouldn't be allowed in our America is okay, how about you take the shit jobs then? Not just shit jobs but how about you travel around from May to October living in tents to pick fruit?

Then of course there's always the "they're takin our jobs" argument. No, actually your company, that wonderful bastion of ethics and patriotism is being fucking cheap. Why pay you 20 dollars an hour when they can pay someone else 8.50. Not to mention companies know, know damn well that if they hire people of questionable citizen status, that they will not raise a fuss over anything. They are going to work no matter what and won't make waves. Your company is giving your 20 dollar an hour job to someone they can use up without spending the loot,

That is what it comes down to. Not patriotism, not a supposed war on terror, not a waste of US resources it comes down to rich people in charge wanting to stay that way.

In other news there are some best of cd's coming out next month from Road Runner Records.I want the Type O Negative and the Sepultura releases. And new music. Killswitch Engage just put out a new album. I love that band. Good stuff.

Speaking of music where the hell is Beth Hart? When I heard her album Screamin for my Supper I just fell in love. I think I might have to find myself a copy of her DVD. That kind of voice on wax, I imagine it's that much better live.

Hrm, Tony Bennett and BB King together disturbs me. I had to skip that track.

I'm also going to make it a point to check out some of the artists on Ani Difranco's label Righteous Babe Records.

So a couple of posts ago I mentioned something about a few more companies being added to my do not buy list. Why? Mainly because I've asked the same polite (and need to know question) ten times in two months and haven't gotten any sort of response.

I've emailed Urban Decay (no links fuck em) regarding first of all their fabled eye shadow base formula. On the website the color is listed as "nude" and the little swoosh of it looks very pale. I am not a pale person. I am brown. Granted it says ultra sheer but, what I needed to know was whether or not that applies to brown skin as well. No word. I've sent the same email, the email itself is actually very complimentary in tone. But I get nothing so after I'm out of their gloss in the shade Tart I'm not buying any more of their cosmetics.

So I'm going to be on the look out for similar colors/finishes in things like lip glosses and shadows. It's a shame I actually really like their cosmetics but if they don't have the decency to answer a simple question fuck em. I'd have even been happy if they'd just said, you know what we don't know. Then I would've gone ahead and bought the shit and some other things (when this all started I had 30$ for new make up saved up) and given them the good word.

Avon actually has this new line out called Mark. That looks promising. I've been watching it all summer and their product line is expanding nicely and I love their little click hook up thing,. The prices are reasonable and Avon has good quality products (have for what 50 years now?) so my next adventure in cosmetics will be coming from them.

I've had a really shitty week and I'm exhausted. I'm going to go home tonight and make with the pretend spa-ing. Then I'm going to play stupid games on my computer and listen to audiobooks until I pass out. Better to forget how this week has been.

That's it for now. I don't feel like talking about what's going on so that's all you get.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

YOUTH! And menstruation...

One of the few things I actually pine for from my youth, is the easy periods. Up until I was about 25 or so my periods were not that bad. Yes menstruation is a bit of a annoyace, but meh I wasn't too bad off.

Holy Jesus is going to smite me what the fuck happened.

My body has gone crazy, terrible cramps. Pain in areas of my body that have nothing to do with my fucking shedding uterus. What the fuck?

And the mood swings, can we discuss the mood swings?

I go from apathy, to stabby, to weepy, to stabby directed at my uterus and my good lord.

Good lord it's like Roller Coaster of fucking doom up in here.

In other news that doesn't involve me punching myself in the uterus, I decided that this weekend I'm going to start some of my DIY projects regardless of the fact that my sewing machine is still as yet un set up.

I have an old sweater I think I want to turn into a skirt.

And quite frankly let me share that I am fucking done with my non event worthy wardrobe.

And I've got such an itch to get to some of the fabulous events around town. Mother fucker.

Okay no actual content today I'm too distracted and shit.

Goodnight Frank.
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Monday, September 18, 2006

In the never after

I have been nesting all to hell. Trying to make my home feel like home and it's slow going. Mike got my books put away and I'll have to snap a photo of it. Since I don't have proper bookshelves they are on some built in shelves in a closet and I actually like how it looks.

Auctions have been going decently. Not super fast but that is the nature of the beast of course.

Enough to get me some coffee and that makes me happy.

My computer CuntyBeast has been resurrected mostly which I am very very happy about. I've got some work to do on her then once she's online lots and lots to do.

I have a website to redesign and happily I'll be able to open my tshirt shop finally. YAY!

So yeah.

And I have to say that the continuing financial recovery from moving is so slow it's really frustrating. It amazes (and discourages) me to no end that, it's hard to get out of being poor. I've read numerous articles etc about getting out of debt and saving money but, a lot of these assume that you are already in a spot where you can cut more corners.

A lot of these "helpful guildlines" assume that you own things, assume that you are not in ill health, assume that you don't already squeeze almost every penny out of what you have. And it's frustrating to see these "experts" (who much of the time have never even smelled poverty) tell you how easy it is to raise your economic profile.

When you are already at the upper limit of your budget not because of luxurious or frvolous spending but because your cost of living is high. It's hard to cut more out.

So you do what you can.

I am looking for outside hustles. What I mean by that is that I actively am looking for ways to make supplemental cash. Even if it's just ten dollars or so a week. What's unfortunate is that the adage, "you have to make money to earn money" is very true and that's very difficult when you don't have a lot of start up capital for anything.

I've decided based on a long and unfruitful part time job search that, working another job is really just not feasible. Hence the tshirt shop, auctioning (note to self SCREW Safeway brand febreeze type shit and get the real stuff), and other looking about for ways to make money.

One of these that I have been unable to work on is the website affiliation things. in my redisgn of this site, I will have an area of the uber porno links, thumbnails etc. Maybe even a toystore. Everyone likes lookin at the boobies.

So yeah.

And can I just say again Myspace is TEH EVUL! Goddamn I cannot stay logged in for more than a few minutes at a time. Shit pisses me off.

Now for the less serious.

Watch Mario Lopez's junk bounce around.

Lady Sovereign is coming to town. I fucking love that bitch.

I read the above linked blog for lots o the hip hop news. I actually like it quite a bit and have read from the beginning. Hip Hop Ruckus is good stuff go read it.

Go read about Monk getting ready for Folsom.

And keep in mind that I have an ongoing hard on fascination with his ropes and fancy rope bondage in general.

I recently started reading a blog called Too Fat for Fashion fashion news and such for big girls. I like her blog quite a bit and read it regularly.

I've also recently (after a few accidental findings) read Big Fat Deal. A blog that calls attention to weight issues in the media. I enjoy it quite a bit.

I think that's about it for now. I have to get back on the phone with Qwest to find out when they are going to fix their broken ass shit.

Joy.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Sinus non relief and I am going to pee on the floor.

The abrupt weather change has my head feeling like it's full of almost runny snot. It's bad enough I'm actually considering shoving screw driver up my nose and right into my brain.

Not to mention I am angry.

I know, surprise surprise the wee ranty cuntbeast is angry.

Why yes I am.

First of all I am making a list of companies that for all appearances do not care about black folks.

Now why would I say that?

Honestly, I'm not one to pull the race card often. I feel doing that diminishes the issue but, I'm getting pissed off.

I've spent time researching and emailing several cosmetics companies asking politely (after giving praise for their products) why they don't offer things like foundations, powders, or primers that are appropriate for black customers.

I've sent in sum probably a good fifteen/twenty emails. Always the same email to their respective customer service addresses and got a single auto reply.

In my emails I was also polite enough to point out that once (I know this from experience) black folks find products many consumers will not only share the info about the product but, will be loyal customers forever.

But nothing. Not one responce.

That really upsets and offends me. If you as a company can't spare three seconds to answer a fairly simple question, even just to say, yes we got your email and are directing it to (insert department here) would be preferable to being ignored.

I feel the same way when I email a company because I have a problem with their product and get one of those generic well, it's not our fault it's yours emails. I try not to get so upset about it but, I am not a rich person and when I decide to give someone my money for goods that are supposed to be good, I expect some level of quality assurance.

If I buy something at the dollar store yeah if it breaks I"m not heartbroken. But if I spend dough somewhere I want quality.

So as of now there are several companies that are off my mother fucking shopping list.

Maybe I'll post a list at some point.

In general I'm having black girl angst right now. And a lot of it centers around things that are not in my control and it makes me upset.

In less upsetting news my auctions are going well. I'm doing a lot of cleaning out. I want to make sure I'm rid of some stuff so I can have things I like and that fit. Making some pocket change ain't bad either.

Other news. Well after finding and reading almost every tutorial I could find on installing synthetic dreadlocks I finally found the method I can actually do. WOOT! So I made myself a couple of butt ugly yarn dreadish things to practice with. I'm going to practice until I save up enough to buy a full set from JadedDreads. It's going to be awhile but, hopefully I'll get in enough practice I'll be able to do it easily.

Other good news, I've been using this cocoa butter/tea tree mix on my chin/dark spots and it's working. I've also been putting it on blemishes at night and goddamn it is good stuff. The only problem is that I can't find it anywhere anymore. It's fucking fantastic. I also use it on any stray zit type bumps and BAM they are gone.

Tea tree is the best thing EVAR!

What else?

I have new fiction published. Go read my zombie humour story Puppy

Fuck sake my eyes are watering to beat the band. I'm spent.

Goodnight Frank.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Jackassery and laughter.

So last night Mike and I were watching the pre-Jackass/CKY bunch of boys from Finland called The Dudesons. What strikes me about The Dudesons, Jackass, CKY all those boys is the joy they have doing such idiotic things on film. How many people can say that they laugh that much doing their jobs?

I wish I could.

In other news I have new fiction out, my zombie humour story Puppy. Find it at Gothic Revue. Enjoy.

What else?

Myspace still hates me.

I'm feeling a little better these days. It seems like a slow process. I'm realizing as I get older I'm not quite as able to keep my temper at bay to get shit done. It's amazing what a little a lot of anger can do. But I'm dealing.

Part of my problem right now is that because of my current financial situation I'm not going to be able to do things I want to do to change things. It feels like trying to grab a jar on a high shelf with greasy fingers. I can feel it just inside the pad of my fingers but when I try to take it, it slips away.

One of the things that's not really helping my state of mind is the persistant knowledge that I am not nurturing and engaging my creativity in a way that is enjoyable, challenging and introduces growth into my life. It's frustrating.

What else?

How about lets talk about degrees of fatness, clothes and shitty attitudes? Yeah I knew you wanted to.

I am a big girl. Plus sized. If anyone says zaftig I will shit in your computer. But yes I am no thin woman. For the past few months I've been trying to involve myself in some online "size positive" "body acceptane" type communities and honestly aside from the shopping links. (Even though 90% of the time I can't afford anything that's shown) I am really about done.

I get so tired of the dicksizing. "My truama and hurt is bigger than yours" type thing.

I was going to post some of the look book I put together but I'm tired and can't get into my ftp to find the addresses of the photos.

Fuck sake.

I'm tired. Not been sleeping well at all.

I'm almost ready to go to the doc for crazy pills or sleepers or fuck at this point I'd take a tranq shot in the ass to get two days in a row of restful sleep.

Homo Out.
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Friday, August 25, 2006

Can I get a what what?

For the record Myspace and this computer hate each other. I mean seriously. More than Nicole Ritchie hates absorbing nutrients kind of hate.

Crash out #4 like two minuts ago as I was trying to answer you Miss Paige.

Happy belated birthday too beautiful.

Today is really not my day.

I forgot to take allergy stuff this morning and at work they were working on some ceiling tiles which means my eyes are now burning and my nose has been watering. Mmm drippy nose.

It makes me very very tired.

I did get some nice compliments on my make up today. I always love those. Since I've yet to master the use of BareMinerals and don't have the setting powder I've been using a stand by I'd forgotten about.

Covergirl Clean loose powder. In a shade called Soft Sable (one of the less offensive make up names I've come across). I remember I bought three or four of the little can things when they went on sale at Rite Aid forever ago because it's hard to find in my shade. I'm on my last one and I put some super fine micro glitter in it. Not so much that I'm like BAM glitter but it does put a nice glittery effect on my face.

I remember probably more than a decade ago Hot Topic made a similar powder but, it was only for white people since it was about the color of chalk. I started adding glitter to things way back then. I like shiny stuff.

I'm also wearing a cream to powder shadow in a satiny taupe color that looks very nice on dark skin. Considering how oily my skin is too it has some decent staying power. And of course I'm wearing a shitload of mascara. These days I'm using Rimmel Volume Flash Mascara. Great stuff. I actually like it better than the Lancome I'd been using.

I've been really wanting to be more artistic with my make up (and my clothes) lately because I've been feeling so dumpy and just fugly. Work some brighter colors and experiment more. I'm thinking I'm going to invest in some more Manic Panic eye shadows. As far as powder shadows go those are the best I've ever used. My favorite is the vampire red. Amazing bright color, and even on my skin it lasts and lasts. The matching lipstick is also very very nice.

Anyhow my point actually was that I think it'd probably do me some good to be a little more proactive in feeling better. Instead of wallowing in the fug. So yeah that's on deck.

And yeah.

I'm spent I'm so exhausted today I've not slept well all week. Who's surprised?

And some love poetry for BustyRusty who's now raven haired so I hear. (Wheeere are my photos for proof of said raven hairdness?)


You ain't gotta be rich but FUCK THAT
How we gonna get around your BUS PASS
Fo' I put this pussy on your mustache
Can you AFFORD ME, my niggaz breadwinners, never corny
Ambition makes me, so horny
Not the fussin and the frontin
If you got nuttin, baby boy, you betta
"Git Up, Git Out and get somethin" Shit!
I like a, lot of P-rada, Alize and Vodka
Late nights, candlelight, then I tear the cock up
Get it up I put it down everytime it pop up, huh
I got to snap em, let it loose, then I knock ya
Feel the juice, then I got ya, when you produce a rocka
I let you meet momma and introduce you to poppa
My, coochie remains in a Gucci name
Never test my patience nigga, I'm high maintenance
HIGH CLASS, if you ain't rollin, bypass
If you ain't holdin, I dash yo


Hello from Shannonland to Pollyland.

And you..HAY get yer hand out of your pants.

Homo Out.
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