Wednesday, February 22, 2006

New trick.

Trying this update via email. I'm tired. Very very tired. And I've
decided that I really want something kind of sour to eat. So I ate a
slice of coffee cake instead.

Odd that.

I saw the cutest fucking dog just about a half hour ago. Little fat
faced fluffy fucka. If that was my dog I'd spend all my spare time
laying on the floor with her kissing her fluffy wrinkly face and
speaking in the tongue of 'OMFGYOUARESOFUCKINGCUTEICOULDEATYOU' and
probably squealing and grunting a lot.

So goddamn cute I almost had a heart attack.

I could DIE of cute.

Little known fact about me I fucking love dogs. I love cats and most
other critters too but I've had a case of the puppy lust like you
would not believe.

I want a big dog though. I don't mind playing with peoples little
purse sized dogs but I want a big dog I can cuddle and wrestle with.

Great Dane, Rotty, Pit Bull. I have such a weakness for pit bulls. I
see one and turn into a gibbering boob. They are so damn cute and so
sweet.

I informed Byootiful the other day that we are most defineatly
probably going to need a farm by the time we retire for several
reasons.

#1 is that I want critters. I have a list. I have at this point
given up on having a cow for a pet so I could settle for a few pygmy
goats, a pot bellied pig, dogs, cats and probably some bunnies.

#2 Between the two of us there are lots of crotchety old people in our
families. It's genetic. And given how crotchety we are now, we will
most likely be some mean old cantakerous mother fuckers when we get
old. I doubt any rest home in the country will take us. Would you
want a couple of old fucks standing around your rest home hallway
screaming,

"THAT'S MY MOTHERFUCKING PUDDING YOU MONKEYFUCKING BASTARD."

Because let's face it. We'll both be toothless and probably willing
to to go to blows over some pudding.

You get kicked out of the home or medicated for that sort of
behaviour. So we'll need a few hot young nurses, a couple of Rascal
scooters and we'll be hell on wheels.

#4 Also vastly important, when I retire I fully plan on tinkering with
a lot of shit. Cars, computers, furniture what have you. So we'll
need room. And I don't like to share so we'll have to have his n hers
sides of the garage so he won't touch my wrench. Or my hammer.

#5 Where else but in the country can old people fuck like stoned test
bunnies without alarming the neighbors? Hmmm? 'Nuff said.

I have a cluster headache in my left eye that is making me want to
gouge it out with a dirty plastic spoon.

In I think people suck type news while I was on the bus on my way to
work today some jackass tried to start a fight with the bus driver.

Not a verbal fight mind you he wanted the driver to "step off the bus
like a man and settle this shit." The shit in question was that he
was on the wrong fucking bus. The bus we were on goes on the West
side of Seattle Center and he wanted the East side.

So really if you're a skinny little junky looking crackhead and there
is Big Burly Bus Driving Man driving the bus is that the dude you pick
a fight with? So to settle the issue the driver stopped the bus and
stood up.

Hello Mt Everest.

He very calmly said, "sir you're not on the right bus. Get off this
bus and take the next 3 or 4 one of the two should be coming in the
next five minutes."

Skinny Junkie Crackhead Man took one good look at Big Burly Bus
Driving Man (who let me just say I was picturing all dolled up in some
leather Daddy gear, harness and whatnot bossing me around and calling
me Junior...jesus don't ask) and took off as fast as his little
crackhead legs would carry him.

The lesson in this (aside from that I'm a dirty little bitch) is that
if you are a Skinny Junkie Crackhead Man do not pick a fight with Big
Burly Bus Driving Man because if he loses his temper he will squash
you with his giant hotness of doom mmkay?

So yeah some people are stupid and need to be kicked in the taint.

And I'm spent.

Goodnight Sally.

Homo Out.


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1 comment:

Crazy Bike Guy said...

I have that exact feeling about the fucked-up trust fund kiddie I'm staring down right now. Thinks he's so badass riding his motorcycle, playing funeral escort and starting a magazine without any knowledge or understanding of how to do anything, then pissing off the people who are willing to put in a lot of hours for free and actually know how to make things right... Joke's on him, especially if I don't get my checks post-haste. Aside from the fact that I could file a complaint on all the hours I worked for which I didn't get paid.... :D I don't think he has any business licenses, and I know he does not have SSNs for any employees or other folks he pays for work. His ass could be in a fat, fat sling if he fucks with me.

Grrr! :D

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