Monday, April 10, 2006


OMFG. I just sat here and squealed-


Like a 3 year old on Easter Morning all hopped up on cream eggs and candy.

I just stumbled on a page about Giant Bunnies and almost had a fucking heart attack. I like bunnies. And whenever I see them I squeal (quietly to myself if need be) BUNNY BUNNY BUNNY!

Don't ask why I don't know. I can't help myself.

I can't have a bunny but it's a nice thought.

As you can see I've changed this to a more suitable color pallete of purples. Purple is my favorite color so there you go.

Oi I have had way too much green tea today and I need to stop.

I am boring. My biggest excitement this weekend was getting a Mexican pastry.

It's really frustrating to be having these wants and cravings that I just cannot satisfy right now because of just how precarious my life is financially. But, I really don't want to talk about that honestly.

Actually why not. I'm already fairly depressed today so yeah.

First off taxes. I have not done my taxes yet because I am going to owe Uncle Sam more money. And I don't have it right now. I'd much rather get my electric bill paid and make sure we have food enough to last rather than that.

The fact of the matter is that I live as someone economically marginal.

My Byootiful has had health problems and I know part of that has been our shitty diet. I feel amazingly guilty that I am not able to provide enough for us to eat healthily. Nor can i afford even some homeopathic remedies for what ails us. Someitmes I can't afford simple OTC pain reliever.

I feel guilty because we had to live in a shitty neighborhood where crackheads banged on our door nightly between 1-6 in the morning. My already prone to being a little anxious man was made more so.

These reasons and more are the reasons I push so hard. All I really want at this point in life is to have some peace. I don't want a trip to the grocery store to be potentially something that costs us for two weeks. I want to be able to if I would like to go out for a nice dinner without planning three paychecks ahead.

I want to start a 401k and not suffer for it. I thought about starting one recently but I just can't afford it.

That's the running theme in my life.

I just can't afford it.

The latest casuality is new glasses. I just can't bring myself to pay the 20$ copay for the visit. I'm afraid that the frames will run over what I'm covered for and i won't be able to afford it. So I'm not going.

I think that's all this is fucking shit. Go from Squee to whining in .02 seconds.

Homo Out;.

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