Monday, August 21, 2006

Wandering Girl returns

Unplanned hiatus. Yes I took one. It's been awhile since I've done that and it feels somewhat odd that I left this poor space alone for damn near a month. So what have I been doing?

I was surviving the remnants of my graveyard shift. I've finally returned to my semi-regular schedule. I also got to spend some quality time with my Cookie which was really good.

She, her man (my man who will make your peehole garbungular. Yes that is a word we made it up go look at the meaning) Chris, and Mike plotted around me to bring a van and get our things out of storage.

That was wonderful and chaotic and made me feel very loved. I feel very fortunate to have people in my life who love me even though I'm a stubborn old cranky goat.

And I realized I have a shitload of things that I need to auction off once we get the camera fixed.

What else?

Been writing a lot. I will have some new fiction available next month. More on that when it goes live.

Uh.

More shitass poetry. And speaking of poetry I've started putting together my chapbook. I'm going with a Rollins-esque layout because of the number of untitled and more fragmented pieces I've got. Hopefully it won't come off as derivative or to fangirlish. Hopefully not since our writing is really nothing alike.

I've also been working on contributing to my new friend Royce's website Drowning in Odium. Thus far I've only got a book review up but I'm working on doing a write up of Blueblood and Scar13.

I'm getting my computer (from now on she's known as the CuntyBeast) back together. It's going to be a little slow but CuntyBeast and I should be back on speaking terms soonish I'd hope.

There's other stuff I should be talking about because along with the good stuff that's been going on I've had a bit of the crazy going but, I really just am too not in the mood to do that right now. Suffice it to say there's been some emotional brain scrambling going on that I really need to address but, it's going to be some slow going because it's hard and I can only process so much crazy at a time.

I'm also having some of the literary envy going on and I just can't help myself. I feel very deeply that I need to work a lot harder and get more done in regards to my writing and really when it comes to my creative self in general.

A lot of self cleaning and for lack of a better term self ass kickery because I really do not want to be the person I feel like I'm turning into if that makes any sense at all.

So then what's the plan right?

For once I don't actually have one. It feels kind of strange not to. For years now I've been such a Nazi to myself about doing things when I feel like they need to be done and I've not given myself any time or space to take a breath and really not think but feel out what I want to do and how I want to go about it.

Okay question 1 I'm asking myself.

What do I want to do in order to provide myself and Mike with a better quality of living?
My quality of life sucks and has been sucking for a couple of years. What do I do? I'm not really sure yet if this is going to require an attitude adjustment or a work circumstances adjustment or a combination of both.

Next question:

What am I going to do to make my physical self more comfortable with my emotional self and vice versa?
Shit that is what they call the proverbial loaded motherfucking questions. I've been waffling for months and my self esteem has done roller coaster type dives and whatnot. I just don't know. I am starting to feel that I've either become way more vain than I ever thought I was or, I'm having some sort of almost 30 OH MY GOD my ASS, meltdown of some sort. Not that I don't have history with this but, this what I'm feeling right now is of a bit of a different flavor. So I'm processing and trying not to freak out.

What's really not helping is that I'm actually fairly heavier than I've been in a very (think more than a decade) and that's not settling too well with me. Rationally I realize that given the amount of stress I've been under for the past year and a half or so is just now starting to taper off a bit it's really no wonder.

That doesn't mean I have to like it.

I'm dealing with it. But not excited about it.

Oh and I have Kittylust. I want a KITTAY! But, we can ill afford the 300$ deposit nor vet bills and things so I get my fix from a neighborhood cat who likes to yell at me to give up the lap NOW human.

This is turning into a longer entry than I'd anticipated but oh well. Fuck it.

Now for some link salad.

This is fucking hilarious. What Right Wingers see when they see headlines.

That made me giggle.

Actually now I think I'm spent. I'm sleepy and need to make some tea and whatnot. I also need to see if I can't find myself some music to listen to which, means I'm going to have to crawl under the Deathstar. Fantastic.

Homo Out.
Share/Bookmark

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to see you back, I was worrying about you. Cintact me anyway you can. I love you!
Miss Paige

Subscribe To My Podcast