Sunday, November 05, 2006

Vanity be thy name.

So I'm in the middle of quite the dillemma. Well not really because I know what the right thing to do is I just don't want to do it.

So I need warm clothes. Pants mostly. And honestly I don't really care for how jeans look on me nor how the fit me. I know what pants I like but, I can't afford those. I could go to Target or Kmart and just buy stretchy lounge type pants. That would be smartish. I can wear tights under those for warmth but, really style wise I'm not all into them.

Unless they are of the stretchy bootcut variety wearing them with boots isn't all that cute and, I have to get new sneakers. That's the only winter appropriate shoes I have.

I'm really not happy right now.

I know that I could go downtown to Ross and buy a pair of sturdy jeans for probably around fifteen bucks.

But, I keep thinking about how much I don't care for jeans and it's upsetting. I've been wearing a lot of clothing that I just don't really like and that is not my style out of necessity for about five years and I'm frankly really tired of it. It's depressing.

It's not news that my self image and self esteem has been suffering for awhile now. I get in a funk because I hate denying a big part of who I am so I can make sure other things are done. I get depressed because really I hate feeling ugly. I hate wearing things that are not my style. I hate that most of my clothes don't fit properly or in a flattering way because I can't really afford to replace even the basics at a faster rate than a shirt or a skirt every couple of months.

As I just told my friend Cookie I'm just blowing air. I'll do what needs to be done. As in buy another pair of jeans and live with it. For the cost, durability, wamrth lounge pants can't really compete.

So yeah there you have it.

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