Friday, September 29, 2006

I want a new motherfucking tiara.

As the title says, I want a new motherfucking tiara right motherfucking now. I want one to put on and wear for about three days.

Why?

Beacuse sparkly things make me feel better.

I am really stressed out and I would like something sparkly to divert me. I'm working overtime this week and goddamn. I really seriously need the money but I don't want to work. I want to get some rest.

No rest for the improvished no?

Anyway onto some news.

Don't call the head of the NSA an idiot in writing. That is fucking absurd. And people wonder why the American people can get so nutty.

So for any justice types reading this...this is just for you:

George W. Bush is a fucking moron and should've been sterilized at birth to prevent him from spreading his moron seed.

Fuck the NSA, FUCK the rest of you motherfuckers.



Ahem.

Sorry. Had to get that out of my system. What was I going to say?

How about I change the subject because I don't feel like raising my blood pressure.

let's talk about kinks. I have many.

So I was reading Dlisted because that bitch cracks me up. I came on this post about Pink. I have to say I think she is fucking hot all butched up like that. I keep picturing her beating on Carey Hart Possible innit?

Some people I just love all butched up. Girl boy whatever. I think it partially has to do with my whole fetish with LeatherBoys. Who knows.

I also have a serious thing for bald women. And/or crewcut, almost all the way bald. I think it's the fuzz factor and that I'm such a tactile person. If I see a woman with hair that short it's really difficult not to pet her.

Enough kink for now I'm not really in the mood.

Tomorrow I will probably start screwing around with Wordpress.

Last night on my way home I was standing at the bus stop minding my own damn business when some jackass boy came along (walked by me) and muttered, "want some dick?"

He even slowed his stroll a little to say it as if his muttering at me was going to make me SO fucking hot I'd just have to tackle him to the pavement, rip off his pants, rip off my pants and fuck like drunk bunnies. Are there seriously men who think this approach works?

And if it does do you really want to fuck someone who'd get down after a stray snide comment?

I said: "Not yours Junior fuck off."

He actually had the nerve to look hurt.

Okay, for the record boys. This approach to getting laid? Not good. Probably among the top ten bad. Don't do it.

Ugh my Pandora station is not working it today. I may have to switch to Sanctuary or something like it.

There we go. I created a Black Flag Based Station. That makes it a little better.

I think I'm about spent. I'm going to microwave some coffee. I'm tired enough to consider snorting coffee but, I don't want to be sneezing and hawking coffee grounds for a week.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I don't like the drugs...but actually yes I do.

My Pandora station.. That Pandora thing is pretty kick ass.

But right now I'm not listening to it I'm actually audioscrobbling. What's that you ask? Click on the chart below. That little nifty chart shows you what music I've been listening to. I'm using an old plug in but at home I've got the new one and it's pretty damn fancy.





Nifty innit?

So lately along with my inability to sleep, stress and other general daily bullshit I've had a migraine for two days. I feel nasty and have an undercurrent of anger that's bubbling under the surface.

What might happen? Good question. If I were at home I'd probably request to get fondled by Mike. But as it is that would probably not help at this point. What I actually feel is that I might kick something or burst into tears.

I hate feeling like this. It does me no good and I can't really get things done in an orderly or timely fashion. I feel brittle and transperant. I really need to get some rest and have a little bit less stress. Otherwise I'm liable to blow. And nobody wants that. Nobody.
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Blatant consumerist greed.

I didn't get much sleep again and, I'm a little depressed so I'm going to do nothing but write about things I want. This entry is going to be entirely vacuous, if you want deep read someone else today.

Let's start with hosiery. I'm not sure how many of these will be work/kiddie safe so here we go.

Skull Knee high socks could those be any fucking cuter?

O Basic socks. love those. I'd need them in black, lavender and probably that lovely color pictured.

Sock It To Me Soccer Stripes. Simply for the cuteness factor.

Authentic Military Boot Socks. Cause yeah HI bootwhore here.

Thick & Baggy Longsocks. Thick and "baggy" I'd need the leg room I've got big legs. Love those they look so comfy.

Black Bow back thigh highs. I love thigh highs. You can't have enough of them I say.

Let's move onto boots and shoes shall we?

Black wedge heeled boots. Those are very sexy. Since I walk so much anything with too much of a heel is very impractical.

Linda Commando boots. Those are kick ass. Nuff said.

Tomb Raider boots. So fucking sexy.

Chunky platform boot. Once upon a time I had a pair of those and they were so comfy. I could stomp around in them forever.

Retro peep toe sling back. Speaking of sexy those are teh hotness right there. What did I say about heels again?

Gothic Lolita wedge platform shoe. I love the profile of that shoe. And it comes in SHINY!

Now let's move onto skirts and dresses. In the last few years I've had a waning love of pants.

Bondage Bitch skirt. That is adorable.

Countess Noir Skirts. I'd want both the medium and short length. I love the floof.

Embraced skirt. Another one to love simply for the floof factor.

Locked Skirt. Yes it would be better in purple and black but I love it anyhow.

Rapture Skirt. Oh GOD the floof. I'm a woman obsessed.

Velvet Rouched Vira Skirt That is really beautiful.

DoresshĂ® I like that a lot. Cute cut.

And now some tops. A word on the uber goth tops. When will manufacturers and stores realize that some of uf in the batcave have big titties? So many tops and dresses for that matter are cut for the waifish and small of booby. It pisses me off. Don't even get me started about how small things tend to be cut. < snark > Cause you know fat girls can't be cute.< /snark> Tired of this yet?

Static Skulls long sleeved. I'm not one generally for prints but I like that.

Made in Hell - Bondage top STRAPS!

Punk G'rrrl - Black bondage top. Love that top.

Cap sleeve corset laced top. So cute.

I think I'm done. So you see how I'd dress if I hit the lotto.

I'm a clotheswhore.

Homo Out.
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Monday, September 25, 2006

Amusements, and I'm going to Hell

I was just reading Mike Philbin's post about a Fantasy Con and aside from his usual contentious self the only thing I cannot get out of my head is the mental image of Satan shoving his cock down someone's throat.

Is it wrong to say that gave me a little bit of a hard on?

Probably.

And why aren't people I really enjoy reading updating.

Anthony- Miss Natosha this is where you picture me pointing menacingly in your directions a la the Evil Monkey in Family Guy.

I should also share that as I'm reading Mistress Matisse's adventures at Folsom I am experiencing a twinge (or four) of the envy.

Note to self: should I actually make it to that particular event bring someone to keep me leashed.

Monks updates are very entertaining too.

Holy good LAWDAMIGHTY Cute Overload kills me. This is by far my favorite recently.

In other news I've been heavily considering getting into the adult webmastering business. Not in a way that involves my own boobs (at least not right now) but in some capacity that might include monetary gains.

I lean heavily towards Alt Porn in general because I enjoy Alt Porn in many of it's tattooed, pierced, mohawked splendor. I'm not sure if I want to own a site or just contribute. Probably just contribute at first then BAM my own nekkid people.

That's not to say I won't actually do some of the naked getting my picture taking myself. At some point. Not right now though because I've neither the time nor the balls to show the goods right now.

I've been thinking that I need to learn php too. Mainly to expand my web design abilities. First though I need to absolutely brush up on CSS and even some basic html. Such a process.

Maybe I'm too impatient but, I want to get shit done right now. I should take a breath before I stroke out or something.

I think that's about it for now.

Homo Out.
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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Tea and hot damn.

So if you note the time I've finally gotten my computer back online. A good thing now I can get some work done.

Right now I'm updating a shitload of things and perusing a tea shop.

I love tea. I think at some point soon I should stop drinking so much goddamn coffee and drink more tea. Mainly because my stomach likes tea a lot better.

Right now I'm looking at some >pu erh from Rishi Tea. One of the things that I love about Pu Erh aside from the earthy flavour is that you can steep it multiple times from one serving. Highly cost effective folks. So it's entirely worth it to buy good stuff.

I love genmaicha tea as well. As far as green teas go, that is on my top ten.

And as long as we're on the subject of shopping boots. OMG boots.

Not just boots but shoes.

I am having some serious shoe lust. And I can't stop. It's sad innit?

I am having serious need of clothing I like. When the finances are more stable I need to get to work making some things. I feel like I've got so much to do and not a great idea where exactly to start.

I have plans and as I'm getting adjusted to life in general, I hope I'll be able to get going on some of them.

First things first though I'll be opening up the porn area here soon. Also I'll probably get going with some sort of interesting stuff. And I think I'm spent. Goodnight Frank.

Homo Out.
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Friday, September 22, 2006

Fuck you taxpayer!

So, I realized today that I am in desperate need of a new pair of pants. And naturally every pair that I like and might be able to afford in the near future is not in my size. I think probably not this weekend but maybe next weekend we're going to have to make a forray to Marshall's. I don't particularly want another pair of jeans but, in lieu of other pants I might like that could work.

Might actually have to make a trip to the Hot Tooic on Broadway to paw through sale items.

So I was just reading the New York Times. And I have to say that all you folks so upset about them goddamned illegals don't bitch when you don't get your fruits and veggies. Read this article about it. One of the things I've always said to people with such serious ideas that people shouldn't be allowed in our America is okay, how about you take the shit jobs then? Not just shit jobs but how about you travel around from May to October living in tents to pick fruit?

Then of course there's always the "they're takin our jobs" argument. No, actually your company, that wonderful bastion of ethics and patriotism is being fucking cheap. Why pay you 20 dollars an hour when they can pay someone else 8.50. Not to mention companies know, know damn well that if they hire people of questionable citizen status, that they will not raise a fuss over anything. They are going to work no matter what and won't make waves. Your company is giving your 20 dollar an hour job to someone they can use up without spending the loot,

That is what it comes down to. Not patriotism, not a supposed war on terror, not a waste of US resources it comes down to rich people in charge wanting to stay that way.

In other news there are some best of cd's coming out next month from Road Runner Records.I want the Type O Negative and the Sepultura releases. And new music. Killswitch Engage just put out a new album. I love that band. Good stuff.

Speaking of music where the hell is Beth Hart? When I heard her album Screamin for my Supper I just fell in love. I think I might have to find myself a copy of her DVD. That kind of voice on wax, I imagine it's that much better live.

Hrm, Tony Bennett and BB King together disturbs me. I had to skip that track.

I'm also going to make it a point to check out some of the artists on Ani Difranco's label Righteous Babe Records.

So a couple of posts ago I mentioned something about a few more companies being added to my do not buy list. Why? Mainly because I've asked the same polite (and need to know question) ten times in two months and haven't gotten any sort of response.

I've emailed Urban Decay (no links fuck em) regarding first of all their fabled eye shadow base formula. On the website the color is listed as "nude" and the little swoosh of it looks very pale. I am not a pale person. I am brown. Granted it says ultra sheer but, what I needed to know was whether or not that applies to brown skin as well. No word. I've sent the same email, the email itself is actually very complimentary in tone. But I get nothing so after I'm out of their gloss in the shade Tart I'm not buying any more of their cosmetics.

So I'm going to be on the look out for similar colors/finishes in things like lip glosses and shadows. It's a shame I actually really like their cosmetics but if they don't have the decency to answer a simple question fuck em. I'd have even been happy if they'd just said, you know what we don't know. Then I would've gone ahead and bought the shit and some other things (when this all started I had 30$ for new make up saved up) and given them the good word.

Avon actually has this new line out called Mark. That looks promising. I've been watching it all summer and their product line is expanding nicely and I love their little click hook up thing,. The prices are reasonable and Avon has good quality products (have for what 50 years now?) so my next adventure in cosmetics will be coming from them.

I've had a really shitty week and I'm exhausted. I'm going to go home tonight and make with the pretend spa-ing. Then I'm going to play stupid games on my computer and listen to audiobooks until I pass out. Better to forget how this week has been.

That's it for now. I don't feel like talking about what's going on so that's all you get.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

YOUTH! And menstruation...

One of the few things I actually pine for from my youth, is the easy periods. Up until I was about 25 or so my periods were not that bad. Yes menstruation is a bit of a annoyace, but meh I wasn't too bad off.

Holy Jesus is going to smite me what the fuck happened.

My body has gone crazy, terrible cramps. Pain in areas of my body that have nothing to do with my fucking shedding uterus. What the fuck?

And the mood swings, can we discuss the mood swings?

I go from apathy, to stabby, to weepy, to stabby directed at my uterus and my good lord.

Good lord it's like Roller Coaster of fucking doom up in here.

In other news that doesn't involve me punching myself in the uterus, I decided that this weekend I'm going to start some of my DIY projects regardless of the fact that my sewing machine is still as yet un set up.

I have an old sweater I think I want to turn into a skirt.

And quite frankly let me share that I am fucking done with my non event worthy wardrobe.

And I've got such an itch to get to some of the fabulous events around town. Mother fucker.

Okay no actual content today I'm too distracted and shit.

Goodnight Frank.
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Monday, September 18, 2006

In the never after

I have been nesting all to hell. Trying to make my home feel like home and it's slow going. Mike got my books put away and I'll have to snap a photo of it. Since I don't have proper bookshelves they are on some built in shelves in a closet and I actually like how it looks.

Auctions have been going decently. Not super fast but that is the nature of the beast of course.

Enough to get me some coffee and that makes me happy.

My computer CuntyBeast has been resurrected mostly which I am very very happy about. I've got some work to do on her then once she's online lots and lots to do.

I have a website to redesign and happily I'll be able to open my tshirt shop finally. YAY!

So yeah.

And I have to say that the continuing financial recovery from moving is so slow it's really frustrating. It amazes (and discourages) me to no end that, it's hard to get out of being poor. I've read numerous articles etc about getting out of debt and saving money but, a lot of these assume that you are already in a spot where you can cut more corners.

A lot of these "helpful guildlines" assume that you own things, assume that you are not in ill health, assume that you don't already squeeze almost every penny out of what you have. And it's frustrating to see these "experts" (who much of the time have never even smelled poverty) tell you how easy it is to raise your economic profile.

When you are already at the upper limit of your budget not because of luxurious or frvolous spending but because your cost of living is high. It's hard to cut more out.

So you do what you can.

I am looking for outside hustles. What I mean by that is that I actively am looking for ways to make supplemental cash. Even if it's just ten dollars or so a week. What's unfortunate is that the adage, "you have to make money to earn money" is very true and that's very difficult when you don't have a lot of start up capital for anything.

I've decided based on a long and unfruitful part time job search that, working another job is really just not feasible. Hence the tshirt shop, auctioning (note to self SCREW Safeway brand febreeze type shit and get the real stuff), and other looking about for ways to make money.

One of these that I have been unable to work on is the website affiliation things. in my redisgn of this site, I will have an area of the uber porno links, thumbnails etc. Maybe even a toystore. Everyone likes lookin at the boobies.

So yeah.

And can I just say again Myspace is TEH EVUL! Goddamn I cannot stay logged in for more than a few minutes at a time. Shit pisses me off.

Now for the less serious.

Watch Mario Lopez's junk bounce around.

Lady Sovereign is coming to town. I fucking love that bitch.

I read the above linked blog for lots o the hip hop news. I actually like it quite a bit and have read from the beginning. Hip Hop Ruckus is good stuff go read it.

Go read about Monk getting ready for Folsom.

And keep in mind that I have an ongoing hard on fascination with his ropes and fancy rope bondage in general.

I recently started reading a blog called Too Fat for Fashion fashion news and such for big girls. I like her blog quite a bit and read it regularly.

I've also recently (after a few accidental findings) read Big Fat Deal. A blog that calls attention to weight issues in the media. I enjoy it quite a bit.

I think that's about it for now. I have to get back on the phone with Qwest to find out when they are going to fix their broken ass shit.

Joy.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Sinus non relief and I am going to pee on the floor.

The abrupt weather change has my head feeling like it's full of almost runny snot. It's bad enough I'm actually considering shoving screw driver up my nose and right into my brain.

Not to mention I am angry.

I know, surprise surprise the wee ranty cuntbeast is angry.

Why yes I am.

First of all I am making a list of companies that for all appearances do not care about black folks.

Now why would I say that?

Honestly, I'm not one to pull the race card often. I feel doing that diminishes the issue but, I'm getting pissed off.

I've spent time researching and emailing several cosmetics companies asking politely (after giving praise for their products) why they don't offer things like foundations, powders, or primers that are appropriate for black customers.

I've sent in sum probably a good fifteen/twenty emails. Always the same email to their respective customer service addresses and got a single auto reply.

In my emails I was also polite enough to point out that once (I know this from experience) black folks find products many consumers will not only share the info about the product but, will be loyal customers forever.

But nothing. Not one responce.

That really upsets and offends me. If you as a company can't spare three seconds to answer a fairly simple question, even just to say, yes we got your email and are directing it to (insert department here) would be preferable to being ignored.

I feel the same way when I email a company because I have a problem with their product and get one of those generic well, it's not our fault it's yours emails. I try not to get so upset about it but, I am not a rich person and when I decide to give someone my money for goods that are supposed to be good, I expect some level of quality assurance.

If I buy something at the dollar store yeah if it breaks I"m not heartbroken. But if I spend dough somewhere I want quality.

So as of now there are several companies that are off my mother fucking shopping list.

Maybe I'll post a list at some point.

In general I'm having black girl angst right now. And a lot of it centers around things that are not in my control and it makes me upset.

In less upsetting news my auctions are going well. I'm doing a lot of cleaning out. I want to make sure I'm rid of some stuff so I can have things I like and that fit. Making some pocket change ain't bad either.

Other news. Well after finding and reading almost every tutorial I could find on installing synthetic dreadlocks I finally found the method I can actually do. WOOT! So I made myself a couple of butt ugly yarn dreadish things to practice with. I'm going to practice until I save up enough to buy a full set from JadedDreads. It's going to be awhile but, hopefully I'll get in enough practice I'll be able to do it easily.

Other good news, I've been using this cocoa butter/tea tree mix on my chin/dark spots and it's working. I've also been putting it on blemishes at night and goddamn it is good stuff. The only problem is that I can't find it anywhere anymore. It's fucking fantastic. I also use it on any stray zit type bumps and BAM they are gone.

Tea tree is the best thing EVAR!

What else?

I have new fiction published. Go read my zombie humour story Puppy

Fuck sake my eyes are watering to beat the band. I'm spent.

Goodnight Frank.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Jackassery and laughter.

So last night Mike and I were watching the pre-Jackass/CKY bunch of boys from Finland called The Dudesons. What strikes me about The Dudesons, Jackass, CKY all those boys is the joy they have doing such idiotic things on film. How many people can say that they laugh that much doing their jobs?

I wish I could.

In other news I have new fiction out, my zombie humour story Puppy. Find it at Gothic Revue. Enjoy.

What else?

Myspace still hates me.

I'm feeling a little better these days. It seems like a slow process. I'm realizing as I get older I'm not quite as able to keep my temper at bay to get shit done. It's amazing what a little a lot of anger can do. But I'm dealing.

Part of my problem right now is that because of my current financial situation I'm not going to be able to do things I want to do to change things. It feels like trying to grab a jar on a high shelf with greasy fingers. I can feel it just inside the pad of my fingers but when I try to take it, it slips away.

One of the things that's not really helping my state of mind is the persistant knowledge that I am not nurturing and engaging my creativity in a way that is enjoyable, challenging and introduces growth into my life. It's frustrating.

What else?

How about lets talk about degrees of fatness, clothes and shitty attitudes? Yeah I knew you wanted to.

I am a big girl. Plus sized. If anyone says zaftig I will shit in your computer. But yes I am no thin woman. For the past few months I've been trying to involve myself in some online "size positive" "body acceptane" type communities and honestly aside from the shopping links. (Even though 90% of the time I can't afford anything that's shown) I am really about done.

I get so tired of the dicksizing. "My truama and hurt is bigger than yours" type thing.

I was going to post some of the look book I put together but I'm tired and can't get into my ftp to find the addresses of the photos.

Fuck sake.

I'm tired. Not been sleeping well at all.

I'm almost ready to go to the doc for crazy pills or sleepers or fuck at this point I'd take a tranq shot in the ass to get two days in a row of restful sleep.

Homo Out.
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