Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Madness I say..MADNESS.

Ok I have a really bad sugar headache right now. I have another banh mi to nibble on today and Mike bought me sweet tea.

Good lord I really need to slow my roll with that stuff my head is banging.

It probably doesn't help that I'm nibbling dark chocolate M&M's either does it?

I can't help it the two taste very good together.

Okay no more good lord.

Is it weird that I am a little obsessed (growing an obsession with anyhow) costuming of all sorts? I want shiny superhero outfits and lots of tulle. Lots and lots of tulle. Bring the fluff.

Not too much in the Shannon News today.

Except that I think I might start doing the yoga at night. I think that'll be easier since I am special when it comes to waking up early. See body, (note to body here feel free to disregard)I TOLD you I'm trying bitch now hold up your end.

In other news the headache is abating somewhat. Never underestimate the powers of chugging water.

I have to admit something. I freaking love Susan Powter. I like her because she's a little manic and a little potty mouthed. She's also very pretty. I've seen her (she lives in the neighborhood I work in) and she's so tiny I want to put her in my pocket.

Yes she looks fabulous. She has this whole woman love thing going on but I wonder sometimes does she really love women or just women that adhere to her philosophy? I would love to sit down with her and talk about the body.

Mostly I'd like to see what she has to say to people like me who have been super fit, toned cut what have you and were neither healthy nor happy. Also no amount of training ever made me a hardbody not for lack of trying and serious commitment.

to examine it now that I have some distance on the time and some perspective my body was just simply not meant to have Velvet Rope Era Miss Jackson type abs. I was not meant to be Linda Hamilton type ass kicking. I tried. I tried really hard. I ate what I was supposed to, didn't eat what was "bad" did the exercise and yeah. I got a 2 pack and for awhile it stuck.

However I did at some point decide that my frequent discomfort, the trips to the gym, the hours of pounding my body into submission were simply not worth it. I like the idea of fitness. I like the idea that I can walk forever, that I can stretch and dance and breathe but, I don't think I should have to suffer for it nor do I think it's a moral imperative.

One of the things I really tend to dislike about fitness/health gurus is that there is always this idea that you are bad if you don't do as they say and that there is no possible way you could be happy or healthy the way you are. Also they tend as a whole to disregard the idea that bodies, are as diverse as the population of the planet. Why is this reality anathema to these people?

Long before I ever heard of HAES I was mystified by the ideas I saw in a lot of self help.

I really far prefer what people like Dr. Peggy Elam has to say about health and well being. I'd rather do the following than a lot of other things I read:

12 Steps to Health At Every Size
by Peggy Elam, Ph.D.

1. Stop weighing yourself. Shift your focus from weight & body fat to healthy
behaviors & fitness.

2. Fire the food & body police.

3. Stop critical self-talk. Would you speak to a friend or loved one the way you do
to your body?

4. Increase positive talk. Talk to & treat yourself & your body the way you would a
cherished friend, loved one, or child.

5. Clean out your closets. Give or throw away everything that doesn’t fit, is
uncomfortable, or that you haven’t worn in years. Fill your closets with beautiful,
comfortable clothing in your present size.

6. Eat well & mindfully. Enjoy your food. Let nothing be off-limits. There are no
forbidden foods. Don’t restrict what you eat in order to lose weight, as those
behaviors and attitudes have negative physical and emotional consequences.
Focus instead on eating & living well.

7. Be active. Find, create, or discover activities that you enjoy, and engage in them

8. Listen to your body. It is the means by which your subconscious communicates
with you. No one can discern your body’s messages better than you can, although you may need to re-learn its language. Pay attention to “gut feelings.”

9. Respect your body. It is a manifestation of and a conduit for your soul. Ensure
that others respect it, too.

10. Reconnect mind & body. Increase your body awareness through yoga, walking
meditation, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, massage & bodywork, and/or movement therapy
(such as Feldenkrais). Focus on what your body can do and how good it can feel.

11. Address any emotional eating independent of weight change.

12. Invest in and support yourself rather than the weight loss, pharmaceutical,
healthcare, fashion or beauty industries.

Now it's no surprise information to hear that I love my fellow woman in more than an OH BOOBIES kind of way. I want women to be ok. Hell I want to be ok. The above sounds far more reasonable and healthy than any radical change in diet (Atkins, South Beach etc anyone?) or a lot of what I read abut self improvement.

I would rather be fat and feel good inside and out than be thin and miserable.

It's been a long time coming for me and I feel closer to wanting to be healed and whole and feeling ok about myself than I am to wanting to just look good.

I don't think it's maturity as much as it is regaining that "I don't give a fuckness" I used to carry with me once upon a time. I'd rather say fuck you than fuck me.

Granted I'm not entirely there. I still have the niggling (and not so niggling) feeling that some weight loss would do me good for reasons other than purely health. I'm working on it. It's rough but I'm dealing.

And I'm done. Time for music and internet wandering.

Homo Out.


No comments:

Subscribe To My Podcast