Monday, May 14, 2007

Spam says..

According to my spam box I am entitled to a bigger penis, thinner thighs, an Asian or Russian mail order brides, a date with a hot big titty virgin and loads of cash.

I can assure you folks my penis is fine as it is, she's probably not a virgin, yeah until they legalize the gay marriage I have no use for a mail order bride and as for the thighs and cash deliver those to my front door kthnks.

I was too tired to share this but Saturday night after (shockingly) I got out of downtown and was actually 1 block away from my house I almost got hit by a car. Almost as in if I had been paying less attention I would probably be in the hospital today with broken parts. I had to jump back and stand almost in the bushes a full six feet from the actual road so as not to get hit.

Upside seeing two teenage boys run across the street screaming, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" at the car and throwing whatever they threw. And two seeing a cop whip around the corner from Gods know where to give said fucker a ticket.

I was very glad to get home safely. I was also so tired I seriously debated just sleeping on the floor in front of the bathroom. But I didn't I made it to bed and at some point suppose I got naked though I don't recall.

SO yeah that was not cute I was not excited about the fucking drunks on the road in my neighborhood.

I just signed up for the Joann's email list. That could make for the trouble.

Anyhow I had a memory on the bus and would like to share.

I was reminded today of how I feel when I get the, "Oh my goodness you've lost weight" spiel from people. I ran into somebody I hadn't seen in probably three or four years who said "Oh you've lost weight you looook faaaaaaaaaabulous". I said thank you and went on to get on my bus.

What I am struck by is one, I haven't lost weight to my knowledge. I am wearing my hair up and away from my face (two very cute little buns YEAH baby) and it's warm out so I'm not wearing nine layers of clothes. But I was reminded of when I'd been out of high school a year or so maybe and a friend of mine from back then had invited me over to her house.

We hadn't seen each other since graduation and her nephew (who was the cutest little flirt good LORD that boy) walked up to me (I was very into my summer uniform that year, cut offs, braided leather belt, tight tank top, showin a little tummy and a lot of leg, flat sandals that I wore the absolute hell out of) so he runs up to me, looks up and says with the big sad puppy dog eyes.

"How come you're not fat anymore?"

I had no idea how to answer. At the time at 19 years old I really didn't think about it. Well no let me rephrase, I did but it was more to notice when I was the fat friend and when I wasn't. That's a post for another day however. I remember I had no idea how to answer so her Mom said to him.

"She's growing up is all. That was just baby fat. Now you come over here"

So he was distracted and there was no further discussion of my weight.

Except at a few other family/family friend functions. I remember that same summer overhearing how much weight I'd apparently lost.

What strikes me is that again I hadn't lost that much weight. Few pounds yes. But nothing so drastic. What had changed was that I was all about showing some skin. I was wearing halter tops (a first) all sorta damn near booty shorts, I was not necessarily quite and shy to let out the jiggle as I am now.

Which is good. I was 19-20 years old.

But now, as I've mentioned time and again I'd like a little of that attitude back.

I find I feel it in my head, in my top thoughts. While I am getting dressed in my head in those top thoughts I am like, "YEAH LOOKIT THAT HOT ASS RIGHT THURR BITCH!"

And then next thing I know I've got on something entirely other than what I'd intended.

In other news some of you may be aware that I have been on a hair growing/hair health quest for sometime now.

Yes, it has in fact taken me years to figure out how to care for my hair properly and to retain the growth I'm getting. I'm very ~very~ proud of myself. My hair is healthy and shiny.

Now I just have to learn to style it without a shit load of heat or other damaging stuff.

Today for the first time in ages I am not wearing a head covering of some sort, I am sportin the mini buns and they fucking rock.

I also have a sparkly bobby pin. So HA.

I'm trying (in case you haven't picked up on it) to feel cute and good today and it's a struggle. I've got a migraine brewing and think my crotch is going to start with the bleeding and I'm really not in the mood to deal with it right now.

My uterine spidey sense is all a fucking twitter.

I don't normally mind having my period. It's not a huge deal for me. I am honestly just not in the fucking mood for it right now. Because no matter what I always manage to stain something. I don't feel like having to rinse blood out of my pubes. I don't enjoy the crotchal area soreness. I am just not in the mood.

I would appreciate a weeks hiatus from the bleeding.

Also the premenstrual migraine? Well it can fuck right off.

I think I am going to run off and make myself some tea, refill my water bottle and perhaps indulge in some movie butter flavor popcorn.


1 comment:

Sara E Anderson said...

I just wanted to say this is a great post. I always feel uncomfortable when people ask me if I've lost weight - especially my parents, who are total fat paranoids. I try to deflect it in a pointed way, but haven't found a good way of doing it. We should brainstorm some good responsese so we'll be ready.

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