Monday, May 07, 2007

What don't I feel fabulous?

The sun is shining and there's enough of a little breeze to feel really nice.

I also am wearing some hot ass pink and purple eyeshadow that looks damn good.

I'm in a mostly comfortable outfit. Jeans, double row pyramid stud belt, beater style tank top with safety pins along the top, hoody.

My hair is clean and soft.

I also just started some tasty French Press coffee.

And I am very consciously trying to feel good. Without reserve or cranky.

Granted, it's been hard going today for some reason but I'm working on it. I think most of my persistently dark mood is (as usual) financial worry. I also kind of hate that I've become that grown up.

I remember years ago when I got a job that paid 8$ an hour I thought that was serious big pimpin. Ahh to be a little irresponsible and still pay the bills. I mourn thee oh my misspent youth.

However I am trying, (no seriously) to look up.

Part of the problem is reigning in my rampant ambitions. There are SO many things I want to start doing. Most of them revolve around crafting and DIY clothing. However it will take time and patience. The latter isn't something I posses in overlarge amounts.

What do I want to do?

I want to make strange clothes. Pin up clothes, fairy princess clothes. I want to make myself purses.

I want to make fairy wings.

I want to make myself corsets.

Huge voluminous taffeta fluffy skirts that I will wear with purple chucks and a Tshirt that says, "Go Screw" or something.

What I'm doing here is making a tangible promise to myself. Call it visualizing or whatever you like. All I know is that if I keep these things right in my top brain, right where my heart can tug on them and mold them I won't just give up.

Giving up is very tempting. It's hard not to just say, "Fuck it I'm poor and don't get to have hobbies" but I'm trying.

I do have one project I can start. I can fix up my poor broken Goddess bag to use for summertime. Hrm..note to self scavenge closet for good straps.

That's all I think.

Homo Out.

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