Tuesday, July 24, 2007

You douche.

And I use the word douche in the sense that the sort of people I am about to talk about are made up of substances that irritate and anger my vagina.

Kate Harding recently had a commenter who said essentailly that fat people should try to lose weight so at least they won't be fat anymore or some such fucking drivel.

The Lovely Ms Rotund (yes she is quite the prettiness if I do say so myself go look, no srsly I will wait. I also happen to know she has fantastic style and makes some kick ass jewelry) commented and related a story about the ever fabulous Margaret Cho. (If you don't know who she is go find the fucking link at your right I will wait again.)

I myself have the following to say.

Fuck you. No, really....fuck you sideways with a phonebook.

It will never EVER cease to amaze me how suddenly supposedly rational intelligent people will turn into complete babbling dickheads in the span of a big booty.

I have run into this numerous times in my own life. Unlike what Meowser said over at FatFu about finding the hate on the net. I have found it in the every day world. Also before I rant further, Meowser darling,
Fuck Yeah. Now wait what?

Oooh right jiggly ass hating fuckers.

So as I was saying before I got sidetracked by Meowsers song that you absolutely need to go listen to, I have experienced fat hate, phobia and absolute flailing right in my cheeky face.

I believe that people feel safer to let me in on it because I'm not that fat according to whomever it is that decides these things.

As happens to a lot of us it started with "well meaning" relatives. Constant comments about being "sturdy" "thick" and at the time my most loathed, "healthy" in that very Southern (I have never heard the particular tone and inflection north of OK.) tone. And I was actually healthy during that time.

I was born premature and in the lowest percentile as far as growth almost until puberty. There was a time docs thought I was malnourished or was suffering from failure to thrive. I wasn't I was just slow.

I was a solidly built wee fucker though. As would prove to be the running theme of my life in this particular body, I am (and always was) thick thighed, broad shouldered and full of piss and vinegar.

For years when I finally started to get a little taller I listened to people tell me all about how wonderful and gorgeous I would be when I lost my puppy fat. When my chipmunk cheeks smoothed out to reveal actual cheekbones, that I would be heart breaking all over the place. More dates than I'd know what to do with and overall just better.

That pissed me off even as a child and teen.

I was already perfectly fucking fine. At that age I was smart, happy (generally speaking, trauma notwithstanding) I was FINE. I hated the idea that I'd have to undergo some ginormous mystery change in order to be better.

I didn't understand at the time nor was I able to articulate why I would get so annoyed with the, "oh you'll be SO pretty."

Then guess what? The puppy fat, yeah it mostly just shifted around. Rather than having a round girl belly I had a more shapely girl belly, instead of a perty round little booty, I had a differently shaped pert round booty. Was it smaller? Uh no.

I was still fat.

Not obese, not very fat. I was just fat.

Not fat enough for people to give me the asinine "but I want you to live" speech but fat enough to make a good number of people uncomfortable and thus, somehow give them the impression that I needed their dietary and fitness advice.

Truth be told I was in pretty good shape back in the day.

Under my protective layer of chub I did in fact have some serious muscles. I worked out a lot, I ate decently (better than most of my thinner friends) and as I have since learned my ass knows when it is at it's most happy and healthy.

As I've gotten older my reaction to the "if you'd only..." type comments tend to get either a diatribe or the stare of shut the fuck up. Or my offer to allow them to be t bagged, or maybe mind their own fucking business.

There is nothing that pisses me off more than some dickhead assuming out of some faux sense of caring that they have any right to tell me what to eat, how to exercise or how to live. Not just when it comes to weight but anything regarding my health and happiness.

And of course it all depends on the approach.

When my friend Cookie says, "you need to stop doing that bitch it's bad for you."

I know she loves me and that's where it comes from.

Some random asshole says, "You know they DO have salads here."

That person can eat a fucking dick.

It is none of anyones business if I want to eat a cheeseburger, sushi, milk shake or whatever. Silence dickwad.

I know, Shannon don't be shy tell us how you really feel.

I feel like the attitude of people towards others whom they deem to be somehow less than, fucking sucks. And they should ALWAYS get called on for it. I hate letting people get away with rampant douchery.

With that I think I'm actually spent.

Tomorrow I am going to discuss belly dance, athletic shoes, sports bras and reasons I need high heels.

Goodnight.

Homo Out.
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3 comments:

Meowser said...

Hey Shannon, thanks so much for the kind words!

To be honest, I don't have any idea why I "get away with it" in public without people saying anything to my face, and other fat chicks don't, other than possibly living in Portland where it's typically considered gauche to spew on anyone for being "different." Other than that, if I knew what it was, I'd bottle it and send bottles to all my fat-chick friends!

Nudiemuse said...

Hey :) I do really dig your song.

Probably because people who don't know you are bigger pussies in day to day life than they are in day to day life.

Holy crap you're in Portland? My next road trip I will probably want to buy you a slice of pie I'm in Seattle.

Meowser said...

Sure, sounds great, just say when!

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