Thursday, September 20, 2007

Buckle up my friends.

So yesterday I spent the day with my best girlfriend in the whole motherfucking world. The woman who I am very very convinced was either my wife or husband in a former life, and probably in yet another life a twin sister.

We had ourselves a fantastic motherfucking day. There was boob fondling, shopping, liquor, Lane Bryant, Torrid, bras, books, running amok in Value Village and generally making a scene. There was pool playing, boys saying dirty things in Spanish, driving to hell and back and we only got a little lost.

Before I get to the juicy parts can we discuss Lane Bryant for a minute?

I have not honestly set foot in a Lane Bryant prior to yesterday in about 8 years. All because of one absolutely insanely horrible experience in one. At the time I was not in a good state at all and the women in there were fucking bitches. Tooth sucking, unhelpful, shifty eyed bitches. When I took my purchase to the register I was greeted with a long up and down look, an eye roll then a "is that all you're buying?" and never set foot in one of their stores again.

Until yesterday. After being supremely disappointed in Torrid (more on that later, this is gonna be a long one, feel free to get a snack or a drink)Cookie, her man Garbungular Peehole Man (he and I made up that word a few years ago, Uniballer and I headed into LB. I was not ready to be impressed. But OMG.

I headed for the clearance rack of bras because I like cheap stuff and lo and behold I found the much heralded Cacique Bra6 convertible bra. I found one in a tasty ruddy color called carob brown for wait for it.....6.99. I have friends who have raved about this bra and I am officially a convert. I am wearing it right now because it is super comfortable and makes the D Cups O Doom look fucking fantastic.

Also this woman who worked at LB gave me the super star treatment, explained their different pants fit. Told me how some of their trousers would look fabulous on me. Explained in super detail how their sales and discounts tend to work. She was so friendly and sweet I was very very impressed. I'm actually going to call her store manager today to compliment her.

Now can we talk about Torrid?

Not only did they have nothing on sale for their grand opening but Cookie said that most of what was on clearance elsewhere was full price. And a lot of the new trousers for the Boy Style collection look to me like they have a seriously high poly content and have a weird sheen.

Not impressed at all.

Although they did have some plain black trousers I liked a lot.

Can we talk about boots for a minute?

I am on the hunt for winter boots and I've narrowed it down to the below four styles.

Now I have decided that if I find the boots I think I may give skinny jeans a whirl. Skinny Motherfucking Jeans. With tunic length tops layered with cardigans or sweaters or something.

What else?

AH CRAP I lost a link. And now I found it. I read this entry over at The Endomorph's Blog via the Fatosphere feed about labels and I am one of those people who is almost always very cheeky about labels. This has not always so. As a matter of fact I used to be quite rabid in my hate of labels.

I find it far easier to list labels that I am not because what I am aside from the basic human bits changes mood to mood. So a list of what I am not:

  • White
  • Straight
  • Economically well off
  • Stupid
  • Religious
  • Entirely healthy
  • Sick because of my fat
  • Tall
  • Unscarred
  • Entirely Sane
I could go on and on but you get my point. As I get older I am if not more comfortable with labels I understand the need for them a little more. Some people don't do well with the whole unique snowflake thing and that's fine. However, I will tell you that no matter what kind of label I might come up with (and I've come up with some doozys) labels will never ever give you a clear picture of who I am.

To get that you'll have to do the hard thing and actually talk to me. Scary I know but that's how I roll.

AH I have a new webtoy I just joined up at if you use that site be my homie and we can see what each other is reading. Very fun because I'm nosy. I'm still adding books so feel free to look.

I think I'm spent. My tummy is a little upset and I want a snack.

Homo Out.


1 comment:

orodemniades said...

Oo, I loves me some boots! Alas, I have zero dinero for them. I should have bought some when I was in Britain, but, ya know, I had moving and getting rid of stuff in mind, not adding to the mess.

I think Lane Bryant has really come up, fashion-wise, while places like JJill have gone down, at least with their plus-size stuff. Coldwater Creek can be surprisingly good, too, for all sizes, depending on the style you like to wear.

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