Monday, September 10, 2007

The D word, my role and whatnot.

First of all Hanne Blank said most everything I wanted to and p;probably far better than I could have.

Particularly this bit:

Here’s what I do claim and want: I want to live in a world where everyone is treated humanely and respectfully just because they’re human. The size or shape or weight of a person’s body is just one of the things that comes under the heading of Bad Reasons To Treat Someone Poorly.

Also, seeing a human being referred to as a "situation" pisses me right the fuck off. I can't even tell you.

In reading today I have no real idea what to think. As Hanne said in her entry, I too am bad at party line. Honestly, I just don't know what to say. I suppose my want to not shove people out of the way because they may or may not toe the line in regards to the issues of weight and weight loss. I still don't believe that in and of itself dieting (not using common vernacular here, so let me rephrase) deliberate weight loss, for the sake of weight loss in an evil thing.

I think this way for a few reasons. Mainly that I know (and I'm sure a lot of other people know) sometimes, for some people those ten pounds make a big world of difference. And I'm not talking about someone who hates their body until they lose that magical ten pounds, I'm talking about someone like me. Who knows that ten pounds ago her knees did not ache so bad, her back didn't hurt so much, her clothes fit properly. And yes, I am one of those people who pretty much still loves my fat ass, but I realize that being in pain and being depressed is not good for my fat ass regardless of how much I love it.

The second reason is as I've said time and time again it's the whole party line thing. I'm not good at it. I've never been good at it. That is probably what's kept me out of various movements or my involvement in various political movements has been short and bitter. I don't like group think.

I don't like conversations that unless you are agreeing or at least seeming to agree you're just shunted out of it because either you "just don't understand" or are willfully not keeping your toes on the line. I'm not saying that is happening here exactly it's just something that chaps my ass in general.

I'm also starting to question my place in the Fatosphere.

I don't know exactly where I'm going here. I suppose my big issue here is that I really don't like the assumption that someone can't still be involved in fat acceptance and size acceptance if they are losing weight. I don't like it because if it's someone I don't know personally who am I to question their motives? Do I know their health situation? Their mental state? I don't like it, I don't do it and seeing it makes me cranky.

Also I have to wonder how much of my own personal history and things that I don't generally talk about in public would get me kicked out of the club if I am in fact in it at all? Does what I say actually matter?

These aren't questions that are exclusive to my involvement in the fatosphere but things I ask myself on a fairly frequent basis whenever I involve myself in something.

After saying all that I suppose I actually can clarify my position. I am not a Fat Activist. Nor am I only for Fat Acceptance. I am for Size Acceptance period. That means fat, thin, inbetween, very fat, very thing whatever.

That means specifically that I want everyone to be able to get quality health care, I want everyone to be happy with their bodies, I want everyone to not get harassed by doctors and random dick heads on the street.

If that means I can't be in the same sandbox as other people involved you know what, that's fine with me. Really. After all this is in fact my sandbox where I get to talk about whatever I want. And really, if you hate it or don't like it we can discuss it, but please don't make the mistake of thinking that you'll change me. You probably won't

Quite honestly at this point, I am pretty pleased with myself. I'm enjoying my body in a way that I wasn't two years ago, or even five years ago. Hell ten goddamn years ago if you want to know the truth. I am mostly pleased with how I approach my life and health. Although I will tell you right now internetz, those ten pounds I referenced above, may have to come off. Mostly to see if it will alleviate some of my joint problems. I really really don't want to go on medication for it. But we'll see.

And I don't think that decision means I can't still have my Size Acceptance/maybe someday actual activist type thing going on. I just don't.

Ok I think that's all I really have to say about all that.

Now I want to switch gears from politics to fashion because I am wearing a very kickass outfit today.

I spend a lot of time wardrobe remixing because I don't usually have a lot of money to spend on new things. Today I am wearing a fabulous fish tail asymetrical hemmed black skirt, a black underwire cami and over that a black cap sleeved mesh shirt with a pretty little o-ring detail in the front that my Cookie gave me a couple of years ago.

I am gothariffic today.

The shoes are not fabulous though. My knees were hurting soemthing fierce earlier so I'm wearing my (starting to feel fug) Mary Janes. I really need new cute shoes I can walk in.

What's special about this outfit is that it's a lot more form fitting than I've been comfortable wearing lately and it looks frigging good. I'm considering maybe a pair of more platform stompy goth Mary Janes or some such.

I had a pretty good weekend. I actually napped yesterday which is way out of the ordinary for me. I also spent some quality time with myself and did pretty making things. Legs shaved (which should be a national holiday since it happens so rarely), mustache removal, manicure (fabulous uber gawth black with a light overlay of red) and on Saturday Uniballer and I did some Dollarstore shopping and went to the Chinese buffet.

The buffet was off the hook. I ate probably 90 bucks worth of seafood. I couldn't help it. It was fantastic. I also made our waitress giggle because I can get down with some seafood. I was peeling shrimp with my nails, then tearing open crab legs with said nails like you don't even know.

I also discovered that I have become woefully inflexible. That's really kind of frustrating to me because unlike a lot of people I know I don't really like doing yoga that much. It just doesn't hold my interest. I have some decent yoga DVD's but I really don't enjoy them. I may go back to the same group of stretches I did for years. Nothing fancy, all of them learned while I was a cheerleader in high school.

Finally something I learned in high school pays off.

What else?

Oooh I've been playing with Polyvore more and I want this outfit or something similar and then i want an event to wear it to. I'm thinking maybe that big Fetish thing taht goes on in December that I can't recall the name of. Circ du Noc? HA my GoogleFu rules. I was right.

So below is the outfit. I WANT.

How hot would that be?

By the way the curved thing in the corner would be for my labret.

Mmm huge fetish party. MMm fancy outfit.

I think I'm about spent. I have some potato soup I would like to eat and some tea to make.

Homo Out.


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