Friday, September 07, 2007

From the sidelines.

Okay I have a post working up in my head about this whole dword thing and about Hanne Blank (hi *typed while blushing*) but today you know what? I am really not in the mood to talk about it because frankly the whole conversation depresses me.

Instead I want to talk about my body.

Specifically I want to talk about my ass and my boobs. Tits and ass, my own. I will try not to go all lesbotronic again and get sidetracked. It could happen though be forewarned.

First of all I am wearing some of my new Torrid clothes. The pinstriped shortpants. I still do not like the words capri pants so I say shortpants.

First of all these short pants are fairly tight and I wasn't sure I was comfortable with that. They outline my hamhocks like WHOA. Hamhocks here is slang for my thighs o oak. I was a little wibbly about it then said fuck it. Then I got the magical glimpse at my ass and said, hot DAYUM that is one hot ass.

No seriously I swear I did.

My butt(from here on out known as the Brown Round) is not the butt of my dreams sadly. I feel like I got a little cheated in the buttoxial area. I have a slightly round, smallish booty. I want BAM BOOTY. I want badonkadonk, I want junk in my trunk, a motor in the back of my Honda. Remember videos from the early 90's and Jlo back in the day when she was a Fly Girl? Those girls in the BBD video Poison (if you don't want to get up and do the running man while listening to that song there is something wrong with your ass region). I have always wanted that. I still longingly look at girls in videos and get sad. I want BIG BOOTY. Seriously. The kind that if I were still a stripper I could make it clap. I'm not joking. If you don't know what a booty clap is you may not want to ask because I'll show you.

Now back to my Brown Round. These pants make my more cupcake shaped booty look hawt. Generally when I am ogled it's the boobs but I caught someone lookin at my butt and YEAH. And one of my favorite ladies I see most every day said my ass looks hot.

Ok wait have to stand up and bootyshake at my desk. That Naughty By Nature song Hip Hop Hooray is on and I like that song.

I got SO sidetracked you don't even know. There is something to love about working somewhere, where you can dance at your desk for a few minutes and people will join you. And tell you that your pinstriped pants are kick ass.

Now where was I? Right-o my ass.

So when I started this entry I was still feeling sort of meh entirely. I didn't sleep well last night, my knees hurt so I couldn't wear my very sexy wedge platform sandals with my sexy shortpants, but I am feeling far sassier now. Saucy in fact.

It also helps that I totally just scored an Urban Decay glitterliner for 10 bucks shipped. I got it in Spandex which the site says is, "black, accented w/ rainbow glitter".

If you're new here or just surfed in from the Fatosphere I am a complete make up and clothes whore. No seriously. I love make up like drag queens like padded bras. I love all things related to make up. I own and wear a ton of make up. It makes me squee.

I am also highly thrifty so anytime I get kick ass products at kickass prices I get SUPER excited.

Now let's talk about my boobs. Honestly, no matter what weight I am at my boobs are my favorite physical characteristic. Even when I call them unruly bitches, or when they are fighting to get out of my shirt I still love em.

My D Cups of Doom baby.

They make me happy.

Matter of fact I just dabbed a little BPAL perfume in them. Today I am wearing Tushnamatay. I am now addicted to BPAL and I have all my imps in a special little box.

I think I'm over this right now. I am going to finish my snack and probably cruise the intertubes for more glamours things for low prices.

No WAIT one more thing I am very excited about. I bought a surprise grab bag of clothes from I will report back when I get it.

Homo Out.

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