Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My Fantasy of Thin.

Kate Harding wrote an excellent post called The Fantasy of Being Thin. It got me thinking.

As I've said before I've been to the magical Land of Thin and far beyond it to the Scary Land of might have a fucking heart attack anytime now. A lot of it was very unpleasant.

And (don't mind me poking my head out of the closet for a moment) I have a history. I've intimated and I am not yet at a point where I am comfortable or ready to start talking openly about it in public but there you have it. In case you've wondered.

I wondered for a long time if I'd really let the whole Thin Fantasy go. Shockingly I did a long time ago.

However for me this wasn't really any great feat of body acceptance. It was mainly something I arrived at because I caught a good long look at myself and realized that I looked fucking weird. All those "when I'm thin" type thoughts pretty much vanished under the far larger thought of, "Holy SHIT I look like a fucking alien."

My fantasies about being thin were all just that. Thin. They could not hold up under reality.

Along this same train of thought I read an article in Heart And soul Magazine a magazine aimed at black women that finally turned me off to it.

I had a subscription for about a year and a half and learned to gloss over the Christian articles. And the frequently after school specialesque articles about drug addiction but, their list of reasons why thin is so great pissed me right the hell off.

Each of their reasons was so thin. Essentially if you lose weight they promise you'll get laid, wear nice clothes, have friends and not die. Okay. sure.

But what they don't say is that if you're a fat asshole you'll probably be a skinny asshole and therefore your popularity will probably suffer.

They actually put in that stupid fucking Oprah quote about how "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" or whatever it was. Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you SHITTING me?

Do these people seriously think that shedding those magical pounds will suddenly turn you into the black belle of the ball? Do black women not have enough mother fucking problems you have to introduce this kind of blatant asshattery?

For fuck sake.

So I wrote an angry letter and will not be reading that magazine ever again.

Also I have to say I've not slept in awhile and my temper is really short. So that contributed but it is still bullshit.

And while I'm talking about things I think are janky can we discuss some things? Me to you.

Please put an end to cullottes. Please. We can all work together to make them just go away.

Also, can we finally just agree to disagree about ruching on boots? Ok.

In other news. Christina Aguilara is SO fucking cute all pregnant. So cute. Cute cute cute.

And, Mac lipglass in the color Bare Fetish is the bomb fucking diggity.

I'm wearing a Torrid sweater material cami that is seriously made of fail. I got it a few clearance sales ago and haven't worn it. Why is one of my boobs almost falling out? I think 50% of the problem is that the straps are not adjustable and are too long. Big boobs doesn't equal saggy boobs.

I'm really still very tired.

Also the tights I have on are doing something weird and slightly pinchy in the crotchal region and I don't approve. it it wasn't so cold I'd just take them off.

Also the skin on my face is still really unhappy and I think the Cover Girl powder I'm wearing is making me break out. I'm mysteriously itchy.

But I do actually look pretty goddamn cute.

I'm wearing a long black Lip Service skirt, the cami of doom and my long black sweater coat, burgundy Docs.

Make up that's supposed to be gold and black but this shade of gold comes way close to being a duplicate of Mac pro pigment chartruese. I'm a little unhappy about that since I wore that and another shade of green yesterday.

And can I just say to the DJ's out there. You do some cool stuff but seriously not everything needs to be fucking remixed. Some things remixing just ruins.

Ugh I think I'm done. My "writing" is not going well at all and I'm depressed about that. For comfort I ate some very tasty sushi earlier and have two organic red pears for later and a salad.

It's not helping entirely I am meh. Discouraged.

So yeah.

Also pictures coming soon. I had to return another fucking broken camera but have a nice one on the way.

That is all.

Homo Out.

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