Monday, April 30, 2007

Blogosphere wanderings.

Been wandering random blogs today. I found some good ones.

The Thinking Blog. This one is interesting watch the multiplying large numbers video. Granted math isn't my strong suit but that was cool.

Also go read A Celebration of Curves. Enjoyable and smart. DO IT.

I've also been musing (as ever) about beauty.

My sense of what beauty is on a personal level has been in some bit of tumult recently. Not so much an issue with my self esteem (though yes, that does waver) but more akin to whether or not I stick to what please me or should I "grow up".

My personal aesthetic has (unfortunately? fortunately? who cares?) not changed in a long damn time. I know what I like and what makes me feel like a thing of beauty.

That said, I wonder sometimes if I am stuck (for good or ill) in this for reasons I can't quite get my head around. Or am I just still the same black nail polish wearing jangling clothes loving weirdo?

I'm really very seriously leaning towards the latter.

I say this because most of (hate that I put it this way) mainstream when it comes to beauty and fashion just doesn't do it for me.

Clothes, make up, other surface things are costume to me. It makes me feel good in my warm insides to present myself to the world in a way that (to some) is just weird. And yes that's okay.

I think that last bit is what makes me want to cease questioning myself about this. I think I need to focus less on trying to, for lack of a better term tone myself down rather I should find arenas where I can be as weird as I wanna be.

Hard thing to do.

I know that I'm happier and more loving towards myself when I let go of the idea of what I'm "supposed" to do/be. My fabulous ass was not meant to fit in a box no matter what shape said box is in. I know that when I treat myself nicely, and take care of myself I feel like I am in love with myself again and in turn I love the world a little more.

I know intellectually that my whole "I GOTTA BE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" spiel can get tiresome but, I do mean it. And thankfully I've grown out of the "I'M TEH SPECIAL AND BYOOTIFUL SNOWFLAKE" attitude to realize that while yes, some things about me are indeed unique I am in fact a conforming non-conformist to a degree and I am ok with that.

I have also grown out of feeling like I have to apologize for my love of girly things. I do not believe that me waxing my eyebrows, not shaving my pubes, painting my nails, wearing lipstick etc makes me any less or more a feminist. That school of thought is not for me and I am okay with that. Now. There was a time I wasn't okay with that and I tried very hard to change but, no. It's unnecessary and silly.

So far in my 30th year of life I have relearned some things that I lost sometime between my teens and twenties. I have also decided the following for the record:
  • I have a fantastic rack. I admire it daily. My boobs are a wonder.
  • My pubes are not the business of anyone. Theoretically, academically or politically.
  • Politics+my pussy=anger. Keep yours away from mine and everything will be fine.
  • I'm odd and that too, is ok.
  • Not everyone thinks I am fabulous. That's ok.
I think that's about all for right now.

Actually no I lie.

I'd like to give you my dream of a few scenerios.

We all remember they Tyra Banks is Fat. Nonsense.

Instead of tears and "why you call me faaaat" type of response here's what I would've liked to have seen.

Imagine this, if you will:

Ms. Banks in her favorite jammies with whatever she likes to snack on in her lap.

Interviewer watching her munch with that look of faux concern mixed with glee.

Interviewer: So Tyra, you've gained some weight? Are you okay? Do you need an intervention to curb your addiction to tasty treats?

Tyra: (Eye roll, because come on have you seen her eye roll it's fantastic) Yes, yes and no.

Interviewer: *blink...blink...getting teary now*We're all so worried about you, what will happen if you get...well you know.

Tyra: Bitch you like cookies too. You look kinda hungry you want a cookie? Here have a cookie low blood sugar makes you an asshole.

End with Tyra and her interviewer happily having snacks and discussing booty jiggle.

That's what I wanted to see.

That and I think I have found my calling. I need to be a Celebrity Truth Sayer.

Yes you read that right. I will let celebrities especially ones who tend to say/do stupid things in public pay me to tell them to shut the hell up. Or put on some panties. Put on a real shirt. Wear a better wig.

I won't charge a lot and i will mentor them.

I will be the person to say,

"Brit Brit, honey no. Put on a shirt, and lets go buy you a good wig okay?"

"Paris? SHUT UP. Put on some panties and shhh...no really shhh. Stop."

"(insert other celeb here) Psssst...cameltoe...CAMELTOE pull it out."

"Nipples, hey put something over those before someone loses an eye."


You get my point.

I would teach them not to say things they know goddamn well are stupid.

Also as a note I love that Tyra felt up Rosie O. I think Tyra is obsessed with boobies and she may examine mine anytime she likes. As long as I get to touch her butt. Reciprocation is key people.

Okay now I'm really done. I'm tired and it's almost time to go home.
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Monday Monday Monday

So it's totally a Monday today. My bus was super late then had a ten minute stop because of an electrical problem.

However it's not all bad. has a new podcast up that I will probably listen to later.

And Cuteoverload brought it with the that is so fucking cute I shit cotton balls.

No seriously follow the trail then ya know, bring me coffee and pie.

Everyone should also go check out what I've been listening to lately. See that .

What else?

I did not do any sort of pretty making over the weekend. It was actually kind of a chore to treat my hair so whatever. My skin is really mad at me for neglecting it but I'm so tired I kinda laugh and say, "YEAH screw you too."

I'm still loving my organic goatmilk soap though that shit is pretty damn cool.

I'm thinking more and more lately it's time to integrate with the wordpress. Seriously I think maybe I should just integrate my beauty blog with my regular blog and blogger can suck a dick.

Actually yeah I should look into that.

What else?

Not much actually except I think I found a method of doing synth dreads that I can actually do. I would be really excited about that. It's not the method but whatever. I do not have that kind of cash or travel budget.

I'm thinking a head full of wrapped black and purple dreads would be fucking cool.

I think that's all for now I'm freaking tired and my tummy is kind of upset.

Homo Out.
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Friday, April 27, 2007

What hell you say?

Still having kind of a week but I'm feeling a little better.

Glad the week is over I'm fucking exhausted.

In other news I am in dire need of a manicure and am going to give myself one Sunday. Sunday is for pretty making. I will probably wax my eyebrows too because they looked at me this morning when I put my make up on and said, "BITCH PLEASE"

I am so in love with the KD Lang album "Hymns of the 49th Parallel." Ye gods.

As mentioned in my previous entry her doing "Hallelujah" makes me ache in fantastic and terrible ways.

I'm still honestly kind of depressed. Failed ventures tend to do that to me. Especially when at first it was in fact going so well and I had plans. But whatever I guess.

My photoshop is broken and that makes me really sad. Really -really- sad.

And I think I'm spent I feel droopy.
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

French Press coffee.

I remain by a statement I made maybe two years ago that French Press Coffee remains the only civilized thing in this fucking country. I have a pot brewing right next to me and it smells so good I'm wet.

it makes my day a little better.

The color of this coffee is really gorgeous. Very dark. A color I remember wishing my skin was as a little kid. I had (and still have) an absolute LOVE of very dark skin. I'm talking >Grace Jones dark. For you younger folks think Alek Wek but maybe a shade or four darker.

While on the topic of other black women can I talk about some delicious here? No not that nut from Flavor of Love.

I'm talking delicious like you want to eat them whole with a spoon.

Meshell Ndegeocello. Can I tell you people I have been in love with her since the first time I heard her voice? That when I saw her bald and gorgeous on stage I didn't know if I wanted to bum rush the stage and hump her leg or lay at her feet weeping? Delicious.

Angie Stone. Before she was on reality TV before she was D'Angelo's babies Mama I heard her voice and good lord. The afro, her skin, her voice. She is delicious. Her video "Brotha" is gorgeous. It's a beautiful song. Go love her I'll wait here.

And okay, India Arie. How can I be talking about beautiful black women without talking about her? I can't. Her song Brown Skin makes my skin vibrate with want. Delicious.

Venus and Serena Williams. Good Lord. Muscles, talent, muscles. Wait did I mention the muscles? No I am not a tennis fan but how can I NOT love these girls. The clips, that power "UH" hell yeah.

Nikki Giovanni her voice and spirit and sparkling eyes. If I were fifteen years older I would woo her. Probably not with poetry but I'd do something. Prostrate myself at her feet just to hear her whisper some of the poems from her book of love poems. I'd die.

Okay hold on.

I have been heart broken and derailed. She is not black but yes, is delicious. KD Lang. I have been in love with her for years. I saw her in concert and sat in this big group of seriously butch dykes crying my fucking eyes out the whole goddamn time.

So I was fairly composed until I found her doing Hallajah which is my number one favorite single song of all fucking time. I've heard many versions. Most of them make me teary but hers just hurts it's so damn good. Go see it here. Oh that just killed me I watched it four times.

I want to sit in a room and listen to that on my headphones for three hours straight. Then go to sleep while it's playing.

Now I think I'm a little spent.

I'm going to watch Tom Waits videos on youtube. Do some test calls and finish my coffee.

I love you folks.

*Shimmy* towards Pollyland.

And I hope you are all okay in Busty Rusty land.

Homo Out.
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Monday, April 23, 2007

Greedy and whatnot.

I want a new dress so bad. It makes me really sad. Probably more so than is needed I think it's the return of the warm weather and my brokeness.

Yes. The brokeness again.

Not dead broke but broke enough that going out and buying a new dress is not a great idea.

I really hate feeling down when it's so nice out.

I think I'm still mostly just overwhelmed that there are so many must take care of financial things I have no room for fun.

Whatever.

In other news I am still looking for an actual part time job of some sort. One of the unfortunate parts of living in the burbs is the sheer number of kids who work for minimum wage. Means less crap jobs for grown ups. I did however figure out that a.)I actually wouldn't mind working some kind of retail job weekends. IFf for no other reason than to have a good discount somewhere.

Also in good news Mike did some work at a local computer store and got my computer (her name is cunty Beast and I love her) more memory and a new video card. So I've been playing some of the games I have that used to lag and get cranky. YAY.'

What else?

Oh my poetry book is about done. Two more things to do then I upload and publish. No ISBN because that costs 100$ I don't have so it'll be all sold via my Lulu storefront which I'll link when it's time.

What else?

Not much entirely. I'm mostly focused on trying to get my life straightened out and into some sort of more manageable state of chaos. Less so chaotic and stressful that I want to stab myself in the eye, more chaotic enough so I want to sit back and enjoy.

Well not sit back. I don't do that like ever for the most part. I'm not really good with the relaxation.

That's okay though I suppose. I'll learn someday not to be such a running fool.

Now it's time for some water. Back to cruising craigslist for werk.

Blah.

Homo Out.
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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Tired little Beasty

I have to admit. My mania to get any kind of side hustle going has just been too much. I am going to retire from online selling. I can't do it by myself anymore. I get too tired and overwhelmed. It makes me sad and more tired.

I totally mislabeled a package that came back to me and now I have to send it two day. I still have a couple of books that need to be shipped out. It's too hard to do this without a car it really is.

And of course my brain being what it is goes right for the Monkey brain angry.

I can hear in my back brain the litany of reasons why (using this current rash of fuck ups as an example) I have no ability to run any sort of business. Blablabla.

And yes, I am really depressed.

Really terribly depressed and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Homo Out.
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Monday, April 16, 2007

I like presents.

So I can't sleep per usual so I've been making beauty wishlists. Good lord.

Call me a whore but I don't care. Send me presents and I might show you my boobs.

I also accept e gift cards with a glad glad heart.

So first is Urban Decay because much as I don't care for their customer service, I do love their fucking expensive ass products. Which apparently they don't have a send link so I can't display it. Suffice it to say my wishlist is chock full of lipgloss, glittery liquid eyeliners and fabulous shadows. Fuckers.

Next up is Torrid. The bitch and I are back together for now.

See it here. Mmm clothes. If you look you'll notice the thigh high hosiery is sized up. Mainly because I have teh thighs o' doom and hate it when stockings roll or pinch my fat. It annoys me and it's not cute. A little too big is WAY better than a little too small.

I am also really into socks right now.

One thing that annoys me is the plethora of nylon based fancy socks. Nylon makes my feet sweat. But I will suffer stank foot for cute socks. Onwards.

Sock it To me Skull socks
. Also this store gets bonus points for having thinner and bigger models. Big bonus points.

Argyle with skulls. Fucking hawt.

Ninja socks. Who doesn't need ninja fucking socks? Come on people.

Dresses. I am really wanting dresses right now. I have one casual one.
Rock Steady Spider House Dress Such a cute dress.

HotRod Voodoo Pirate Circle Skirt
that is so fucking cute it hurts my head.

Other garments:
Rock Steady Spider Cardigan who doesn't love a big titty girl in a tight sweater?

Goddamn man. As mentioned below I need to make more monies if for nothing else than to have a fabulous wardrobe. And the loot to buy materials to make more fabulous wardrobe.

It's five in the fucking morning I should try to sleep now. Off to dream of fabulous things hopefully.

Homo Out.
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Money Making and whatnot.

So in my eternal quest for more income I'm doing a lot of GPT and affiliate type stuff.

Tiring but necessary.

I'm not doing anymore online sales for now because I seriously dislike the PO closest to my house.

However I have found some more drop ship options that I am looking into.

The bottom line is that I am tired of working for the man for peanuts. Like every other jackass with a computer and a fragile bank account I search and search and search. I don't want to become rich. Granted that would be pretty cool but, for now I'd just be comfortable being comfortable. Not worrying about every penny and budgeting myself into a lather.

Pocket money is a good thing.

In other news my poetry book is 95% done. I've got it edited, formatted and my front cover created. All that is left to do is a title page, back cover and upload. Then maybe create some banners and get to pimping. I'm thinking I will probably charge 10$. I priced it out at Lulu and that seems to be an appropriate price.

I'm still kind of hemming and hawing about creating a myspace page for it. But yeah whatever. If I'm going to pimp it I might as well go big yes?

I'm not entirely over my issues with self publishing but, I think that doing this will satisfy the desire I've had to do a chapbook since I was a kid. This isn't exactly what I had in mind back then. Back in the day what I wanted to do was one of those crappily xeroxed punk rock hand stapled monstrosities that I was so in love with. I remember I used to have quite a collection of them that I'd bought everywhere or snatched from free piles.

Even the ones that weren't very good i coveted because it represented something to me that I to this day can't really name. Some feeling that I've accomplished something very cool. Even if everyone reads it and says, "go cry emo kid". I don't actually care.

I also think that finally completing this will free me up to get on with some other things creatively speaking. Purge one obsession and grow another I suppose.

I am still kicking around the idea of doing some kind of spoken word CD. I'm a little leery though, I don't want to go crazy with this self publishing Lulu thing. I don't want to be one of those authors. Hard to explain but I just don't.

Not much else going on. I still have a few submissions out there in the ether but I'm not holding my breath. I did finally grow some balls and resubmitted to a magazine I LOVE and the one where the editor actually asked to see more of work.

Ugh. The shy writer.

Fucking stupid.

What else?

I keep having a recurring fantasy that involves nothing more exciting than spending say half a year doing whatever I please. Not working, writing, walking, going out for coffee, laying about naked, maybe going to the zoo outlandishly dressed and spending some quality time talking to the reptiles. Also in there would be doing things like eating a lot of fabulous desserts and fruit. And probably getting a lot more tattoos at my leisure.

Sense the theme here?

Yes, right now my entire fantasy fueled desires revolves around relaxing. Gods I've gotten boring.

I suppose I can feel a little better since part of that fantasy revolves around traipsing around town in a tiara.

I think that's about all for now. I'm going to eat a stale peep (mmmm best part of the Bunny holiday) and probably do a little writing.
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Sunday, April 08, 2007

No seriously people.

So I'm going to straight up beg. When you read could you click on the stupid google thing up there?

Pretty please? I'm certain if all four of you click once a visit I will make 3 dollars in five fucking years.

Do I sound bitter?

Why yes I am.

My usual side hustles are NOT going well. My local post office is a slice of poopy poopness. Mangled 1 package, apparently lost two other ones. Something I got in the mail was jammed in the fucking mailbox and torn. Not the first time either. I'm a little afraid to complain anymore. Those people know where I fucking live.

Things have been the uber fucking downhill ski with no poles and an avalanche coming down behind me. My 30th year was NOT supposed to be fucking be like this and I am really unhappy.

I think I'm going to stick to GPT for now and stop doing anything that requires shipping since trying to get to the PO by work is like planning a fucking coup.

So back to this unhappiness thing.

For probably the first time in my life I have no clue what to do about it. I have some options but none of them are exactly fulling me with optimism. More like a little bit of terror mixed with oh what the FUCK was I fucking thinking?

Now that my back is finally starting to feel better, I really need to start exercising again. That will help a lot.

So what else?

I need to take a breath. I really should go on a vacation and get treated like the Pissy Princess I am for a week, get snuggled and probably make people dance with me barefoot in the trees.

I very seriously for the sake of my health and whatnot need to de stress, work it out and keep going. I do not want to fuck up anything in my spinal area any more which the doc said I would. I do NOT want to have that knot thing in my neck become permanent. I do NOT want to have an ulcer. I do NOT want to befoul my disgestive system anymore.

I just have to keep reminding myself that yes, I will fucking be okay. Yes, if it doesn't drive a stake through my heart and cut my fucking head off I will be okay.

And while I'm begging someone else pretty please join GangsterGreed from the states. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase.

Okay enough tummy hurt.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Ropes and chains.

I really want some of the color of the month Twisted Monk rope. It's so pretty. I want to eat it. Then do strange bondage type things with it.

I am unamused currently. I am tired and want to go home and sleep for three days.

I also would like a stress free week.

Just one.

Anyhow.

And how about an fotd from yesterday because I'm tired and not in the mood anymore.

This is my eye.



And I'm out.

Homo Out.
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Monday, April 02, 2007

Quicky

Go buy my shit:



It's almost five in the fucking morning I'm fucking tired.
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