Thursday, January 31, 2008

Princess Rantypants is in the house.

I awoke this morning feeling extra super stabby. It's either PMS or just one of those things. I'm thinking a mix of the two.

I think when people start leaving work I'm going to have to turn on less gentle music because the gentle is just not cutting it right now.

And since I'm so cranky I'm probably going to say some things that will probably make some people mad.

Let's start with this link I found somewhere in the Fatosphere. This "Real People Model" thing from Newsweek. I want to look at a quote from the article.

"Now, with New York's Fall 2008 Fashion Week arriving this week, fashion watchers say we may begin to see subtle indications of the trend on the runway: the models will still be thin and gorgeous, but they may look more like thin, gorgeous versions of real people than like stereotypical models. "In the '80s and '90s, models were expected to look glamorous and clean, like Niki Taylor and Christy Turlington," says Faran Krentcil, former editor of Fashionista."

So these "real people" models are only kind of like real people but thinner and more gorgeous. So otherwise, they are maybe instead of a size 00 model who looks like she's really pissed on the runway, a size 2 model who's only scowling a little? Are you serious? I am really starting to hate the phrase "real people". It's yet another example of people finding some phrase that sounds really great and promising but, it's not really what they mean.

The article also talks about street style blogs but, I don't care about those. I've abandoned my search for one I actually like.

That irritates me.

It falls into the same category as the whole "real women have curves" mentality. Guess what? A lot of women are not curvy. Fat or thin or inbetween some just aren't. I read a manifesto of sorts about reasons to love being curvy and honestly I found some of it highly offensive in the, so if you don't have a big booty, big hips, or big boobs screw you? Having any of those things does not make you better or worse than any other woman.

Now I want to have a look at the privilege meme that has been floating around teh intertubes lately. I find it flawed. Let's see why shall we?

Here is the list of things you are supposed to bold if they are true leave if they are not true of you. The bits I have issue with I'll make notes in italics for ease.

If your father went to college
If your father finished college
If your mother went to college
If your mother finished college
If you have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
If you were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
If you had a computer at home- This really doesn't specify what kind of computer? Why yes I did have a computer when I was 18 and in my senior year of high school. What it doesn't ask is was it new? Matter of fact the one I used was more than 5 years old at the time and was donated to me for my senior project. Does that still count as being super fancy?
If you had your own computer at home
If you had more than 50 books at home
If you had more than 500 books at home
I'll take these two at the same time. Does this mean books that you owned? Used books? new books? Library books? Books bought by the box for ten cents at the thrift store? Books found? So really how much can you tell other than that someone in the house was a reader. Also doesn't it make a difference as to what kind of books these may or may not have been? Does 500 trashy romance novels have the same heft of privilege that 500 classics in original languages do? I don't know.
If were read children’s books by a parent
If you ever had lessons of any kind
If you had more than two kinds of lessons
Okay I had to bold and italicize these. Do they mean school lessons? Private lessons? Were you involved in one of those at risk youth programs does that count as lessons? Were they free? did they cost money? Were they mandatory because of behavioral or academic necessity? Come on dude.
If the people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively- This I find thorny at best. It is based on the assumption that white people speak only one way and everyone else speaks another way which, if the majority of people I know are any indication this is not as big a goddamn deal as people make it out to be. So if I don't sound "that black" can I bold this one? If I speak "white" does that mean I can bold it? This is fuckery.
If you had a credit card with your name on it- Does this mean ever? Are these people aware of the predatory lending a lot of big name stores with store cards have been doing for ages? Come on now.
If you have less than $5000 in student loans
If you have no student loans
If you went to a private high school- Does this mean on scholarship? Paid for by your parents? Paid for by the state? In private school because their sports team sucked and you happened to be good at whatever sport?
If you went to summer camp Does this mean summer camp for at risk youth? Free? Does it count city provided day camp? Going to your neighborhood school for camp because your parents can't afford childcare? Does it count you're at camp because you were badly behaved and needed some sort of institutional intervention that happened to be called a "camp"?
If you had a private tutorDoes this count a tutor at school if you were dyslexic? What about a tutor because you got passed along in school and can't read? Or does it only count if Mummy and Daddy paid for it? Does it count if you are forced to get a tutor so you don't get expelled for failing something in school?
If you have been to EuropeDoes this mean on vacation? What about army brats? Does it still count if you were born there and immigrated? Or if your family is there? Again, the permutations of the situations that may or may not cause a person to have been to Europe are staggering.
If your family vacations involved staying at hotelsDoes Motel6 count? Motor courts? Places where you had to sleep with your four cousins in one bed and your parents and their cousins in another bed? What if the TV was bolted to the wall and the remote was glued to the table? What if there were roaches? Does it still count?
If all of your clothing has been new and bought at the mall
If your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
If there was original art in your house
If you had a phone in your room
If you lived in a single family house
If your parent own their own house or apartment
If you had your own room
If you participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
If you had your own cell phone in High School
If you had your own TV in your room in High School
If you opened a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
If you have ever flown anywhere on a commercial airline
If you ever went on a cruise with your family
If your parents took you to museums and art galleries
If you were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.


You see where I'm going with this I'm not doing the rest of this. This is the sort of thing that tends to chap my ass about a lot of the discourse about privilege. You can take a question. Let's take the one there about having your own room.

It doesn't ask other questions. Was it not an actual bedroom? Was it say only big enough to hold a twin bed? Were you an only child? Were you the youngest child with grown siblings? Did your parent(s) sleep in the livingroom on the couch so you could have a bed? Did your bedroom have a door? Or was it a curtain? These questions in my opinion do not at all address the myriad of things that could take something like having a bedroom from being a sign of just how privileged you are to oh wow you lived in a trailer and your "bedroom" consisted of a table the turned into a bed when you flipped it over, and your door was a curtain.

I have yet to find an approach to the whole privilege debate that doesn't smack to me of trying to instill guilt/other bad feelings in people without addressing that what may come off initially as "privilege" wasn't exactly it. Also, who are we comparing all these things to?

Who or what are the criteria?

All that said, I do think that some people do need to be reminded that their big pimping life is not how a lot of other people have it. However I will stand by that I absolutely HATE this argument being beaten to death and invoked piously when there's not really a need.

Okay I am taking my ranty pants off.

Go watch this documentary on youtube about Laurie's work. do it now.

Homo out.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Of Bondage and hotness.

As I've said before there is a local man I think would be fantastic to have a tumble with. I find the maker of Twisted Monk (yeah probably not worksafe) Hemp Bondage rope very sexy. I've been reading his blog for awhile and after seeing his video posts I will reiterate he is a sexy fucker.

That said if you are at all into the kink and or rope you should really check out his mummification videos. I've watched both (total runtime about 20 minutes) several times and mmm tasty.

Also if you check out his blog have a looksy at the hot recent reader photos.

When it comes to kink for the past few years it's been all about the voyeurism for me and I'm not entirely certain how I feel about that. Not that the local kink community isn't very inviting to me. Actually matter of fact I've been drooling over the calander at the Center for Sex Positive Culture. For well since forever. But the obstacles have weighed heavily in my non participation.

First of all, honestly I/we (uniballer and I) have not been in a financial position to pay for the membership. Kink is an expensive habit. 15-20$ an event, 55 dollars a year for basic membership, for us cabrides and if I really wanted to go nights of leaving work early. Not to mention me being me I would really want to have wardrobe and accoutrement to go along.

Granted one of us could volunteer but, that still presents the problem of time and getting there. The bus ride there from home is a little more than an hour. Though by car we only live about 25 minutes away thus are the woes of being carless.

Looking over the events calender pretty much every event I want to go to is on a night I work. The one thing I've really been interested in off and on, the writers group would mean I'd have to leave work almost 4 hours early, then try to get back downtown and on a bus home.

The cons have consistently outweighed the pros sadly.

And granted that neither of us know anyone kinky personally these days (at least locally) it makes it difficult.

Also oddly I realized recently that I'm far more comfortable thinking about running around half-mostly naked away from home than I am in town. That is a huge and strange shift in my thinking that I only recently had any real awareness of.

What when did this happen?

I am the same woman who has lost several shirts at Pride, let strange homos fondle my boobs, jammed out with my ham and everything else out and what now I'm shy? What the fucking fuck is going on here.

I'm really not at all sure what to do about this. On one hand I am of the mind that I'm getting older and finding opportunities to be naked in public should probably be far down on the list of my priorities.

On the other hand I do like naked, I like naked type fun. what is my problem?

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out if this is a body issue thing or something else. I honestly don't really know.

It may just be a symptom of my chronic stay at home-itis that I've had for the last few years. Again due to economic constraints. A lot of the events and things I am most interested in cost too much money. Or I have money for tickets but not something to wear. And my clubbing/event wardrobe is pretty thin.

That last bit is depressing. I am actually a more social creature than one might believe, I love going out dancing and whatnot but, I don't love not having something appropriate and cute to wear. Also as ever there's the bus issue. It's difficult to want to go out and have fun when you're looking at a lengthy bus ride, then either leaving early to catch a bus or waiting for the last bus to our area then walking home. Carrying extra shoes, jackets etc is absurdly cumbersome.

It's daunting and especially in winter just depressing.

Ugh I am spent. I'm working on my plan to fix my credit and it's beyond depressing.

Homo Out.
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Monday, January 28, 2008

Things I think about.

First of all let me mention that watching Rachel from F-word and Mo Pie from BFD this morning was a pleasure. Watch the clips on Youtube here and here. I won't spoil it for you but it was very good and Miss Rachel your glasses gave me glasses envy. And Mo that haircut is love. Srsly.

Oh also before I forget Colleen from The Pretty Pear posted (mm alliteration) some great savings and coupon codes here.

While I'm pimping links you should go read what Meowser had to say about the truthfully awful article in "Bitch" magazine about the Fatosphere. To tell you the truth I didn't even read the whole article when I thumbed through Bitch the first thing to mind is that the author was lazy and irresponsible and I couldn't bring myself to read the rest.

Honestly (granted I am no journalist) if you are going to write something shouldn't you at least appear to make a little bit of an effort to research? Or type your key words into google and get lucky? Gods.

Next up I want to discuss something I think about frequently. All too often I hear religion (usually Christianity) as the basis for someone disapproving of one thing or another. Be it interracial relationships, homosexuality, whatever have to wonder. And I've asked a few people this question but most don't take it seriously and start spouting selected bits of scripture from parts of the bible they themselves don't so strictly adhere to(that is a whole other entry).

What if you are doing it wrong? What if you in all your pious disdain are absolutely incorrect?

To take it a step further what if when you die, you go for your judgement and stand in the presence of God and Jesus and they look at you and ask why did you condemn (as my favorite example) homosexuals?

Do you dare to spout scriptures at them and look like you did a job well done?

What if then, they just shake their heads and every gay person who has ever died before you is there in heaven, in the bosom of your very own God and God and Jesus look at you and say, "where was the love in your heart? Where was your compassion?"

And then you get kicked out.

Maybe not the big H-E double hockey sticks but you don't get invited to the party because you didn't follow the simplest instructions of your own religion. What would you do?

I don't want to fling scripture because that isn't the point. The point to me is that at the base of most religions there is love and care for fellow man. My point is, you are not God. No matter how fervently you believe it is not your place to tell anyone else what God thinks of them.

Granted it's human nature but still. I see way too many people who don't even try and that bothers me at a spiritual level. It hurts.

Mostly what I'm saying is examine your words before they leave your mouth, and don't preach to me if you're blatantly disregarding some of the most important parts of what you're preaching about.

That's been on my mind for awhile and now onto something else.


I have been acutely aware of Womanhood (yes with a capital W) since I was a very very small child. Aware of, in awe of and fascinated by the (luckily for me) diverse women around me. However I will admit that at one point in childhood probably around age 5-6 I was irate to learn that I too would grow up and be a woman.

I blame Superman for this.

I loved Superman. I had Superman sheets, I ran around in Superman Underoos (do they even make those anymore?) with a red towel tied around my neck and I saved everyone. I was 100% certain that I would grow up, change my name to Clark Kent, be a reporter and in fact save the world. There was little anyone could say to dissuade me from that.

Until I understood that since I was a girl I would not be Superman and I was devastated. Not because being a girl was bad, or that being a woman would suck, no I was mad because I wouldn't be Superman. I wasn't mollified until I discovered Dolly Parton and Wonder Woman. That is to say I discovered my love of boobs.

My early love for Dolly, Wonder Woman, drag queens and their ilk is probably the very foundation of my insane love for boots, all things sparkly and really high heels.

However my interest in Womanhood in all it's fantastic permutations has never wavered. Although I have grown out of interviewing random people. I did that a lot as a kid. I would sit and ask questions about someone until they shoo'd me away. I have always loved hearing the things that women generally only ever tell other women.

As I got a little older I started to think about, no obsess over what kind of woman I wanted to be.

I decided I wanted no part of the stereotypical "good girl" experience. None of it.

I wanted to fight, fuck, curse like a sailor when I wanted, do any and every little thing. Eat a lot, live life in ways that will leave me filled and satisfied.

I'm still working on it.

Not much else on my mind today.

Homo Out.


Friday, January 25, 2008

Friday Musings.

First of all let me just say that I look motherfucking fantastic today.

No really, I look like the hot casual corp goth hotness. I got my pants from Woman Within. Of course I can't find a good picture. And I am too special lately to use Flickr properly or remember that I have a damn digital camera. Anyway the construction is very nice, they are very soft and just structured enough. I can complain however about the seriously high waist band.

I am short. I have a short torso and these come up damn near to my tits so I won't be tucking anytime soon. I am also wearing a black boat net ribbed long sleeve shirt that I bought from NewPort News years ago. Very cute with this cottony tissue tattered bell sleeve. Also my long Torrid sweater coat. That was probably one of the best wardrobe investments I've made in years. It's warm enough to layer in winter, but cool enough to wear as a jacket in the Spring. It is made of win.

Oh also happy first birthday to F-Word. Also congrats to Rachel who's taking the FA to the airwaves. Read all about it here.

Also I was reading over at Shapely Prose earlier and I love the question of what are you wearing. While you're over at Shapely Prose have a looksy at the BMI Project. I think things like that are extremely important because really, how many of us can look at each other and know where we fall in the whole BMI nonsense. Some of those photos really illustrate the assitude (yes I made up that word feel free to steal it) that is the whole BMI thing.

Now back to fashion. I have some old complaints that I want to complain about again.

Given my love of skirts and all things funky sock and tight related can I just say that I still find Sock Dreams sizing explanations infuriating? Seriously if I'm going to shell out 20$ for some hot ass interesting thigh high socks I would like to know if they fit non skinny legs. I think once or twice I've spotted some thicker thighs on that website but damned if I can find them now. And I am seriously in the market here. Since pants have been obtained as has a new bra next up is legwear for spring.

By contrast we have Sock Army. Granted they don't give thigh circumference measurements but look at the big picture on this page. See the difference? Their selection might not be as varied but I do really appreciate there being more than one kind of legs shown.

I also found via Sock Dreams a link to this very kick ass looking Indie Seattle Rummage/Craft sale. I just may have to check that out.

I cannot say how over the lack of diversity even among the "outsider" type fashion people.

Now for some random blog linking.

Mainstream Obscenity.
Good stuff I like this one a lot. Also a little tip, if you're like me and like a variety of blogs use whatever feed reader you have. It makes life way easier. I really enjoy my google feed reader a lot.

Next up someone I absolutely adore. She's smart, talented, a sweetheart, totally nuts and absolutely gorgeous. Miss Sarah Katherine Lewis has finally gotten herself a brand spanking new website. Go love her too.

And you should be reading Big Gay Jim. The name says it all. I really enjoy his writing style and a lot of what he has to say.

I actually have something to rant about but I am in too good of a mood. So some widgets for you to play with.

First one another GoodReads widget. I am totally going to keep posting these until you all become my friends in my rampant nerdery.

my Goodreads shelves

And um...let's see a few more.

You can see some of the songs I really love. Listen to ones you don't know. Come on it's fun.

One more link Prunella De Ville. Loved on the name alone but very funny stuff I like it.

So that's all.

I'm spent and I need tea.

Homo Out.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Random Braining.

I finally got some sleep so I will probably be meandering all over the place today with stuff I wanted to talk about before but due to brain non-functionality (I seriously typed cuntiness) I didn't get to.

First of all let's talk about DIY clothes again.

I've talked about this before. But, really come ON now people. So I tend to go weeks without using myspace because I hate it and I get tired of the spam. So anyway I did actually log in last week and some DIY designer wanted to be my friend.

So I go look at their clothes and send them a polite email telling them they have some very nice designs but, being that I am over a size 8 they have nothing for me and I don't see the necessity of doing custom sizing over a size medium. I get back the usual whiny response that pretty much boils down to "but I don't know any fat people." Whatever. I am willing to bet that this person does know women with hips more than 34 but doesn't want to make the effort to know a different body type than her own.

Don't feed me shit I have already heard it and I am not fucking interested.

Now let's talk about underwear. For those of you who are new readers I will tell you I am fairly anti-panty when it comes to myself. I hate wearing panties and have for about 20 years. That said I do like panties, as in to look at pretty things but when it comes to wearing actual squirrel covers I generally don't

Why? Because for some reason the way my buttoxial area is shaped panties just annoy me. Whether they are creeping so far up my ass I feel like my colon is getting some cotton or, they are baggy in the ass, the waist band comes up under my tits or rolls under my stomach. Annoys my taint. Chafes my labia whatever. I just do not want.

That said I do actually enjoy and will wear plain cotton thongs. My go to place for these has been Frederick's of Hollywood for ages now. They are usually decently priced, cute and goddamn it I just love Frederick's. Of all the places I've shopped for underthings at many sizes. They have always come through where Vicky's secret has been made of fail.

Also Frederick's has always impressed me as far as sizing goes. Whether you're a 00 or a 22 you may very well find something to wake up your inner hoochie and get her shaking it or just laying around and looking hot. You can sometimes find things there up to a 5X which as lots of my femme types on the bigger end of fat will probably tell you can be such a fucking hassle.

Also um the shoes. Yes, okay I'll admit it I love hooker shoes. I don't care what anyone says. I LOVE gaudy looking crazy heeled shoes. Sue me.

One more thing about Frederick's to love if you get their catalogs regularly you can catch some fantastic sales. Just sayin.

Random bit of TMI I was reading comments somewhere or other and saw a trolltastic comment that amounted to "OMGZ TEH FATTIES DUN HAS TEH SECKS"

Um okay. If the tenderness of my loins currently is any indication I can provide proof positive that yes, some of us fatties are indeed having rocking porn star type sexing.

I'd take a picture of the hickey on my boob but, couldn't get a shot lit decently.

Pursuant to my Xpost from Fatshionista
I have decided to go with a very nice shirt from Target, pants from I don't recall where and I will be trying to make myself some of these. I've never made a shirt like that before (note to self email Vesta) and I think it would be a handy thing to have some knowledge of. So in case again i wind up finding weirdly shiny patterned flouncy things I can get me a shirt without too much hassle.

Also pertaining to wardrobe I had a total impulse buy last week. I bought this very cute vintage Liz Claiborn aline swingy type dress on Ebay and it is SO goddamn adorable. It is so adorable I cannot wait for it to warm up a little so I can rock it with either my calf high plaid boots or maybe (note to self start looking) some stompy mary janes and interesting tights and/or socks. I have decided that this year (and probably the foreseeable future is all about skirts+stompy footwear and interesting tights, socks, or bare legs.

Also I'm sad to say I just can't break up with Lip Service. I know I said all that shit about them not being into the fat ass but goddamn it I love their clothes. I've found some other if not quite plus size than more plump lady types in a Lip Service related community on LJ and i will continue to scour ebay until I find the one thing I can't resist from Lippy brand new. I am so weak.

For once my politics has not been able to sway my total love of something. To make it up to myself about that because honestly trying to shop for Lippy can be so terrible and self hatred inducing I am going to make myself get more into reconning clothings and making myself some fabulous goth pretties. Mostly because a LOT of the goth type clothing I like is super expensive and not made for a big girl. So fuck em I'll make my own and it'll be that much MORE fabulous because I made it.

To that end I have rediscovered Antimony and Lace and have all sorts of plans for making pretties.

Now some links from the Fatosphere.

Meowser wrote a nice one today over at Fat Fu go read it.

In case you don't keep up on the Fatosphere several of very talented bloggers were featured in an NYtimes piece you can see here. (Holler if you have to log in)

From that the expected has happened. Some people have been trolled, others have been found and beloved. I don't like some of the tone of the article but I expected that as well.

Via Sweetmachine over at Shapely Prose I've found links to this (nsfw..bewbies in the house) and I love it. If you don't already know I LOVE this sort of thing. Natural actual people being photographed. OMG. Love. Love. LOVE.

Which is why the Laurie Toby Edison's (again bewbies in the house nsfw) photographs mean a whole lot to me. Seeing people in their imperfect glory makes my heart glad.

Okay I think I'm done for now. Can't brain anymore I want to eat gummy bears and drink green tea.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Blogging for Choice.

I usually forget to participate in blog for (enter cause here) but I remembered today.

First of all go read about Roe V Wade here really quickly and I'll wait. No really go read.

Now look at this.

Blog for Choice Day

Okay now for my little bit of four cents here.

I have been Pro Choice since I was aware of what abortion is. Basically I believe that abortion is not an issue that needs to be legislated one way or the other honestly. Whether or not to carry a child is a decision that cannot be made for you by another person. Like so many other issues I believe that the extremes of the political arena get far too involved.

However I do see a need for abortion to be regulated. I don't want women to be using abortion as birth control nor do I want to see women dying from sepsis and other assorted dangers. I want to see women free to make their own empowered (by full knowledge of what's going on) decisions.

For myself I am not sure if I would ever have an abortion. I can't say. I've never been pregnant or had a scare. I don't particularly want to have biological children right now. So I can't say.

I don't have volumes to say on this issue. My stance isn't feminist, religious or whatever it's simply what I feel is right and just.

Whatever your opinion is on the issue, all I ask is that you not try and legislate your view as the absolute truth and help to keep women safe.

Thanks for reading.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Bitch please.

I am in such a foul mood today. I haven't been sleeping well (per usual) and humanity at large is working my last nerve.

I actually said out loud today to someone, "Negro please."

Words that I rarely if ever use. However the situated called for it.

Picture this if you will.

You see a pretty girl, holding a book up to her face apparently intently reading whatever is contained in said book.

You are a boy. You think girl is kinda hot. Do you needle her about reading a "white" sounding book? Do you do this and not expect to get told to fuck off?

I was polite enough not to tell him to fuck right off however I was not polite enough not to roll my eyes and say, "negro please" and continue reading.

Anyhow I posted this in Fatshionista and maybe one of you fantastic readers can help a girl out.

I need a plain black semi-fitted(as in not princess seamed or cut like a mens button up) button up shirt that maybe stretches a little. You would not think that is an impossible thing to ask for but I have been thwarted at every turn.

I have been so far to Macys, Ross, Torrid (Torrid and I are breaking up sadly), Hot Topic (my boobs laughed), LB, JCPenny,, and I am starting to think I will never find it.

I don't want sparklies, ruffles, lace, bell sleeves, ribbons or any other shiny fluttery crap on it.

I am wide shouldered, big boobed, short waisted. I probably need anywhere from a Torrid-ish size 12 to an average 16? 40 D type bust. Long or three quarter sleeves is disco. Hip length or a little longer is fine I can tuck it in. I don't want to pop off buttons or have to wear four layers of stuff under it so I don't have a tit falling out everywhere. I can probably spend up to about 45$ but I would prefer to spend less. However I am willing to squeeze the wallet so I can have a staple in my closet of doom.

Apparently my shopping fu for clothes that don't come from the thrift store is just broken and I am really frustrated.

Also, point me towards plain (no fancy stitching, no shiny, no sequins no butterflies, etc) black boot cut jeans/other warmish pants and I might come through your computer and hump your leg in sheer joy. 30 in inseam size 14 (or can accomdate 34" waist) i will really seriously love you forever. I can't really afford over 50$ for one pair sadly.

(x-posted to my regular blog) OH (sorry almost forgot) if you can point me at a pattern for the mythical plain black button up I could probably make one myself. But I am not an experienced pattern buyer yet so I wouldn't know what to look for. Now really thanks.

As much as I do actually like ribbons and other fluttery shit I don't want them on every item of clothing I own. I left the thread open and check out some of the fabulous suggestions.

I think...wait for it...I might actually be going to the fucking Gap sometime soon. Insanity reigns.

While we're talking clothes I believe I might be about to drop some (for me) serious cash on this Lip Service top. I think the Division LS line is very sexy and by the sizing on that bad boy I believe it might just contain the D Cups of Doom.

My problem finding a shirt like this leads me to wonder where do Fat Butches shop? Granted I'd want a slightly girly cut but, I've known many a hot butch with some tig ole bitties and hrm. Note to self email some people.

And PANTS have been found. At Old Navy of all places. I'm not entirely happy about giving them my money but i need a pair of new black jeans so bad. These are the ones I'm thinking about. I'm not entirely sure if I need a 14 or a 16. It depends on where the rise is. No way a mid rise jean will go to my natural waist. And if the rise is too low they will fit in the hips/booty and not in the "waist". Crap.

I might try the Classic rise instead although I hate jeans over my belly button.

Why am I on such a mission? Mainly because over the years I have unfortunately neglected building myself a base of good staple items. And my tastes have swung back to comfort, hotness and the absurd. So a lot of things I did have that are either worn out or just don't fit aren't fitting the bill.

Additionally the places I used to shop when I was younger I can't afford anymore (ah the joy of youth and few bills) or I can't find things I like that fit.

SO, with the assistance of Fatshionista I believe next paycheck I will be making a few purchases from the Old Navy and giving them a whirl. Not uber goth to shop there *insert eye roll here* but I don't give a shit I wanna look hot.

I also want a non tight lacing waist nipper to wear with a few skirts that I have. Those also need the black button up shirt and that would be teh hot sex.

Also really I am thinking Spring here. i am willing the warm weather to get here because my Winter Fu sucks and I don' feel like being cute when it's so fucking cold out. Then I get bummed out because I'm too miserable layering stuff and sweating under it all (because I walk everywhere I don't ride the bus to) and I feel gross and not cute.

Again, I fucking hate winter.

I also hate winter because my skin is still freaking out and I don't know what to do. It has rejected the whole baking soda cleanse every night. No really last night while I was gently removing my eye make up my skin said, "FUCK YOU AND YOUR GENTLE WASHCLOTH" and this morning I wake up to a lake of oil in spots and some peeling along my hairline.

This isn't the first time my skin has done this and won't be the last. My skin is very sensitive to weather and it does not want. So I sooth as I can and wait for weather that won't make it lash out in anger.

In other news I've been so cranky this week because my ability to sleep is again fucked like I don't even know what.

And it's making me crazier. And that is not good.

What else?

Oh let's talk make up shall we?

My Milk of Magnesia experiment was good and bad. Good it is a very nice silky primer for make ups. Bad that it wasn't entirely strong enough to defeat my skin. However, if my skin were not going bitchnuts it would probably work a lot better and bonus it didn't break me out. And it's cheap.

Verdict is, if you have moderately oily to normal skin this would probably work super well for you.

Also um baking soda daily made my skin angry or did I say that already? At any rate it did and there will be no more of that son.

So that's about it. More later unless I am up for awhile then insanity.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Found things and maybe a reintroductin.

All right i'll start off with some things that caught my eye in my Google Feed reader today.

First up via Racialicious I found the art of Kimiko Yoshida. I highly suggest you go have a look at her self portraiture. I find that incredibly inspiring.

I have a very deep love of and interest in the art of self portraiture. I believe that a photo taken of oneself has the ability to peel back something that can't always be done when someone else is holding the camera. I really love it and part of my whole want to learn how to take photographs is because of this project that's been living in my head since I was a kid. For more neat-o type photos check out the Self Portrait Live Journal Community.

Okay now for some reintroductions because some of you are new and a lot of you are cruising in.

First of all I'm Shannon. 30 years old. Human black female. When coming here you can expect sex, make up, beauty, talk about fatness, my daily life, rantings ravings and language that probably makes some people cringe.

I have few rules here. Number one being don't think you can come in and change my feelings, opinions or life by making a statement or comment.

If you want to comment I encourage it. It you wanna troll try to hurt my feelings and for the love of all things cute and fluffy spell every word right or I will ridicule you.

I like to talk about things that catch my eye. Whether it's from the Fatosphere (which I seem to have fallen out of) or anywhere else on the intertubes. Sometimes I talk about sex. I talk about boobs. I talk about porn.

I am an author however, this place is not where I showcase my mad skills. So if that's what you're expecting you can give that one up.


Let's see.

I'm not always nice. Matter of fact I'll tell you right off that people being stupid brings out the mean.

Feel free to ask questions. Lurk. Wank. Do what you like.

I think that's all as far as intros go.

Now in news of the absurd I put neon pink french tip style color on my nails last night. I am so goth it hurts. Black nails with pink tips. Or does that make me emo? I have no idea it's silly but amusing. Tonight I will be painting my toenails this violent neon pink.

What else?

Oh the jury is still out on the Milk of Magnesia as a mattifier experiment. I did notice in a few spots I must not have waited long enough for it to dry because my powder looked weirdly gummy for a quick minute. Easily fixed with a tissue but still. I am STILL ass over tea kettle in love with my MSF in Shimpagne. I used it as an eyeshadow today and the look is very nice.

Very neutral and sparkly I even put on blush although I need to practice that I haven't worn blush on the regular in years and years.

What else?

Oh clothes. Can we discuss clothes for a hot minute?

I've been really good about not buying things because of my "OH SHINY" Crow reaction to something. It's been difficult because I LOVE the OH SHINY. However. I am thinking that maybe at least one or two things merit getting bought because of my OH SHINY reaction.

My list of OH SHINY let me show you it:

This Lip Service Top. Let me admit right now I really should be breaking up with Lip Service. They are not down with the fat girls despite what they've said to the contrary. How do I know this?

After a Rah rah type "we love big asses too" response in a Lip Service community from one of their employees I have been waiting with booty aquiver for their promised greater selection of things in XL-XXL. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And fucking denied.

It seems to me that lines that are made of super stretchy materials would be the first to rock some XXL hotness. Not so. Not even the classic staple of a fishnet shirt is done in XXL. So ixnay on the Fascist Fishnet. Which is sad because that's been one of my favorite lines for fucking years.

Next up Punk N Disorderly. Another one of my fo' sheezy favorite lines. One item out of fucking like 10 is available in an XXL and good luck trying to find a vendor that stocks them. Further more of course it isn't even the ONE garment that would be amazingly easy to make in an XXL but one of their bustiers. Which by the way, big titties+big shoulders=that shit ain't gonna fit.

The XXL lass or cross dressing laddie fares a little bit better with the Gangsta Pranksta line but not much. Especially when it comes to bottoms (capri's and pants especially) the fact is those are not made for those with some ham to jam nor for the bodacious booty having. Sad. Especially because honestly, a lot of this style would look SMOKING hot on someone with any of the aforementioned fleshy bits.

DeadBeat Daggers line? Total bust. Again super stretchy material, very easy to sneak in some bigger sizing and nil.

So I'm skipping the rest of the Spring collection because frankly I'm pissed off. Over the last say fifteen years or so I have spent loads of dollars on Lip Service. And it just turns my crank to know that yeah, I'm fat and fuck me running I can't get a fucking break with these people. Oh if you want to have a look at what I'm talking about look at Redemption Klothing's catalog link here.

Also when did Lip Service stop or get so slow making stuff for Torrid? They had some hot HOT shit for Torrid and i can't find it anymore. Also Lippy for Hot Topic is a sort of meh consolation. If you're an inbetweenie like me depending on how you're put together you may or may not be able to jam your ham into HT Lippy XXL. Sometimes I can (skirts) sometimes I can't (dresses). It irritates my ham.

All that said, I still honestly fucking love a lot of their designs and it's difficult.

While we're on the subject of rocking clothes I must say that Heavy Red and I won't even start to see each other.

Back when I was quite a bit thinner I saved up money and purchased myself something or other from Heavy Red. I remember the shipping alone cost my left ovary. I recall being so amazingly disappointed. Their clothing photographs beautifully. However in person the fabric wasn't nearly as luxe as it appeared and the fit was atrocious. The fit by their measurements should've worked fine but the cut was horrific. Absolutely cut for someone tall willowy with no ass or hips.

Clearly, not me.

Now in the last few months I've been again perusing Heavy Red, their sizing has started to become more generous. And they have a few things that I just love however, I can't bring myself to pay so much for something that may be a total disappointment. I've read in quite a few goth type forums/communities that a lot of people have been disappointed with the quality of their garments. And I do not want.

I've also noticed quite a few goth online stores have added "plus" sized sections and the mark ups are insane. Or their entirely super special plus size section is two tops and a skirt. I do not approve.

Thus I have been very careful and considerate of where I spent my money.

So where is all this leading?

This is all leading me to my sewing machine. Quire simply I cannot see paying 78-80 dollars for something simply because a.) my waist is a couple of inches bigger than what's considered a L or XL. b.)Because goddamn it I am not paying 60$ for a cotton circle skirt. Prices are out of hand and I'm over it.

I know I know, but Shannon what about the OH SHINY.

I think this skirt is my OH SHINY right now. I think that is cute and I could rock that with a black tank and either my Chuck's or other shoes. Cute cute cute. yes it's a little absurd and I don't care.

I think I'm spent. It's time for tea and I think I might have to cruise the ebay for patterns and some cute tights/leggings to wear with the vintage dress I just won on the Ebay.

That's it folks.

Homo Out.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

All that glitters.

Oookay I'm talking make up today.

First of all (just for you Regina) let's discuss Milk of Magnesia and the state of my skin.

My skin is absolutely not digging this Winter and has (as I've mentioned previously) buck wild. My skin is oily like WHOA oily so I've been struggling. I have overhauled my skin care routine and it's now fabulously simple.

I use baking soda mixed with warm water to exfoliate and cleanse. I remove make up with those pre moistened towellette things. It's helping.

Now I have been on the hunt for about ten years for something that would control some of my shin, wouldn't show up chalky against my brown fabulousness, and didn't make my sensitive skin freak out. I have used all sorts of stuff to try and mattify my face to no avail.

My skin can defeat almost every matte product I've tried. So in my search I believe I ran across this tip on LCHF but I might be mistaken. I am test driving using a light layer of Milk of Magnesia (yes the stuff that makes you poop) and thus far I like. I shook the bottle and used my fingertips to apply a thin layer of liquid to my T zone and cheeks and eyelids. Not very much mind you just a little.

Initially I really liked that it did not turn chalky on drying and I noticed when I was putting my powder on it made application very smooth.

Now it is about four hours later and my skin is dewy but not shiny so far MOM gets an A++ from me.

Also I am test driving my M.A.C MSF. I got one like this. I got it from one of the Mac communities on LJ and it is so beautiful. I applied it as a bit of a highlight on my cheeks, the tip of my nose and chin. It's subtle and shimmery and gorgeous. I am officially in love.

I'm wearing very neutral shimmery make up today. I'm also test driving some of the stuff I got from Cherry Culture and as a vendor they get a HUGE A++.

I am wearing the Princessa Jumbo Eye Pencil in Copper Frost. With a simple black cat eye and lots of mascara. Light berryish lips.

I really like the color pay off of this creamy pencil. Unfortunately it's not quite as BLINGING metallic as I was searching for but it's still lovely. I really like it a lot. If I was more awake earlier I probably would've done a coppery lip as well but I dig the berry.

My lovely friend Sessa has put a bug in my ear about doing some make up tutorials and once I figure out how to get a decent make up picture (still have yet to master that) I will probably be doing that. This weekend I am going to try to do one because I have been feeling a very Ronnie Spector inspired bad girl look. If you don't get that think Amy Winehouse but less cracked out and way hotter.

And yes people I do love make up so much I save pictures of fabulous make up on my computer. I did the same thing as a kid I would cut out make up photos out of magazines and sit and try to replicate them. Starting around age 5 or so. Some of my fondest childhood memories involve me sitting in the bathroom for hours practicing lining my eyes and doing insane frosted eyeshadow then of course dressing up and having runway shows.

So yes. I do really seriously love it.

Also honestly I never follow make up trends. Because I don't give a shit what someone else likes really. I like what I like. Not that I follow trends in anything else for that matter.

Okay I think I'm about done. I've got a banging ass headache and need to make some coffee and eat something.

Later taters.

Homo Out.


Monday, January 14, 2008

Are you serious?

I have ranted many times about the importance (in my view) of sexual education.

I came across this tidbit at Feministing and wow. I can see where they are trying to go with this but, I don't believe in scare tactics. Mainly because they don't work.

At least in my experience they don't work beyond a certain threshold of burning curiosity. Really people, I'm glad you're all for reducing the rates of teenage pregnancy but showing weirdly altered photos of pregnant boys or having a website with the added bonus of the sound of a baby crying is not going to do it.

I don't know how many people I've argued with about this topic since I was a teenager.

With holding information does not help create the foundation for a healthy decisive young adult.

Granted I am actually mindful of cultural values etc however, I very strongly believe that no matter what your morals are, giving your children a strong knowledge base with which to make important decisions is of utmost importance.

Parents do yourselves and your children a favor. Give them power. Give them facts and the power to make a good decision for their own life. That is the greatest gift you can give them.


Can I just say I find it horribly sad that I totally forgot I had a Cafe Press store? I have all these tshirt designs in my harddrive at home and had no clue what I was going to do with them. Go figure.

Very strange. It sleeted/snowed here today and it was kinda pretty for a hot second then I remember oh HAY I do not want to stand around waiting for the bus in the cold mmkay.

So I'm still at work waiting for my lovely coworker to arrive so I can haul it home to do some belly dancing and probably some serious exfoliating.

Tomorrow more about milk of magnesia, a review of Cherry Culture and probably some talk about Mac Cosmetics MSF's.

Homo out.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

3 In the morning.

I'm not asleep I am sitting at my desk topless with conditioner in my hair after I did a henna treatment earlier.

I know I'm such a party girl.

I have devoted the weekend to making myself feel pretty. Next up eyebrows re getting waxed, my moustache is getting removed and I might even paint my toenails.

My skin has gone buck wild this last few weeks and I am over it. So I am stopping use of anything soap related and going to be cleansing with baking soda and moisturizing with aloe until it calms down.

OOh I also picked up a good little haul from Cherry Culture some very well priced eyeshadow, glitter liner, etc. I really love that site. They carry both low end (Nyx) and high end (Sugar cosmetics) nice layout easy to navigate. Tasty stuff.

I think I am going to pick up some Avon Mark Mattifier on Ebay as well. I really am in need of a good oil absorbing primer. Or I might try Milk of Magnesia. Actually I'll probably try that first.

I'm still on the hunt for the perfect lipstain. The Avon Mark KissInk is close but not quite it. I'm leaning towards trying out the Liptini brand stain. I've seen good solid reviews and the colors look like what I'm looking for. It's pricy but if it does what I want it to, it's absolutely worth it.

That isn't to say I am not still in love with my lip glosses. I am a lip gloss addict certifiably. I LOVE them. I have more than anyone really needs and dig em.

The stains I'm looking at I want a base to wear with my more sheer shimmery glosses or some clear gloss for big vinyl wet shine lips. I think that is teh hawt. I'm not really into matte lips so much anymore unless it's a classic blue based red lip. Or a good dark brick red.

Okay that's enough. I'm going to go remove my moustache then get in bed and drink cocoa and eat tiramasu.

Don't say my life ain't luxurious when you know it is baby.

The above a bastardized version of a Katt Williams quote.

Homo Out.

Ah yes I will link up my hair journal later on probably. Goodnight party people.

Friday, January 11, 2008


It's youtube Friday and I Officially am back in love with Miss Jackson.

Yes I'm nasty.

Her new song she is looking hot and I love the little hook by Khia.

So you can
Act bad
Don't hurt me
Look sexy
Talk dirty

Hayl to the yeah that made me shake it a little.

However I am still entirely stuck in this era of Miss Jackson.

Hayl to the yeah I love that album.

Lookit those muscles man. Hotness.How can you NOT love Miss Jackson singing about touchin herself and screwing some guy blind?

Also again if that doesn't make you wiggle your butt in your seat, your ass is broken.

Next, granted I kind of hate that anyone covered this song but it is SO much fun and the ladies look fucking fantastic.

To say I would like to chew on Mya's booty does not do it justice. That is a fantastic ass.

And Miss Pink, oh lord those thighs check it out when she's got a foot on the chair and is flexing.

And um Miss Xtina (who I read had a baby today YAY). Generally I'm not so attracted to wee tiny girls like her but, the voice and come ON man. She's gorgeous.

Also if we're talking about Miss Xtina I will say I still LOVE the Dirrty era Xtina. Work it, Own it, OWN IT BITCH. Seriously. If you are going to hooch it up own it. Goddamn it.

Again if you are not shaking it a little at your desk, your butt is broken.

That video makes me want to either mud wrestle or wear a bum flap skirt and shake it like I'm gonna break it.

Okay and now some Ladies Night cause come on now. Grab your favorite homo or grab your own boobs, stand up and shake somethin.

The live performance version is WAY better but of course I can't find it.

Now I'd like to go dancing with this lady. Seriously how much fun would that be?

Also for this next video I'm gonna say:


If you've been reading me for any amount of time you are aware that I am a booty shaking advocate.

Don't tell me you don't have a booty. If your tail bone doesn't hit the chair when you sit down, if you can reach back and squeeze a little something something, you have enough booty for shaking.

Put on music you like, I don't care what it is. Stand up, yes you right now and start it shaking. I don't care if you have no rhythm, if you're in front of a window, if you've got a big booty or hardly any booty shake what you got.

Do it until you're sweaty and can't breath and are laughing. That is what booty shaking is for.

As Mr. Bubba Sparxx says, "booty booty booty rockin everywhere."

Homo Out.


Thursday, January 10, 2008

Booty Booty Booty Rockin everywhere.

So I've been dragging my feet about watching that show How to Look Good Naked.

So last night I went to the Lifetime website and watched it. I was pleasantly surprised, glad and also a little amused in a macabre kind of way.

The macabre first. So I see the blurbs about the show which if you havne't watched it breaks down like this. Girl with low self esteem gets hot gay boyfriend for a week, make up, panties, bras, naked, tears, OH MY GOD type squeeing and then naked. What I found entirely too amusing was that buffering the first segment was an advert for some cream of some sort that promises to "give you back what you've lost". Yes, I always notice that sort of thing.

So the show itself was lovely. It reminded me very much of my first Gay Boyfriend experience, with less cursing and boob groping and more running around half naked at Lane Bryant. Very cute.

There is a way to get to the rah rah OMG I"M FUCKING HOT feeling without Lifetime or TV channels. Find yourself a titty loving gay man. I'm serious.

There is something to be said for being around someone who thinks you are the hot motherfucking sex who does not actually want to fuck you. Alternately hang out with some drag queens like Peggy Hill did on one of my favorite episodes of King of the Hill.

The fact is my fine friends, once you take the idea of being desired out of the equation for a little while I can almost promise you, it's far easier to see your own beauty and start to understand it.

Story time.

Picture wee young Shannon who is feeling like the ginormo weirdo in her circle of friends. I believe I was maybe 19-20 or so. At the time I wasn't that fat but, compared to the lovelies I hung out with I was fat like whoa. So instead of hanging out with them one day I wandered up to Capital Hill to sit and drink coffee and scribble away in one of my notebooks like the angst filled little budding poet I was.

That day (I am really amazed I remember it this clearly) I wore my favorite giant pair of jeans that were the most butter soft denim that has ever had the pleasure of rubbing against my ass, slung low on the hips with my super veggie leather punk rock pyramid belt, and a cream colored mens dress shirt with only like two buttons right in front of the boobies buttoned.

I remember it wasn't until I got off the bus downtown that I thought about what I had on and had that moment of, OH NO they are ALL STARING AT MY FAT STOMACH! I almost went right home but decided to go ahead and have my coffee.

Fortunately I was too antsy to sit and scribble so I walked up Broadway for quite a ways, until I bumped into a very gorgeous man who held me at arms length and said, "You are so gorgeous. Let's go play dress up." Seriously. After I just sort of stared at him for a minute he explained that he did drag and had an apartment FULL of fabulous clothes and he knew he had something that I would look killer in.

So arm in arm we skipped (not really that would just be TOO gay)back to his place after picking up some food and I spent all night and part of the next morning there. We played with make up and wigs. He touched my boobs, I did his hair, he poured me into this fantastic latex dress.

It was essentially How To Look Good Naked except way faster, much gayer, and no fashion tips. Just plain fun.

By the time I left I felt like I got it finally.

While I was on the Lifetime there I tried to watch another make over show where, each segment was abutted by ads for some diet thing or another. It wasn't WW but still. Love yourself the way you are, but lose weight and use this cream to look fourteen years younger. You know the drill.

So like with every other thing that claims the RAH RAH LOVE YOURSELF YEAH!-type credo there is that grain of salt. However these days instead of getting insanely pissed off as I did as a youngster now I just sort of shake my head.

Also in other news I had a very tasty Lean Cuisine meal last night. We get those on occasion when they are on sale at Grocery outlet and I was highly skeptical about it but it was tasty. Not as fancy as they imply but tasty and filling.

I also found this lovely photography via Feministing today. Verra nice.

Speaking of photography go look at Laurie's work. I really -really- love it. IN a way I can't even explain. Just go admire. Also why just there did I totally have a pang of, "Oh nooooez I'm name dropping?" Anyway just go look.

I also really need to stop dropping rice crackers into my mouth and eat some real food. I'm not in the mood for an actual meal despite the fact that I'm hungry. I want appetizers.

I think that's about it folks.

Homo Out.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Amused and yet not so much.

I check my stats (as in web stats) every few days or so and it amazes and amuses me how many people put in odd random porny searches and get me.

I assume that means I talk about boobs too much and drop the F Bomb way too often.

It also makes me giggle.

However there are lots of things that annoy me today. Including blurbs for Ricki Lake's documentary about birth "The Business Of Being Born."

Vogue-"Entertaining and at times chillingly informative."

One of those things I am really over is the fact that birth is now "gory" and "graphic" when shown in any realistic sort of manner.

Are you shitting me? Why is it that something every single one of us fuckers walking the face of the Earth has been through in either the pushing out, or squirming out kind of way still regarded as this horrifying terrible thing? People need to stop. Also (yes this is about to be offensive) if I hear ONE more person go on and on about their phobia around birth or see people squirm and ewwwwwwwwwww when it's mentioned I am going to give them the finger. Like so:

Why? Because stop fronting people. Women have been giving birth since the first one of us stood up on two legs and pissed on a rock. Granted yes, everyone has a phobia but come ON now. This is ridiculous.

And I will say, I too think Ricki Lake's Coochie is awesome.

So is mine. Even though there have been no human heads in there to show her to her full potential.

And before anyone asks yes I have in fact seen a baby crowning live and up close, as in close enough to touch said baby's head. And it was MOTHER FUCKING AWESOME! Yes yelling was absolutely necessary there.

I am so cranky today. Even listening to lovely classical Chinese music is not easing the GRR.

Actually let me back up on the cranky.

Can I just say right now that super googling at work makes me kind of squee a little? I am such a freaking nerd. But I like digging up problems on teh intertubes.

It's not offically part of my job but it's one of those things I like to do. Matter of fact I don't have to do half the silly researching I do but I enjoy it.

Also my new boots arrived. To review I got myself a pair of Scene-100 Demonia boots and here's what they look like:

The fit is very nice. Being that they are unisex sizing (as with most Demonia boots)
the calf is far roomier than the other pair of boots I bought from them. They are also fabric as opposed to pleather so there is way more give.

The foot bed seems to run a tad on the small side so if you are closer to a half size or on the higher side of a half size order the next one up.

They are very cute and I will maybe post a photo of me actually wearing them tomorrow.

What else?

Not much actually. I think I need to update my hair blog sometime soon with some new ideas/mishaps. Um.

WOW people my brain is on permanent DUH.

So yeah. more tomorrow. Also probably Sunday/Saturday expect a pants rant because I am again in need of new pants and the shopping for of the pants is making me stabby.

That's all.

Homo Out.

PS why is Blogger being such a jackass? I have edited this bitch three times and none of them have stuck. I r not amused.


Monday, January 07, 2008

Interestingly enough...

Post #2 of the new year hot damn.

Welcome Regina *wave* I still have not yet figured out if one can actually respond to individual comments using blogger software. Ugh.

So first of all I've been reading the feed for Racilicious and you should too it's good stuff. I was even moved to comment today. I won't tell you on which post you'll just have to go read until you find it.

Since I'm in the spirit of new year=new things I want to talk about stuff that's going on.

In utmost important news I am learning to give myself braids and this is FANTASTIC. I got myself the Braids By Breslin 4 in 1 DVD and am focusing on giving myself microbraids. I am super excited about this because I've always wanted to learn to do that properly for myself and, I will be saving money. I plan on trying for my first full head braidathon later in the month.

Also later in the month I FINALLY get new glasses. Hallelujah. I know sometimes the spelling here is absolutely horrible. Most of that is due to my equally if not worse vision. I have incredibly poor eyesight and just didn't have the money for new eyeballs. However I now have both the loot and the appointment so YAY.

So that will improve the spelling issues. Unfortunately sometimes I just can't see the errors.

What else?

AH yeah so for years I have loved the art of the self portrait. What I love even more are those very intimate macro type shots. Since I now posess a digi cam, I have been thinking I may put together a book/website/thing of those type of shots with essays to go with them. To that end I am going to need to purchase some full length mirrors, a tripod. Probably some fabricy type things to give myself a nice background when I want one.

What else?

OH I have decided to go easier on myself with the belly dancing. I have a problem expecting way too much from myself then getting discouraged or hurting myself. I am biting the bullet and am going to buy myself some better exercise wear this paycheck and start all over again. I am also going to stop trying to make myself do yoga. I can admit defeat. I am not going to like it. That's all. And that's ok.

I also think I am going to slack on buying any fitted type clothes. At least until I find stuff I actually like.

Bloody hell I am a tired little fucker. However the make up today is fabulous. Mac pigments fun. Except for the fall out around my left eye not so cute.

Okay I'm about done.

Homo Out.


Thursday, January 03, 2008

New Year

This year I am not making resolutions. Instead I am making indulgences.

the act or practice of indulging; gratification of desire.

2007 was a difficult one for me on a lot of levels and frankly I'm fucking over it. So my list of Indulgences.

1.) I will at least three times a week spend an extra .50 cents and go to the coffee shop where I am not only a regular but, where the coffee is fucking superb. Where my splash of cream isn't in the coffee because the coffee tastes like burnt ass instead so I can take big long drinks and not burn my uvula.

2.) I will Indulge in what some may consider "questionable" fashion if I wanna. Which means I will wear my petticoats, glittery make up and ass stomping hot boots if I wanna. When I wanna. Barring shitty weather. Yes if anyone wonders I do in fact realize I'm over 30. Which is exactly why I will wear whatever the fuck I feel like wearing and stop shopping places where I hate the clothes.

3.) I will open and sniff some of the BPAL Imps a very nice lady sent me when she shipped my purchase from her. She sent a ton of Imps even though I'd only bought like four and I haven't even sniffed a quarter of them yet.

4.) I will learn more sewing techniques and how to. I will make more of my wardrobe this year if it makes my fingers bleed.

5.) I am not going to suffer things I do not want. Insert Do. Not. Want cat macro here.

6.) Probably most importantly I'm going to fucking enjoy myself. Seriously. 07 was entirely too goddamn serious. Also if that means I have to let out some of the crazy I will let out the crazy. Srsly.

I do have plans for this year. I'm going to stop trying to force myself to like doing yoga because that's what all the cool kids are doing. There I said it. I am the one person out of a billion who fucking hates doing yoga. I like being more flexible however the whole yoga thing, I'm just not into it.

I'm far more into a wee set of stretches then I'm good.

Also back and knees permitting I want to dance more.

As much of a geek as I am I still haven't entirely figured out my camera yet. I think since I'm working overtime on Saturday I might just bring my camera and screw around with it until I figure it out entirely.

Also I think I might actually be ready to finish editing my poetry book and get it out. I've been waffling about this for a year because I don't want to be shunted into that league of douchebags who self publish their shit and then well, it's still shit.

Anything else?

I think I am going to have to let go of my love for a few particular uber goth clothing labels. They are not fat friendly and no matter how many emails I send they won't become fat friendly and that makes me sad.

Okay enough of this entry it's been sitting here for three days. Thus I will backdate it and post a new one later.

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