Thursday, January 10, 2008

Booty Booty Booty Rockin everywhere.

So I've been dragging my feet about watching that show How to Look Good Naked.

So last night I went to the Lifetime website and watched it. I was pleasantly surprised, glad and also a little amused in a macabre kind of way.

The macabre first. So I see the blurbs about the show which if you havne't watched it breaks down like this. Girl with low self esteem gets hot gay boyfriend for a week, make up, panties, bras, naked, tears, OH MY GOD type squeeing and then naked. What I found entirely too amusing was that buffering the first segment was an advert for some cream of some sort that promises to "give you back what you've lost". Yes, I always notice that sort of thing.

So the show itself was lovely. It reminded me very much of my first Gay Boyfriend experience, with less cursing and boob groping and more running around half naked at Lane Bryant. Very cute.

There is a way to get to the rah rah OMG I"M FUCKING HOT feeling without Lifetime or TV channels. Find yourself a titty loving gay man. I'm serious.

There is something to be said for being around someone who thinks you are the hot motherfucking sex who does not actually want to fuck you. Alternately hang out with some drag queens like Peggy Hill did on one of my favorite episodes of King of the Hill.

The fact is my fine friends, once you take the idea of being desired out of the equation for a little while I can almost promise you, it's far easier to see your own beauty and start to understand it.

Story time.

Picture wee young Shannon who is feeling like the ginormo weirdo in her circle of friends. I believe I was maybe 19-20 or so. At the time I wasn't that fat but, compared to the lovelies I hung out with I was fat like whoa. So instead of hanging out with them one day I wandered up to Capital Hill to sit and drink coffee and scribble away in one of my notebooks like the angst filled little budding poet I was.

That day (I am really amazed I remember it this clearly) I wore my favorite giant pair of jeans that were the most butter soft denim that has ever had the pleasure of rubbing against my ass, slung low on the hips with my super veggie leather punk rock pyramid belt, and a cream colored mens dress shirt with only like two buttons right in front of the boobies buttoned.

I remember it wasn't until I got off the bus downtown that I thought about what I had on and had that moment of, OH NO they are ALL STARING AT MY FAT STOMACH! I almost went right home but decided to go ahead and have my coffee.

Fortunately I was too antsy to sit and scribble so I walked up Broadway for quite a ways, until I bumped into a very gorgeous man who held me at arms length and said, "You are so gorgeous. Let's go play dress up." Seriously. After I just sort of stared at him for a minute he explained that he did drag and had an apartment FULL of fabulous clothes and he knew he had something that I would look killer in.

So arm in arm we skipped (not really that would just be TOO gay)back to his place after picking up some food and I spent all night and part of the next morning there. We played with make up and wigs. He touched my boobs, I did his hair, he poured me into this fantastic latex dress.

It was essentially How To Look Good Naked except way faster, much gayer, and no fashion tips. Just plain fun.

By the time I left I felt like I got it finally.

While I was on the Lifetime there I tried to watch another make over show where, each segment was abutted by ads for some diet thing or another. It wasn't WW but still. Love yourself the way you are, but lose weight and use this cream to look fourteen years younger. You know the drill.

So like with every other thing that claims the RAH RAH LOVE YOURSELF YEAH!-type credo there is that grain of salt. However these days instead of getting insanely pissed off as I did as a youngster now I just sort of shake my head.

Also in other news I had a very tasty Lean Cuisine meal last night. We get those on occasion when they are on sale at Grocery outlet and I was highly skeptical about it but it was tasty. Not as fancy as they imply but tasty and filling.

I also found this lovely photography via Feministing today. Verra nice.

Speaking of photography go look at Laurie's work. I really -really- love it. IN a way I can't even explain. Just go admire. Also why just there did I totally have a pang of, "Oh nooooez I'm name dropping?" Anyway just go look.

I also really need to stop dropping rice crackers into my mouth and eat some real food. I'm not in the mood for an actual meal despite the fact that I'm hungry. I want appetizers.

I think that's about it folks.

Homo Out.

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