Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Astonishing.

I found a link via BigLiberty on the Fatosphere feed and wow.

Fat Hate.

I read through a lot of them and have a few reflections.

First of all I saw a lot of irrational and frankly absurd. After looking around at a bit of the rest of that website I get it. You go, you rant anonymously I would think you feel better about whatever it was pissing you off in the first place. What's missing there is the mirror. What's that saying about hating in others what we loathe in ourselves?

Being that I am not extremely fat, nor am I even very fat as far as fatness goes I have experienced people being more direct with me about weight. Some of what I've heard:

Me: I think I've gained a few pounds. (Mostly an observation going on the fit of what I was wearing)

Other Person: Well if you'd just....*insert lengthy sermon about eating "power foods", "the color diet", "Slimfast", yadda yadda.*

Me: Um thanks for the info but I'm not actually trying to lose weight.

Other Person: But, you've gained weight and you're fat now. Almost- (this part was fantastic) really fat.

For the record at the time I was wearing a pair of size 5 pants that felt kind of snug in the "I am BLOAAAAAAAAAAAAATED" kind of way. No, I'm serious.

More recently I have gotten a lot of "tips" from people. Some I wasn't offended, they were just trying to be nice. Others not so much.

Frankly at this point I can't say I give two shits.

So fuck em.

In other news. I've seen a lot about Intuitive Eating on the Fatosphere lately. TR did a very nice primer post about it.

Personally I have been familiar with the concept for years but not in the it has an official name kind of way. And really unfortunately like so many other health related pains I am a little conflicted.

To me (and yes I am biased) Intuitive Eating is something that sounds amazingly fabulous if you are not poor. Or really poor. If you are poor, or really poor it really really REALLY fucking sucks.

Why would it suck? Easy.

Say you are trying very hard to use your Intuitive Eating know how and you have, chicken, creamy chicken and beef ramen, a tablespoon of PB, some crusty mayo, some maybe still okay to eat if you close your eyes and pretend bread, some unidentifiable packages in the freezer that may or may not be actual food and for fun you've got some of those condiment packets because when you're poor enough (I KNOW some of you have been here and crammed as many of those as you could into pockets and purses) and what you really really want is an apple, some nice sharp chedder that doesn't come in a can or something. So you are listening to your body, fantastic. However you have 20$ to your name, payday is 6 days away and you need the following.

Tampons
Bum wipe
Bus Fare

Not much right? Actually no. Let's say bus fare adds up to 2.50 a day and you are working the next five days. That is 12.50$. Still with me?

Generic dollar store tampons (You get two boxes of Super because face it, a lot of the time dollar store tampons don't get the job done right and you're bleeding already) 2$.

Up to 14.50$.

And bum wipe. Being that you're bleeding you're probably going to use a little more TP than usual so you get four rolls at a quarter each so that's another dollar.

15.50$

I don't know about you but I would not use my remaining 4.50$ for apples, cheese or anything. Because shit happens doesn't it? Especially when it's that close to payday and you're already kind of broke.

What's the point here? Fact is I've been there. In that almost exact situation but what I wanted at the time was some good crusty bread. No really. However good crusty bread and realizing that want, and fulfilling it just can't always happen.

I'm not that poor anymore but it's close enough that I remember. And you know what? It really fucking sucks. It also really sucks when you get sucked into (whether you mean to or not) the whole idea that your food choices are somehow moral choices as well.

Granted most of us realize rationally that no, eating junk food or cheap processed food does not make you a bad person. However it can be really difficult to feel that emotionally. Especially when you're constantly bombarded with messages to the contrary.

It hurts. Quite simply it fucking blows.

I recall being poor enough that I was not able to afford even tinned veg and fruit, so on the suggestion of others I started trying to volunteer at co-ops. That was such a big waste of my time. Not only was I rarely if ever contacted back despite my best efforts, when I was contacted I made it clear I wanted to volunteer out of sheer need. I wanted to volunteer so I could have some tasty organic greens, or some pears or fuck sake some fucking grapes on occasion. I got quite the run around.

Eventually I gave up and when I found tinned fruit at the dollar store I'd buy one close my eyes and pretend.

It's sad no?

My other problem with Intuitive Eating right now is that my body plays dirty tricks. Very horrible dirty tricks. My body screams and wails for milk. MILK MILK MILK GIMME MILK OFMG I'M GONNA DIE IF I DON'T GET MILK GET ME MILK I WANT MILK MILK MILK...

By that point I am usually close to tears because I really do want a glass of milk. A pint of cold delicious milk. So I try soy milk. Body says: FAIL DIS IS NOT MILK!

I pout. I groan. Occasionally I give in and have the coveted tasty cold pint o moo.

Then, the The Apocalypse of Gastric Distress happens and I suffer for days.

There are other foods that I crave down to my bones but can't have. And then I get sad. I won't say I can help that because I don't know if I can. But yeah it's a tough thing for me.

In other food related news I have discovered or rather rediscovered a love of odd snacks from Asia. There are lots of small Asian markets around our house and I've been exploring.

Photos possibly at a later date and now I'm spent.

Homo Out.

PS...
How is it that my life has some sort of insanity start quarterly? WTF is that all the fuck about? Srsly. Want not so much rly.

PSS..
I probably won't be any less vague than that.

PPS..
Actually several good things did happen today (I totally started this yesterday) A man drove across a street to tell me he thinks my outfit is beautiful and when I smiled he said I got the smile to match. He was cute and charming then he drove down the alley.

Also (I will probably post this later) I've started doing Spring wants collages on Polyvore. You may or may not be shocked and there may or may not be skinny jeans involved. Be afraid..be very very afraid.

Homo Really out.
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4 comments:

The Rotund said...

Intuitive Eating - like just about every other healthy endeavor in America - is impossible or nigh unto for the really poor and even the regular poor.

And if you buy into the moral quandry of organics, it isn't even something the moderately middle class can afford.

Which absolutely sucks ass. I am not so far away from poor that I don't recall my grocery budget and list being an endless succession of store brand Totinos Party Pizzas and the like.

I wish I had something different to say about this - I wish there were some way it WERE an affordable option for poor folks.

But I don't think that is a failure of the concept of Intuitive Eating so much as a failure of our country.

And I hear you on the Gastrointestinal Distress thing, hells yeah. That is when I have to stop and analyze WHAT is in those foods I am craving. I put up with some very interesting times in the bathroom for a week before I realized my INSANE NEED for chocolate and cheese was me needing more calcium like whoa.

Nudiemuse said...

Exactly TR. I do really love the idea and concept of Intuitive eating but that sting is still pretty close to the fore for me. And I always get frothy when it comes to class/trying to do things that are nearly fucking impossible.

Okay now I blame you for this but have you had chocolate cheese? So. Freaking. Tasty. It is almost worth the gastric distress of doom.

The Rotund said...

I understand the class froth - and I am glad you brought it up. I'm putting together a Part 2 of the primer and I want to acknowledge the more difficult aspects of the whole thing - the issue of cost and the massaging you have to do to eat intuitively with a partner. That sort of thing. And the ever so lovely "Will eating intuitively help me lose weight?" *snort* Oh, the comments I don't approve!

Ahem.

CHOCOLATE CHEESE?

I have NOT tried this and my life seems somehow incomplete....

Nudiemuse said...

http://www.frankenmuthcheesehaus.com/fch/home.nsf/public/chocolate_flavored_cheeses.htm

Like that and it is absolutely worth the gastric distress.

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