Thursday, March 20, 2008

Words and things.

There is a post over at Fatshionista that has me thinking quite a bit. The comment I started turned way too TL;DR so I'll post here.

Quite honestly I see the discussion at the base (again) as the long ongoing one that has been swimming in FA for years on many fronts, who is fat enough and if you're not that fat what is your place and do you have one. I am so tired of this argument.

First let me say that yes, it is a good thing to acknowledge privilege. However, I think that drilling it into people and then just sort of saying well there, you're privileged now you know is a little like pointing out someone has "a little something" but not offering what it is or what to do. As in picture this, you're talking to someone and they keep staring, brow raised. You don't know if it's what you're saying, if you have a booger, if you have spinach in your teeth, if someone is standing over your shoulder making faces or what. That's the feeling I get anyway.

At some point if you're going to take issue with who says what and how, especially in a community like Fatshionista where the posting is moderated (which for you non-LJ users means that before your post goes public there are people who read it over and decide whether or not to post it) shouldn't the issue be taken up with the people in charge? Or if you're going to take issue with what and how people are saying things, I think it's not entirely productive to say, "I have issues" and offer no alternatives or reasons beyond well cause I said so.

Also in case you're a member of Fats and you're reading this is not a let's complain about Fats thing it's not.

This sort of thing is why I'm still not willing to post outfits or pictures. Being that there are size parameters (something that I've commented on there before) for picture posting I do take issue with it. The rule (I believe) is you have to be at least a size 12.

Is that a Torrid size 12? A Womans size 12? A petite size 12? A designer size 12? A Juniors size 12? A trendy store size 12? A vintage size 12? You see where I'm going here.

Personally after reading all the comments on that entry I'm right back to the state I was in the other day (this entry). The actuality of my physical body doesn't conform to the rules (spoken and unspoken) at Fats, nor to any other rules. If I lost 15 pounds I would be on the big end of straight sizes, which would yes be nifty. If I gained 15 pounds I would be nice and snug in plus sizes and that would be nifty too.

I don't even want to start any Oppression Olympic type wank at all. I don't feel oppressed I am just not excited. I am not excited about the fact that a community I joined because I a.) love clothing b.) love seeing a diverse range of style (an issue I'll address shortly) c.) love discourse has become a place where I feel (though it's rarely if ever specifically stated) that I shouldn't fully participate because my presence is questionable because of my size and the fact that sometimes I can jam my ham into straight sized clothing really sucks.

What makes me uncomfortable (and very sad) is the constant idea that if you're not as fat, your presence and photo is somehow not good for other fat people is disheartening. I also find it disheartening that any fat womans presence there is questioned. If you are able to shop at certain stores should you not participate because it might bother someone else?

Should you not participate if you're not in the habit of checking for sizes beyond your own experience?

At the end of this I am thinking I will probably (again) slow down/possibly cease participating there. For several reasons. I don't want to (and yes I am fully aware these are my issues) spend my time trying to decide whether or not I'm alienating my fatter homies. I think about that because it's not my intention and really a lot of the time I just don't remember other than what I was trying to accomplish.

I do try to be inclusive on the chance I do post there. I try to be so here too but it does slip my mind sometimes. Although I do think that, that sort of thing is going to be an issue no matter what. From other specific type forums and communities I've been on when something does not pertain to someone, and does not pertain to them frequently people tend to feel hurt, excluded etc. It's human nature.

I've done it too. However I do think that complaining about it is again, not productive. If you want to feel included and welcome you have to pout yourself in that situation. Someplace like Fats that probably could mean anything from commenting on what you want to see more of, posting photos etc. As I've told myself repeatedly, if you want to be represented, represent yourself.

Easier said than done of course but it's a valid solution I think.

So my solution for my own sanity will probably consist of my own fotki stream (once I make myself remember daily that I own a goddamn camera) and keeping my fat related discussions here.

Okay I'm done.

Next topic if you are into some crotch tingling type stories, I highly advise subscribing to the Hips and Curves (lingerie store for plus sized folks) newsletter. I always enjoy the stories and I love seeing actual plus sized models in lingerie made for you guessed it, plus sized people. A really -really- long time ago I ordered some thigh high stockings from them that were on sale and they fit so well. My ham was not pinched or otherwise jammed into them like sausage casings. And bonus they had a seam up the back and cuban style heels. Fabulous.

What else?

OH I am seriously making a shout out to Meowser who has been made of absolute WIN this week. Pardon me while I wax poetic here for a minute.

I think from the way she writes that Meowser and I could be homies. Just saying I would totally buy her ice cream and pie.

Her entry on the mental health aspect of HAES is fabulous. While you're over there read the follow up too. Read it and love it.

Speaking of fabulous ladies Sarah Katherine Lewis posted a lovely interview yesterday.

Speaking of ladies I love Margaret Cho is coming in May and holy wow I cannot afford to go. I calculated crappy seats and it was well over 100$, that doesn't count transportation, most likely the need for a taxi afterwards and/or any sort of other enjoyment. I am a sad panda.

I was going to talk about some stuff related to yesterdays entry but I think I'll do that tomorrow. Right now I am going to go look at summer dresses so I can stop driving poor Uniballer to eye rolling with my obsession for cute summer dresses.

Homo Out.
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