Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Holy crap it's been a weird day at work.

Also the instant I woke up this morning my allergies were like, "OH HAY BITCH CHECK US OUT..." and then there was lots of snot and itching and whatnot so the Aromaleigh review is being pushed back until the weekend. I actually had to stop in the middle of running errands to go into Bartells to buy a single Claritan.

And I'm serious talked out so let's talk about clothes.

Despite my um...reservations I went ahead and made my first OOTD (outfit of the day) post at Fatshionista and I feel fine. I don't feel at all weird or like I'm inadvertently freaking other people out. I left it unfriendslocked. I'm hoping if I get snarked someone will tell me so I can go giggle. Or at least email me screencaps.

I don't mind being snarked because I dress funny sometimes.

In fact my outfit today baffled some people on my way to work. I will have Uniballer take a picture when I get home.

I am wearing my black and red tube socks of win (and of course my socks are pulled all the way up to my chubby lil knees because that's how I roll, I am firmly anti sock scrunching), a just knee length stretchy straight velvet skirt, my thin black hoody, black pin tucked shirt underneath. Neon but ruined make up. This outfit reminds me why I need a fucking plain black twill or similar material pencil skirt and that I will probably have to buy one full price from Torrid.

Okay so let's talk about socks. My calves though a little wee big for a lot of boots are not too big for most knee high socks. And okay, I fucking love socks. Socks fucking rule.


My socks don't have to be fancy. However they do have to be tall. As often as I wear boots it's almost requisite that they reach my knees.

I really should have worn tights too. Goddamn it's windy out.

Anyway back to socks. Yes I am that frigging nerdy. And I am jonesing for new fancy socks. I am very into argyle, skulls and oddly (or not if you know me) glitter.

I am horribly fond of these broken bone socks. Also these Misfit branded monstrosities of overpricedness.


Sorry I had to shout but OMFG WANT. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT.

Someone please slap me before I buy these.

Oh holy WOW those are fucking adorable. I got all sidetracked.

Okay fair warning if you go to HowCool and you like funky shoes do not blame me when your wallet starts screaming in mercy. Actually I think it's really cool that they are still around. I remember when all they sold was stripper shoes, weird goth shoes and stripper outfits. They have tons of stuff there. I won't vouch for any plus size friendly anything because I haven't looked.

While I'm busy squee'ing I have to say that my giant purse that I call the TARDIS is probably going to be retired for the summer. That means purse shopping. Which can be frightening given Uniballer's serious hatred of animal print and my love of weird and tacky purses.

I know I'm kind of random right now.

And I totally forgot I even started this.

I got distracted by shiny things (nsfw exactly) like this skirt. That seller also has it in pink but that one doesn't really do it for me.

Actually I'm done for now. My brain is misfiring all over the place and if I keep trying to sound coherent I'll probably stroke out.

Homo Out.


Monday, April 28, 2008

Those wacky racists man.

Okay I've been fairly serious lately and I'm a little over it.

So some funny stories about racism as it has happened to and around me.


Picture this. I am with this dude who is enormous, white, seriously tattooed and essentially looks like he eats glass. He was a friend of mine from the UK and whenever he passed through town on one of his adventures, we would have ourselves a good visit. So he and I went to a Denny's/Shari's/shitty diner type place. I believe it was a Shari's here in WA. So we go and get seated in the smoking section and start catching up with each other.

In walks equally giant dude with what looks like lots of Rebel Flag related paraphernalia about his person. Now contrary to what some people might think the sight of that particular image isn't one that will send me into an instant froth of rage. Anytime I'm met with "The South Will Rise Again" type rhetoric I will laugh in the persons face. Yeah, a.) not an issue b.) are you fucking serious? So yeah that bit didn't make me pee myself in righteous wrath, we giggled a little and kept on talking.

So my friend goes to the mens room and the Rebel Flag wearing, heavily inked guy is in there and speaks very loudly about race traitors, the mud people, what have you. My friend comes back looking really fucking confused. And big and bad as my friend looked he was quite adorable when he got that perplexed 6 year old expression on his face. A classic disapproving bunny kind of look. (also note here, random flickr is AWESOME). So I give my friend a quick explanation of the red neck, blowhard variety of racist and he snorts and replies, (I will seriously never forget this)

"Like a fuckin' skinhead with bad hair? Fuckin silly twat."

You have to imagine that said in a basso profundo very Cockney accent.

I was fine until he called the guy a twat then I got the giggles. There is something about a British accent and the words, twat, tit, tart etc that give me giggles on a massive and horrendous giggles. Like can't breath please say it again but don't say it again or I will wet myself kind of way.

So there I am snorting in laughter and Mr. Redneck blowhard starts in talking to the (I am quite certain) hard of hearing old man next to him at the counter. Old man doesn't say a word or even acknowledge him. So he's ranting away about the stupidness of the evil Mud People of doom and the shame of the British (my friend) and their race trading.

Then I swear to fluffy bunnies the dude turned around and just stared at us.

I have a certain personality flaw that makes me laugh at people. Not in a nice way but in a mean yes I am totally laughing at your stupid ass kind of way. I will dissolve in giggles and snortings. Which is exactly what I did. My friend wasn't laughing, it was just me.

Mr. Blowhard got really pissed and got that red faced look of rage because I was still laughing. Everytime I turned to look at him it started all over again. When I laugh that hard I make "eeeeee" noises, I might fart and I might fall on the floor. I finally got enough breath to point to his meaty forearm and say,

"Dude, White Pride has an E on the end man. That's spelled wrong"

At which point everyone in the immediate vicinity started laughing. Mr. Blowhard left in a huff probably to kick the shit out of some back alley tattooist.

I've said before that I will laugh in your face if I think you're stupid. It's kind of a fucked up mean thing to do but sometimes I really can't help myself. I'm actually kind of surprised I've never been beaten up or had my ass whooped. Although I think it surprises people enough that it kind of takes the wind out of their sails. Also quick tip, when someone is freaking out on you a dead stare does wonders. Then when they're finished say dead pan (bonus points for a cocked eyebrow) "feel better now?"

It's mean but it works.


My friends and I went to a show at the Showbox here in Seattle. I think it was Pretty Girls Make Graves, or maybe Voodoo Glow Skulls. I think it was the latter. So we're having a good time, drinking beer, dancing and I notice a kind of cute boy hovering around the edges of our wee group. As one of my friends pointed out he seemed kind of fixated on me.

After awhile we got kind of skeeved so we took off and as we were walking down First Avenue South in downtown another friend notices boy is following us. I am not the sort of lady to keep quiet if someone is bothering me so I turned around and asked him what he wanted.

He got this terrible stricken look on his face and I instantly felt bad but then he started blabbering (no really blabbering like on the verge of tears blabbering) about how he'd been in some neo-nazi youth thing when he was younger and how it'd been so terribly fucked up and then he apologized to me.

I was frankly shell shocked and just sort of stared at him for a little while but then I gave him a hug and invited him out with us for more beers. He turned out to be a really nice guy albeit a little over eager to repent his evil ways. But a sweet kid.

I've had some friends and family members be very alarmed at my ability to forgive reformed or trying to reform racists. Especially ones who have been members of whatever supremacy groups. It's actually not all that difficult because I understand how those things work.

You take a disenfranchised person, someone who feels like they have nothing and are nothing and you make them feel important. You make them feel loved, you give them responsibilities, you give them purpose. You give them someone to look at and say, "You did this to me" and if the person was beat enough at the outset you get one good goddamn soldier.

Any large group of people do it. Activists do it, religions do it, political groups do it. They all have a lot in common. There is the idea that their ideology is the best, that their ideology will be or is the saviour of the rest of us poor fuckers. Don't delude yourself into thinking that only wingnut rednecks get sucked in because that's not true.

Now someone might intervene. Deprogram people as it were. But the point is in order to best a foe you have to know them. You have to make yourself sit in their seat, understand what they are saying and why or you'll be at it forever and making no progress.

In that same vein I think it's vitally important to learn the skill of seeing through another persons eyes and into their experience. If that means reading a book by someone entirely different from you, do it. Until you can accept and really see that our experiences as human beings are as varied as our fingerprints, and learn that negating that experience can potentially be the most divisive thing in the world, I don't think human beings are going to get anywhere.

I personally (and have since childhood) make a serious effort to understand things that are out of my sphere of knowledge. Whether that means talking to someone in the religious right, or if that means asking a nice Muslimah about her life, or if that means taking in information I find repugnant I will do it. For my life to proceed I need knowledge, and knowledge doesn't just come from my surface impressions of anything.

Okay yeah I went serious anyway. Couldn't help it.

I'm in a mood today.

My main point here is that open communication between people I believe could actually solve a shitload of our problems as humans. If we learn the ability to apologize and mean it, if we learn how to listen without inserting our own anxieties into the conversation, if we learn to stop being such self righteous ego maniacs, maybe we're not all as fucked as it might seem.

Later on today a review of AromaLeigh (I think I'm in lurve) and PixiePotions tasty home made perfume in Tupelo Honey.

Also I just edited this bitch twice because I can't spell or make a proper link apparently.
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Friday, April 25, 2008

Today I turn in my rusty badge.

I know I made mention of speaking on feminism earlier this week and I think today is it.

If feminism was a badge mine would be old, rusty, dented and probably chipped and I'm turning it in.

I don't want to rehash the whole Seal Press thing but are you fucking serious with this? Let me state the following then move on.

Also it doesn't matter if you think something is gross then show support for it. That kind of fucks up what you're saying. This is better.

And white feminists, listen to your homies. If you won't listen to the people you're pissing off listen to your friends. Seriously.

Karnythia actually speaks about this far better than I can or care to.

Now onto my own feminist thing.

My first serious introduction to feminism was not good at all. I was introduced to feminism via some (now I can see) very mixed up and angry women. They had bastardized a bunch of Andrea Dworkin-esque philosophies into what came off as just plain fucking crazy.

Because I was young and eager to be schooled by people I thought had knowlege to impart to me in some fantastic sisterhood of coming of age whatnot, I didn't think to question a lot of the things they said to me. Matter of fact what they did was make me feel like shit, they were abusive and just plain mean. It was fucked up and turned me off to anything even feminist scented for quite a long time.

Then I discovered sex positive feminists who I loved.

I found women who resonated with me and I started reading.

By then I was probably 20 or so. In the intervening years my feminism badge has seen some shit. And for quite a long time I put it down.

This recent race and feminism train wreck was not the first time I've experienced this sort of thing. More personally and it was devastating to me. So I didn't quite lose interest but I decided that I had no use for those people.

Now at 31 years old I have figured out what I want.

I have no interest in infighting, back biting, whining, "safe spaces", etc. I am not interested in hearing why how I present myself to the world, how I speak, what I think is funny, what I think is fucking offensive etc is wrong or whatever.

In short, fuck you. No really fuck you. If you have a moment of thought where you think it's perfectly okay to push your agenda into my head fuck off.

I have no further use for my feminism badge and I'm putting it away. I'm not throwing it away, but I don't want to look at it or hear about it.

In other news yesterday on getting home from work I found not only my lovely perfume sample from Magickal Realism over at Etsy. The owner Diane Rajchel makes some motherfucking awesome smell goods. Full review tomorrow when I'm not so tired.

I also got my AromaLeigh samples and OH EM EFF MOTHERFUCKING GEE I am already ass over tea kettle in LOVE with a couple of the shades and I haven't even worn them yet. Expect a full review Monday probably.

Um yeah.

I'm spent. I am super tired and wanna go home and drink beer.

Homo Out.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Only amusing to me.

I was stat checking a little bit earlier and there are posts that have been found via amusing search strings on the google and they are I would bet my left ovary totally not what the person thought they were and that makes me laugh.

For instance if you google the term (not entirely work safe here just don't cruise images) "got hurt by a stripper" it will take you to my paen to the ass I was sporting while I was stripping.

Another WTF google one, "whos the girl in the holy shit i love oreos poster" on google.co.uk and I'm right there on the first page with a link to my first page of my journal here and not a specific entry.

My keywords are pretty funny as well. My current keyword analysis tells me that people are coming from all over ze world looking for "fat black ass".

Although I did get a hit from someone searching "monkey fucking bastards" that was win.

I am such a stats nerd. I am very amused with how people get here, then I am further amused by the disappointment they must feel when there is no actual porno. Or naked fat black ass.

And I think on some version of the Fatosphere feed I'm still on it but I'm not sure which incarnation. I'm not quite that energetic to track it down.

Okay that bit of nerdery out of the way I am going to talk about fashion.

I have this incredibly horrible LUST no seriously it's a burning I should probably take some valium type want to get myself a hot ass Lippy outfit, take a shitload of camwhore pictures and post them everywhere and enter every one of Lippy's photo contests.

I don't want to do this because I think I'd win because I don't actually. Mainly I think that there are probably some other people who are bored with the same tall, thin, pale aesthetic and would appreciate seeing a face that is different. I know when I first got on the intertubes seeing some hot ass super goths who stepped out of that aesthetic rocked my wee world.

In other fashion news I think I really need a mid length denim skirt. I also need some calf high ish boots, more cool socks, and some girly tees that fit right and don't cost my left tit. However highest on my priority list of clothing right now is a new bra.

I also want to play on the Fatshionista Flickr group but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to submit a photo. Insert "UR DOING IT WRONG" macro here.

And can I just say how frustrating that my wardrobe aspirations and wants are seriously outpacing both my budget and sewing ability? That sucks fucking balls.

Out pacing like racing a Pinto and a fucking Mustang.

In other news I bought a fabulous super cheap little Curvations black/red lacy lookin cincher. It's very cute and I still don't know what exactly I'm wearing it with but it's a keeper.

I also decided that I'm going to sell off a couple of pairs of boots I have because one pair is a little too big enough that they aren't comfortable to wear. And the other pair my calves are just too fucking musclebound and hot.

In other news I've been doing some testing all day and my brain is full of jello now.

Tomorrow, maybe the feminism post. Or maybe not I dunno yet.

Also you should go read Davita's latest post it's pretty goddamn good.

I know I'm going to totally sound like a little old lady here but those two over at Pregnant Drug Dealing Prostitutes are fucking adorable. I want to go to A&W with them and have floats.

Okay going home I have cramps still and can I just say WTF? Why is it I don't bleed much so my uterus makes up for the lack of volume by trying to wrench itself out of my abdomen?

And if you were wondering the jerking off went off of the menu in favor of stabby then drugs and napping.

Homo Out.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Oh noez the fatness.

Okay as promised today I am talking about fat and presentation in the media.

I want to start out with some tabloids and then move onto "legit" media.

Ready..break GO.

Now lots of tabloids are putting out their absurdly titled "DEADLY DIETS" etc type things and I had a good look at some of them. Lots of trends.

1.) Lots of photoshopping. Lots and lots of subtle changes to photos. Add a shadow here, a highlight there and you can make a normally thin woman look like she's about to drop dead. Alternately you can make someone with cellulite suddenly look like they've imported the surface of the moon onto their legs. Or for the trifecta onto their face.

2.) Not two "comparison" shots were at the same angle, in the same clothes or even taken in remotely similar situations. One of those deemed "scary skinny" the too skinny picture was taken with her in a bikini, clearly exhaling and stretching upwards. If you're a thin lady and you do that, chances are your ribs might show. Duh. Same to the "fat" pictures. Women had pictures of themselves at 25 compared to their picture at 60. Are you serious?

3.) One of my favorites, in every instance of yo-you dieting, weight gain or consistent fatness the "reasons" were all ever so cleverly worded and almost exactly the same person to person. All in the vein of, "too much fried food, indulging, oh noez she eated a doughnut" etc. There was nary a mention of possible health problems, aging, natural body weight, previous drug addicts, previous eating disorders. Just lots of "over indulgence." Also missing were the same kind of admonitions to the underweight. Organ damage, diseased, what have you. Also missing from the scary skinny blurbs were mention of the above, aging, health problems, drug problems, personal issues. All of those can adversely effect your body weight in one manifestation or another.

That was the tabloids.

Sadly "legit" news fares about the same. Sure if you go to CNN and click health then weight or obesity they use fancier words. They have good old Dr. Gupta telling you how fucked you are. However they are all working on the same base assumptions.

Fat=you are fucked and yer gonna die and possibly lose a foot to the diabetes.
Skinny= You are fabulous and yer gonna die and possibly lose a tit to cancer.

You see my point here.

Fact is regardless of your weight you could have some serious health problems. If you are a 105 pound person who eats nothing but Micky D's, beef jerky and Coke. Yeah your body might get pissed off. And don't tell me there aren't people like that. Bullshit I know them.

It's not a moral imperative to eat well and exercise and whatnot. If you don't want to don't.

Also if you're going to say that fatties eating in public should be shamed, or behave like they should be I suggest you irritate everyone sitting in Burger King because it's just as bad for the thin people as it is for the fat people.

I'd like to point out at this point that if you're human and residing on this planet you are pretty much fucked. You are going to die. No matter how many miles you run, how many times you don't eat that pie. No matter how many days you spend counting your calories. You and every other person on this planet is going to die someday.

And while I'm at it. I will bust some weight loss myths.

Astonishing amounts of weight loss will not make you less of a douchebag. If you were a fat asshole, chances are you'll be a skinny asshole. The reverse is also true. If you were a skinny asshole you will probably be a fat asshole if you get fat.

Another fun fact is that if you are trying to lose weight, and you go on an uber restrictive diet, you exercise until your balls are going to fall off. You could very well be doing yourself harm. Are you working your ass off literally and figuratively but you still don't feel good? You're run down maybe, maybe getting sick a lot. The big picture is telling you without scientific evidence that you are not doing yourself any good there.

If you seriously think weight is a stone cold pointer to how someone lives I suggest having a looksy at Kate Harding's BMI project. And for the love of fluffy bunnies everywhere use your brain.

Fat acceptance is not about how you may or may not want to live. Nor is it about forcing you to want to hump every fat person you see. It's about basic common decency. It's about everyone regardless of size being able to live their lives without being demonized.

Let me put it into another context.

Let's say that you are an acceptable size 8. But you have let's say some really big ole titties. I'm talking like a JJJ cup. And everytime you go to the doctor for say birth control or allergy medication all you hear about is how it's all because of the titties and you don't get decent care.

Would it be okay for you to just disappear into the woodwork and suffer because you are perfectly fine with your big ole titties and feel pretty good otherwise. What if something was really wrong? But it got to the point you were too angry or too afraid to go to the doctor? Let's say it's something terminal and by the time you get help it's too late.

Would it be okay then?

If you think that is a perfectly acceptable situation then move on. I have no use for you.

If thinking about it in those terms ridiculous as they might seem, makes you uncomfortable, angry or sad then let's talk.

My entire point here is that regardless of your weight we as human beings do not need to be menaced by media that sends mixed messages. We do not need to be demonized or scape goated. No one has a right or the privilege to decide what you do or don't do with your body.

Okay I'm done.

I have horrible horrible cramps and kind of want to jam a hand up in there and tear out my uterus.

Or maybe lay in a bed and jerk off for three days. It could go either way.

Homo Out.

Monday, April 21, 2008

And more ruminations.

Since I've joined DA I've been doing a lot of looking around at art.

One thing that I find annoying is a certain angle in almost all the less arty more porny nudes.

It is the ass shot. Not just the ass shot because frankly I like naked ass but, it's the getting the model so her buttcheeks look like flattened sideways parenthesis, and there is a space that looks often big enough to jam your hand through between buttcheeks, crotch and upper thighs.

I know that there are many MANY nudie models who are just that thin however, I think this angle is just so weird I don't care to look at it. I dig looking at naked ass, I dig looking at naked lady parts but something about that angle squicks me out in a weird way I can't quite pin down.

I have a particular interest in edgy fetish photography and always have. And while cruising the fetish tag I keep seeing this angle. And I know how the angle is achieved, stand up with your feet positioned so (if possible, not real possible for me since I has big hams) your thighs barely touch, tilt your pelvis backwards, butt upwards and lean your torso forward. You may or may not have to hold your buttcheeks in a certain position. There you have it.

There is something profoundly disappointing for me in the area of fetish art. I think I've talked about it before but, it seems to me that fetish art is missing the vital and exciting part of more of the people who are actually into it. Despite what fetish oriented media might have you believe not all of those into the S&M and other fetishes are tall thin white women.

Frankly the constancy of these couple of looks is boring to me. Quite frankly I'd give a picture of my left tit for some pubes, some imperfections etc. As I was just saying to Uniballer-

Probably 90% of the "fetish" art I have seen in the last few years the physical standards except tats and whatnot, are pretty much exactly the same as regular porn.

It strikes me that something that is not supposed to be (at least ideologically) plugged into the mainstream still is mainlining the mainstream standards of beauty. Add some piercings, crazy hair or some shiny clothes and bam.

If I knew more about photography I would probably do some things to rectify the situation at least to make myself happy. Truth be told I think that if you want to see something make it, or play a part in making it. However it's difficult when you lack the actual talent to produce what you want to see.

My current problem is that I have shitloads of ideas but not quite the know how to execute them. Which is frustrating.

I still would love to make a little boot/big thigh fetish website. Why? Clearly because I have a boot fetish.

Also I like dressing up.

And did I mention how much I love boots?

And having boots as a possible business expense would probably make my decade.

I am still working on several things.

However the poetry book has been crossed off of the list of hustles because I"m going to offer the fucker for free.

And that's all for right now.

That fat news thing I'll talk about tomorrow after I go home tonight and read the Enquirer all about the "worse celebrity diets". I'm sure the prose will be riveting.

Homo Out.

And it might be fun.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Aaaaaaaaaaand again.

New product review my darlings.

I picked up (total impulse buy) a now discontinued L'Oreal H.I.P Pure Pigment shadow stick in Exquisite. Okay first of all the swatch on the page is entirely misleading and not really representative of the color. It's far more of a metallic blinging bronzy gold.

When I got it a couple of months ago I swatched it on my hand and the color is FABULOUS.

Bright, gorgeous fantastic.

So this morning I decided to copy this look from a cutie on Youtube.

The pigment stick does not play well with the Fyrinnae primer at all. This is the first time I've had this happen. So my look got way modified.

The pigment stick didn't adhere to the primer at all and I kept having to wipe it off to get a even fairly decent color deposit. -4 points there because as oily as my skin is I have to use primer or my shadow disappears in a couple of hours.

So I dug into my train case and Fyrinnae to the rescue for some bling I picked up my Fyrinnae Fools gold, which they don't carry anymore. It's a true gold that is pretty sheer dry and super super sparkly. After I finally got enough of the pigment stick on I sort of dabbed the gold from lashes to brow bone.

To keep a little closer to the inspiration I used Mac pigment in Fuschia under my eye in a long exaggerated cat eye, added a very thin long cat eye black liquid liner on top. Finished with buttloads of mascara and my favorite trick for a really dark black waterline.

the waterline is the rim above your lower lashes. I took my handy Karma black eyeliner (which is really the only liner I can get to stay on my waterline without running) and dipped it into my H.I.P cream eyeliner in black. After getting a bit on the pencil I ran that across my waterline for a very bold black line. I connected it to the outside corner of my eye but not all the way out the line of the fuschia and liquid liner.

Very bright. More so than I was going for but it was cute. I finished with some random dark pink gloss and out the door we went.

All in all I'm not really that impressed with the whole H.I.P line. I think it's over priced for the dodgy quality. One product is fantastic, the next one is eh. Granted some of the colors are fabulous and have an great payoff but, I still wouldn't pay full price except for the cream eyeliners.

The cream eyeliners are fucking fantastic.

At this point I feel like I'd rather shop AromaLeigh or Fyrinnae and feel all spoiled because that shit is handmade and fabulous.

All right. Now for the photographic evidence no?

First up a two eye view. Yes, my left eye is totally bigger than my right and it makes me look cock eyed. I am not actually cock eyed.

Gold and pink

Close up.


Notice the wee trail of pink in my under eye there. My eye seriously watered just a tiny bit right before I snapped ze foto.

I will say that the recalcitrant combo of the Fyrinnae base and the H.I.P pigment thingy did not crease all day. I was very impressed. I should've taken a picture before I washed my hair but, it still looked good after Uniballer and I returned home after our walk about/errand running.

As you can see I have done nothing with the template here as I keep bitching about. Fact is I am lazy.

OH I also just did my first steam treatment on my hair and holy SHIT it's fucking huge.

My hair feels amazing and so soft. Like baby hair. However like baby hair is prone to do it is going insane and I'm not really sure what to do with it.

Photos or it didn't happen right?

big hair

big hair

After a wash my hair isn't generally quite so fluffy and uh just fluffy.

Although the four perfect little curls I have in my hair are lovely. If all my hair had that texture I would probably pee myself in joy. However it doesn't. That doesn't make me want to pee in joy but it is still purdy.

So I'm sitting here topless in jammy pants stolen from the hospital, with huge hair and I'm very tired. I still haven't slept but we got a lot done today.

Okay that's really all. You have pictures and a product review.

Now um..yeah.

Homo Out.



If you don't know me well let me tell you a secret. I am a cosmetics freak.


I love make up so much that most likely if I'd been born with a penis I'd either be the hottest boy in eyeliner walking or the most fabulous drag queen EVAR.

And I'm really excited because I picked myself up some HOT samples from AromaLeigh Cosmetics and I cannot wait to try them. I've been reading the owner Miss K's blog for quite awhile now and I like her a lot. I ordered some fantastic super bright colors and I am stoked. Be certain there will be pics and full reviews.

I love color. I love color a lot.

I wear some insanely bright eyeshadows and goddamn it I love it.

My current vitamin/hydration/facial care routine has been doing wonders for my skin so I think once the weather warms up I might start going sans actual foundation and get into some tinted moisturizer. That will be exciting.

This might be surprising but I do almost all my make up shopping online these days. Mainly because after loving make up for more than 20 years now (no seriously I was getting into make up when I was like 6) I know what I like, I know what colors work for me and I know what I want.

These days I'm looking to expand my color choices and get myself more brushes. A serious money saving tip, I buy sample sized things. Being that the days I wear make up I rarely wear the same colors (aside from eyeliner etc, more on that later) twice in a row they last me ages.

Also really more money doesn't always equal a better product for you especially if you're still experimenting.

What do you spend the good bucks on?

Foundation. Getting a foundation that your skin likes, looks good and is easy for you to apply is worth it if you have to go with a high end product. That's not to say once you found your holy grail of foundations you can't ebay your booty off to find it. How? The best thing to do is head to your local Sephora store or other big box retail type store and ask the sales associates. Get a sample, note your color and get to searching.

Is it cheap? Yes. But you know what? Too bad it's a shitty economy.

I was just telling Uniballer that the next big think I want to try is EyeKandy glitters. I will admit it, I never grew out of my glitter phase. I love glitter.

I love a solid black based glittery eye, I love a more fairy-licious bright white glittery eye. I fucking love glitter.

I have passed my glitter in the face powder so sometimes if the sun is just right it looks like I had a fairy bukake fest on my face. I have (mostly) grown out of that. But I still love my glitters and those Eye Kandy glitters look fucking cool.

Eyesafe glitter at last.

I also will confess that I used stage quality glitter on my face and around my eyes for YEARS despite warnings not to do so.

I watch make up videos on youtube a lot. I cruise and sometimes participate in the make up communities on LJ. I. Love. It.

I think a big component of my love of cosmetics has to do with self love time. It's never been about the big political omg the MAN made me do it kind of thing. Not ever. For me it's all about enjoying myself, and making myself feel good. Mostly because frankly I don't give a good goddamn what anyone else might have to say about it.

That includes those years I went through my uber goth princess must wear four pounds of black on my face in varying ways, the shaved off eyebrows, the glitter, the mysteriously placed rhinestones, weird things drawn on my face, weird fuschia lipstick all of it. If you don't approve feel free not to look at or speak to me.

This attitude extends to pretty much all areas of my life.

Don't like my body?
Don't like my hair?
Don't like my music?
Don't like my books?
Don't like the way I speak?

Feel free to ignore me and fuck off.

No really fuck off.

Fuck off because I don't give a fuck.

My life and how I present myself to this weird world has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. Don't give me your disapproval because it's not my issue. It's yours.

On that note I am going to take my very delicious tea and go get in bed or something. I'm not sleeping clearly and I have shit to do today.

Did I post the close up of my rainbow eye make up?

Okay I don't think so. Please ignore the jacked up primer line I caught it after taking photos, fixed it but then had to leave for work.

That is mostly Mac except for the liner and mascara and primer. Fyrinnae primer, followed by Ben Nye yellow pressed powder shadow, acid orange Mac pigment, Fuschia Mac pigment, and a teeny tiny bit of Nyx yellow from the Serengeti trio. Black maybelline waterproof liner, Maybelline great lash in blackest black. What you can't see in that photo is the random black eye pencil on the waterline.

This is an all Mac neutral look. Copperclast pigment, a little Goldstroke and some Shimpagne mineralized skin finish that you can't really see in that shot for some reason. My usual liquid liner and mascara.

I'm still trying to figure out how to do some photo tutorials as my friend Miss Sessa suggested but, I'm still getting the hang of taking make up pictures.

Later today I am totally going to do this gold and hot pink or maybe teal look I saw on youtube.

If I do pictures.

Homo Out.

the t

Thursday, April 17, 2008

OW that hurt my brains.

I have a headfull of things I want to talk about however I do want to digest a bit before I do.

So in preparation go read some of what BFP has to say on the whole shebang that you can read about in my entry here. I have a truckload of thoughts about contemporary feminism, where I think I fit and how I feel about calling myself a feminist.

That later.

Also I have some template changes to make. I wanna link those Pregnant Drug Dealing Prostitutes I enjoy so much. Also Get SK's lovely banner for her new book placed. My blog roll up there needs some adjusting. Also, despite what she might say Davita is still Queen of Black people.

I also want to talk about some fat news and how I see it. Well not news as in NOW BREAKING NEWS but how I see weight issues presented.

And I hate to admit it because I fucking hate their coffee but Starbuck's Green Tea Latte is a more interesting drink than I'd thought. I'm sipping on one right now and it's tasty but kind of overwhelming.

And per usual Torrid is having a ginormous 50% off sale and none of what I actually really want is on sale or available in my size. Remember my darlings if you want to check inventory during one of their super sales enter "99" as your quantity number then hit add to basket. After that you should get a notification if there are fewer than that in stock.

For the love of everything cute and fluffy why is the vinyl bomber jacket I've been tingly in the girl bits about for months on sale for under 20$? I would rock the hell out of that.

There are also a couple of skirts I like but I'm 5'3" without much in the round booty area so their skirts are almost always too long and sometimes I can't be arsed to actually shorten them myself.

There is an excellent post over at Racialicious about identifying as white on the inside. I have actually read it twice.

I seriously cannot understand the idea that identifying as another race but "on the inside" is a serious thing that people actually mean. I also cannot take anyone who uses terms like, "oreo", "banana", etc seriously. Nor can I take anyone seriously who uses the term "Sellout" when it comes to race.

I just talked about this recently and I still my initial reaction is always, are you fucking serious? Frankly I'm not in the mood for that discussion today.

There is a post over at Fatshionista about Torrid's Cinco de Mayo line. The original poster takes an issue with it and I can see where she's going with that.

In the US Cinco De Mayo is generally known as the holiday you go out to your local Mexican restaurant, drink beer and eat. Sad but like St. Patrick's Day and loads of other holidays it's been Hallmark'd into absurdity.

Growing up I had these neighbors from Mexico and I adored that family. I spent hours and hours in their apartment eating, learning pigin Spanish, playing dress up, playing (we had no name for this dramady) this game where we'd make ourself a little forresty looking fort out back and pretend to be the indigenous peoples of some made up place, we pounded leaves with rocks and called them food or poultices, we made clothes out of leaves and paper we had a good damn time.

That family was actually from the Puebla area (I wish I could remember where exactly) and Cinco De Mayo was a big day in that house. Being so young at the time most of my enjoyment was YEAH MEXICO! YEAH FOOD! YEAH MAMA HAS ON HER PRETTY OUTFIT AND IS DANCING!

I remember reading more about it later on and never understood the commercialization of the holiday and the widespread mistake of it being a independence day. At some point I really wish people would stop buying stupid hats, cards etc and take a moment to ask a very simple question. "What the HELL is going on here?"

Truthfully I believe if more people took that moment, regardless of the issue and very seriously said, "What the HELL MAN?"

Okay I think I've had enough folks. My brain is moving at brain speed and I have research to do about wholesalers.

Homo Out.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Tasty foods.

I've tried some new foods recently and I wanna share.

First one that I will admit was a total surprise (I was super skeptical about it) are the Chips from Corazonas Heart-Healthy Snacks. I got a two bag (pretty good size) sample of their tortilla chips and OMG.

The Margarita Lime chips are so freaking tasty.

No seriously they are. Awhile back I tried a similar product and they tastes awful. Too dry and way too grody. The Corazonas however have the perfect amount of lime flavor and the crunch is lovely. I want to sit with those and drink a very tasty beer.

I even wrote then to tell them I'd be talking about their tasty foods and that I dig their tasty goods.

Next up.

Last weekend Uniballer and I went out for lunch on Saturday and had some UBER tasty Australian Meat pies . Now if you are a wandering Aussie, or an American who just likes the idea of meat inside a pie with gravy in it go get you some of that.

My favorite is the beef with cheese and bacon. Um yeah hot meaty and delicious. Perfect size for those of us with wee hands, also it comes in a little paper envelope thing so less mess. Very good to grab and go across the street to sit on a bench and OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.

They also have a bit of an assortment of tasty Aussie snacks including Tim Tams, Weetbix and even Cadbury chocolate.

And I say again.


So yeah delicious.

We have been eating really fabulously this week. Grocery Outlet had these bags of breaded frozen tasty wild caught Alaskan Pollak fish and zomfg. So tasty. So we ate fish three days in a row and it was fantastic.

I believe this weekend I am going to make Uniballer go with me to get a red velvet cupcake from Cupcake Royale. Really tasty red velvet cake is difficult to find outside of the South and I am TEH EXCITED YO.

I am also currently working on a business plan.

Holy shit dude I can't believe I said that.

Anyway. I want to open an estore. I also am going to work on my spreadshirt store and try to get some of my nerdy pervo designs going.

That's all for today.

I am really tired. And my head hurts like hell.


Homo Out.



Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Just a little bit more.

Okay first of all last night I had the worst bus ride I've had in probably four years.

Someone took a dump in the back of the bus.

Also it's been kind of a day at work but it's better now.

I also scored a pair of very cute free ballet flats from someone who's the AWESOME and that totally makes up for the rest of my day/end of my night.

Moving on.

Yesterday I wrote a little about a post over at Racialicious about a photo at TMZ of Serena Williams. To find that bit um, scroll down. Okay with me?

I went on to talk about other things but I do want to comment here (so it can be seen since I don't know how to respond to individual comments) about something Latoya came to say.

(If you don't want to open the comments from yesterday here it is)

Latoya said:

I, Latoya, realize my comments were completely misinterpreted.

As a person with a body similar in shape to Serenas, they did pick a bad photo, intentionally so. That's why I linked to the other sets of pictures.

And two, those kinds of things happen naturally.

I did not recommend a sarong like "ew, cover up." It is literally the easiest thing for women with our kind of body shape. Boy shorts (which were recommended) often don't work too well with a large, high butt, and neither do boy shorts - they are cut differently.

And Serena's suit is a bit small, but that's because if she bought the next size up, it would be baggy in the front.

And quite frankly, I am a bit amazed that people are taking more offense to me speaking from my experience as a woman with a curvy shape than other comments comparing her to a monster

My first though was wondering if I totally misinterpreted which I very well may have. Then I thought "Oh I should've-" and stopped myself there. I didn't feel like addressing the racist bullshit I saw at TMZ. Then I decided no it wasn't really necessary.

Here is what I replied to her comment:


Bad photo or not it was my first impression of what you said when I read it. Whether that's what you intended or not I had no idea. I have no idea what your body may or may not look like.

For me it wasn't a matter of more or less offense as I said. I do think a person can be offended about things that are said on varying levels. This happened to be the one I felt like discussing today. I don't at all approve of what a lot of the TMZ commenter's had to say, I also don't like people telling other people what they should or shouldn't do with their bodies based on an "ew cover up" feeling which is what I got from what you said because, I've never seen you have no idea what kind of butt or swimsuit wearing experience you have.

This might not make a lot of sense I just woke up and have had no coffee and don't have my contacts on. Excuse typos or inanity.

Despite my earlier non-caffeinated status and lack of contact wearing earlier I think that does about cover it.

Now today I want to talk about my fat ass, some fashion and fluff because I've had a fucking day.

So because of a very similarly shaped lady over at Fatshionista I have decided to brave the bright colors and over perky staff and go into an Old Navy and try some jeans on my ham.

Also ok, so remember the coat I was twittering about? It is so beyond too big and I kind of think I am going to sell it before I get too attached. I will probably take pictures and measurements then post it here and maybe at Fatshionista. This coat is MOTHERFUCKING FABULOUS. And I really want someone who can fit it properly and rock it to wear it.

I also have a LIppy dress that I could wear but it would not rock so hard. Someone who can fill it out should have it. Still undecided about that too.

Also I still can't figure out how to participate in the Fatshionista flickr pool. WTF?

Anyway. What I forgot to do before was show my favorite cool but not freezing weather outfit.



SO. The outfit from the bottom up. The boots in the lower picture are my favorite boots that I have had forever. They are the original Nana Climber boots that I bought from Hot Topic probably 8-9 years ago now and they are still super cute.

What you can't see while I was standing are the awesome black tube socks that peeked over the boots and beneath the bottom of the capri pants. Black tube socks with dark red athletic stripes FTW.

And those are the short pants I bought at Fatshionista forever ago. They are from the Torrid in house label and I do like them very very much. The only thing I take issue with is how low rise they are. They are low enough that days I'm at all bloated they become very uncomfortable. Also if my bladder is full they sit right on it and make me pee more.

But I love how they look.

The sweater vest is from the depths of the super clearance rack at Target. It's part mohair I think and extremely soft. I have a feeling some other big titty having type hid it but sorry man. I got that cuteness for 4.99 I could not pass it up.

Under the sweatervest is a mens black aline tank. I wear the shit out of those.

Usually with that outfit I go Full Combat Mode Beasty and wear a black and red smokey eye and dark red matte lips.

However that day I was super inspired and did rainbow make up.

So there you have an example of mah supa style.

A little stompy, something cute and socks. I like knee socks.

Okay more later. Possibly more outfits in the near future although I've been all about jeans, docs and hoody this week because it's fucking cold all of a sudden.

And tomorrow barring fuckery or brain melting some words about fetish art.

Homo Out.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Call me the VooDoo Woman.

In case you don't get it the title there is a reference to my favorite Koko Taylor (and personal anthem) song of ALL TIME. Naturally I can't find a good video or other place to play it for you folks. Actually wait at Amazon you can get a preview and I seriously SERIOUSLY suggest picking up the album Deluxe Edition.

Also before I digress too much further let me tell you, Koko Taylor is a Bad. MotherFucker.

See here:

I repeat. Bad. Mother.Fucker.

SO okay.

Back to what I was thinking when I started.

First of all I want to share that I've joined the ranks of those on Deviant Art. Find me here. I joined quite awhile ago so I could look at nudies but have since put up a few of my quasi artistic things there and found friends and some totally awesome stuff. Warning if you peruse my favorites and you are looked in you will see girl ass.

As I said in my quick scribble journal there I am determined to reconnect with the things I find sacred. In my body and my life. That means I am going to start dancing again, and making my fugly little collages and things because I think they are beautiful and they make me happy.

On the Fatosphere I ran across two fairly divergent ideas along the same theme of judgment of womens looks.

On one hand you have this view, where the thin model is castigated for her thinness and Old Navy is put in the OMG why did they do that camp.

And then on the other hand you have TR who says she is sick of women being judged solely on their appearance.

This sort of thing is something I think about and talk about with people I know a lot. I think that it is human to want to reject what we don't want. However, I don't think it behooves anyone to go into viewing another human being and decided that their body is unacceptable and that it's unacceptable for them to show their body, or be shown. I don't like that.

Looking at this conversation over at Racialicious puts a bug in my ear. On one hand yes, I don't like the way TMZ (just go click) captioned the photo of Serena Williams.

However I also don't like what the OP had to say.

Now, I am not a regular TMZ reader, but I know they tend to rip into celebrities for any misstep or fashion faux pas. And this photo of Serena definitely qualifies as a “Oh girl, handle that!” moment.

(Psst…Serena, a sarong would really help. As would beach shorts. You have to work with your ass, not against it.)

It makes me want to know why is it okay for you (the you in this case being Latoya who posted the article) to comment on what is and isn't appropriate about Serena's body and how she is presenting herself, but it's bad for other people to comment because their comments are couched in racist terms? Granted a lot of the comments at TMZ are in fact fucking awful and ugly.

However, I also find it awful and ugly that Serena gets another hit from someone who at first glance looks to be on the defensive about the photo.

Does that make sense?

In a nutshell I suppose what I'm getting at is that no, none of it is ok. It's not okay to make racist comments about another persons ass, it's not ok to pass judgment on another persons ass because they don't have it covered/revealed how you would. It's not ok in my view to create a conversation that begins with a DOWN WITH TEH SKINNIES kind of vibe.

Not. Ok.

I am pushing my own agenda here (but it's my fucking sandbox so I can) but I don't believe that beauty has to be all or nothing one way or the other. I personally find beauty in a hugely diverse spectrum of human beings. Even when said human beings are being fucking douchebags, the diversity of the species is pretty fucking cool.

Also found via TR is the Library of Congress Photo stream at Flickr it is pretty fucking cool. I skipped reading the comments on the photos of actual humans because, as I said, some human beings are douchebags and I'm not in the mood today. Read the afore-linked entry over at The Rotund for more of that conversation.

Back to beauty.

I probably have mentioned before at some point that I am a total Asharah fangirl and want to dance like her when I grow up. I have been reading her blog BellyDance Paladin and I loved this entry on rhythm.

Someone gave me a copy of her instructional DVD but I've yet to be able to do it. :( This year, end of summer man.

I have watched it and I really enjoy how she speaks about dance. I also really dig Amira who's Bellydance 101 I have and will resume in the next couple of weeks after I get a new boob holder. I have a big issue with how someone presents something and both have a very warm and not snotty way of presenting and that makes me squee.

I have been a lover of bellydance since I was about 7-9 and my favorite babysitter Donna was a belly dancer. She would sometimes let me help her get ready, or show me how to shimmy etc. It wasn't until a few years ago that I discovered oh HAI other people dig it too and HOLY CRAP I can LEARN! It's all very connected to how I feel about my body.

I feel like connecting with my body while doing something that makes me feel damn good and shiny, is a sacred thing. Shut up if you call me a hippy I will hose you with patchouli, but seriously I do feel this way. The happiest I've been in this flesh vehicle has been when I've been doing things that I really really love.

And dancing happens to top the list.

Where I stumble is the fact that I have a bad back and shitty joints and I get frustrated because the soul is wiling but the flesh says, "Slow your roll". And the two argue and I am cranky.

I am getting better though.

I do still love to dance and this is why I advocate some booty shaking for the self love.

There is something incredibly (and I hate HATE to use such fluffy language here) freeing and yes empowering about shaking it whenever you goddamn well feel like it.

To quote Missy Elliot and I say this to you solemnly my lovely readers,

"Shake that, shake that, jiggle that fat."

I will do as Missy so eloquently decrees whenever, where ever I feel the need.

I do a little dance in the grocery store when a good song comes on the Muzak. I do a little dance while sending faxes at work. I do a little dance when I'm making what smells to be an excellent cup of coffee.

I will do a victory booty dance whenever I feel victorious.

Sometimes I will full on geek out at home and go crazy. Self ass slapping, boob shaking, karate kicking, John Travolta worthy discoing, booty shaking, dutty whining (though I really am not good at that and don't like risking neck injury) until I am sweaty, out of breath, have probably managed to shake off a piece of clothing or get my panties if I'm wearing them stuck way up in the unknown and then I giggle and smile and sit down.

Now, no matter what shape your body may be in. You might be in a wheelchair, you might be on crutches, you might have a bad back shitty knees and vertigo. It's all good. You might have a bony skinny flat ass, you might have no boobs, you might have bingo wings and matter of fact you may even have yourself some jelly rolls.

It's. All. Good.

As the first Drag Queen who ever let me wear her tiara said, "work what you got."

Okay I'm spent. I'm going to nibble on a chocolate rice cake make some tea and examine my poor cold wet feets.

Homo Out.


Friday, April 11, 2008



Being that I don't have a particularly wide readership aside from you random Google people who come looking for black girls with fat asses booty shaking I AM ZUUL I KNOW YER SEARCHES BITCHES, I feel like I can let loose as I please.


Seal Press what the FUCK are you doing? What is with this mealy mouthed mother fucking shit? Are you fucking serious? No Seriously WHAT THE FUCK MAN?

I am entirely divided about how I feel about all this(I'm sorry my darling loves no recap I'm already too pissed off) on one hand Seal Press has published some books that have really impacted me. Someone I think is darling and wonderful (Sarah Katherine Lewis, who's new book you should totally buy, note to self get her banner placed today mmkay) has been published there and I've found glee and things that made me go YEAH YEAH YEAH (Picture me pumping my fist while I do that).


Bitch was actually pretty gentle about it because I suppose they are all homies. However I would much rather my friends if they see me smoking crack bitch slap my ass twice and tell me, BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

But then again I'm no gentle flower and since I'm one of "them" I engage best in a negative way. /snark. You have to read the original link up there to get that.

Okay *deep breath*

No wait...one more. OH GOD FUCK OFF.

Okay sorry. Had to get that out.

Now, okay. My homies who are not in the realm of People of Color. I am going to be your advocate right now. Everyone needs a friend like me and today baby I am your girl.

This is a case where (and I'm giving some huge benefit of the doubt here) maybe, the lady who made the original comment of:

Krista Lyons-Gould and Brooke Warner said...

Seal Press here. We WANT more WOC. Not a whole lotta proposals come our way, interestingly. Seems to me it would be more effective to inform us about what you'd like to see rather than hating.


Now that is direct from the blog.

First of all this person does not know the blogger personally. And just like when you're strolling down the sidewalk just because something has an informal tone does not mean you come strutting in like you know people. It's rude and presumptuous.

Now BlackAmazon actually responded a lot more politely than I would and I tip my hat.

Blackamazon said...

First and foremost how ever rude and disrespectful your entrance , welcome to MY blog.

Secondly , considering you want more women of color I find it highly comical your response to a WOC is to tell her what it seems like to you is the best option for her experience.

Because immediately my display of anger is met with a public call for what is essentially servitude

I t seems like to me that this lack of out reach and unbelievable entitlement might have something to do with thelack

And finally since were not toddlers or characters from Miami's most wanted. I would prefer you not use the phrase "hating". YE s my language was strong but yes I would encourage or do EXTRA work for someone who characterizes my words as essentially empty minded hating or envy.

Now optimally, Lady1 should have read that taken it in and reworded. Or just said, (HERE'S THE LESSON BABIES) "Shit I am SO sorry."

Now yes there were other comments but being that, that comment came right from the blog owner and author, there you go. Coming back to defend what you said, when you've been told repeatedly how it was not appropriate is not the way to start any kind of dialogue.

Also, when speaking to people of color using the terms, "us" and "them" really doesn't help your cause.

Unlike my usual stance I will offer some alternatives to making yourself look like a dickhole a few appropriate and probably useful phrases to tuck into your mental roledex.

"Shit my bad I really didn't mean to be offensive. I'm sorry"

"I'm really sorry."

"Oh crap, oh crap oh crap. I'm sorry about that"

You my readers are smart so you see where I'm going. After making one of these statements shut the fuck up and put your listening ears on.

When dealing with someone who is not just like you, if they are a different color, fat, thin, have boobs, have boobs and a penis, have a penis, hate penis, love the vagina whatever. Remember that if that person tells you, that you have fucked up. Chances are maybe you did a little bit and it would be in your best interest to acknowledge that and not be a dick about it.

To go a step further when a LOT of these different people are saying in various ways that you Fucked. Up. Then seriously shut it and listen.

Don't whine.

Don't try to play the victim of teh evul whomevers who're all out to get ya. If you want to be taken seriously shut up.

If after all this you're still offering excuses and reasons why it's okay to have said what you said, fuck you. No really fuck you.

Okay. I'm better now.

See, this is why I should probably not be invited to things that require soft handed tactics because really, I can't control myself sometimes and I'd hate to make someone cry.

If you are afraid of, intimidated by or can't deal with angry black women I am probably not your homie. Sad to say but it's totally true and I can own it.

Moving on.

TR over at The Rotund needs a coblogger. Go do it. DO IT.

Over at BFD Mo Pie posted this, and as I'm looking at my crappy cup o Starbucks, (don't laugh it's almost payday and I'm kinda broke) I actually really like the Retro Chubby Mermaid. I find the shape of her stomach very pleasing to the eye and I'd like to lay my head on it.

What else?

OH Lindsay over at Sneaky Kitty started a new blog about pain and Fibro and stuff. Go read it here.

My pervy homies, check out this Knotty Boys video blog featuring Monk from Twistedmonk.com.

I dig Monk. I don't know as much about rope bondage as I'd like to and I've not done a lot of it but I would let him tie me up anytime he likes. Srsly.

While I'm discussing pervy things I think you should all go and read some of the archives over at Black As My Soul. I've read The Sinner for a long time and he's quite a tasty morsel.

And yes before you ask I am in fact objectifying men. And enjoying it.

And if you're still with me here after my frothing I reward you with some bewbies. I missed half naked Thursday so take some DAMN THEM SOME BIG TITTIES Friday.

That is a beer label and yes thems is my boobies.


Homo Out.


Thursday, April 10, 2008


My current anthem:

So, because of recent financial snags and my serious desire to be able to fucking shop when I feel like it. Back to the hustle.

Including selling of shit that I don't wear and/or doesn't fit.

Also a highlight in my opinion selling books to Powells for trade. Keep me in books.

And I'm still plugging away on my fucking poetry book. I fucked the formatting for about 12 pages so I'm laboriously fixing it now. And considering sticking a few short short bits of prose in there as well.


Yeah this whole self publishing the poetry is driving me more batty than I already am.

I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it but yeah. I promised myself as a wee youngster I'd do it so I'm doing it.

A snippet:

Low mean curl of a silver tongue.
Taking in the Realm Of What.
Giving away the fury.
Yes, infect them as ye see fit.
Rages of Passion flaring like shooting stars at velvet midnight.
Be their Prometheus.
Die as their Icarus.
Rejoice in fate and Love of them.
And you will be their ~All.

Most of them are untitled bits of brain vomit.

Some of this is nice to read since I wrote some it probably ten years ago.

Working working working.

I've still not been submitting fiction around lately because I've been working on this fucking poetry. Annoying.

Also not done anymore Associated Content articles.

Non fiction doesn't move me generally.

Oh mah GAWD I just fucked up my formatting even more.

I hate it.


Okay I'm done with that for the day before I start hollering.

Now I'm sad and I'm going to go drink cocoa.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008


Here I am trying to bookshop and as I'm perusing my subscribed blogs I find this tasty bit from Red. Now my girl area is tingly and I'm squirming. No that's not really safe for work if you work somewhere where, squirming due to crotch tingle is frowned upon.

I read that then sat here and had a little moment of mmm tasty.

Now I am totally distracted from what I was doing. I have a few dollars and want a new book.

I am also bemoaning the cost of my newly over the counter allergy medication of choice. Zyrtec. Perversely I am bemoaning the expiry of their patent because fucking hell I got it for a 5$ copay when it was still rx. I don't want to spend that much but I'm afraid I'll have to. Even with the regular cold snaps my allergies are going bitch nuts.

To distract myself from itching angry eyes let's talk more about words that make my crotch tingle. Yesterday in my LJ I waxed sentimental about a girl I slept with a lot when I was a wee youngster. That didn't really turn me on, the memories though seat squirming inducing they can be, are made of more sweetness and awww we were cute than anything else.

There is something really comforting and wonderful in knowing that a lot of my memories of my sexual development are indeed wrapped up in that kind of warm sweetness. I have had the idea that maybe I should write more of these memories and whatnot. I might. It's not exactly erotica but I do have some doozies.

OH in other news my Flickr LIVES. SHE LIVES. I kind of want to put the outfit post I put in my LJ up at Fatshionista but I'm not sure about that.


Go check me out.

Feel free to be my foto homie too.

Expect more random type photos as I learn to use my camera a little better.

Also my make up yesterday was the MOTHERFUCKING HOTNESS.

Rainbow eyes.

Okay I'm spent. My tummy really hurts and so does my head. This does not a happy beasty make.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

What she said.

Oh my people, I have already had kind of a day so far. A few amusing bits, a few WTF moments and glee. Yes lots of glee.

First the WTF moment.

So picture this, your very own hostess. Sporting goth casual today, black slacks, black sweater, burgundy docs (that I took some kickass picturs of how they are aging, will post those to flickr over the weekend), labret, giant headphones and book in hand. So this girl, (just in case you forget what I look like here I am at the company Xmas party, drunk and yes my boobs are still real) is sitting reading, head bobbing to VERY LOUD MUSICS. However my headphones are really good and noise doesn't leak out.

A few young black men get on the bus, this girl pays them little mind except to be annoyed that when one of them sits behind her, he rocks her seat. That's rude.

After a few minutes one of the boys taps me (this third person shit is tiring) on the shoulder and says, "excuse me can I talk to you for a minute" I am irritated but figure ok. I put my music on pause, put my book in my lap. He looks at the book, looks confused asks if I'm reading for school. I say no I just like to read.

He just kind of blinks at me.

Then he asks what I'm listening to. I was listening to Otep. My favorite fronted female fronted art/hardcore band. And reading a Hubert Selby Jr book. Neither of which he'd heard of and apparently the way I speak offended him and he seriously said:

Boy: What are you some kind of oreo?
Me: *blink, loud laugh*Are you serious? *giggle, giggle, giggle* You just hit me with oreo? *Snicker, head shake, blink, snicker.*

I haven't been called that in years. And to be called it by a kid probably young enough to be my son was hilarious. I really sat there laughing and everytime he happened into my sight line laughed more. Then his friends laughed at him because he was getting laughed at.

Generally if it's an adult who says anything like that to me they get my lecture about their own narrow views of blackness, I will do as above and straight up laugh in their faces. Etc.

Seriously? Are you serious? You still believe that ignorant shit?

When I was younger that sort of thing was one of those things that could send me home in tears. Broken hearted. Anymore whatever.

So that was kind of amusing in a way.

Also amusing is the fact that (here I am screwing my goth cred again) there's a 113 BPM remix of that Britney song Gimme More playing in my mix list and it's making my bottom area shake.

There is an awesome fetish event going on for Ms Tonya Winters 10th anniversary but I'm not sure if Hempknight and I can go. There's the issue of no wardrobe to consider and I don't know if we have time or money for quick fast fabulous shiny shopping.

It's a pity.

I started this Friday.

In other news I'm having total buyers remorse about buying the fucking coat. I won the auction but had my usual OMFG MONEY OMFG IT IS EXPENSIVE reaction. It's been long enough that I don't buy things without a shitload of forethought and planning that my impulse (yet yes I DO really need a new coat) wacked my shit right out.

I hate that I do that. I hate that I spent enough time being so fucking poor that I instantly go into scarcity mode when it's not absolutely necessary.

I still really would like some sort of side hustle to fund my rampant desire to revamp and reload my wardrobe with things I really love rather than shit I got because I could afford it. I've been working on it but honestly it's time consuming and frustrating to try and auction/thrift fucking everything.

In essence I'm tired of being poor really. Granted I make ok money, with the rising cost of living here ok is not entirely good enough. It's frustrating.

Ugh. I'm going to go pretreat my hair and lay down. Watch a movie.

I am such a party girl.

Homo Out.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Well sorta but no dice.

If you've been reading me for awhile you'll know that I have a love/hate relationship with the clothing label Lip Service.

The love is that a lot of their styles of clothing for years now are things that I have loved and worn. However, in the last few years my ability to wear their clothing has come and gone, entirely dependent on just how much something will stretch. They used to have a plus size line in I think it was 2003 but, from what I remember it was all that sort of ubiquitous goth long dress with a usually faux brocade front bit, some ribbon lacing or a tie around the back.

In otherwords, long and square.

For awhile Torrid had a very hot line of Lip Service exclusive clothing that was actually better made than what Lip Service had done for Hot Topic for a long time. I also heard tale told that their Gangsta Pranksta line was available in plus sizes for awhile and I'm really bummed about having missed that because that was one of my favorite lines.

So the other day when I saw a note (by a lady who's not plus size which I thought was cool) in the Lippy Addicts Community on Lj. I actually ceased getting ready for work and got to clicking.

Have a look at the plus size line here. Um. Yeah. What wait really? You're serious?

Okay granted it's a start but, it's disappointing.

I personally don't think a merchant needs a whole other plus size line of clothing. It's like I explained to a thin coworker.

Let's say you are fabulous and you wear a size 0. You love oh let's say Levi's and wore them for a long time then all of a sudden they stopped making your size. You yearn for Levi's, you scour Ebay for anything in your size. Then one day you start hearing that they are going to get your size going again and you are like YES.


You have your credit card at the ready, you check the website constantly and finally you see the link and YES YES YES.

Then they offer stretch pants.

The company famous for their jeans is offering you fucking stretch pants.

You're pissed right? What the fuck?

Okay now that's how I'm feeling right now.

Why make a whole new line? Most people who shop Lip Service that I know go to Lippy for their fabulous style. I would think it'd be far more profitable to add extended sizes to existing lines. Am I wrong here?

I r not pleased.

And I bet you those won't sell well and then dundun, they'll discontinue plus sizes because they "don't sell". Well I would assume if those don't sell it's not because there aren't plus size shoppers but, because what they are offering isn't what plus size shoppers want.

I could wank about this forever.

In other big booty clothing news I have started to learn to relove Tripp NYC clothing. Torrid carries a good amount of Tripp and the Tripp items I've purchased in the last year or so are all very nice. And if measurements are good enough I think I might be able to squeeze some ham into the Tripp stuff for Hot Topic as well and there's a ton of it on Ebay.

In other news I bid on a fabulous Torrid coat on ebay that I'm not linking because if I get outbid I will seriously cry. However there are a few back up things I have on my watch list that might make me feel better. Including an adorable pair of black with white stars T.U.K cowboy boots.

Okay and here's the link to my Torrid wishlist in case anybody wants to buy me ass covers. Or you want to compare mine with yours and we'll talk about it.

Also note to self order more fucking o rings before you lose a talon mmkay?

Homo Out.

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