Monday, June 30, 2008

Between here there and holy crap.

Apparently I am a producer of questionable content. So says the Google people. I got a notice that my entry here, was inappropriate and that my adsense (the funny part is that in the three years I've had adsense I've made just short of 4$) has been deactivated or whatever. Which is fine. However I can't for the life of me figure out how to get it off of my fucking blog.

Also, I have been way more graphic and offensive than that. But that particular entry gets a lot of random hits or someone reported me which is just as amusing.

I still am not feeling particularly good today but I have shit to talk about.

First up I was reading Chrissy's entry over at JiggyBits about eating right and it got me thinking.

Eating right in my view is a totally subjective thing. Eating right in my world =stuff that won't give me gastric distress.

When I think about some of the shit I have done to my digestive system and body in general because I thought I was "eating right" I'm astonished my colon never just dropped right out in protest. For instance.

I was a serious vegan for quite a few years. I was vegan for a number of reasons including thinking it would make me "healthier" and therefore keep my weight down. Both of which were/are utter bullshit. I did not lose weight, which at the time was disappointing but I could deal with it.

What I couldn't deal with however was how sickly I got. I learned through much trial error and lots of gastric distress and immune system fuckery that my body does not function well without meat and eggs. I did everything you're "supposed" to do, I had a doctor who was all on board until I started feeling like crap all the time. I was overtired, got sick a lot.

Turns out, that my body just does not like that and made it quite clear.

I also at one point tried Atkins and that was a disaster as well. Not only was I so constipated I wanted to die, I don't like red meat that much and love fruit of all sorts etc that were on the no no list. Thankfully I came to my senses in a short period of time.

Now, do I think no one should be vegan or do Atkins, or South Beach diet or whatever other system of eating they choose? No. I feel like do what does you good.

For me personally my optimum diet )a reminder here people, I use diet in the context of the food that I eat not bathing in unicorn pee to lose weight) lots of fruits and veggies, some meat. Not so much pasta and lots of wheaty tasty bread. Lots of water.

That is what makes my body the most happy.

Lately frankly my eating has been all over the place and I am paying the gastric toll as we speak. So as I mentioned yesterday and Friday Uniballer and I are going to do some fixing in that department. Which will also be good for him because he is borderline diabetic and neither of us would like for him to go back on medication because the meds made him feel like shit.

Moving along.

This Ask Aunt Fattie column has me thinking a lot. I started to comment but it got way too long.

If you've been reading me for awhile you know I really don't care for the idea of safe space. But what struck me as odd is the assumption that the letter writer is in fact thin and that she needed a lesson on thin privilege.

Now I don't know if the letter writer redacted the mention of specific weight here or not:

After having lunch together at work today, I brought up this Saturday. I was not so politely reminded it’s “the BIG girls’ beach club.” After a minute of my silence and clearly looking hurt, K not so sincerely told me I could come “if I wanted to,” but if I got below 1xx pounds in the next 2 days, I was uninvited.

Naturally I snipped a bit, here's a bit from Aunt Fattie's response:

As a thin woman, you are a member of a dominant culture, and what’s going on here is that a member of an oppressed group sees you trying to impinge on a space she’s carved out for other members of that group. She may worry that you’re slumming, or just that your presence will change the tenor of the weekend. (Even the most feminist man might not be welcome at a girls’ night out.)

If you read the comments there is lots of reminders and the usual nail pounding of making people understand privilege but I don't think that was the problem. Is the assumption of the relative thinness of the letter writer because the redacted weight says 1xx? Would she get a different response if she'd said 2xx?

If instead of assuming this woman is much smaller than the other women involved what would you say to her?

If my friends said something like that to me I'd be pissed off and would probably not bother to give them the time of day anymore aside from hello and goodbye. But then again that's the kind of cranky bastard I am.

However, I would advise her to if she felt like it ask her friend why she would say something like that first of all and secondly, inform her why it hurt her so badly and leave it.

The whole thing leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Next thing.

A few links.

This is not exactly work safe but there is a good interview from DeviantArt with my favorite model KumiMonster.


Totally safe for work I have to share that I have a total love for Miss Scandalous Beauty. I just love reading what she has to say about beauty and Mac and whatnot. Also her youtube videos are fantastic and geared towards my Homies of color.

What else?

Not much.

I don't talk about it a lot here but I have really really bad teeth. I have since I started getting mature teeth. They suck. And some of them hurt right now but, because my dental coverage isn't super fantastic I just have to suffer until I can save up enough money and vacation time to do something about them.

This is depressing and makes me really tired and reminds me that I am poor in a way that other things tend not to.

Especially since people make so many snap judgments when it comes to teeth. So I don't tend to show mine a lot. And please don't blow sunshine up my ass about it because it's one of those prejudices that is pretty acceptable and most people don't even think twice about it. And I don't want to discuss whether or not it exists.

I think I'm spent for now.

Tomorrow maybe pictures of the spectacular fluff that is my hair. It is actually spectacular and if I had more flexirod rollers I could almost rock a natural type look but alas my rollers have all gone to roller heaven. Maybe tonight I will try something new.

That's it.

Homo Out.

PS...don't be surprised if you usually read from the Fatosphere feed and don't get this. My update is so wonky on that.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Oh Anonymous...

Anonymous said:

Anonymous said...

Going on a diet is not only fat hatred but does nothing but ensure that you will gain even more weight since diets are the only cause of weight gain. Buy some elastic waist pants

Said in reference to me yesterday saying:

From a pragmatic point of view I really can't financially afford to rebuy clothes right now or in the near future. Also I have a sneaking suspicion that the dress I bought to wear to Wicked is not going to fit.

I've been discussing it with Uniballer and we are going to do some diet adjustment.

So Anonymous a refresher.

I did not say I am going on a Diet and now hate fat people.

Uniballer (my single nutted other half) and I are going to make some adjustments in our diet. As in, probably a little less sugar. A little less in general.

I will guess Anonymous that you're either new to my blog or don't read it often.

For a refresher on how I feel about the diet issue see here. Here.

Also since I didn't go into detail yesterday. I'm talking probably about six pounds of weight gain. Not a huge deal. Weight located in my tummy area that makes the majority of my pants uncomfortable right now. Does this make me squee with glee? No actually it doesn't.

I really do not feel like buying all new pants/other fitted things.

I could just be constipated. It could be pre period bloat. I might be retaining water. Whatever. I'll re evaluate as I go along. I'm not doing anything crazy like only eating orange foods on Mondays when the moon is at three quarters full and drinking unicorn pee.

In other news I woke up feeling weird gross and pukey for some reason. I'm not too hot I just don't feel so hot. Crap. So that means we didn't go to pride or the Strawberry festival which is disappointing. However I did just give my hair a fancy protein treatment which was good.

Now I'm sitting sweating my tits off with a cap on my hair while I deep condition.

So I'm going to go lay down and drink water.

I forgot what my actual point other than the wee correction up above.

To sum up:
I was using the word diet in the context of stuff I eat not in the context of ZOMFG I'm gonna drink unicorn pee and lose 100 lbs!!!!!11!!elevty!!

Tommorrow new pictures of stuff.

Also more articles to write.

Homo Out.


Friday, June 27, 2008


I am a little in a state of, "wait what? No seriously what the fuck." today. So this will probably not be fluffy.

First bit, Attrice posted about protein water. No really read those two words again. Protein. Water.



I find the whole idea disgusting beyond the idiocy of what I am now deeming as Anorexia style weightloss. Because really, when you get to the point where you're adding shit to your water so you don't eat and yet, magically of course there are hardly any calories in it yeah. Fucking wow.

Moving on because I'm grossed out.

I want to talk about the current state of my ass.

Apparently since sometime in um...March or April I've gained some weight. How much? don't know. Enough that two of my three pairs of pants are too tight in more than a slightly uncomfortable way.

My first thought upon discovering this while I was getting dressed today was literally oh shit.

My next thought was, I cannot afford new pants.

And then finally as I was digging for something else to wear, I thought now what the fuck is going on here?

I've been walking more since the weather has warmed up, no big diet changes. Some additional activity as my joints allow and shit.

It's not enough weight to go up a whole pants size and I'm at a loss as to what to do.

First thing I'm going to do is call a moratorium on new clothes for right now because I can't afford to be buying things that may not fit soonish. This is kind of fucking up my program.

From a pragmatic point of view I really can't financially afford to rebuy clothes right now or in the near future. Also I have a sneaking suspicion that the dress I bought to wear to Wicked is not going to fit.

I've been discussing it with Uniballer and we are going to do some diet adjustment.

I really am starting to love my wardrobe and honestly don't want to start all over or be stuck really way between sizes again because that sucks.

Quite frankly if you want to be offended feel free. I don't really care because you're not walking in my cute little sneakers.

I mention them because I bought this pair of cute all black sneakers on Ebay yonks ago and I love them. I'm not really a sneaker person in general but these rocks my no sock wearing self.

Also I just got some new summer shoes since the ones I've been wearing are torn and my other pair is dead.

I picked up these cute things on sale. When they get here to celebrate the toes are getting the disco treatment. Which means, they will be black with glitter on top.

I really want this ring.

In other news, I uploaded some new stuff to Flickr. I am really enjoying learning photography so much. I even have a textbook that a dear friend was sweet enough to give me. I am excited about learning this stuff in a huge way. I am what you could call creatively greedy and I have an obscene obsession with learning to be more of a visual artist.

I can't paint, I can't draw so goddamn it I am going to take some pretty pictures.

What else?

I think I'm about spent.

Although I have to say I met such a hot fat girl today good lord if I was single and looking. She said hello to me and I seriously stammered people. I was totally staring and felt all giddy and stupid.

So embarrassing but, I will confess beautiful people can do that to me. I mean seriously whoa. Holy hotness. Not to mention she had on some kick ass shoes that made me squee a little.

Now I'm going to sit here and pine for the double bacon/cheeseburger that Uniballer is on his way to go get right now.

Homo out.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

More thoughty.

I was reading this entry over at How To Eat A CheeseBurger a little bit earlier and it has my brain going.

Personally I am on not on board with the idea that commenting on another persons body/entire being is never okay.

I am a complimenter. I enjoy brightening a day or making someone smile. If said person freaks out on me, I don't take that as being my issue. If I pay a compliment it's a compliment.

I think at some point if we all clam up because we're afraid of judgement in any form, life will get very very boring.

Another thing that annoys me that runs fucking rampant these days, is the idea that if you are "caught" looking at a person of the same sex then oh NOEZ they will think you're gay. I hate, hate the whole "no homo" thing. Is it really so necessary and important to make sure that everyone knows your sexual orientation is not too queer?

Fucking absurd and that's all the lip service I'm giving to that issue.

Next thing on my mind is something someone said to me in passing recently.

I was talking to a bus friend last week on our way into downtown Seattle. She's probably about ten years older than I am or so and she often remarks about how bold I am to wear what I wear and in general my entire person.

Am I really bold?

Not really. I think I am simply very very comfortable with who I am at this point in life and how I present myself to the world. I think this is entirely why I am comfortable not being fly all the time. Also why I am comfortable in saying that 90% of the time my choices in how I present myself are not in fact political.

Moving along.

I just saw via Paul over at BFB a link to a new Flickr group called Love my Parts. I love the idea of using portraits to learn to love and explore your various parts.

Which leads me into my own Flickr adventures. I've been taking lots of self portraits and using them to get more familiar with myself from an objective point of view. Ultimately I'd like to be doing arty nudes etc with essays and maybe put together a book to put out on Lulu.

I am excited and nervous about embarking on this. It's entirely for my own benefit but I am open to sharing my experience with the world at large because I think it's important that people feel like yes, it's perfectly okay to look at yourself in new ways and not have the society mandated reaction of hate.

I am getting way too distracted.

I'm watching classical videos on youtube.

For some reason when I listen to classical music I listen with my entire body and my heart rate accelerates with certain pieces of music. As much as I love all music only classical does this to me.

Now I'm singing Metallica really loud.

I'm glad my coworkers don't hate me.

Now I will share what else I like to sing.

Okay I need to stop now my musical geekdom is reaching critical mass and I totally forgot what my point was anyway.

Homo Out.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Thinky Thinky.

Before I go thinky some links.

Lindsay has updated her awesome resources see that here.

Also the super fabulous Stacy Bias has a new project going check it.

The new project is called "The Fat Experience Project." and you can view it here:

The goal of the Fat Experience Project is to map the global experience of fat in a way that is human, has a face, a heart, a mind, a body and a voice. The Fat Experience Project is an oral, visual and written history project which seeks to be a humanizing force in body image activism. By collecting and sharing the many and varied stories of individuals of size, the Fat Experience Project seeks to engage with, educate, empower and enrich the lives of people of size, our allies and the world at large.

As the project grows, it will be filled with first-person, non-fiction narratives (in text, video or mp3 format) that speak to the many and varied aspects of the life lived large. Some of the content will come from interviews already gathered on an extensive 2-month road trip (with the lovely Val Garrison) in both audio and video format. Some content will come from trips on the horizon. Most content will be submitted via the website by readers such as yourself.

It is my hope that the project will be a community tool to combat prejudice/stereotype/discrimination as well as to help externalize shame so it can discussed and dissipated. The things we keep silent about are the things that do us the most harm. Shared burden is lighter. I am hoping, as well, that the project may eventually be used as a humanizing resource for fat studies and social anthropology courses.

I am writing to ask for your help in both the promotion of and the participation in this project. It is my fondest hope that, ultimately, with time and resources, this project will grow beyond a specific and exclusive fat focus and move toward addressing the many intersections of shame.

In the meantime, I would love your help in the form of passing this along to your blog readers/mailing lists/friends/family/anyone you feel may benefit from hearing about this project.

I also welcome comments, constructive criticism and volunteers.

Thanks for your time and energy!
Big BIG love,

Stacy Bias


Okay now thinky. This post by Kate Harding got me thinking.

A wee quote from the end of that post:

For all the empty talk about being concerned for our health, there sure are a lot of medical professionals out there who simply don’t want to do their jobs when it comes to fat patients.

I've been ruminating about some of my experiences with the medical community and re-examining some of those experiences in a new light.

There was a time that I took anything doctors told me as the gospel god awful truth. Being that they went to med school for a gazillion years, I thought they would both know what they were talking about and have that mythical bedside manner.

I remember when I was working out obsessively for hours a day and I hurt myself I went to the doctor who congratulated me on my dedication. Looking back I have t wonder why the doctor wasn't at all concerned about my stated 3 hour workouts six days a week and horrible eating habits. Why?

I was thin but not quite that thin you know what I mean. Outwardly to look at me I was in pretty damn good shape, I was within the acceptable parameters as far as weight go but that doctor never once asked me or even really checked on my rapid weight loss and very clear obsession with the exercise.

I did a lot of damage to myself with the doctors approval and fucking kudos. Looking back I really wish it hadn't taken this female bodybuilder to pull me aside and get me to see what I was doing to myself. Where was my doctor?

Also where was the appropriate concern from doctors or other medical personnel with whom I was entirely open about what I was doing.

At one point someone in my docs office even commented that I was "almost there".

When I finally came to my goddamn senses everyone there was suddenly ever so concerned about the fact that I was gaining weight. No one commented on how my daily pain levels were better. Or about how I had stopped being dizzy and light headed midday.

No, I was told to be careful or I would wind up fat.


At this stage in life I find it unutterably fucking horrible that a professional medical type person would not express concern over what is clearly not good. That said, I also find it fucking horrible when professional medical people look at you adn say, "Yer fat and yer gonna DIE".

In an ideal situation the convo would go like this:

Doc- You're overweight. Would you like help losing some weight?
Me- No thanks I'm good.
Doc- Okay now turn your head and cough.

I don't have balls but you get my meaning here.

I would like to see more doctors who can acknowledge that you might know what's good for you and what will make your life good. I don't think that is too much to ask.

And gods but I'm spent. Uniballer is bringing Thai food and right now I am going to work on some more articles.

I think after I conclude my series on online activism for beginners I might do some um...yeah. Not sure.


Again I know but find my articles here.


Homo Out.


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

New projects, making some loot and glee.

Okay my darlings.

I'm having a hell of a stressful week but I have a couple of new projects I'd like to share with you.

And let me get the begging out of the way. Please give these a click, you don't have to read, comment or even like them but I am trying to make some extra money here.


Okay over at Hub Pages I've started a series of articles about activist blogging for beginners. There are two so far and they are very very basic and I'm planning on making them more involved as I go on. Super short, to the point and hopefully enough to keep readers coming back to find out if there are more.

I'm also resurrecting my Associated Content articles that focus more on beauty, clothes etc. Also beginners guides. Currently I've got in the works beauty and skin care for beginners. Very simple easy and cheap things to do. Nothing complicated as of yet. Right now there are four articles published but more are coming.

Not only am I trying to make some extra pennies with these but I am working on my more impersonal non fiction writing.

Here's where I go to you my homies. If you have questions, or would really like to see me do an article about something specific feel free to ask me. I would be all about that. I will announce as things go up.

Or if you are into it feel free to subscribe at either link or join up.

Now that's out of the way.

I've been reading a new blog lately. The fabulous Bombshell Betty. Actually back reading and this entry has me thinking.

One thing I have long (way before I ever stumbled into Body Accetance and FA) held the opinion that we as people have way more influence than we think.

I whole heartedly believe that the more often you say "that sucks I'm not participating in that" or however you'd phrase that sentiment, it sticks in someone's craw. The more people hear you express your non participation, I think the more people will say, "you know what me neither".

I know a lot of us don't like conflict. And I know some of us are shy. But I do believe that all of us can make a difference in our spheres of culture. I'm talking change in your microcosm of the big nasty world.

And now some links.

I love this entry by Lindsay. Good stuff go read it.

And I am kind of spent now. I didn't sleep much at all last night.

However I do have my camera and batteries right now so I am going to take a few photos post them to Flickr.

More later.

Homo out.

Oh I love you guys too. No really I do. I still don't know how to reply to comments individually and I forget to mention but I love you.

Enough that I'd probably let you touch my boobs.a

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Late Night I should be in bed musings.

I just read the guest post over at The Rotund written by Dr. Sheila about Candye Kane.

Now I don't know either Dr. Sheila or Candye Kane but a few thoughts occur to me.

Shall we?

Dr. Sheila says this feel free to follow along:

But I’m mad at her. Because one of her anthems is “200 Pounds of Fun.” And I’ll be damned if she’s 200 pounds.

What bugs me about this is that I’ve seen the same kind of numbers game go on in big-girl porn - I’ve seen shoots with women who were labeled 150 or 170 pounds who were more like 250, maybe even 300 if they were an ounce. It hacks me off that even in allegedly size-positive territory (setting aside my feelings about the BBW fetishization thing, it is at
least an arena where women of size are supposed to be appreciated), there is this relentless effort to slim women’s weights down. And the kickback is that a) people have no idea what weights look like, and b) the belief that women who weigh 160 or 170 pounds are “pigs”
(warning: super-triggering article about “hogging”). The result is that the popular perception of anything above what, 130? 140 pounds? Is Fatty Fatty Two By Four.

My very first thought was, why are you talking about this other persons body like this?

I don't like that.

Secondly there is no mention of when the song might've been written, whether or not it is in fact an autobiographical song, no context aside from it pisses Dr. Sheila off.

Now onto the next bit.

Candye Kane has not a goddamn thing to do with how porn is made.

As Candye pointed out in her comment, models don't have control over the copy with their photos. I will give Dr. Sheila the benefit of the doubt and assume for the moment she doesn't know that or is not in on how porn is made.

Also, the song by Candye Kane did not start nor does it even really contribute to the issue of women lying about their weight or feeling pressured to.

The fact is as we've seen for years and years and years, people don't know what any weight looks like for the most part.

What bothers me is the tone of that particular piece. Gluing Kandye onto the issue seems superfluous to me and nonsensical. If there had even been the question raised in the article as to (the aforementioned) when the song was written etc. I would probably be more on board but wow the presentation is wow.

There are a lot of rah rah comments echoing the "no way in HAYL she weighs 200 lbs" sentiment and it took quite awhile for anyone to offer the possibilities that I already mentioned.

Let's pause there for a second.

Isn't that the same sort of bullshit needling that a lot of us fat folks really fucking hate? I mean seriously?

Would the response have been the same if the song were done by someone who actually weighs 185? Or if anyone had taken a moment to check the date when the song was originated? Or even took a second to ask Kandye (though I wouldn't have because she is ill currently) what was going on with that?

At some point I think we really need to ask ourselves what are we doing here?

I am on board with the idea that the misconceptions about actual weight suck. The lies told by/around celebrity weights suck.

However I think using an old song by Candye Kane as the jump off and pointing fingers at her sucks too.

I think this would be like someone calling me to task for writing a story say, nine years ago about my romps through drugs, getting it published tomorrow and me not doing drugs these days. Yes that is a slightly absurd comparison but, isn't it really the same sort of thing? Would the fact that if the person firing off the criticism didn't mention the fact that yes, the piece was written when I was in fact doing a fuckton of drugs make a difference?

It's like calling someone a poser for singing a punk rock song they wrote when they were a punk rocker, and right now they are a long haired hippy. It takes the fire out of the actual issue to me.

I am not saying that people are not open to criticism. Yes I do believe they are. But, if you are going to criticize someone for something, I'd have all the facts instead of just, well I don't like it.

Also as TR mentioned, aside from hot prose she makes some kickass jewelry and things.

Elsewhere in the Fatosphere Kate posted a tidbit from the FatRant 3 thread about kids and how fatness is presented to them.

I personally think that kids won't start being offensive until people start freaking out on them for asking perfectly natural questions. I think our society has so embraced the idea that any difference (oooh remember I just talked about this on Friday) is not to be discussed or acknowledged in "polite" company. I think this is where we fail our children.

If you grow up and are so paranoid about mentioning anything "different" how are you really going to function in the real world? I think we all know people who stumble over saying disabled or Black or gay or whatever. The people who will drop into a whisper to say things that are not at all rude but, they have been so programmed to never ever be aware of difference they can't deal with it.

I call bullshit and shenanigans.

Ask your kids not to point but don't tell them not to ask the disabled man if he's okay. Do your kids a favor and teach them how to be respectful and accepting of diversity in all it's magnificent yanno stuff.

Also I finally watched Joy Nash's Fat Rant 3.

Good points. However as I said the other day it doesn't make me do cartwheels. That's just how I rolls.

Here it is:

I really have to go to bed. My neck really hurts and I have to get up early tomorrow.

So my darlings I will offer the promised make up photos. YAY for me figuring it out dood.

Tomorrow more pictures if my batteries survive. And I will talk about something I've been working on that is very near to my heart and very personal.

The look:

No foundation. Fyrinnae finishing powder, Fyrinnae eyeshadow primer, random snow/es, Mac Vis-a-Violet inner corner, Fyrinnae Predatory pro color used wet w/Avon transforming liquid, Maybelline Great Lash.

Close up white purple look

And full face and the top of my outfit, the Goth in Summer.

smiley full face

The outfit was a black underwire cami from Torrid, black lace bedjacket (yes I wear lingerie as outerwear suck it), and what you can't see a full length black straight skirt with black lace overlay. Black cotton mary janes.

And that's enough.

Homo Out.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Good day for a poor girl.

Uniballer and I had a good day today.

Spent the breezy warm afternoon running errands and getting lunch at Taco Del Mar.

As I have mused to myself before, when you've spent a large amount of time poor finding awesome deals on things that you might not really need but want and can have is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

We stopped in at Big Lots and I picked up a 12 dollar lipgloss for 2 bucks. I also got a nice sheer red glossy lipstick for two bucks.

What I am super proud of is the deals on necessities. At least necessities for me.

For 27$ I got about a 160 day supply of multi vitamins, the omega 3-6-9 formula I like, hair nail and skin vitamins. Similarly awesome we went to the dollar store for my favorite conditioner that I use for conditioner washes. I got 4 bottles of white rain tropical coconut conditioner. Great stuff.

Also snagged a pyrex massager octopus thingy, that came with bonus moist/warm/cool wraps for the neck for five dollars and I really need those.

Got a bra at big lots and some Ghost Rider boxers that I have on right this instant.

Nothing over ten bucks. Excellent.

While I was having a poo earlier I was looking at our toilet paper. A few weeks ago Uniballer picked up the tripe big rolls of that fancy quilted toilet paper and when I saw it, I was so excited I actually hugged the package. Why?

When you're poor and you're a champion pooper, having really nice soft not 1 ply bum wipe is a marvelous wondrous treat. Even better when you get it on super sale.

Also I did new a new make up look that is sparkly and gorgeous.

I wore a pretty outfit.

Very uber goth in summer. Full length straight black skirt with a lace overlay, black cami, black lace bell sleeved bed jacket. Black cotton mary janes.

Ahhh the goth in summer.

I have no color released henna in my hair which I'm going to wash out here in about an hour. Then a light shampoo and a deep condition.

Also awesome. My make up lover homies always remember to check your local Big Lots for good deals.

And check out this website for Mac pigment samples. Quick shipping and an extra little thing of yellow glitter that I think I'm going to add to some lip gloss. The Body Needs.
They also sell some tasty looking very cheap lip glosses.

I love pigment samples so much. Enough color for plenty of uses and a cheap way to experiment with high end make up. Awesome.

I think next week I will write up a being fabulous in the make up department on the cheap.

Also still trying to figure out how to do some youtube reviews.

Okay time to make a snack then prepare to wash and dry.
Tags: , ,


Friday, June 20, 2008

Fluff, links and glee.

I finally feel semi human.

Not quite so sore and stiff, my hair looks fucking awesome (will take pics when I get home) also my outfit is super cute.

First up I have another confession to make.

A lot of the things that get a lot of other people excited do nothing for me. Manifestos, etc. I'm not saying they suck, or any one thing that people in the fatosphere are super excited about sucks but it doesn't move me. This is probably the reason I will never be famous.

Now for some fun and glee.

So some fashion news.

I am still looking for one fabulous thing to take with me to LA for my homies wedding. I have been perusing Lip Service and apparently I am not going to fit into their plus sizes. WUT.

Hold up wait a minute, I'm writing up a thing about the Lippy there.

I just posted this at the Lippy Addicts community on LJ. For reference for my non gothling homies I am talking about the plus size items found here.

Has anyone looked at the plus size size chart on the Lippy site?

I'll use the smallest plus size measurements (close to my current size sort of) as my example here Plus size-0
Bust 42
Waist 42
Hips 45

Notice anything off?

Awhile back I asked about the Lippy for Torrid vs the usual Lippy plus sizing and was told they are basically the same thing.

This is the Torrid standard measurements for a plus size 0.
Bust-40 - 43 Waist-32 - 35 Hips-42 - 45

Now if you look at the Lippy standard sizing (I'll use my size XXL)

Bust 43”
Waist 34”
Hip 45.5"

Okay looking at those numbers why do the plus sizes have such a weird waist to hip ratio and no measurement difference between bust and waist? Is this a misprint? Should I forward this to them?

Or if any of you Lippy folks are reading today, let me say that YAY for a few plus size options but seriously guys not all fat girls are square shaped. It's actually really insulting to look at that size chart. Based on those measurements very few plus size folks I know would actually be able to fit or wear those sizes.

It might work out better to indicate that those might be shirt sizing? Or am I reaching here? Looking at the three plus size options those measurements make sense for the tops because of the cuts.

But the dress?

Looking at the fit model used I would bet you five dollars her bust is probably at least a couple of inches bigger than her waist.

If you folks at Lip Service need some reference as to what fat female bodies might look like I would be more than happy to point you to some diverse and amazing resources.

If you read all that I'm not pissed off really. I still love Lippy and I love the clothes enough point to a problem.

I waffle about Lip Service a lot. I do dig a lot of the clothes but they are very much an LA sized company. I mean to say that a lot of their clothing is cut for skinny asses which is great and all but fat asses want some counter culture oriented hotness too.

Also there tend to be sizing issues but whatever. I already wrote to them about that awhile back.

I don't think I'm going to get much in the way of input from the Lippy community I don't think I've ever seen anyone mention being plus sized without apology first or promises that they are dieting which is sad. But, really I don't think it's the venue for FA honestly because I can't lie I would go for broke to lose ten pounds to squeeze it into a few choice Lippy bits.

Also not a lot of fat people can even wear their clothes so it's not the venue.

However, I do think that it's prudent to show some quality control there. Or at least an acknowledgment that they might be doing it wrong.

I feel the same way about a lot of retailers who are dipping their toes into the plus size market. If you're going to do it there are things one can assume.

1.) Not all fat people are built exactly alike. Not all of us are the ubiquitous images of headless fatties. Some of us are, some of us aren't and you can't base your models off of that one image.

2.) You don't make the rules about what fat people will or won't wear. You might not dig it on someone fat, but someone else might. Hell the fat person might rock the fuck out of it. Not your call retailer.

3.) As a part of#1 please PLEASE do some fucking research. Not all styles of clothing can be sized up reasonably. Also if you size up one part, you may have to size up another part. For instance we all know that babydoll and empire waist style tops are all the rage now. Retailer, if you are upsizing your babydoll top don't forget to yanno add some to the booby area. But, not hugely enormous because not all fatties have big boobs.

4.) It's not necessary as I commented to Lippy to make a whole special subsection of styles just for plus size folks. It's nice sometimes but, what I believe most plus size consumers are after is diversity in selection and if they are longtime brand fans (as I am of Lippy) some options in the classics. I also think that fiscally it behooves a company to make someone a fan of their classics then go OH HAY CHECK IT OUT WE GOT SOMETHIN SPECIAL FOR YOU!

And to end this bit, unlike what this charming lady said at the Lippy blog.


Actually no. It's nothing about being unhappy in my body baby, it's all about the same things everyone else likes in their clothes. Selection, good fit and quality.

Which leads me right into my next point.

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of the divisive issues in FA and generally in society boil down to people buying into the idea that different=bad and wrong and needs to be corrected.

Not so says the cranky beasty.

Take a minute and give some thought to the idea. It's probably more prevelant than you might think. The fear of difference is something that at least in the America I live in runs deep and is hooked into fear like the ring hooked through my lower lip.

Watch the news and notice that things that are different, strange or unusual get the panic laden headlines.

So much of the bullshit that goes on in this country revolves around difference being the basis for panic and fear.

What are people afraid of? Think about it.

People are afraid that "they" will "get" "them" and then the world will end.

There is always a "they" whomever they might be who are out to get the "good" people.

It might be us uppity fatties who want to be treated with common dignity and respect.

It might be those scary black people and their "urban" music invading the suburbs.

It might be the white people trying to hold everyone not white down.

It might be the Homos out to ruin marriage for straight people everywhere and turn the world gay.

It might be the Muslims and other brown people of questionable beliefs trying to convert and kill us all.

It might be fill in the blank because we've all heard it. But have you paid close attention to it? Do you question peoples expressed fears?

Dude I totally went there, and today was supposed to be fluff.

Okay back to the fluff swearsies.

Oh something amusing. So this last week or so I've had some extra energy drinks and noticed that I felt kind of yanno weird awhile after having them. Not quite the OMG WEEEEEEEEEEe kind of weird more like the oh, um weird. I did some reading and checked the nutrition facts on my drinks and dundundaaaa, it's the niacin. Duh.

To quote

Do not take this medication if you are allergic to nicotinic acid, or if you have severe liver disease, a stomach ulcer, or active bleeding.

Niacin can cause certain side effects, such as flushing (warmth, itching, redness, or tingly feeling under your skin). These effects can be made worse if you drink alcohol or hot beverages shortly after you take niacin. These effects should disappear over time as you keep taking the medication.

Avoid getting up too fast from a sitting or lying position, or you may feel dizzy. Get up slowly and steady yourself to prevent a fall.

So yeah drinking high niacin content energy drinks then hot tea=beasty feels weird.

OH wait back to Lip Service for a minute. I emailed them a link to my post and what I got in return was that the size chart is correct. I said that's astonishing and left it at that.

What I really wanted to say was the following:

Dear Lip Service,
From the (as I am assured is correctly printed) sizing catalog you believe that people over a size XXL are essentially box shaped with no hip to waist ratio to speak of, breasts and bellies all the same size. If that is the case feel free to cease making plus size clothes right now. If they are sewn in that manner they will not fit a lot of people and it's frankly insulting.

In short, fuck you too.

Sincerely a former Lippy Addict.

I didn't say that but that's what I'm thinking. I'm also thinking, okay maybe it's time to break up with Lip Service for good. I don't know if it's shoddy design, they don't care or what but wow.

Or I might pick up some more of the Lippy for Torrid garments but now I am all paranoid they are going to be sized like the above and I don't want to go through the hassle of ordering something then have it pretty much hang straight from my boobs no matter what the size is.

This, is a conundrum. I sent the patternmakers some feedback. And a link to the Fatshionista Flickr pool to show the diversity of fat lady shapes.

I will be pondering it.

Moving on.

I still don't know what I'm wearing to go see Wicked. I am 90% certain it will be something goth and fabulous. I'll have to investigate the weather in LA so I don't wear too many layers because I really hate that.

I do really love fashion and understand pretty well how things are constructed and whatnot. I'd like to see Lippy do (I know back on the Lip service thing) plus size justice because I'm an aging Goth and I like hot goth clothes that aren't full length a line velvet dresses.

My goth homies you know what I'm talking about.

Personally if they re-release more Gangsta Pranksta in plus sizes I will in fact sell my left ovary to get as much of it as humanly possible. In a couple of different colorways in fact.

SO OKAY note to self move on for fuck sake.

Okay moving on my darlings.

OH make up.

So I have been planning my attack on flying (ZO-MAH-MOTHERFUCKING-GAWD I'm flying, I hate to fly) with make up and I am going to buy a 15 pan Pro Pallette from Mac either via a custom purchase or on Ebay. Then fill it with pressed pigments so I can bring as few loose type things as needed. Then I'll probably bring one or two lip products, and some sealed liquid liner/mascara just so there is no airport fuckery.

Also in make up news I have some new sites and companies to try out and I am figuring out how to make a video. SO I am going to hopefully start doing some youtube reviews of products. YAY.

Maybe I'll be famous yet.

Okay I'm spent I need something to snack on and some tea.

Homo out.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Watch out, my brain is going.

First of all hot damn I got sleep.

Now some things that have been percolating.

First of all, the story about the first gay couple to be married in Cali. These women have been together for 55 years.

Really think about that for a moment. 55 years. Longer than I've been alive, longer than either of my parents have been alive. The story made me tear up. If you can read that sort of thing and still spout bullshit about the homos not being able to commit or whatever, fuck off.

Now okay let's talk about that whole "real woman" thing.

I think to start with the idea of pumping women up over what is essentially a useless phrase is fucking terrible. It's not like women don't have enough things we are all divisive and shitty to each other about why add that into the mix?

First let's look at some random google ideas about what a "real woman" should be.

First up from what I gather is a dating site of some sort. Some jewels.

Money shouldn’t become the necessity of real woman’s life. If she has money she spends it, when she is short of money she doesn’t care, or just pretends she doesn’t.

Orly? I don't know or care who wrote this piece of tripe but, okay Dear Anonymous Author, that is a fucking absurd statement.

Next up. A delicious bit from Chastity Call.

A Real Woman...
Unselfish, thoughtful and kind
Honest, faithful and trustworthy
Patient, sincere and forgiving
Modest, pure and chaste
Compassionate, caring and giving
Understanding, humble and secure.

Okay if that's how you roll however, using this as a statement of what a "real woman" is, is disrespectful to the fantastic diversity that is woman. Yes that's the theme here my homies.

So in terms of usability the phrase "real woman" is essentially useless because of the infinite permutations of the human animal. I won't even go into the amount of wank I see about transwomen not being "real" women, about lesbians not being "real" women, about butch women not being "real" women. Not to mention the varied racial based ideas, and my for serious most hated one body shape and size.

I absolutely do not believe at all that one must have "perfect" measurements or size or state of physical being for any woman. That is absolute pure bullshit.

Double bullshit and shenanigans.

I also call double bullshit and shenanigans on myself for ever buying into that.

The fact of the matter is whether you like it or not human beings by and large are never going to conform to anything but the most basic parameters. As in be homo sapiens.

I realize that I am no scientist and I don't care to be. However I defy anyone to show me how and where human beings are cookie cutter. And you have to be exact. Differences are differences are differences.

The fact is that when you subscribe whole heartedly to anything that breaks things down to us versus them whomever us and them might be, you are doing a disservice not only to yourself but to the people you are trying to support I believe.

Also I want to just say that I was perusing my recommended feeds on the google reader and I was all into a blog until she used a stupid term for white people and fuck sake. Turned me right off. Reminding me yet again that I cannot deal with shit like that at all. I don't think it's cute, funny, amusing or ok with "just us".

And the next person to ask if my bun is a sock bun they are getting punched in the fucking neck.

Next subject involves my issues with feeding or baiting trolls. It's a personality flaw I admit. I do it for my own sick twisted amusement.

I will play dumb, I will on occasion whip them up into a frenzy then i point and laugh. It's not really constructive or really a nice thing to do but I can't help myself sometimes. Laurie and Debbie cover the issue way better than I ever could.

Okay I think I am spent for the day. I am full of fish taco goodness and am thinking it's a serious possibility I am going to have gastric distress sooner rather than later because I've had too much dairy this week.

Tomorrow I think a new letter to my body because bitch is pissing me off.

Homo Out.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Dude Meowser, I totally had to go back and read, that comment made me go errrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh NO. (Note- to get the full effect make a loud screechy noise then stop suddenly and yell no.)

And welcome Mindy.

Note to you my homies, I am really tired (as in I only slept for about 2 hours) and I am just short of stabbing someone in the neck so bear with me.

I was going to do another whole privilege talk but I don't feel like it.

Instead I wanna talk about music and shiny things.

I just subscribed to the Antilabel Blog and OMFG. There is some kick ass new music going on right now and I am excited.

Nick Cave, Portishead, Michael Franti and Spearhead, hot goddamn.

In other news the IRS has informed me via letter that my blood stimulus money is coming. Very handy because most of it will go toward a maid of honor dress and some fancy make up and quite possibly a fancy outfit to wear to go see Wicked.

I am trying really hard to avoid one of my bizarre fashion choices even though I knows Cookie loves me, I don't want to look too weird.

Hold up wait a minute (Sing along..don't go there cause I ain't with it)

Someone please right now tell me I don't need these:




In other news I believe it is time to move along with my earlobe stretch. In case you're new I'm enlarging the gauge of the holes in my earlobes bit by bit. I've been at 14 gauge for um, what since January and frankly it went about 100% better than I thought it would. No infection, no fissures, no inordinate hurting.

So next is 12, I will probably not spend quite as long at 12 since I was healed up quite awhile ago and would like to move along to 10. I may stop at 10 or go all the way to 8.

I really like the talon style for comfort sake. Eventually I'd like to wind up with some steel swans or some such.

Wow so sleepy.

I need a time out.

I've been looking at some style oriented blogs and apparently I am even less hip and trendy than I thought.

I started that yesterday after a couple of days of no sleep. I got some sleep and feel better now.

Actually I will predate this bad boy, post it and make a whole new post for things on my mind.

Monday, June 16, 2008

In which I say...

Lots to cover today.

First of all the iced coffee from Starbucks owned Seattle's Best is cheap and pretty tasty. a 20 oz large is 2.03 with tax and one packet of splenda and a splash of half and half makes it tasty.

I still haven't remembered to buy new batteries for my camera but my make up is sparkly neutral hotness today. I used the L'Oreal Hip cream shadow in Nervy as a thin base. Very nice base I must admit. It doesn't have quite the lasting power of my Fyrinnae eyeshadow primer but it's nice. And I actually like the little brush it comes with, a lot of people had issues with that. So I packed on this random Revlon shadow in a creamy very light sparkly beige, then picked up my Copperclast pigment and applied it to the outer corners and up into my crease, then on up at the outside to my eyebrows. Then I used a tiny bit of uh....shinrajoku? from Fyrinnae as a highlight. Thin black cat eye, lots of mascara and PAPOW. Hotness.

The lips took some work though. I started out with just Bare Fetish lipglass. However it was not working for me today so I took it off and started with a dark dark dark berry color, then a little Bare Fetish over it and sparkly hotness.

The outfit is as this very gay boy who sees me daily apparently said is, "elegant casual goth". Mid calf length black velvet tiered prarie style full skirt, Target long and lean tank, old hoody because I'm weird and get cold. Satin flats.

Rocking my bun.

Okay next thing.

Happy late Birthday Oro.

What else?

Margaret Cho posted photos she did with Midori doing some rope and photographed by Andrew Takeuchi and mmm omg. If I didn't already love her dood.

Lovely Sarah Kathering Lewis posted all the recipes from her new book Sex&Bacon, over in her LJ. Mmm foods.

Also from LJ Saskaia is hosting a blog carnival for Fat Women of Color. Go check out where to submit your links then DO IT. DO EEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

And let me pause in my squeeing here for a minute. Here is the original link from Fatshionista. Okay now if I can call your attention to some of the responses.

Okay wait what the BLUE FUCK are you motherfucking serious?

All I'm going to say is this. When people of color come together for whatever reason to discuss their experiences it is not fucking marginalizing white people. It is just not.

As some of my non People of Color homies have said, it's not about you.

I couldn't comment at Fatshionista because frankly I would be really rude and I am in no mood to play Educating Negress today.

For fuck sake.

Moving on before I spew cracker crumbs all over my keyboard in upset.

While I'm on the subject of Fatshionista can I just say that there are a few users who's closets I'd like to molest with impunity? Granted it's not because they are supa aging goths like me but because they are made of awesome and I'd like to roll around in the awesome for a little while.

Also awesome today is TR's post about shopping. I have nothing else to add just go read it.

I want to share my awesome madlib skills, I made Prunella giggle with my birthday madlib go read it here.

OH and before I forget my porno loving queer folks, FemmeFatale media one of my favorite porn companies is having their pride sale. Get details here. Can I just say that I have really enjoyed (two hands down my pants enjoyed) every one of the movies I've seen that have come from them. No seriously I have. Which is a lot coming from me because I am very snobby about what porn I like and don't like.

Tara posted this really fabulous entry over at Go read it. Again, I have nothing to add she said it all.

I know links all over the place I can't help it.

Some other things on my mind today.

I do not believe in assigning the term "curvy" as a softer gentler euphemism for fat. Nor do I believe that stupid fucking adage "real women have curves". Someone was asking me about that not too long ago and it made me frothy. I know a LOT of women who are in fact "real" women who are not curvy in the slightest.

Also I hate the use of the word "real" in this manner. It chafes my tender ass. "Real" women come in all kinds of interesting shapes, colors, sizes and whatnot. Assigning a little tiny asinine box to a whole lot of people just to bolster your own self esteem is a jackass thing to do.

That's mean but it's how I feel about it.

Also as I was perusing Deviantart and came across a shot of a fat woman (arty nude) some of the comments while celebratory in nature bug me. Why is it that when it comes to a fat woman (and didn't I JUST cover this?) everyone seems to feel the need to compare her to the thin woman often to the thin womans detriment? Or say make the caveat that they don't usually find a fat woman attractive but somehow this one is okay. What the fuck?

I have to wonder if people ever really think about what they are saying when they make comments like that?

One does not have to put down one thing to be jazzed about another. Having one preference does not mean everything else is crap. No really.

Also really, it doesn't take a very special unicorn pee and rainbow mixed courage for a fat woman to show some boobs in front of a camera. It does however take every woman some unicorn pee, glitter and a shot of rainbow courage to show herself in a photograph as evidenced by the fact that (check my last entry for links) EVERY woman gets a hell of a digital make over.

Don't believe me?

Google photo retouching on google and check out some of the portfolios of people who do it for a living. Men get it too but, I find that what gets changed on women to leap over the border of ridiculous into wait who the FUCK is that.

I also call bullshit and shenanigans double bullshit and shenanigans on myself for ever subscribing to that bullshit. For reals though.

And to wrap up go have a listen (huge bandwidth hog link) my Muxtape. It changes every now and then when I'm in the mood. So check it often. I really want to do soem hot ass stripper type dancing to the Puscifer track if only for myself. I'm talking me taking it all off in a room of mirrors all by my goddamn self. That would seriously be AWESOME.

Later this week if Uniballer or I remembers to get fucking batteries new photos, I might even show you guys my ugly little toes.

And why are said toes so goddamn ashy? I slathered them in lotion earlier today.

My poor brown dry skin.

Okay done.

Homo out.

Saturday, June 14, 2008


I just relaxed my hair and it is the hot motherfucking sex.

Also my uterus is showing her might and I do not approve. Bitch calm down.

Twitter is too fun.

Also my fucking boobs hurt.

Now off to be fed goodies by Uniballer and potentially ruin my dinner with cookies and cheap ass fake Koolaid because I am craving it so bad.

I also have a bag of cotton candy that won't eat itself.

Or as the running joke in the house goes, "crack don't smoke itself"

Oro I hope you feel better and the cloud lifts.

And um..okay that's it I'm going to lay down and ingest cookies.

In bed.

Fotos later on.

Homo Out.

PS..why do I have a weird patch of rash on my left tit? What the fuck is going on here?

I blame estrogen. Today I would be happy to own a penis.
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Thursday, June 12, 2008

I like it.

Weightlessone asked me an excellent question that has my ruminating.

How would you feel if those images ended up in a gallery or were sold to a collector?

First question.

I have thought about it and quite frankly I would be pretty honored. Even if the person was buying the piece only because of the photographer, I'd still be pretty stoked.

Also I would think it was a little funny, someone paying who knows how much money to stare at my naked ass for Gods only know how long.

Which leads into another thought.

I am not anonymous or even pseudonymous on the intertubes. If you looked you can find out all sorts of info about me, seem my picture, behold my mighty cleavage, see me giving the finger.

So if I publish somewhere, naked photos chances are lots of things could/would happen.

1.) People I don't really want seeing me naked will.
I can deal with that.
2.) Coasting on number one, people could steal and do rude things to my photos.
I can deal with that as well. I kind of doubt that there is anyone on the intertubes that can come up with something so awful to say about me that I haven't heard before or won't ever hear again. Hence my generally humorous reaction to trolls. Not that I get any really but I don't have issues getting them.

I can't take anyone seriously who uses U/UR/ in a serious way. I also cannot take someone seriously who's entire argument is basically. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT THERE"S FAT PEOPLE NAKED ON THE INTERNETS AND MY LIFE IS RUINED". So yeah.

3.) People could love them.
That would be pretty cool. However it's not for those people it's mostly for me. I want to see my body and know it from an outside view.

Also okay that's a little misleading.

When I think about taking nudies of myself, or scantily clothed or whatever. I am thinking of a woman. And this is not sisterhood this is solidarity which I'll get to shortly.

So this woman I'm thinking about is maybe home alone, maybe the husband and kids are asleep, maybe the wife is asleep maybe she's single. She can't sleep maybe. She's surfing the intertubes and comes upon my nekkid ass.

Maybe after some clicking she realizes, hey this woman looks just like me. She clicks around some more, realizes that hey, that is pretty fucking cool. Realizes that if the other woman is beautiful and is doing something awesome, maybe she can too right?

You see where I'm going here. My readers are smart.

That means a lot to me.

That is why I really do actually love you my readers and commenter and lurkers. Even if you don't agree with me it's wonderful that something I say, resonates somewhere.

As a youngster that is what I was missing. I read a lot of things and it was very rare that I found anyone who really spoke to me and I got it. And I like to think that in my own small way I am giving someone else that moment of, oh WOW someone else thinks like I do.

Incidentally the nudies I alluded to yesterday have yet to be found. I moved a bunch of stuff on my hard drive at home and cannot find them.


In other news I had a delicious blueberry, acai, pom smoothie and now I have horrible gas. But it was supa tasty.

Also earlier I had my first and last frappacino. It was so sweet even though I got the supposedly lite version. Another affirmation of the fact that I love coffee flavored coffee with a side of, coffee.

The last line of this entry by SweetMachine all I'm gonna say is, FUCK YEAH.

Via (not exactly work safe)Lindsay I found Photoshop diseasters.

I scrolled through all of the entries and found myself goggling bug eyed much of the time.

In case you're not quite as much of a dork as I am and haven't spent oodles of time looking at retouched images before and after wow.

Look at this.

Even Heidi Klum isn't quite good enough.

Seriously? Is this what has to happen before any woman is "acceptable"?

Fuck that and the horse it rode in on.

Is it any mystery as to why so many women cannot understand that perfect does not exist ever?


Ok I'm spent. My tummy hurts a little and I need some tea.

Homo Out.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Oh my good lord.

So officially Monk gives me a tingle in my lady parts. This post quite a bit of it made me go, eeeeezomg in my pants.

Honestly, I have entirely lost my train of thought.

That turns me on something fierce.

Excuse me for a moment while I stop having really filthy mental images.

Okay sorry back to our regular programming kthnks.

OH now I remember what I wanted to talk about.

I have a friend who's a magnificent artist and I am sort of kind of thinking about commissioning her this next year to do a nudie painting of me.

That reminds me I do have some arty nudes I may or may not upload to Flickr that Uniballer took a couple years ago.

I have seen myself from angles that are not entirely possible unless you're a contortionist. It feels really nice to have seen them. Some of them I was like Oh GOD NO. But I've calmed down.

There's one I like a lot that he took of me while I was sleeping with my butt out of the covers, it's sort of a from behind and below type shot and he uses it as wallpaper on his media player so I see it all the time.

And I realized the other night while I was settling into bed and he was setting up our bedtime movies that I really like it. My butt looks quite round and soft with a neat little um, foldy area under the cheeks.

It is really wonderful and I hate to use this word because I hate it, empowering to see myself that way and have the objective thought that hay, that's a pretty goddamn picture.

And before I forget hello to the shy non-commenter who emailed me.

And YES Anthony Bourdain. I have been harboring a serious lust for him for awhile now.

Sorry I digress. My brain is stuck on fucking random today.

Anyway. I was talking to a friend about things like nudie pictures and whatnot and she commented that, she'd never ever let anyone see or take a naked picture of her. It made me really sad. Even more sad when she began the litany of sins her body has committed against being attractive apparently.

Her list included but was not limited to:

  • Stretch marks

  • Asymmetrical boobs

  • Acne scars

  • Poochy Belly

  • Cellulite

  • Bony/flat bottom

The list goes on but I can't really bring myself to say anymore about it.

I gently asked her if she's ever seen non airbrushed, average women naked. Ever in her life. She said no. I find that terribly terribly sad. I think so many women would benefit enormously from seeing other regular women naked. Not just naked, but naked in a sexual I am about to do it kind of way. Not because I want all women to get down with each other, but more so women can see and know that beauty is not confined to those of the flawless skin, perfect boobs and airbrushed butts.

If you ask anyone who is doing it with a woman, (gay straight whatever) ask them about what the woman who rules their pants looks like when she's about to get down. Chances are you will see some eyes lighting up as recollections of beauty go from brain to groin and back. I will bet you five dollars.

My point is that whether you are airbrushed hot perfection on a bun, or not so airbrushed hot perfection on a bun, you're fine. No really you are.

As the object of sexual desire of someone, be that another person, yourself whatever you are fucking perfect. Know that, own it. Go rub yourself with it for reals.

I think this is especially important for women who's bodies have been marginalized to the point of invisibility. Not just fat women, but women with body shapes that are viewed as "flawed" by the mainstream.

I can't even begin to explain how freeing and wonderful it is to me to put images of real women in front of myself and see them as sexual beautiful beings. I think a lot of women are still at some level of the mind that they are not allowed to be sexual whenever they feel like it.

That they aren't "allowed" to show their sexual side because other people have it ingrained in their mind that their bodies are not fit to be seen in the light.

That is fucking bullshit.

Double fucking shenanigans.

Those are not rules I think you my darling need to follow if you don't want to. If you want to walk around with your fat ass, or your flabby thighs, and your bony whatever, and exude the quintessential Sex Goddess type vibe. Do it. You don't have to ask, you don't have to hide, you don't have to lose those last ten pounds.

As my Great Grandmother said when I sent her a picture of me from the first time I very seriously got myself dolled up in a grown up way (as in sexy sexy sexy) she called me and said, "Don't ever hide that light under a bushel." Yes I know she misused the aphorism but the idea holds.

All this said I am going to go dig in my archives of doom for one or two of the arty black and white nudies. And post them to Flickr.

Feel free to look for those later on tonight.

With that.

Homo Out.

PS...I am way too into Twitter.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Dosvedanya Mio Bambino

The title is a reference to my favorite Pink Martini song. I listened to it last night before I got in the shower.

It's only Tuesday good lord.

Ooooh yeah. I was going to talk about sex today.

If you have delicate sensibilities you should probably turn your head.

Over the years I've heard some really insanely absurd things about fat women and sex. Aside from the usual sex related bullshit thrown at women in general.

Let's talk about some logistics okay?

Depending on how fat you and your partner are, you may want to investigate new positions, and pillows.

Depending on your body shape and general health, you might want jam a pillow under the booty if you're on your back being the penetrated. If you are the fat penetrator, try the wonder of reverse cowgirl with your partner on top.

And no, I'm not just talking to my hetero homies.

I have heard non fat people complain about this sort of thing and that bothers me so much. If your partner is thin but has a bad back would you be upset about being careful with your positions?

If so, you're an asshole and should probably stick to masturbation anyway.

Also can we dispel some seriously stupid stereotypes I've heard right now?

All vaginas are different. And generally speaking whether you're fat, thin, inbetween, tall or short is not an indicator as to the State of the Vagina.

What that means is any vagina you encounter could be tight, or not so tight.

Also being fat does not automatically mean you will settle for bad sex or be easy. Anyone can demand to be satisfied and be not easy if they goddamn well want to.

Now if you are the fat lover, some considerations.

If you are with a new partner, make sure at some point you discuss any limitations, issues or problems. Trying to maneuver around these while in flagrante can be difficult and honestly annoying.

If you have a bad back say so, if you aren't comfortable doing X, or if you really really love doing X. Share this with the person who's pants you are about to invade.

That's good advice for everybody. Remember it.

Okay now with all that out of the way.

Other sexy stuff from around the web.
Violet Blue got caught with her panties down over at Trollop with a Laptop which I just love. And I agree that is sexeh.

Now that you've been sufficiently titillated I want to share some musings about sex blogging on the interwebs and sex blogging while fat on the interwebs.

Back in the day when I started out blogging on Diary-X (RIP DX, I still miss you). You could have said reasonably that I was heading for sex blogging. Not just because of the nudie moniker but, because of what I was writing most of the time.

I am sort of at a point where I don't know if I want to bring the more often sex back or not. Or save it.

So to continue the theme I want to talk about my pubes.

I do not remove my pubic hair. I don't shave it, I don't wax it I let the crotch fluff fly free.

I do trim it when it gets hot because I don't wear underwear 98% of the time and I hate my fur getting pulled/causing sweat.

I was looking at my pubes this morning and discovered that most of the white ones have fallen out and that makes me sad. I love my salt and pepper pubes so much. A moment of silence for my white pubies.

I am probably way more obsessed with my pubic hair than is healthy but I can't help it. I will tell you how this all started.

When I was a kid (pre puberty) I remember seeing women in my family naked and they had awesome hair. I asked my Great Grandmother once why I didn't have any hair on mine and she very patiently explained that I would have to wait until puberty to get my "lady hair" as she put it.

I was not pleased about this but I figured it would be worth the wait.

So I waited.

And waited.

Sprouted some big ole titties.

And yet, not a pube to be found and I was so upset about that.

I had boobs and hips but no fucking pubic hair and I did not want.

Finally when it did start to grow I was so happy. I don't and never have had what I could respectably call a bush which is what I really wanted. I wanted 70's porn era bush. It was not to be.

My pubes are not very thick, and I have a fairly large bald spot on my pudenda but I still love them.

The first time someone brought up removing them I was horrified. Absolutely emphatically DO NOT WANT type horrified. Why would I do that? I waited so long to get them.

After high school I experimented a little. The first time I shaved em all off I not only hated how it looked (I like my lady parts to look um, not so naked), I got razor burn literally up the wazoo, shave bumps you name it. I had to wear boxers for weeks.

Later on I tried waxing and I have never wanted to punch a hot blond girl so bad in my life. And she was perky about it.

So now, if I feel like it I'll shave off the extra round the edges on my thighs. I'll trim the beardy part if I feel like it. But I never ever go bare.

If I'm feeling extra lazy I will make Uniballer give me a crotchal area fade with the trimmers.

I've only ever had one lover who was adamant about me removing my pubes. I told him that my rule is if I have to, he had to. He wasn't pleased. He said no so I immediately revoked naked time and sent him on his merry way.

Had enough sex?

I think I have and I'm parched. I need water.

Oh no wait. I'm going to do some TMI Tuesday.

1. If you're in love with your partner, does it make the sex better? I don't need to be in love in order to have some fantastic sex.

2. What is the most expensive sex toy you've ever purchased? Um, 60 bucks I tink.

3. If you knew ahead of time you would not have an orgasm, would you still have sex? It would depend on who I was going to be having sex with.

4. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with if given the chance?
Currently- Anthony Bourdain.

5. Have you ever had sex while an audience watched?
Yes and it was fantastic.

Homo Out.

Also what the fuck why can't I get this bitch to upload?


Monday, June 09, 2008

Considering the body.

Fashionablenerd (who's moniker I fucking love) made a post about dealing with bad body days. See that here.

I have bad body days. Yes I do.

Generally speaking I know exactly how they start and often how they end.

Get up, and I'm probably still feeling ok. But then maybe my pants are fitting as I like them, I might be puffy and constipated. I might have a mystery rash on my boob. Whatever it is it gets in my head. The worst is when I wake up feeling like someone has set selective joints on fire with napalm.

My usual reactions go from irritation, to OMFGWTFBBQ!!111!!!!!, to "OH MOTHERFUCKER" and so on. I get pissed off. Occasionally I get a little weepy.

The worst for me though is the days when I can't shake it off and start brooding.

Unfortunately I have no real answers about dealing with those days. Some days I dig in and go through it. Other days I force myself to face whatever distortion I'm spouting to myself and take it apart.

I started this yesterday but got distracted.

I was thinking more about the source of my self esteem and body image.

I think I didn't really get a good handle on my body image until I was 22-23 or so. And it came from the very sudden thunderclap realization that it is my body.

Yes my darlings, body autonomy set me free.

I remember it very clearly for the most part. Some people were making fun of my glittery silly clothes and big ole thighs out on display, at first I remember my feelings were so hurt. And then like a light bulb it occured to me that on further examination I didn't really care that much.

I had reacted out of habit. Because that's the expectation. And I fulfilled it. But really, was some random asshole telling me to cover up my fat legs going to really change anything about my life?

Holy fuckballs no.



Matter of fact, over the weeks following I discovered much to my own joy that not only did I not care about the random asshole that thought I was too fat/ugly/weird/whatever I felt joyful in that discovery.

Now years later, when someone doesn't like the goth, or the fat, or the cleavage, or the hoochie wear or whatever I can smile. However if you look in my eyes there's a big ole middle finger in there. I highly suggest you try that.

The next time someone gives you a back handed compliment, asks if that is what you're wearing, give them a big ole smile. But in your head picture one big middle finger, held up with pride. They'll see it in your eyes. Unless they are stupid in which case they will just be confused.

This is also my attitude towards body modification, sexuality, all the strange and complicated bits that make me who I am.

I know it's not easy. Sometimes it feels really good to get that outside validation of your awesomeness. But believe me, it's not necessary for survival or even loving yourself and your life.

What if nobody ever again told you they liked your hair or your outfit? Would the world really end?

Deep down, if you are digging yourself would that come to a screeching halt if other people don't dig it?

Probably not my darling.

I firmly once you embrace it and let it go, you will feel so much better. There's something really beautiful about heaving off what everybody else wants or expects and getting down to what you want and need from yourself.

Okay I am really tired so some links of awesome then the foto of the day.

Go read about ABW taking part in an AWESOME (yes caps, I have to yell) thing called The Clarion West Write A thon. Great cause. Beautiful thing I will be contributing a little bit.

Go read WellRoundedMama about some of the shenanigans doctors are pulling on fat pregnant women. What the FUCK is wrong with people?

Kate Harding has an open thread about a movie called uh..Kung Fu Panda. I have nothing to say about that at this point. I hadn't even heard about it until it hit Body Impolitic, and being that I haven't actually seen the film I won't make judgment calls on it.

Violet Blue has an awesome podcast up on Erotic Adventures for couples. I really enjoy her podcasts and writing.

has a tasty post up today about doing rope bondage with pregnant ladies. Some useful info if you're having a baby and want to get tied up. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk some about bondage.

Margaret Cho talks about the True Colors tour today. Aweeeeeeeeeeeeesome (yes I totally sang that outloud).

Okay I think I'm spent.

And I totally love you guys too. *You know who you are*

Oh I almost forgot I promised a photo.

From this morning right before work, hell I'll post 2.



A note. My make up is super hot today and you can't see it too clearly. MAC Golden Yellow pigment shows up a very true glittery BLINGING gold on me and I am in love. Often gold shadow turns green or dull on me.

And the lipgloss looked like a hot mess in other light so I changed it to a random sinful colors one I pulled from the depths of the TARDIS.

Okay that's totally all.

Homo Out.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Stuff I like.

So there is Stuff White People like, Stuff Educated Black People like and stuff everybody and their grandma likes.

Now we have stuff Shannon likes.

I Love my hair. I write about it here. And have been growing it out with loads of help from LHCF.

I also love make up and learning new techniques and styles. Some links to some of my favorite folks on youtube doing video tutorials.

Enkore Makeup. I LOVE him so much. His videos are easy to follow, he's adorable and they are entertaining.

I just recently stumbled on MakeUp Geek. And I like her a lot. I like her site and some of the looks she's got going and she also has a youtube channel.

Next up Scandalous Beauty. She is a Mac Fanatic and most of her work is geared towards us brown sorts.

And of course Lauren Luke AKA Panacea81 from youtube. Not only is she talented but I just love her personality. Love her.

OH and before I forget if you are reading from something other than a reader check it out. I am Twittering now and I joined the Beauty Network. YAY.

You can also find me at Make Up Alley.

What else do I like?

I am a music fanatic. It's almost a religion. My tastes are insanely eclectic.

My musics let me show you them this playlist is a little smattering of some stuff I am into.

Unfortunately a lot of those are just previews but whateva.

And what else do I love?

Doods, no srsly doods I LOVE clothes.

I have been using Polyvore since I found it. I don't usually make outfits but rather groups of crap I like. Like this one:

That is stuff I am wanting for summer. It's unlikely I will get 99% of it but it's fun.

This outfit I might actually get. Very much the Goth in Summer.

What else does Shannon Love?

I love coffee. Specifically I love making myself fine French Press coffee. A French press was probably the best 10$ investment I made last year. I stand by my statement that French PRess is the last goddamn civilized thing left in America today.

Also much to my own detriment sometimes I love cheese. I love stinky weird fancy cheese. I love processed cheesefood. I. Love. Cheese.

I also love books and will read just about anything I can get my hands on although I am getting pickier as I get older. You can also see this badge in my sidebar.


So now you know I am a beauty loving, clothes horse, cheese eating, music enjoying, book reading critter.

I am also really distracted because Uniballer is cooking something that smells fantastic and I am starving.

Anyway. Feel free to ask me anything that comes to mind. I'm in a dialogging kind of mood today.

Homo Out.

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