Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Dosvedanya Mio Bambino

The title is a reference to my favorite Pink Martini song. I listened to it last night before I got in the shower.

It's only Tuesday good lord.

Ooooh yeah. I was going to talk about sex today.

If you have delicate sensibilities you should probably turn your head.

Over the years I've heard some really insanely absurd things about fat women and sex. Aside from the usual sex related bullshit thrown at women in general.

Let's talk about some logistics okay?

Depending on how fat you and your partner are, you may want to investigate new positions, and pillows.

Depending on your body shape and general health, you might want jam a pillow under the booty if you're on your back being the penetrated. If you are the fat penetrator, try the wonder of reverse cowgirl with your partner on top.

And no, I'm not just talking to my hetero homies.

I have heard non fat people complain about this sort of thing and that bothers me so much. If your partner is thin but has a bad back would you be upset about being careful with your positions?

If so, you're an asshole and should probably stick to masturbation anyway.

Also can we dispel some seriously stupid stereotypes I've heard right now?

All vaginas are different. And generally speaking whether you're fat, thin, inbetween, tall or short is not an indicator as to the State of the Vagina.

What that means is any vagina you encounter could be tight, or not so tight.

Also being fat does not automatically mean you will settle for bad sex or be easy. Anyone can demand to be satisfied and be not easy if they goddamn well want to.

Now if you are the fat lover, some considerations.

If you are with a new partner, make sure at some point you discuss any limitations, issues or problems. Trying to maneuver around these while in flagrante can be difficult and honestly annoying.

If you have a bad back say so, if you aren't comfortable doing X, or if you really really love doing X. Share this with the person who's pants you are about to invade.

That's good advice for everybody. Remember it.

Okay now with all that out of the way.

Other sexy stuff from around the web.
Violet Blue got caught with her panties down over at Trollop with a Laptop which I just love. And I agree that is sexeh.

Now that you've been sufficiently titillated I want to share some musings about sex blogging on the interwebs and sex blogging while fat on the interwebs.

Back in the day when I started out blogging on Diary-X (RIP DX, I still miss you). You could have said reasonably that I was heading for sex blogging. Not just because of the nudie moniker but, because of what I was writing most of the time.

I am sort of at a point where I don't know if I want to bring the more often sex back or not. Or save it.

So to continue the theme I want to talk about my pubes.

I do not remove my pubic hair. I don't shave it, I don't wax it I let the crotch fluff fly free.

I do trim it when it gets hot because I don't wear underwear 98% of the time and I hate my fur getting pulled/causing sweat.

I was looking at my pubes this morning and discovered that most of the white ones have fallen out and that makes me sad. I love my salt and pepper pubes so much. A moment of silence for my white pubies.

I am probably way more obsessed with my pubic hair than is healthy but I can't help it. I will tell you how this all started.

When I was a kid (pre puberty) I remember seeing women in my family naked and they had awesome hair. I asked my Great Grandmother once why I didn't have any hair on mine and she very patiently explained that I would have to wait until puberty to get my "lady hair" as she put it.

I was not pleased about this but I figured it would be worth the wait.

So I waited.

And waited.

Sprouted some big ole titties.

And yet, not a pube to be found and I was so upset about that.

I had boobs and hips but no fucking pubic hair and I did not want.

Finally when it did start to grow I was so happy. I don't and never have had what I could respectably call a bush which is what I really wanted. I wanted 70's porn era bush. It was not to be.

My pubes are not very thick, and I have a fairly large bald spot on my pudenda but I still love them.

The first time someone brought up removing them I was horrified. Absolutely emphatically DO NOT WANT type horrified. Why would I do that? I waited so long to get them.

After high school I experimented a little. The first time I shaved em all off I not only hated how it looked (I like my lady parts to look um, not so naked), I got razor burn literally up the wazoo, shave bumps you name it. I had to wear boxers for weeks.

Later on I tried waxing and I have never wanted to punch a hot blond girl so bad in my life. And she was perky about it.

So now, if I feel like it I'll shave off the extra round the edges on my thighs. I'll trim the beardy part if I feel like it. But I never ever go bare.

If I'm feeling extra lazy I will make Uniballer give me a crotchal area fade with the trimmers.

I've only ever had one lover who was adamant about me removing my pubes. I told him that my rule is if I have to, he had to. He wasn't pleased. He said no so I immediately revoked naked time and sent him on his merry way.

Had enough sex?

I think I have and I'm parched. I need water.

Oh no wait. I'm going to do some TMI Tuesday.

1. If you're in love with your partner, does it make the sex better? I don't need to be in love in order to have some fantastic sex.

2. What is the most expensive sex toy you've ever purchased? Um, 60 bucks I tink.

3. If you knew ahead of time you would not have an orgasm, would you still have sex? It would depend on who I was going to be having sex with.

4. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with if given the chance?
Currently- Anthony Bourdain.

5. Have you ever had sex while an audience watched?
Yes and it was fantastic.

Homo Out.

Also what the fuck why can't I get this bitch to upload?

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OMG! I loves me some Anthony Bourdain! That man is so, so, so hot.

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