Honestly, I have entirely lost my train of thought.
That turns me on something fierce.
Excuse me for a moment while I stop having really filthy mental images.
Okay sorry back to our regular programming kthnks.
OH now I remember what I wanted to talk about.
I have a friend who's a magnificent artist and I am sort of kind of thinking about commissioning her this next year to do a nudie painting of me.
That reminds me I do have some arty nudes I may or may not upload to Flickr that Uniballer took a couple years ago.
I have seen myself from angles that are not entirely possible unless you're a contortionist. It feels really nice to have seen them. Some of them I was like Oh GOD NO. But I've calmed down.
There's one I like a lot that he took of me while I was sleeping with my butt out of the covers, it's sort of a from behind and below type shot and he uses it as wallpaper on his media player so I see it all the time.
And I realized the other night while I was settling into bed and he was setting up our bedtime movies that I really like it. My butt looks quite round and soft with a neat little um, foldy area under the cheeks.
It is really wonderful and I hate to use this word because I hate it, empowering to see myself that way and have the objective thought that hay, that's a pretty goddamn picture.
And before I forget hello to the shy non-commenter who emailed me.
And YES Anthony Bourdain. I have been harboring a serious lust for him for awhile now.
Sorry I digress. My brain is stuck on fucking random today.
Anyway. I was talking to a friend about things like nudie pictures and whatnot and she commented that, she'd never ever let anyone see or take a naked picture of her. It made me really sad. Even more sad when she began the litany of sins her body has committed against being attractive apparently.
Her list included but was not limited to:
- Stretch marks
- Asymmetrical boobs
- Acne scars
- Poochy Belly
- Bony/flat bottom
The list goes on but I can't really bring myself to say anymore about it.
I gently asked her if she's ever seen non airbrushed, average women naked. Ever in her life. She said no. I find that terribly terribly sad. I think so many women would benefit enormously from seeing other regular women naked. Not just naked, but naked in a sexual I am about to do it kind of way. Not because I want all women to get down with each other, but more so women can see and know that beauty is not confined to those of the flawless skin, perfect boobs and airbrushed butts.
If you ask anyone who is doing it with a woman, (gay straight whatever) ask them about what the woman who rules their pants looks like when she's about to get down. Chances are you will see some eyes lighting up as recollections of beauty go from brain to groin and back. I will bet you five dollars.
My point is that whether you are airbrushed hot perfection on a bun, or not so airbrushed hot perfection on a bun, you're fine. No really you are.
As the object of sexual desire of someone, be that another person, yourself whatever you are fucking perfect. Know that, own it. Go rub yourself with it for reals.
I think this is especially important for women who's bodies have been marginalized to the point of invisibility. Not just fat women, but women with body shapes that are viewed as "flawed" by the mainstream.
I can't even begin to explain how freeing and wonderful it is to me to put images of real women in front of myself and see them as sexual beautiful beings. I think a lot of women are still at some level of the mind that they are not allowed to be sexual whenever they feel like it.
That they aren't "allowed" to show their sexual side because other people have it ingrained in their mind that their bodies are not fit to be seen in the light.
That is fucking bullshit.
Double fucking shenanigans.
Those are not rules I think you my darling need to follow if you don't want to. If you want to walk around with your fat ass, or your flabby thighs, and your bony whatever, and exude the quintessential Sex Goddess type vibe. Do it. You don't have to ask, you don't have to hide, you don't have to lose those last ten pounds.
As my Great Grandmother said when I sent her a picture of me from the first time I very seriously got myself dolled up in a grown up way (as in sexy sexy sexy) she called me and said, "Don't ever hide that light under a bushel." Yes I know she misused the aphorism but the idea holds.
All this said I am going to go dig in my archives of doom for one or two of the arty black and white nudies. And post them to Flickr.
Feel free to look for those later on tonight.
PS...I am way too into Twitter.