Friday, July 18, 2008

Adventures, Penis and glee.

Welcome to the second edition of Ask NudieMuse brought to you today by hot ass eye shadow and a crapload of coffee.

I've got two excellent questions for today and at the end we'll revisit the Cowgirl a little bit. Ready break GO.

First up a question from Cookie who asks:

Sometimes, I want to get a little wild and weird in the bedroom but I am worried my straight laced partner won't be ready for the kind of things I want to explore. What is the best way to introduce someone to the kinkier side of sex?

Excellent questions. I've actually been asked this many many times.

First thing to think about is that you may have to go kind of slower than you'd want to. Lots of people who aren't into kink yet won't want to go from zero to swinging from the chandeliers while singing the Star Spangled Banner and wearing assless chaps. But there is hope. Remember sex is not serious business and there's no absolute right or best way to introduce some kinky fun into your sex life.

There are several ways you can go about this with a straight laced partner. If you are the sorts to talk about sex a lot, just come out with it. You can say something like, "honey we have hot sex and I would be really into you spanking me/pulling my hair/calling me a bitch next time. Could you get down with that?" Naturally you don't have to quote me verbatim but whatever way of asking works for you.

If you're a little shyer about your wannabe kink, you can start small. Ask for a hair tug while you're mid coitus, send your lover a hot story featuring your kink, there are tons and tons and tons of free erotica on the web just a click away. I always also advocate watching porn you like with your partner. I look at it this way, I like porn you like porn, let's watch some porn together. Share and share alike.

If after a little exposure your partner is still a little reticent to make with the whatever you're into, take it slower. Maybe have a cuddle and talk dirty to your partner. Spin a yarn if you will, a dirty dirty yarn. Or if you're not quite up to that head on over to your local bookstore and cruise the dirty books section. You don't have to buy but feel free to flip through a few that fit in with what you're wanting do to and get some ideas.

Some people are just not into kink and some people once they get a taste go buck wild crazy. And lots of people fall somewhere in the middle. The most important thing is to be empathetic, listen, speak truthfully and have fun together. Another quick idea, if you are the nerdy sort share some links. If you have trouble articulating what you want, let the net do the work for you. A quick google search of your kink will yield a million and five results, look at them together. Blush, giggle and enjoy.

You know what else is awesome sometimes? The element of surprise. Now this might scare some straight laced partners but, it might be just what the doctor ordered. Come to bed with a few bits of sexual hijinks paraphernalia smile at your partner and say, let's GET IT ON. If pressed for an explanation tell your lover that you have been wanting to do this with him/her and weren't sure what to say exactly, and as they say action is better than words. Key word there is ACTION.

Most people don't go from zero to KINKY super quickly. Feel free to take your time, a little hair pulling, a little spanking, maybe a blindfold. Go with what you feel and what you like. Experiment, unlike chemistry class your private sex ed won't result in explosions of the dangerous kind, just the fun kind.

Also before I move on let me say one more thing. Never ever feel guilty, weird or bad because you want to do something kinky. If you would like your partner to smear cake on your ass and stick a birthday candle in it while you caw like a crow on drugs, it's your business, lay down a tarp and have at it. No one has the right to dictate to you what you and your consenting adult partner get up to.

Now go forth, do something kinky and enjoy.

Next up, my first question from a BOY and as I said yesterday YAY.

Ian asks:
Is a five inch penis adequate?

First Ian read this then follow my instructions. Find a mirror where you can see your crotch, take your pants off and look at your penis and repeat after me.

My cock is motherfucking magnificent. (If you find yourself doubtful say this) My cock is motherfucking magnificent and I know this because Nudiemuse says so and she knows from magnificent cocks.

Say that two or three times, give yourself a little love squeeze and come back.

No really go ahead I'll wait.
Back now? Great.

When it comes to cocks, the old adage that size matters I think is bullshit meant to make people who have cocks feel weird and bad. The fact is it doesn't matter how big your cock is if you don't know how to use it.

Big cocks are great for some things. Porn for example. Modeling mens gstrings, stripping, being the mold for sex toys.

Cocks that aren't so big, are great for all sorts of things too. Doing it with hot people, not scaring off potential lovers, fitting into very tight places.

I will tell you sweets that some people prefer a bigger dick. Some people don't. Just like some people are really into a big old booty, other people not so much. As far as your cock being adequate I am willing to bet you five dollars and a full frontal nudie picture that your cock is perfectly fantastic.

What matters more in my view is ability, technique and all the wonderful things that make a person a good lover that don't directly involve your genitalia. Are you willing to listen to your partner? Take care with your partner? Are you appreciative and respectful of your partners?

If you can say yes to those fantastic.

There are lots of other factors other than penis size that can make a man a bad or inadequate lover. If I were you I'd not worry so much about how big or not big my cock is and just be a damn good lover.

If you are really not feeling so great about yourself and your penis, give some head. No seriously, become a pussy eating or cock sucking expert. I'm talking make your partner crawl up the wall howling because you have a tongue of might. There is absolutely nothing wrong with compensation if you feel like you need to.

Do what makes you feel good.

If that means you become super stamina man hell yeah.

Maybe become an anal expert? Hell yeah.

Fact is Ian, your penis is great. Your penis is beautiful and wonderful. If someone doesn't like it as much as you do, it's not your problem and it's not an issue of whether or not your parts are adequate. I also will tell you to try watching some amateur or real people porn.

The people in these are just like you. They are not John Holmes, and they probably don't look like they are going to put your eye out with their cocks.

Want some data that I can't find links for? Okay baby just for you.

The average penis is 5.0 inches erect. That means you babe.

Also some personal info just for you. I am not a size queen. I am not really that into big cocks. I'd prefer a man lover with a smaller one than a bigger one for several reasons.

Most of the men who I've slept with who have had big or even huge cocks I was not really impressed. For one thing, I don't like my fucking cervix being sore every time I have sex. Which can easily happen if your partner has a big cock and isn't very careful with it.

Also in my experience (your mileage may vary of course) actual size of the penis hasn't impacted my overall impact of my pleasure. A man who pays attention to what gets me off has been and probably always will be preferable to a man with a big cock.

Still with me? Good. Now in conclusion it boils down to this Ian. Being a good or excellent lover has less to do with your crotch than it has to do with the sexiest part of your body, your brain baby. Your brains win over your penis size any day.

Now let's revisit Reverse Cowgirl for fatties for a minute.

I had a reader who didn't quite get it. This is for you sugar.

Step by step here's getting into position.

You (the one getting penetrated) I will call The Rider, your partner is your Mount.

The mount lays down on his or her back. If needed tuck a pillow or two under their hips (don't forget to support the lower back). Position your mount with legs spread a little and bent at the knee a tad so there is some space under there.

Rider, on your knees and back up towards your mount until you are within penetrating range. Grab a pillow to support your front if you need it, then one of you aim and slide on home.

Make adjustments accordingly to what is most comfortable for you and your partner. Let the booty grabbing fun begin. Adjustments can be made for the size of you and your partner, for anything. If you have trouble with her feet tucked under the thighs of your partner, try laying forward a little so you're less hip thrusting than you are hip grinding.

Remember there is no "right" way to do it. The only right way is the way that feels the best for you which may not work for me.

Next time I'll answer a question about how to learn new ways to get off, more positions for fat lovers and for fun some talk about your genitals.

As always keep your questions coming, go have some sex and enjoy yourself. Don't forget the lube. Send your curious self (or curious friends) here to find out how to get your question in. And on that page find out how to link to my question page. Steal it, link it, spread the word.

Homo Out.

PS...Remember this is supposed to be happy fun times not hard work.


Anonymous said...

Seconded for the boy question. My husband has a penis about his size when erect, when flaccid it's probably only a couple inches long. And that's plenty for me, like Nudemuse, longer guys bump my cervix and a bruised cervix is not fun times. And the tongue thing is totally true, a penis is fun; but tongues are heaven.

Jen said...

I agree with Anonymous; tongues ARE heaven. ;)
Secondly, thanks for the help with the reverse cowboy. All I have to say is Yeehaw! ^_^

Charlie said...

Here are a couple pictures of reverse cowgirl, to hopefully give your readers an idea:
girl-on-guy (minus the laptop)
Oh, and here is a pretty good article on reverse-cowgirl with more pictures!

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