First, I finally got some fucking sleep how awesome is that? Granted I was drugged out of my wee gourd but yeah sleep.
Now it's sexy times folks.
Reader Megan asks:
This is really a two-part question. One, I just read your entry on the reverse-cowgirl position and I'm dying to try it because it seems to sound perfect, but I can't help asking anyway - do you have any other positions to suggest? Stuff that might help: We're both big, but I'm much bigger than he is. I have a bad back that doesn't let me do regular cowgirl. :( And he loooves butts so if he gets to get his hands on it that's a plus. (Can't in regular cowgirl, I'm too big for him to reach.) Second part of the question: I can't get off from penetration, only from clit stimulation. Actually, only from a very specific kind of clit stimulation: lying very still, fantasizing, and touching in a very specific way. Not very condusive to happy-fun-time for both of us, it's usually one person getting off or the other. Do I need to try to *learn* to get off other ways, or is it that I need to find new ways of having sex that will get me off too?
All right my darling.
First suggestion about positions, get yourself some sex pillows. I suggest going to Big Lots or other similar discount stores and picking up a variety of sizes from square couch pillows to larger pillows. Don't get fancy materials because frankly you're going to jizz on them.
Next thing, absolutely give some permutations of reverse cowgirl a try. Since you have a bad back try leaning over forward with pillows under your front for support, sit up a little when it feels good. That way your boy can get access to the fantasticness that is your booty.
Also I highly recommend some variants of the classic doggy style. Depending on how fat you may or may not be, keep in mind you might need to move your belly to get more comfortable, also mind your thighs. I have big thighs and sometimes need to move my chub to get things going in a pleasing way. Once everything is inserted in position, try easing down onto your belly a bit (again with pillows if you need em), if your bed is low enough try it kneeling next to the bed with pillows for your knees. If your bed is too high, flip around wrap your legs around his hips and lay back and have at it.
Let's not overlook the stand by missionary position. I love that one. Depending on where you position your legs you can create a whole bunch of different sensations. Also right now I am going to recommend keeping your hip muscles nice and limber. I will tell you that was the only thing that ever got me interested in yoga. True facts my friend. I have a crappy back too and found that if my hips are a little more limber, being on my back and putting my legs in various positions for pleasure makes a huge difference.
Again pillows. Put a selection of pillows under your butt and lower back, create a ramp. This can allow for deeper penetration, your lover can sit up straight to watch you in all your hotness and then lower himself when he feels the need.
Take some time and experiment. Look around the house for likely areas that could provide you with comfy back support and a rocking good time. You are not limited by your size, you just have to use some imagination. Just remember when it comes to positions, if something seems like it'll feel good try it out. Just remember if something starts to hurt call a time out for the home team, take a drink of water, shake it off and get back to it.
Now for the second part of your question.
And you got it right Megan. You do need to learn how to get yourself off.
I'm going to guess a couple of things. Whenever you first started masturbating, I imagine it was in super super secret, under the covers trying desperately not to move too much or make too much noise lest you get caught. Now this is how you've been doing it for years and you have your brain (where all the happy fun times starts) trained to respond to the same or very very similar situations.
Am I close?
Okay so the first thing I want you to do is relax and take a day by yourself. Send your lovely boy unit out of the house and take a nap. Just a cat nap, the kind you wake up from feeling all delicious and happy about. Then go do what makes you feel sexy. I'm talking about prepare yourself like you are about to put a serious seduction on.
Do what you do. If that means hot ass make up, crotchless panties and a smile go on. Whatever makes you feel desirable and beautiful spend some time with yourself doing that.
If you're a drinker, have one of your favorite drinks. I'm talking about the good stuff. The stuff that makes you feel fancy. Personally at this point I go for a splendid Jack and coke. Don't get yourself drunk, just get to that relaxed state however you do it.
If you don't see where I'm going here, you are going to skip the dinner and movie and get straight to the taking advantage of yourself.
So to recap you're home alone, feeling sexy and happy and relaxed. This is where I want you to be. Before you get to your hands in your pants I want you to think about whatever it is that gets you squirmy. Maybe pick up some erotica, put on some porn, do whatever you like. Then I want you to put it down.
What you need to figure out Megan is how to disconnect the urgent message that you have to still yourself and only do that one thing. I want you to spend a lot of time just doing what feels good. That could be playing with your nipples, might be stroking a favored spot on the inside of your thigh.
I am also going to guess that you sweetheart are a thinker. I am betting that you have a big sexy brain and once it gets going you have trouble putting the brakes on. That is what you need to practice at. I am a huge advocate of just diddling around (pun totally intended)letting those tingly wonderful sensations run up your nerves to that big sexy brain.
You might not get off the first time you do this. That's perfectly ok. My whole point here is that you are fully free to explore everything else that gives your body a thrill.
I also think you could use some supplies babe. First thing you need a handy dandy trusty Pocket Rocket. 20 bucks and one AA battery later you are ready for launch. A pocket rocket was my very first sex toy. I bought it about a week after my 18th birthday and wore that little sucker out. They are perfect. Small enough to fit in your palm for easy handling, enough buzz to give you a thrill. Practice with it. And by practice I mean masturbate a lot.
Masturbate with your partner, pick up a waterproof one and get it in the shower.
What you want to do Megan is retrain your brain to recognize that oh HAY that feels good too, so does this, and this other thing. I also recommend checking out Fire in the Valley. Old school female masturbation video. I love it.
Remember you are not doing anything wrong as it were. Think about it like learning how to knit socks since you already know how to knit a scarf. And it's more fun.
Other tips. Try just laying back and letting your lover do stuff to you. You never know what you might stumble onto. For this remember to be vocal, if not explicitly than an appreciate noise when he's onto something, nudge him somewhere else if he's not quite there yet.
This isn't going to change over night. And you'll probably get frustrated sometimes but keep at it. You and your lover might never have that mythical simultaneous orgasm but, you could have a lot of fun along the way.
In closing Megan I want you to promise me, you are going to get down with yourself at least twice in the next month. Feel free to report back. Also promise me that you will tell yourself if you start to feel funny about romancing yourself or taking advantage of yourself, look in the mirror and say. Nudiemuse said to touch myself repeatedly so it must be ok.
Keep the questions coming darlings. I am feeling better and raring to go to answer whatever you wanna know.
Next up a talk about using lube, more reverse cowgirl advice, and headaches. Also a new stealth form for you super shy folks. And more.
I love you guys. Actually I will probably get to the first two questions later on this evening.