Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Just not my day.

I pulled my beauty articles off of associated content because the first one was deemed to be "too broad". Um whatever.

So they are both now on HubPages. I know I know I keep mentioning it but a girl has to earn extra pennies somehow.

Good lord I suck at self promotion. I feel weird and embarassed when I do it. I hate asking friends to look at my silly web projects.

So yeah.

I had a whole other post worked up in my head but rewriting my two articles kind of took it out of me and I don't really have anything functionally interesting to say.

However I do have a few musings.

I've been reading a lot more kink and sexuality blogs on my reader and almost daily I look at them and wonder, where are the fatties at?

Also where are the people of color?

I really can't be the only fat black will-bite-it-if-I-wanna-sexual in the whole fucking world who writes about sex ever.

To tell you the truth, sometimes most of the time the thin good looking white people aspect of a lot of the kinky life I read about is daunting enough to give me pause about participating in any public way.

Now I don't think there's anything wrong with this, but in my head there is a disconnect going on. I keep seeing the same archetypal images and whatnot and frankly it's boring and I am starting to just not care which sucks because there are some sex writers who's writing I really enjoy.

But as a woman of color who has shall we say wide ranging aesthetic tastes, seeing the same thin white (occasionally Asian) people put forth as the sexy of sexy, is just boring.

I don't really know what to do with those feelings. I am not really interested (well maybe) in absolutely breaking new ground. But on the other hand I am of the mind that if you want to see something that you have the ability to do, do it.

I don't know.

Also unfortunately my current life situation doesn't really allow for the kind of sexual adventures I'd like to write about and have gotten into before. Another tough thing for me but I'm working it out. Or trying to rather.

So my commenting wonderful homies (I LOVE you guys) where are the fat sex talking dirty minded people.

Also, is there really room on the Fatosphere for fat sex? Can the Fatosphere deal with non polite, no euphemism sex? I wonder about that as well.

So okay. I'm kind of spent and I'm really tired so that's all.

Homo Out.

PS..come Twitter with me.



Lindsay said...

I've noticed that most often, when sexuality of a non-vanilla nature comes up in the fatosphere, people start muttering about the BBW thing and backing away slowly.

I've pondered the whole FA vs. BBW thing before, and never really been able to figure out why they seem to be oil and water. I mean, yeah, the whole "objectification/fetishization of a person is bad" is a valid point, but i don't think that's the whole of the story.

In any case, i don't know that i'm entirely awake enough to form enough coherent sentences to puzzle this one out just yet.

Anonymous said...

Fat black omnisexual checking in. ha ha! Unfortunatly, I am not a writer. Just as a little aside, I have always wanted to get involved with ze world of kink. However, since in everyday life my body type and skin color are considered repulsive, I thought that I definatly would not have anymore luck in such sexualized areas. Now, I am like screw it, even if I do not have anymore luck I am going to try.
Sorry for the ramble. But, that is a good question. Maybe I am projecting, but maybe the people who do not meet the thin, young, and hot peramiters(sp?)think that no one wants to hear about sex from them. I mean, look at how people react to the idea of fat people having sex or old people having sex.

RurouniQuatre said...

P.S. Also a woman.

Anonymous said...

Like lindsay, the whole BBW/FA thing is confusing. It would be interesting to see more discussion of it. Like the 'thin privilege' discussion over on SP's Aunt Fattie recently, it is something of a 'margin area' in the FA world. At least, this is my perception as a noob boob.

I'd really be interested in reading your thoughts on fat sex, as my sex is by default fat sex, even if it is straight due to my monogamous relationship with a bloke I love.

nuckingfutz said...

From what I've observed, it seems as if the majority of the fat community thinks that fat sex is exactly equal to a fetish. Like there are no levels in the sexuality or sexualization of fat people. When the fact is, for some people (take my hubby, for example), fat sex is simply a preference, not a fetish.

It seems to be coming from a place of fear.

I could be wrong, of course, but that's what it looks like to me.

RuouniQuatre said...

I agree with nuckinfutz, everytime someone brings ups someone prefering a fat partner, or even wanting a fat partner, people start talking about fetishists.

The Rotund said...

I think there is a lot more casual mention of fat sex than you are giving people credit for - it comes up all the time in discussions of fat people having partners. It is rarely dealt with as a topic on its own, though, and I'm not entirely sure why that is. Some of it may well be fear. I don't talk about sex because my husband's parents read my blog sometimes and I have it on my resume when I'm looking for jobs and I don't know if I want potential employers to know quite that much about me. *grin* Plus, I just tend to be really freaking private about the details of sex beyond the fact that I do, in fact, have it.

And, yeah, some of it is all kinds of kinky and some of it is not and some of it was with people who dug fat chicks and some of it was with people who just dug me and all sorts of other spots on the spectrum, so to speak. (I SO want to make a speculum joke here just for the rhyme but I can't quite do it - too early in the morning.)

I'm definitely willing to bring it up as a conversation though - and if you want to write a guest post about it for The Rotund I would publish it in a heartbeat.

Twistie said...

If you wrote that article for The Rotund, I'd be very interested to read it.

Sex is a part of life. We all have sexual feelings and we all have our sexual preferences. Mine are extremely vanilla...with a couple tiny sprinkles. I'd like to understand more about those whose sexuality is a little more varied.

There is no one way of being fat anymore than there is one way of being sexual. Let's bring on the smut talk!

Anonymous said...

have you looked at Bitchy Jones ( Or Curvaceous Dee (I forget the URL, but I'm sure she'd come up in a search pretty quick). They are definitely not the archetypal media personification of kink (They're both white, but they're both fat and talk about it and a lot).

I don't know where you call home, but in the kink communities I've been a part of (New York, Dublin), body acceptance (not "feeding fetishes" or anything like that, but genuine, sexy appreciation of lots of different bodies, big, little, black, white or otherwise) is way more prevalent than it is both in the vanilla world and what the mainstream media would have you believe about kink. I think, on the whole, kink forces more open communication and honesty, just because of the safety and consent issues, which, in turn makes people more comfortable expressing their actual wants and desires without feeling self-conscious. (one of the many reasons kink is nifty.) If you're in one of those locals (or near), feel free to shoot me an e-mail for community details, if you'd like.

Anonymous said...

Posting anonymously, because I'm not TOTALLY ready to come out with my sexual predilections publicly yet...

So, I'm a fat, bisexual,white, swinger chick who also happens to be into D/S and sensation play.

I've had sex with people (both men and women, both of color and white) who were into the fat chick aspect, some who were just really into me, some who were into the rack of doom, some who were into the D/s aspects, some who were into the sensation play, some who were in it just for the sex, and some who originally were in it just for the sex and came back because they were into the sex WITH ME.

I would LOVE to see more discussion of fat sex, and fetish play with people who happen to be fat...

I have found that being fat does somewhat limit my options for play in the swinger community because so many people want ONLY HWP (height-weight proportionate), but I've also discovered that *everybody* defines HWP differently; and most totally STOP noticing my fat once they get to know me. Even the supposedly STRICT HWP folk would rather play with a fat chick with a great personality and lots of self-confidence than with a HWP chick who has NO personality.

The fetish community here seems to be more accepting of different body types. They are looking for people into the same kink as them, and care a lot less about the "HWP" thing.

As far as people of color goes, I really don't understand why there are so few in print because people of color are well represented in both communities I hang in, at least here in DFW.

Anonymous said...

I remember a while ago Men-in-Full had a bit about erotic writing about fat men, which I found *hmm* interesting. I wouldn't mind more talk about sex, particularly since both my husband and I are fat (he moreso than I) and learning what works for other fat people would be very interesting. Cowgirl for instance, I haven't figured out a practical way to do. Knees don't reach, squats aren't comfy...

Anonymous said...

(another anon, if you don't mind)

I would absolutely read about fat sex! I'd love to get some advice on, say, the technicalities of altering certain positions, etc.

Not fat-exclusive, but I think it was the Blowfish catalog that had sample drawings with some of their wedge pillows that showed fat couples and fat/thin couples, along with same-sex, different-race, and other couples. I was struck by it at the time just because it wasn't all opposite-sex skinny white people, and it made me realize just how much the same everything else about sex is portrayed.

spacedcowgirl said...

Sounds like I'm far from alone here, but I think frank, non-polite, non-euphemistic discussion of all kinds of sex is a great potential part of the fatosphere. 100% in favor. I'm married and we are monogamous, so I don't get up to any crazy sexual escapades, but my sexuality (like everyone's) is more complicated than "married and monogamous" and I consider myself fairly kinky and not that easily shocked.

And now that you mention it I do think that discussions of fat sex 'round these parts (the fatosphere) often are largely political or fat-fetish-related. It can all end up being kind of dry and the only time sex is directly or indirectly mentioned is when we state whether or not we're married or have kids. If you want to inject a little more frankness/nastiness into the proceedings, I am all for that... I think/hope we're an open-minded group on the whole, and having bloggers who are willing to do so be a little more frank about sex in all its incarnations can only be a positive thing IMO.

I guess on certain feeds there may be issues with whether some posts are appropriate for minors, but that can probably be dealt with fairly easily.

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