Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Welcome Something Awful Trolls.

Ah yes, I see you've found me.

I expect I should be freaking out and wailing and tearing my hair that someone with the super clever Internets Tough Guy moniker of StayAtHomeSlutt, doesn't like me.

Wait for it, ah no. Not a tear to be had. No, no link because I think it'd be a waste of upset for most people. However I am an avid stats checker since these days the trolls don't come to me.

Also if you're going to be a racist, don't be a lazy racist.

Moving on.

There was conversation in the comments yesterday which tickles me. In response to what I wrote yesterday FillyJonk said:

I also happen to know that this woman is thin. And the nitpicking is staggering to me

I may have not read that bit but I don't recall seeing that anywhere in the column. So I think that there is a possibility this woman didn't need a lesson on privilege and further I think it's still a crappy thing that her friends did. Being that the lady who wanted advice said her "own body issues" that could mean to the lay person fat prejudice, that could mean she's recovering from an ED, that could mean a shit load of things that don't really merit a lecture.

I think Manwhore (I still giggle everytime I say that):

It's funny to me that our tribalism so often leads us to lecture those we preceive as non-members

And yes yes YES Crisitunity. I personally prefer a non super straight super white smile. I will also confess that I am a food for a gap in the front. I don't know why.

In other news, wow I just got completely sidetracked.

I am awaiting the pictures I took of my Summer fab make up today. Orange and fuschia FTW. However I have yet to find an orange shadow that is a good matte bright orange on me. Something about my skin tone brings oranges down a notch. Even the fantastic supa bright orange I got from AromaLeigh doesn't quite POP enough for my taste. Oh well.

Um OH now I remember what I wanted to talk about today.

There has been a lot of talk at Fatshionista and just this morning over at Hannah's blog about Brazilian's (as in waxing the whole hooha there) and other pubic hair grooming issues and whatnot.

First I will share with you the story of my first full wax.

I was not fat at the time although I was a stripper and was quite a bit fatter than most of the other dancers. And unlike most of the dancers I was sporting a cropped actual mini bush.

To that point I had not once ever removed all of my pubic hair and the girl I was trying to date at the time went on and on about how sexy it would feel and how cool it would look and I could get shapes in my fur. I was pretty down with the idea of having lightening bolt shaped pubes.

So we went to a day spa type place where a very beautiful big tall strapping Scandinavian looking lass (who I totally pictured as some sort of Viking warrior for a quick minute) led me into a room and explained to me what she was going to do.

Okay so right, wax on pubes, cloth on wax then zip strip done smooth.

Um fuck no.

Holy fucking shit did that hurt. I have never wanted to punch a hot woman in the face so hard in my life. Like Hannah I was entirely convinced she had in fact torn something vital out of my pussy and it would never be the same.

And then, honestly when I got home and took a good long look at my irritated sore crotch, I cried. I cried because those pubes I had waited so long to actually have were gone and I felt gross and weird.

I also got such a rash from the after care lotion I bought from the place. There were more tears and reassurances from the girl who's pants I never actually got into sadly, that I was still a sexy beast.

I am still traumatized.

In other body news as I was getting dressed today, I realized that somehow in the last few years I've entirely gotten over this neurosis I had when dealing with waistbands.

My natural waist (usually the part where your torso bends sideways or the smallest part around your torso) is very high up. Like right under my ribs/tits. Which means that even when I was a lot thinner I never really looked like my torso had a shape which at one point in life I was very self conscious about and freaked out about.

The way my body is made, big shoulders, big boobs, big hips, big thighs my waist has a tendancy to get lost in the shuffle. Now unless I'm wearing something very tight you can't really tell what shape my body actually is except for holy BOOBIES.

It boggles me that it's taken 31 years on Earth to realize that it's not a big goddamn deal.

Sometimes I look like a banging hourglass, sometimes I look like a banging apple, sometimes (rarely) I look like a banging pear. And it's all good.

The anxiety about it has evaporated.

I will say that I prefer waistbands on the lower side so they don't cut in or make my ribs hurt. Which makes finding perfect jeans really fucking difficult.

And quickly I'd like to mention that I got the cutest note from a shy non commenter who wanted to tell the Fatosphere at large that we are awesome.

Also just for my shy homie, a new photo.


Feel free to go play in my Flickr.

And if you must repost it somewhere at least be polite enough to send me a link so I can laugh.

Tomorrow I'll be talking about sex, kink, some fetish wear and hopefully announcing more articles posted over at hubpages. Also if you have a request for me, or would like me to answer a question in one of those short articles just ask and I will deliver if I can.

Homo Out.


Lindsay said...

I used to know a woman with a body shape like you described, and i envied the hell out of her for it. My waistline is right at my navel, and there's a 10 inch difference between waist and hips.

I think jeans are just a bitch no matter what kind of shape you have. For me, the waistbands are either way too tight or so loose that i can pull my pants off without unbuttoning them.

Twistie said...

I always say if I didn't have tits my waist would be in my damn armpits, so you are not alone in that aspect. OTOH, I have mosquito bites for boobies. Oh well. At least if I can't find a 44A+ bra, I can sort of do without.

Pretty pic, BTW. Love that color eyeshadow on you.

Anonymous said...

I'm kinda re-evaluating where my waist is - I've always purchased trousers to sling around my ample hips, and my natural waist is really highly. Which looks awesome in dresses of a certain kind, especially now that I'm exercising and they are getting more defined.

But jeans are the devil, because I don't like high waisted anything. They may mah tummy look huge :(

nuckingfutz said...

I think those Sad And Sexually Suppressed people are just making the rounds of the Fatosphere - they came over to my blog the other day and attacked my DAUGHTER. (Attack me? Fine. Attack my daughter? I want to track them down, rip their dicks off, and shove them down their throats. Ahem.)

Like boobs (the person, not the body part ;) ), I think jeans are the object of the devil. I don't think there's a woman alive that has an easy time finding jeans that flatter themselves completely. The last time I had a "perfect" pair of jeans, I think I was 12 or something.

And ITA w/Twistie... that shade of pink looks AWESOME on you. :)

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