I was tagged by Boobs I haz dem..I has dem too dood.
So now I meme.
What are five things you’ve said or done in the past twelve months that you’re most proud of?
Damn good question I think.
1.) I recently started trying to get my short fiction published again. This after a fairly long self proclaimed retirement and essentially whiny writer giving up. I went a few years with having a pretty good run of getting various short fiction pieces published here and there and then it stopped. So since I am absolutely the worst critic I have, I stopped trying. I decided I sucked therefore would relegate myself blogging and the occasional post of whatever I've been scribbling in my lj.
I quite frankly entirely lost my hardon for myself in terms of my writing ability.
I can't say I'm at full hard on yet but I'm working on it and have two recent rejections to prove it.
2.) I have finally started to be nicer to myself. I am working (hard, holy fuck balls is it hard) to be gentler and less of a bitch to myself. It's astonishingly difficult not to crack the proverbial whip and lay the smack down on myself for various things. However I am proud of myself that I am learning.
3.) I am learning to just say when there's something wrong instead of powering through. I am hard to read, I don't often just say if I'm upset or in pain. I just deal with it. With help from people who love me I'm learning that it's okay to admit that I'm in pain (physical usually sometimes emotional) and it's okay to seek comfort from other human beings. The latter has been a very hard painful lesson for me to learn and sometimes I admit I'm still not good at it.
4.) After being gifted with an awesome film camera and getting a digital camera I am finally learning photography. I have been interested in photography for 20 years but never pursued it because I never had money for a camera, or classes, or film developing. I don't really have extra money now but damn it I have time and I am learning. I have a textbook I'm studying and I take pictures as I remember to. What means more to me though is that some people who's picture taking skills I truly admire, have said I have potential and that makes me feel very fancy.
5.) And the thing I'm most proud of is that I am still alive. I'm 31 years old, have outlived a lot of my friends and loved ones. I've survived some really fucking terrible shit and I'm still walking around and sort of sane. That is something to be really proud of. Even when things are sucktastic, and I feel so discouraged I want to give up on everything there's still that knowledge that for all of the other shit I'm bad at, goddamn it I fucking survive.
Since I've been so rawr rawr rant ahh etc this week how about some things that make me happy?
I love fat happy babies. There are few things better to me than having a wee bundle of chunky love blowing me kisses on the bus or making grabby hands at me. Or that kind of laughter small children do so they snort and snork etc. That makes me very happy.
Also happy making is meeting random weird people. For instance a few weeks ago on the bus I met a dreadlocked Haitian who crooned a little song to me in French, patted my arm told me I'm an African Queen and exited the bus. That made my day. He was also entirely delighted by my mangled French greeting.
Also happy making. I love random book nerding. By that I mean the very rare occasion I catch the eye of another reader on the bus and we give each other that little book lover nod. The oh hay that's a kick ass book look, but we leave each other alone to read our respective books.
Wow I entirely lost track of this.
And I think I'm done for now.
I will get back to your questions when i'm not feeling quite so fluffy filled.