Monday, October 13, 2008

Meme and whatnot.

It's almost one in the morning and I am sitting here buck naked, catching up on some of the blogs I've missed reading of late.

I am pretty in love with myself right this instant.

I flat ironed and roller set my hair earlier. And it quite frankly did the opposite of expected and went more lion's mane than sleek.

Also my boobs are sweaty and I am kinda funky.

So a meme.

“Instructions: Take a picture of yourself right now. Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair - just take a picture. Post that picture with NO editing. Post these instructions with the picture”

These would probably work for HNT too but I'm lazy.

The dark mass around my face is in fact my ginormous hair.

I was laughing when I took that because one of the teddy bears atop my monitor was positioned so it seriously looked like he was looking at my tits.

So yes, despite how badly my knees hurt today and the fact that I am not out dancing for that particular reason, I am pretty in love with myself.

And since some people asked here is what was going on with the plagiarist thing.

This person on the interwebs lifted entire entries, articles I wrote for pay and some of my fiction and the layout of my old website to pass off as their own.

So no, quoting me wasn't it. Quote away I don't care. I do know the difference between being quoted and being stolen from. The non pay stuff I was irritated about but not pissed. The stuff I wrote for pay isn't mine anymore so I reported it to the people who do own the content now and the website is now gone.

This isn't the first time this has happened to me. Years ago when I first started using the internet someone stole an erotica story of mine from an erotica writers list I was on and shopped it around. To what I imagine was their displeasure one of the people this person shopped it to had read the original and thus the person was busted.

While I'm clarifying let me say that my entry about anti FA (again, I believe I said this in the follow up as well) was not directed at anyone in particular but rather it was a collection of my thoughts and impressions from what I had been reading around the internet.

Also for the record my stance about FA is as follows please follow along at home:

  1. I do not believe that you can judge the state of a person's health simply by how they look.
  2. I also do not believe that health is a moral objective.
  3. I do not believe that people should be demonized for being fat.
  4. I do not believe that it is inherently ok to be given shoddy health care because your health professionals cannot see beyond weight.
  5. I do not believe that fat is automatically unhealthy.
  6. I do believe that some illnesses and physical issues are exacerbated by being fat.
  7. I also do believe that some illnesses are not exacerbated or caused by being fat.
  8. I do believe that it is none of your business what I eat or don't eat or whether or not I exercise.
  9. I do believe that dehumanizing people because you don't like their bodies is a fucked up thing to do.
  10. I do believe that the media representation of the obesity crises as it is, is flawed.
  11. I do not believe that people should be blatantly or not so blatantly discriminated against because of what their bodies look like.
  12. I do believe that FA as it is now, is going to go through some rough spots.
  13. I do believe that this is ok.
  14. I do not believe that it is in our best interest as human beings to be such assholes to each other.

If that's too much to read in a nutshell have all the biases you want. You can feel free to think I am a fat disgusting pig who is the root of all evil and is the cause of every bad thing, just don't act on it and it's all good.

What about discrimination is okay? Who can give me one good and valid reason that does not have to do with faux moralizing about health, who you want to sleep with or not, or your own personal body issues to treat fat people badly?

Feel free to comment anonymously.

Moving ahead.

My relationship to my body is in a strange place right now.

I increased walking has meant that I am in increased pain. My knees have been really hurting lately pretty much from the time I get out of bed to the time I go to sleep. It's fucking terrifying because it's just getting worse. It's almost as bad as when I was working out to an insane degree. (I believe my all time high was about 5 hours a day, fuck sake it was terrible).

I just read an entry by Essin 'Em that hit really close to my heart.

That is what I'm afraid of.

Afraid no I am mother fucking terrified.

Hence me dragging my feet about finding a new doctor.

I spend a lot of time worrying about this. My job involves a lot of up and down and a lot of stairs. I live on the third floor and there is no elevator.

It's astonishingly horrible to think about.

I wonder if I will be able to love myself when I hear those words that it will never get better.

I wonder if I will be able to not go insane about it.

I wonder if I am strong enough to deal with it.


Right now, though my knees are puffy and swollen. And I'm dreaming about heels I just can't wear anymore and I'm waiting for the anti inflammatories to kick in, I still love myself.

I love my stretchmarks and aching back, I love my creaking and complaining knees, my greasy face. My sweaty boobs.

Right now I am okay and I suppose, that's pretty goddamn good.

So while I wait for Uniballer to get home from the store I am going to go pluck my eyebrows, and make some white tea.

Tomorrow Colleen I am totally emailing you back I got derailed by the plagiarizing.

And my toenails are going to get painted a violent shade of magenta.

Homo Out.



nuckingfutz said...

I wonder if I will be able to love myself when I hear those words that it will never get better.

That's the line that hit me the most.

Because, Shannon, you'll still be the same person. Nothing about YOU will change. You will still be YOU.

I forget what movie it's from, but what popped into my head was this:
You can still be you. Just... be this, too.

(And it's entirely possible that's from some cheezy atrocity - I am such a cinephile (if that's not a word, it is now!) it's not even funny.)

nuckingfutz said...

It just hit me. The quote? It's from Dogma.

When The Voice of God is talking to Bethany about being the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Jesus.

Full of useless movie trivia, I am. ;)

Piffle said...

Chronic pain is a bitch.

Researchers are taking it more seriously, however, and we can hope they'll develop new and better controls for it. They've discovered a new protein to work on that has the potential to be eight times more effective than morphine. I can't figure out how to paste here, but if you go to and search for "Cell Protein Suppresses Pain Eight Times More Effectively Than Morphine" you should find it. It also lasts for days rather than hours, the downside it's only in mice so far and requires a spinal injection. Still, it's a start.

They're also working on some ways to make it so people don't develop tolerences to opiates, reducing their side-effects also. It's again in an animal model. Search for "The More We Get, The More We Need: How to Prevent Morphine 'Tolerance'".

May this create a ray of hope in your life. :)

Twistie said...

I adore that photo! And learning why you were laughing so delightfully just made it even better.

Your stances on FA...girl, they're pure genius with a cherry on top. You have a lot of good reasons to love yourself just as you are. You're smart and funny and bold and eloquent. What's not to love?

Whether or not anything can be done for your knees, you're still an amazing person...but if something can be done to improve either the state of your knees or your ability to manage the pain, I'll be thrilled for you. Constant pain is not a pleasant thing to live with. But you know that a great deal better than I do.

Take care of yourself. Enjoy your white tea, and go on loving your wonderful self.

DavitaCuttita said...

Sorry to hear about your knees and awful pains, I hope you feel better.

I'm also glad to hear that plagirizer got what was coming to um. Now if only they also got a punch in the throat, we would have a truly happy ending.

Get well soon!!

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