Thursday, October 23, 2008

On Compliments and other things.

One commenter awhile back indicated she doesn't like people commenting on her appearance. (Not exact quote there but I can't find the comment in my email).

I was thinking about it and compliments are something I talk about sometimes so here's some thoughts.

There was a time I reacted very negatively when anyone commented on my appearance for any reason. I did not want anyone thinking they had any business talking about anything having to do with my appearance because I am not a decoration.

I felt that way until an older gent stopped on the sidewalk and told me he thought I looked very pretty that day. I didn't know him and responded kind of snarkily that I wasn't there for him to look at and he frowned at me. Told me that he changed his mind because I was nasty. His feelings were actually kind of hurt.

That got me thinking about it.

These days I look at it this way. Your random dude or dudette walking down the street knows nothing about you. Not your name or that you have a big dead sexy brain, or that you're an awesome person with a heart of shiny gold. All they know is maybe something about you gives them a visual happy. Maybe it's the way your hair curls at your cheek, your pretty skin, your kickass outfit, your perfectly gorgeous eyes whatever.

Now this person has no idea about you and maybe they just want to strike up conversation. Or something else about you makes them want to know you, or they think your fashion sense is awesome and want to know where you shop. I don't think this is a negative thing.

The human animal is a curious critter and sometimes a social one. And some people are plain nice and want to make sure people at large hear once in awhile that something about them is cool.

From the standpoint of random person on the street, I think a compliment is okay. And from a personal standpoint, regardless of how you feel about your appearance sometimes it's nice to hear another human who doesn't know you tell you, hey you're awesome.

I personally don't expect random folks on the street to walk up and ask me my opinions on something intellectual. Frankly that can be astonishing awkward and weird. Sometimes a run by compliment is just that, occasionally it can be an awesome way to make a new friend.

Next bit about compliments is how to give them without being creepy or weird.

For boys and girls so pay attention.

Good things to say to people while you're walking down the street:

"You're gorgeous."

Then keep on stepping.

"You have great hair/eyebrows/style/eyes/make up/skin/hat/shoes/pants/what have you."

Keep on stepping.

The key to giving a non creepy compliment is to not linger or get in someone's face. Smile at them. Don't be fake. Don't give one if you don't mean it. Don't think that person owes you their time, consideration or even complete attention. Don't be annoying and try to walk with them.

See where I'm going here?

And if you are getting the compliment but don't like compliments pretty please don't take it out on strangers. They don't know you, they have no way to judge beforehand that they might be doing something you don't like.

Remember, if someone is being nice to you there's not a whole lot of good reasons not to give it right back.

I am a huge believer in putting out little bits of awesome in the world. I think the world is a mean enough place and sometimes it's just nice to be nice to people.

Personally a lot of the time I give compliments because it makes me feel good. It makes me feel tingly in my happy brain when I can make someone smile or laugh. Matter of fact sometimes that is the most awesome thing ever.


I tihnk that's all I am having a really not great makes me want to yank out my uterus kind of period and I don't feel good and I'm spacy.

Homo Out. the above to mean that there will be fluff and probably not a lot of serious content until I feel a little less OMGOMGOMGAHOMGOMG.


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