Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Fatty.

Thanksgiving isn't really my bag. I am going to stay in my jammies, hang out with Uniballer and eat pie.

So i want to talk about other stuff.

First I have to tell you a story.

I knew these two women a long time ago, two very different women. One thin one fat. I never introduced them to each other but I think of both of them at the same time when the mood strikes.

They both had one major thing in common. They were appalled and angry that I had good self esteem at the time. I was actually a bit heavier then than I am now. Probably by a good 20-25 pounds, had the most adorable hair cut ever and felt like I was the Sparkly Special hotness to the person that counts, myself.

I've actually encountered this more than I'd like to say in my life. People who are so miserable themselves, that they have been angry with me, who is in their eyes so fantastically unacceptible (fat) that I should not, EVER be happy about it.

Every time I hear that sentiment my initial reaction is, yes you got it a big ole middle finger.

If you are the kind of person who seriously begrudges another human being their happiness, fuck you running.

Life is goddamn hard enough as I think we all know. No matter what the size and state of your ass is, there is a lot to worry about day to day.

This is fuckery with which I will not put up.

Don't be mad at my fat ass because I enjoy myself, for myself. Don't be mad because I am not taking the haters and bullshit to heart.

Fuck that.

Quite frankly if you are already a miserable mother fucker, it is not my fault.

I am sorry that you are miserable but i will not take responsibility for it, nor will I allow anyone to rub that all over me because they think they can and that I should be miserable too.

At a loss?

Here is what you do, this is what I do to reinforce myself against the bullshit.

1.) Stand up, no do it right now. Or if you can't stand up sit up. Raise your dominant hand, crank up your middle finger. Because quite frankly fuck it. Whatever it is, fuck it.

2.) Get a theme song. No I'm not kidding. This is going to be your soundtrack. it will play in your head according to your mood. See the following videos.

This plays in my head some mornings. Straight out of bed, when I am getting ready for work. It's motivational.

When I am feeling a little I will knock you the fuck out feeling. It's this one.


When I am getting my sexy on, when I am in the mood to strut. Yes I DO this sometimes. This silly ass song has got the perfect beat.

Maybe this is an artifact of me being a highly musical person. But my theme songs ALWAYS make me feel better if I'm not feeling awesome.

3.) Spend a little time doing something absurd. If you take yourself too seriously you are probably going to feel crappy. Laugh at yourself. My usual absurdity of choice is random booty shaking to silly music, or just because I feel like it. I'm not talking about skilled ZOMFG AWESOME dancing, nope. You don't even need any rhythm and I won't laugh. Find music you like, wiggle hind quarters and the rest will follow. do it with your children, do it with your lover, do it with your friends. Have a happy dance that you will bust out when the mood strikes.

4.) Take yourself on a date occasionally. go out or stay in, but spend some time loving yourself. Maybe that involves some fine chocolates, wine and a nap. Maybe a long bath, a good book and a nap. Maybe you just want to get yourself drunk and take advantage of yourself. If you are going to be nice to someone, be nice to yourself.

5.) Do not be afraid of or ashamed of your hotness. If you are wearing an outfit that you feel like you are the Hot. Motherfucking. Sex in. WORK IT. Do not be embarassed if people don't like it. Do not be ashamed if someone says it's clashy and makes your belly look big. Fuck em. Hold your head up, shoulders back and work it. Another video interlude but follow these instructions:

You get me? Put a switch in those hips.

6.) Breath, love, laugh. Laugh a lot. Laugh because it's all fucked up. Laugh because people are fucking assholes. Laugh because you still can.

I will leave you with more video inspiration.

So in conclusion.

I love you. You love you. Go forth, shake your ass, laugh until you have to hobble to the bathroom or pee yourself. Fall of your couch laughing, snorf beer all over. Be happy. Be healthy as you can be. But most of all, stay your beautiful fabulous selves.

Your Sparkly Fat Ass Homo.



N said...

This was a beautiful posting...I had such a horrible day with battling my own co-worker demons and this put such a smile on my face it wasn't even funny!

I have one thing to say...You BETTER WORK! :D

Lady Epiphany said...

Thank you for this, and for sharing your sparkly assed awesomeness with the rest of us on the Internets.

wellroundedtype2 said...

Thank you.

I think I'm entering into a fabulous period of higher self esteem, and this boosts me to the next level. (This is probably my best season).
You are an international treasure.

And the word for verification purposes is clixons -- and somehow, I'm thinking you have a creative definition for this word.

Yours in fat fabulousness,

Haddayr said...

Oh, how I adore you!

Muppette said...

Mother. Fucking. WORD. <3

Anonymous said...

This should be printed off and given as an instruction manual to everyone ever.

Jen said...

I'm going to agree with Anonymous there above me, as well as add my thanks to you for sharing your words and vids. YOU. ROCK. *mega hugs*

Twistie said...

(grabs your hands and shares a booty shaking dance around the room with you and your sparkliness)

This post is the essence of awesome.

Anonymous said...

aww, this was awesome and just what i needed to hear. one of the vids i watch for giggles and inspiration to just let loose is this one

never fails to make me crack up. everytime without fail i will want to go all crazy dancing around.


isabel said...

this post is totally awesome. thanks.

Jen said...

You make me smile.

April D said...

Freaking awesome. I was asked just a few weeks ago by two co-workers who just muddle through life miserable no matter what happens "How are you so happy??" because they had seen me dancing with the hubby and just rocking out on the dance stage of a friend's wedding that weekend.

My answer "I love life and I don't diet!" I think I should have also said, "I also LOVE to dance and take any chance I can to do it; no matter who might be watching"

I love your tips for feeling great; thanks for sharing with us! :D

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm also having a fat acceptance crisis. It seems like ever since I rededicated my life to God, I'm sensitive when I hear people talking about atheism, which I've been reading a lot on the fatsophere. I don't know if it's just me. I mean, I know I'm in the minority as a Christian because I'm all for feminism and gay rights and in my community, I hear a lot of diet talk.

So, I come here for a refuge from time to time but lately, in the fatsophere, there's been this constant "I need to reassure you of my values" is a little grating at times. I guess I'm on a level now where I don't have to JUST be around liberal people and JUST read info. on the fatsophere.

Still, it's nice to be able to read comments on blogs such as yours. On some of the other blogs, it can be kind of cliquish and as a woman of color, you know what I'm talking about.

Caitlan said...

Oh, (the clean version of) hustlin is my theme song sometimes too!

Anonymous said...

I cannot even tell you how much love is in my heart for this post--from this post. Thank you for that :) As soon as I'm done with this comment I'm going to 1. bookmark the post for my daily "Shut up you are too totally fucking awesome" readings and 2. dance around my house like an absolute fool, because I can, and it'll make me laugh :D

Subscribe To My Podcast