Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Fat Musings take four million.

I was cruising around on the Fatosphere feed and this entry over at Fat Lot of Good caught my eye.

I myself had a breast reduction just about 16 years ago (for those counting I was 14) and it was a lifesaver for me in many ways.

However what I found interesting were the comments. Go look.

What intrigued me most was a bit of the non acknowledgment of purposeful weight loss. Not on Bri's part but this is what shook loose in my head. (I totally started this yesterday but got distracted.)

All around the Fatosphere there are lots of heavily enforced rules in other folks' sandboxes about no weight loss discuss or talk. It's your sandbox do as you please. There have been arguments over the 'radical' nature of the anti-purposeful weight loss stance before and I won't rehash them.

Personally I don't subscribe to that particular line of thought.

My train of thought on the issue is as follows.

I don't believe that purposeful weight loss is in and of itself a terribly evil thing. I don't believe that someone automatically has started to hate being fat or fat people if they are not comfortable at whatever weight.

I do think that when confronted with someone who wants to lose weight, it can be helpful to talk to them about it in a non judgmental way. For instance.

Homie: I think I'd like to lose a few pounds.
Me: Why's that? Are you okay? (Note the are you okay part, shows caring yanno)
Homie: Well, I've gained about fifteen pounds and my pants don't fit, my back hurts and I'm really not comfortable or happy.
Me: You can always get new pants if you need them. But you know, if you want to talk about it you can talk about it with me.
Homie: Thanks.


Homie: Do you think adjusting my diet might help me lose a few pounds?
Me: Possibly. Just don't go all only eating carrots nuts okay?
Homie: Okay.

See, my big thing is that if it's someone I care about I'd much rather not try and heal them of their evil ass shrinking ways. If asked for help or advice I will give it gladly but I won't proselytize until they declare love of their expanding ass and vow to never actively go about weight loss.

I just don't see the point in shaming people.

Which is what it's doing let's not kid ourselves.

When you emphatically and unquestioningly tell people that you will not talk about something with them, when they do have that thought or question and know they cannot speak to you about it, a lot of people I know feel ashamed.

I have seen people express that feeling when they've stopped reading FA blogs. That they feel like traitors to the cause or otherwise unwelcome. And I'm not really into that.

I would far rather talk to someone about weight loss in a way that doesn't make them feel like a shit, that maybe helps them get to a place where they do in fact love their ever expanding ass and don't feel the need to lose weight. Or that they can stand up for themselves at the doctor and say, no thanks I'm happy with my weight.

Sometimes I think about those people who are very new to FA or not sure if they belong in FA. I think about the people who've been shamed for their whole lives. I think about the girls I've known who've run home in tears or fled home in tears because of comments about their bodies.

I think about the guys who just have no bloody idea what to think.

If I were them and I wasn't fully on board with FA yet and I read some of these things I would probably feel excluded and confused. Matter of fact that is a sentiment I've heard from a few people and it makes me sad.

It also brings to mind the whole dichotomy of good and bad fattie. Which is a whole other thing that I don't want to go into in depth really. Honestly, as with many things I still call bullshit and shenanigans on the whole idea that we must prove ourselves to be the good fatties in order to defeat the current ideas about fatness.

Moving on.

Now, where the personal meets the political I'd like to talk about the state of my own ass.

I took my measurements recently and because of how my body is shaped, I'm very firmly wedged between sizes in many size rangers. Between a 14-16W, between a 12-14 plus, between a 15-17 in juniors plus etc etc.

What this means when it comes to clothing my body is that a lot of the clothing I buy off the rack does not fit properly. And believe it or not I had the same problem when I was very thin, but to a worse degree because my overall body was a lot smaller but my boobs were not. At a size 5 I believe it was I was a 36 band size and often DDD cup size. Not awesome honestly.

Now measurements wise, a loss of about an inch and a half all round would put me firmly in one size. Which in all honesty would be fucking awesome because I a.) can't afford to take everything I buy to a tailor, b.) my sewing skills are not so awesome that I can retailer or redo everything I buy and c.) I don't like or want to spend a shitload of money on nice clothes only to tear them apart..

In a more practical vein of thought, I don't know if losing those who knows how many pounds that would result in about a 1.5" loss of bodily area would be good for me to do. I also don't know if the state of my joints etc would allow for that kind of exercise and eating normally.

Additionally, I would really prefer not to try and live on a starvation level caloric intake in order to achieve a dress size that will not in reality change all that much. I've done it before. I've spent so many hours exercising at points that my caloric intake became negative. And I am too old and care too much about my future health to be doing that to myself.

So, will I or won't I?

I don't actually know yet. I am not making an actual decision until after I finish going through my to be reconned clothes, clothes that I hate and whatnot. I also need to decide how much time I want to devote to said clothes, and speak to my doctor because as we all know if there's already something wrong with your knees, ankles or back you can really fuck yourself up going all exercise crazy nuts.

And I've done it before and don't want to do it again.

That's it.

I'm dating this one today and I'll get to the other stuff on my mind later.

And I think I will probably not post the reflections post I had planned (re this entry), I am too cranky and bitchy. Suffice it to say that I think some of what I said didn't come across how I intended. Also, for the record I have about as much interest in mainstream porn as I do shoving a pine cone up my ass sideways.

Homo out for now.


Scattered Marbles said...

Gah... I am so totally in love with you for this post right now!!!

Right on, totally right on with this!!!

I just don't see the point in shaming people.

That is my feeling exactly, I think alot of the judging and shaming going on pushes people far away from the FA movement instead of really helping them understand our mission.

Man I would comment on more about this post but seriously I would just be agreeing the whole thing because it is exactly how I feel, so thank you for this!!

Big In Day-town said...

This. Your post. Everything you said, right the fuck on. Thanks for succinctly stating everything I've been rambling on in my head about.

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