Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Lube has a flavor?

Megan asks:

ask since you said you were going to talk about supplies anyway... are there any flavored lubes in existence that do not taste like cat ass? I keep buying the little one-use ones at the sex shop and they always disappoint.

Oookay my darling.

Honestly, I have yet to find a lube that doesn't just taste plain weird. The reason behind that is, it's a really bad idea to use anything for flavor that has actual sugar in it. Pussy does not approve of that.

Many women if their pussies are exposed to sugars (honey, food stuffs, 9 and a half weeks style, holler if you hear me) here is what happens.

Pussy: WTF? What is this fuckery OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG there is a disturbance in the force.

And then, you could be brewing a yeast infection and nobody wants that.

Now I will assume that you're intersted in the flavored lube for oral sex of some sort. I'd ask why?

If your partner is of the pussy having variety, I would ask if there is something about how your partners bits taste that bothers you? Pussy all tastes different, and changes depeneding on where she is at in her cycle, her general health, her diet. If there is something about how your partner tastes that is an issue there are good and not so good ways to deal with that.

If your partner is having health issues of some variety don't bug them about it. No seriously don't. If you're really wanting to get a mouthfull, try using a dental dam until the issue is cleared up.

The respectful way of talking to your partner about taste doesn't happen right before you're about to put your face between their thighs. In my opinion, this sort of conversation should be happening at a non-sexual moment when you're both feeling good.

Use your awesome empathy skills, think about how you'd like to be approached.

Now if this is for your partners benefit (as in the flavored lube is going on your parts) and it's not your first choice, maybe that's a conversation you should have together.

Now if this is for cock parts. I suggest just keeping trying out different lubes until you like how one tastes. Although, I am kind of dubious that anything+cock tastes great. Cock tastes just fine by itself.

If your guy (believe me this works) is maybe kinda sweaty in the junk region there is nothing wrong with saying (I blame American Dad for this) "Give your boys a sink bath and get ready!" if you're excited, the man will be excited. Also guys, remember rinse a lot.

Left over soap film can kind of ruin a blow job. So if you're cruising for one, make sure you get all the soap off of your parts. Especially if you are uncut, roll that foreskin back and make sure you rinse under there super great.

Now all you genital having people.

If you really want extra flavor for your oral spelunking in your partners junk try out some of those sex mints. Now I can't say from experience because I've never used them. But you can try.

I do not suggest rinsing with harsh mouthwash beforehand, no Altoids (they are strong enough the oil in them could potentially burn delicate labia), no honey, no fruit, please do NOT PUT FRUITS, PEELED VEGGIES, OR OTHER HOUSEHOLD NOMS INTO ANYONE'S PUSSY PLEASE.

I don't mean to holler but please don't be doing that. And if you absolutely must do it, make sure (this is probably the only time you'll hear me recommend this) douche with plain water very well. You do not want sugary bits of noms in there. Just don't.

Also if you really just don't like the taste of pussy or your partners pussy in particular this can be overcome.

Get yourself some saran wrap and regular lube, lube up one side of the saran wrap and mold that sticky slick lubed side to your partners pussy which is fun in and of itself. Saran wrap is thin enough and a little lube will contour to her. Safe and fun.

Don't want to taste penis? Use a condom. I will say that I've used some minty non latex ones that were not bad at all.

And as promised some advice about what I think everybody should have in their I'm Gettin Some Tool Box.

Safer sex supplies. Especially if you are in a non-monogamous relationship or are cruising for as much booty as you can get. Things to include, latex (or non latex as you prefer) gloves and rubbers. Also, lube. Pick your sort. I myself kinda dig old fashioned no frills KY. Saran wrap or dental dams.

You may also want to have other stuff on hand.

You may want to have some toys handy. I personally like most of my sexy times supplies to be together in one spot. Maybe get yourself a pretty box for your stuff, a fancy bag, a dedicated drawer in the bedside table. If you have rugrats, use locks or put them where the ankle biters can't get to them.

You might want to have a good clit tickler (POCKET ROCKETS FTW), cock ring(s), insert-able toys, your favorite sexy materials. DVD's, books, pictures whatever.

There is no shame in making sure that when you are about to get down, you are adequately prepared to have yourself a good damn time.

Also have a glass of water and towels handy just in case.

Upshot is, you're only really limited by yourself here. Being ready for fun doesn't make you weird, it doesn't make your sex less spontaneous. Nor does it mean you're a slut in the pejorative sense of the word.

Megan baby if you're still with me, report back from the field. I am actually going to make a trip to the porn/toy store here soon like and I will take some notes and get back to you on what I find.

Also probably Monday or Tuesday I have a new question from a BOY. YEAH.


Which makes me wonder, my average size awesome penis having friend who sent in a question yonks ago, how are you? How is your cock?

Tomorrow I have some thoughts about my entry here. Some are actually kind of bemused thoughts, some are vaguely annoyed, and whatnot.

Also you guys were KILLING me with the rampant noms in the food thread there. Holy HOT DAYUM OM NOM NOM NOM. Also the ass mood I mentioned in that entry was totally my migraine pre-warning system going off like DING DING DING DING BITCH DING DING DING DING.

Migraine is still kicking but controlled.

And lasty some sex related links I want you to see.

Today is International Day To End Violence Against Sex Workers. Sex worker rights and safety is a huge HUGE issue to me. Big enough that I can't really be eloquent about it.

Suffice it to say that I believe that sex workers need to be respected, and sex work needs to be decriminalized for the safety of the workers. And also for the safety of those who don't want to be sex workers. I believe that sentient of age human beings have every right to do sex work if they so desire, and further that they have the same rights as any other worker. I also do not believe in shaming sex workers or demonizing sex work. Okay I should stop there but you see where I'm going.

Anyway, go read TastyTrixie's entry on the subject here. Yeah NSFW and as I've mentioned before I do have a bit of a girl crush on her and her partner Delia.

Also go read Audacia Ray's entry about it here.

Essin 'Em posted a call for submissions. All about the intersections of sexuality and ability to put it in a not so great nutshell. Go check that out.

My Seatown homo homies. The Seattle Gay Scene has an awesome schedule of events for the weekend here.

Also I have a big post about the seeming purity tests of Blackness (oh I will get to it) the idea is coming from some recent posts at Racialicious and the like.

I'm working on it. Actually I might post it later.

Okay enough.

Happy Sexing whether it be solo, group, or a fantastic duet in Hot Ass Major. Enjoy yourself. Be safe.

Homo Out.


1 comment:

Julia said...

Do you happen to remember the brand of the minty non-latex condoms you used? My partner is allergic to latex and that sounds intriguing.

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