A little fluffy and a little random.

Vacation countdown is ON.

So awesome things right this moment. I am wearing bright red liquid liner. And I think I love it. I wasn't so sure when I put it on but I do in fact LOVE it.

Also loving my faux stained red lips. I was not 100% with the Sephora #94 (also those are on sale right now) it's a bit more of a tomato-y red than I'd thought when I bought it and straight out of the tube it looks like straight up ass on me.

So instead I apply it in little dabs on my lips with a fingertip. Voila instant ruddy stained lips. Doesn't last like a traditional stain but it's pretty. And that lipstick has a very nice slight gloss to it.

Moving along.
TR has had some really great entries this week about clothes.

Since I started dressing myself, there have always been people who've given me the rules about fashion, what to wear, and have been at times appalled by my wardrobe choices.

Among the complaints about my wardrobe, too much black, too much cleavage, too much too much too much. My response is usually fairly amused.

Once I settled in my odd eclectic and occasionally absurd aesthetic I stopped paying overmuch attention to the rules, the expectations and whatnot. I just don't care enough to make an issue of it with myself.

Personally I see a lot of fashions that do not go with my personal aesthetic and that's okay. I believe that one should rock on with ones bad self and do what you like.

Next thing.

What are some of your favorite compliments to give or get?

I have a long standing love of complimenting people. Often strangers because in my commute I often see people who just look upset or unhappy. And sometimes a random stranger saying something nice to you can be just the thing.

There are good and not so good ways of doing this.

For instance, this actually happened to me. While I was waiting at the bus stop awhile back after work.

Southern Gent tourist: Excuse me can you tell me where I can find a cup of coffee this late?

Me: Go about three blocks up and you can stop in at that place called Minnie's on the corner. Or you can head straight up that way, hang a right at the light and go over to the Mecca.

Southern Gent Tourist: *Starts to walk away after saying thank you, pauses and turns to say* You have got such a beautiful speaking voice. You should do voice work.

Then he smiled and walked away.

That is a nice thing.

He was sweet and polite and charming. The Southern Gent Trifecta as far as I'm concerned. And yes, I do have a soft spot for older Southern Gentlemen. I do not mind when they hold open a door and when I say thank you they respond, "no problem darlin/hon/etc" I am woman enough to admit it makes me giggle and feel charmed.

Equally awesome.

I saw a very pregnant lady looking really not comfortable nor happy, I am thinking her feet hurt the other day.

Me: Oh you look so pretty. That sweater looks nice on you.

She was wearing a really cute pink cardigan over a sunny yellow dress. She smiled and blushed (which was about the cutest thing ever) also I discovered she didn't speak very much English.

Her: Oh oh thank you.

We smiled at each other, she had awesome dimples. When she got her on her bus she was still smiling and we waved at each other.

This is the kind of thing I love.

Compliment someone on their shoes, their hair, their purse, their awesomeness in general. Be nice, be genuine and not overly creepy (as in no long up and down look before issuing said compliment) and watch how easy it is to make someone smile.

Now for some link salad.

Via Beauty and the Blog I have seen and subsequently fallen for Kat VonD's black lipgloss. Like Ms. VonD I am a lover of dark lips and as I mentioned before HELLS TO THE YEAH. I'm a little sad it doesn't look darker but I bet that would look banging over some darker plummy lipstick.

Also on various blogs I found out that Ellen is going to be a CoverGirl. On some queer blogs I've seen folks questioning her choice but I think it's fucking fantastic. CoverGirl is billed as clean, fresh, pretty. And Ellen is just that. Also HELLO out married lesbian as a CoverGirl. I think that is beautiful. Also beautiful is the look Ellen is working in that picture. Just goes to show that even if you aren't a make up obsessed diva like I am, CoverGirl is for you too so HELL TO THE YEAH.

Also over at Doe Deere I entered the Must-Be-Red contest. Vote for Shannon's lips cause contests are cool. You can also click on my comment to see those red lips (my naked lips in Mac's So Scarlet).

To celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day check out this post over at Needled featuring Pirate themed ink.

OH regarding my entry yesterday.

Um you guys are awesome.

Also I forgot to mention that I have found a few size friendly kinky things on the internets. But the thing that makes it difficult for me is the necessity of having them be very very private because of how people are.

And yes I know I've talked about talking about the whole BBW thing, I've been doing some research so I can make my point succinctly. So yeah it's happening just not super quickly because I want to do it in a way that's fitting.

I was watching a fat girl video on youtube and went against my usual policy of reading comments.

Okay fat hating people, let me show you where you run your points off of the rails.

1.) Shaming, hating, and otherwise being a complete asshole is not the way to get a point across. If you "care" so much for another persons well being or health, screaming about how they are "OMG SO OBESE YOUS GUNNA DIE FATASS" does not indicate caring. All it does indicate is that you probably have some emotional problems or have a bad case of Internet Tough Guy syndrome. And honestly, a lot of people aren't going to be impressed they are likely to think you're just a dumbass.

2.) Non sequitur statements and arguments. Let's take known trollish person in the FA world, "Fat Acceptance" who left this comment on the entry regarding the recent fuckery here at Nudiemuse world. Now everyone else was talking about racism, and being really supportive and awesome to me and each other and Fat Acceptance comes up with this:

Fat Acceptance has left a new comment on your post "Racism on the internet? Reading comprehension what...":

I am SHOCKED, SHOCKED that some members of the fatosphere are pathetic whiners. SUPRISE SUPRISE! The fatosphere is nothing but a bunch op pathetic whiners who are almost exclusively overeducated in a field that has little commercial value and have graduated from "I wish somebody would do something about how fat I am!" to " FAT IS NOT A CHOICE" and "Even a 500 pound person is healthy, fit and eats no mere than any thin person; thy are fat due to their genetic setpoint!" I love the fatosphere!

Now as I said in the follow up entry I would have taken this more seriously if it had in any way had to do with what I'm talking about.

I've seen (as in being snarked at that one forum I can't recall the name of) most vehement anti FA people pick and choose things that fit their world view of fat people.

People somehow got that I don't exercise nor care to from my entry titled "I Hate Yoga".

For people who are supposedly superior to me in my fatness, if you read that entry nowhere do I say anything about hating exercise. No I just fucking hate yoga.

This anti-FA, Fat hating people is one of those spots you run it off the rails. If you cannot or refuse to actually pay attention to the context of what's going on, your arguments are going to sound stupid frankly.

For instance, I do not like the colors pink and brown together. Let's say someone is talking about how much they love sparklers and I come along and say,

"How can you LIKE BROWN AND PINK TOGETHER YOU FUCKING BROWN AND PINK LOVING STUPIDHEAD."

Would it be a stretch to say that I wouldn't be hurt if people didn't take me seriously?

3.) Along this same vein, using media misrepresentation as gospel. As in wielding BMI as proof of apparent sudden death. Or refusing to acknowledge or understand that weight alone is not a factor in a lot of health problems. Also as Anti FA folks are fond of saying, "you DENY OBESITY RELATED ILLNESS THEREFORE YER DUMB".

If this goes on in the Fatosphere please point it out.

What I see more often is a questioning of using weight as a single indicator of illness. There are many illnesses that are often exacerbated by being fat, and many that have nothing to do with being fat.

Something that Anti FA and Fat Hating people often misintepret I think is that FA advocates don't want fat to be Invisible or for people. They want to be given adequate health care. And that includes, doctors taking diagnosis seriously instead of saying well lose however many pounds.

Weightloss is not a cure all. It never has been and never will be.

I personally would like to see doctors and other trusted health professionals stop pushing things like WLS when it is not appropriate nor wanted. I would like to see Health professionals not harass, ignore or otherwise make peoples lives worse. That goes for fat people, poor people, women, people of color etc.

5.) Using "because you're fat" as the crux of your argument is a waste of time. When someone has pain (phsycial or emotional), when someone is having a bad day, when someone is treated badly repeating ad nauseum the obvious does nothing for nobody.

The bottom line is this.

The Anti FA trolls, the Fat haters, the closet racists, the gay haters all have the same things in common to me. No matter what you're against running around being a dick just to be a dick doesn't make your points valid.

Personally, my way of dealing with it is just not.

If the person talking to or about me behaves in any of the above ways they are off my radar for the most part. I know a lot of people who blog think about these things and that's my two cents.

It's also part of why I don't delete comments and keep them ALL in my email.

Further, I can't really take someone seriously who posts from a fake or anonymous account if they are just trolling or working out their own emotional problems by crapping on other peoples lawns so to speak.

So my fat homies that's what I do. And that's how I deal.

I think I'm done.

I might post again over the weekend to work out my pre-vacay jitters because OMG OMG OMG I have to fly and I am terrified of flying. For reals.

I will probably be doing some twittering too. See that here.

So leave me more fabulous comments, also feel free to show me your boobs. Or butts or balls.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl

A little fluffy and a little random.

Queerness, freakness and fatness.

I have been running around the internets today, mostly going to some of the queer oriented places I like and stumbled on a bi/lesbian/other lady loving female identified type thing.

I am not very comfortable and will probably unjoin.

The clear aesthetic is very thin, tall, white and the fairly ubiquitous ideals of what "hotness" are.

I am fat black and short.

I got this impression browsing the forums. Having a looksy at the photos and general um, internet ambiance.

Being that I don't frequent nor have I been to LA (until next week) in years and years is this what's going on these days? Or am I just having one of those days when presentations of the usual just aren't doing it for me aesthetically or intellectually?

I am there today.

Most of the sex blogs I read (and please this is not a insult to those bloggers or their tastes mmkay) are often visually about the same.

Give or take some piercings or boobage.

I don't know what it is exactly I'm trying to say here.

I wonder if there is room or desire for images of the extraordinary.

I feel like I'm reaching for something and there is the problem. I have an idea of what would thrill me but no idea where to go to find it.

VonLivid (who is smart and excellent) wrote this really interesting article about women of color in the fetish world.

This bit from the article struck a chord with me.

When I entered high school, Janet Jackson had just revealed herself to be a nipple-pierced, rubber catsuit-clad kink kitten on her album The Velvet Rope, and I envied her.

I am a little older than she is I believe. But I entirely feel somewhere in my wee black heart I know that feeling and that envy.

For years and years I was often the odd girl in the crowd. The only brown face at a show or event, or with a lot of other brown folks but the only one wearing bondage pants. You get my drift. So as I began to explore and then finally learned to fly my freak flag proudly a whole other issue came up.

Unlike VonLivid who is tall and modely gorgeous. I am not. Even when there was no issue of color in my circles there was often the discomfort of being the fat one.

Or when I was thin (and very very thin) I still did not have that archtypical body that is presented in kink circles.

On one hand, there were the people I frolicked with who were like me. Stretch marks, saggy boobs, hairy buttcracks etc. And the fetish art I was into at the time, was just about as diverse.

Then move ahead a few years and I found the internet.

You'd think there would be a plethora of this kind of beautiful diversity.

I'm talking about high quality beautiful images.

Mostly when I do stumble on something that gives me a visual happy it's a hometown photographer, or some other photographer I stumble on.

I used to frequent a (then) well known scene gossip site and you would think that any model or scene figure over a size 8 (being generous there) killed everyones puppies. Or did some other personal damage.

And a lot of that was aimed at women who were not even at all fat.

As someone who's mostly lived the freaky life in private, that kind of applauded attitude makes me think twice (or thrice) about joining, taking part in or otherwise engaging.

Locally I've heard that the scene is not like that. That's great but still.

It's a daunting thing.

Which I don't expect those who fit in the parameters to really get it and that's OK.

So yeah.

It's such a strange feeling for me to be so angsty about representation. I'm not sure what my deal with that is exactly. Aside from yanno I like things that give me a tingle in my special place.

In other less cranky news.

I am SO excited to go on vacation.

I cannot wait to See My Cookie.

Also I seriously have a crush on Arlan.



Anyway homo Out.

Queerness, freakness and fatness.

Putting together thoughts.

None of these thoughts are very collected so forgive me if this gets scattered.

I seem to have arrived at a place where I have an excess of thoughts, snatches of things to say but my attention span is failing me.

I have some thoughts about inclusivity in the kink world media, I put that really badly but essentially in press, photography, websites etc.

I have some other thoughts about the rifts in the Fatosphere.

Some thoughts on why I still am not and have no plans to reclaim the feminist label.

Etc etc.

However what I don't have right now is the brain power/desire to complete these thoughts.

Lots of reasons, not the least of which is my first real vacation in about six years.

SIX years.

I've taken some time off from work but, every time was sick as a damn dog so I don't really count it.

I will say this about politics though.

I've been purposely skipping a lot of the blogs I read regularly (also, note my blog rolling list is getting beefier as I remember to add them. If you want to be on it too leave me a link) because I'm frankly done.

I am not happy with either party.

I don't personally approve of or let the mud slinging really change my vote.

Also, my vote is fucking private.

And my personal politics sometimes are none of anyone's business.

Moving along.

Via Mistress Matisse I have found out that being kinky could become a diagnosis under paraphilia's in the DSM. From the NCSF.

The American Psychiatric Association has formed working committees to revise by 2011 its Diagnostic and Statistic Manual (DSM), the definitive resource on the Diagnostic Criteria for all mental disorders. Statements currently within the DSM Paraphilias criteria are contradicted by scientific evidence, therefore NCSF must conclude that the interpretation of the Paraphilias criteria has been politically – not scientifically – based. This politically motivated interpretation subjects BDSM practitioners, fetishists and cross-dressers to bias, discrimination and social sanctions without any scientific basis. We call on the American Psychiatric Association to remove or drastically restructure the Paraphilias section in the DSM.

Their white paper on the subject is interesting. Give it a read here.

Naturally the way my brain works is I wonder if someone I know could have me committed then on the basis of catching me tied up and having someone going at me with a Magic Wand while someone else spanks the hell out of me and someone else jerks off while watching.

I am really more than over the government or other institutionally powerful entity trying to control what I do with my cunt. More than over it.

When the financial situation recovers from vacation, I am probably going to donate to the NCSF. That is right up my alley.

Also if you're doing some Giftmas or general gift giving shopping feel free to buy me one of their totebags.

Since I'm talking sex some links.

The Center for Sex and Culture in SF. Okay if you live near/in the Bay area and like sexy things this is the place you need to be hanging out. All sorts of fantastic literary, yoga, self loving (yeah I mean touching yourself) and other wonderful stuff going on there. Awesome.

Here in Seattle we have the formerly known as The Wet Spot, Center for Sex Positive Culture. You'd think I of all people would be there all the time. Unfortunately though most of the events I'd like to go to are on nights I work. Also we just don't have the money and I don't have the time to volunteer. Which sucks. IF we had a car it'd probably be easier but we don't and trying to take three buses and a three hour trip to go have fun with the perverts is just not that fun.

Over at the Eden Fantasy's blog Essinem posted a link to an excellent survey. A snippet from her entry.

In the wake of one of the most violent years on record of assaults on transgender people, the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force have teamed up on a comprehensive national survey to collect data on discrimination against transgender people in housing, employment, public accommodations, healthcare, education, family life and criminal justice.

In Fat News.

An open letter.

Dear Indie/DIY/Etsy Designer/Seller/Creatrix,
I realize you might find me in any number of ways. And I am in awe of your super skills. But for FUCK sake stop trying to sell to me if you don't make clothes that will fit me. Or don't come back to me with the "well I do make hair accessories" bullshit. Fuck. Off.

Also, just because among my interests are the words goth and belly dance that does not mean I want to buy your elentymilliongallion dollar super awesome fantastic fringed monstrosity of a belt either. Yes your hips may be a petite 31" but mine are not. And don't get bitchy when I say no thank you.

Also as I've said before no fucking whining about it. There are hot plus size fatties fucking everywhere. There is also probably the internets and a call for fit models who get some swag would go answered.

Love,
Shannon

Um.

So ready for my vacation.

I cannot wait to see my Cookie for girl snorgling and madness. Anytime we get together there is rampant insanity.

Also don't let us loose in a mall.

Okay I think I'm spent.

Posting will be sparse/random until I get back on 10-1. Then pictures, awesomeness, and probably squeeing and sexy times things.

Homo Out.

Putting together thoughts.

Shock and not so much awe.

This my darling fabulousness peoples is a fashion post.

Ready?

Okay can we talk about dresses?

I really didn't get to indulge my love of dresses as much as I would've liked this year. Mainly because holy FUCK shit is expensive. However we are going to pretend that I have an unlimited wardrobe budget and let's peek into my world.

First up, this dress from Torrid is the sex. I love the collared halter top in an unreasonable amount. I however would wear that dress with these boots (that I had t DIY to make fit my calves).

Now okay a word about those boots. They are called the Demonia Shaker boots and holy shit is the calf circumference small. I had to cut about two inches out from under the gore and haven't decided yet if I want to put something in there, some elastic and ? or just leave it and rock it zombie/raggedy style. I also would never pay full price for them honestly. That veggie leather is good in theory but does not stretch or conform like regular leather. I really need to break those in. Maybe dancing at Noc Noc on Sundays (that site makes noise) with Miss SK.

Moving along.

Can we talk about Old Navy? I have issues with their size charts. Maybe I'm stupid but I cannot figure out which size chart to use for dresses. I really want this one but have no idea what size to get.

:(

Also this winter I want some awesome trousers. I am really hoping Torrid releases some awesome ones since I fit torrid pants well.

Now picture this.

Me with some ass kicking black, purple and a few white synth dreads, fedora, trousers, sexy boots, blazer. Slightly hoochie cami. That is the look I would like to be rocking for the winter. I'm thinking like I am channeling Marlene Dietrich after she's gotten drunk and been into the Bat Cave.

Grown up sexy goth.

Unfortunately I am so not into Steampunk. I like it from an aesthetic and holy shit that's some awesome sewing kind of way but I can't see myself doing it. Which is a shame because apparently Seatown here has quite the active bunch of Steampunkers.

I do think I need to indulge my not so secret love of Kinderwhore a little more. I have a really cute borderline vintage Liz Claiborn dress, and some of my beloved vintage slips. Although I really do hate that every resource names Courtney Love as the inspiration. It was around before she was famous. I'm not hating I'm just saying.

And no I don't care if it is in fact a little ridiculous.

What else?

Can we discuss boots?

I had a pair like these for years and wore them to death and I'd like another pair. Super comfortable and i wore them with all sorts of stuff.

I also think I might pick up a pair of these. Super cute and right up my alley. I love that style of shoe with jeans or trousers. Also, good for cold weather.

I also dig these monster Mary Janes as well.

I am looking forward to Halloween/post Halloween season for some super sale prices on cute hosiery. Last year I got awesome stuff at Target. My glittery bone socks, and some super cute Spider barrettes.

I was just cruising at one of those oh it looks vintage but it's not type websites and um can someone tell me when a flat measurement of 13" bust is considered a large?

Um wot?

WUT?

I know some wee tiny ladies, wee tiny ladies who don't have a lot in the way of boobage and most of them would be sucking it in or wrapping their torso's in ace bandages to fit that kind of L. I wonder if it was a mistake? However it was cheap looking and overpriced so I don't really care.

And back to reality.

It's late.

My knees hurt and I am a little onthe meh/depressed side because I've not had the kind of cash that would make for a fabulous type wardrobe bought or made myself.

I wonder how many people think about what a wonder it can be to buy something brand new from the store?

That is something I get really excited about.

It's been awhile.

Forgive me for ending on a downer here but it's entirely frustrating to have little/no artistic ability and a love of art. I don't have any art.

It is also frustrating to be unable to support art, artists, businesses etc that you find worthy because you would rather have groceries.

Yeah I've been in that frame of mind all day.

Anyway. After I get back from my trip (that i am SO excited about) I am going to have to start thrifting in earnest. SO note to my homies.

If you come across Torrid brand pants in a size 12 on the ebay drop me a comment. Hard to find but if you spot them, I will ogle.

Okay I am going to go take a long hot bath. My joints are angry and I do not fucking want.

Homo Out.

Also I dated this yesterday.

Also my inbetweenie homies when I get back I will probably post some sales so watch out for that.

Tags: annoyed fat girl

Shock and not so much awe.

Random Braining V2.0

My brain is not quite firing on all cylinders right now so this may get random.

First up.

The Lip Service poll is still up. I voiced some concerns (here and in the Lippy community on the lj). Now after I explained myself to people from the company not another word.

And if you vote (please vote dudes, even if you're not on the Goth side of the force) then check the results a SHITLOAD of fatties voted which is awesome. However I've seen hide nor hair of any plus size items in the latest catalogs.

This makes me a sad sad panda.

I am led to believe that either they don't care that fat folks want their clothes, they still don't know how to make plus size clothes or something. I don't know what but come on now. There are lots of pieces in upcoming lines that would look awesome if sized appropriately. I would in fact buy direct from them.

But yeah.

And sadly Torrid doesn't have the Lippy stuff I liked (kind of) at all now.

I really hope that they do in fact come out with the plus size stuff since clearly there's a demand for it.

But then again, Lip Service is really fucking expensive and the last few things I got from them were pretty shoddy and I hate paying screw you prices for things that fall apart.

I think instead I will start investing in some of the handmade goodies I've been eyeing. Fuck em.
~

Sorry had stuff on my mind there for a minute and totally lost my train of thought.

Okay can't blog today have to work on my essay before my head explodes.

So yeah, brb goin to RantyLand.

Also note to self revisit this issue later.

Homo Out.

Random Braining V2.0

Right in your pants.

Welcome my darlings to my very first ever sex toy review.

I know something virgin about me, it's shocking.

So here we go.

I picked out prostate massager, from Eden Fantasy's, which says on the package it's a prostate stimulator but I'll say more about that later.

I chose it because I have never owned a waterproof sex toy (shockingly) and I liked the picture.

Let me say first and foremost and please pay attention to this bit if nothing else, I do not recommend this one as a butt toy, either for boys or girls. If you want a butt toy make sure you find something with a flared base or something with a handle, or some other thing at the bottom to make sure you don't get over excited and lose the toy in the great unknown because it's been known to happen.

First impression- looking at it in the package it looks pretty cool. The stimulator portion looked more hooked than I thought it would be but it looked neat. Black, sleek, stylish. I got it out of the packaging and that is where my first moment of WTF is this?

The vibe is covered in a waterproof skin of some sort that I don't like the feel of. It's one of those fingers to brain signals that um, I don't know how much I like this. I got over that quickly enough and took it apart to figure out what to do with it. It runs on a single AA battery which is good because there are tons of those around our house.

I got the battery in and discovered that it's push button operated which I think is pretty cool. I have small hands and sometimes don't like having to stop what I'm doing in order to change my vibrator speed. I just don't dig it. So the push button is really good for me.

It runs on two speeds, if you like really hard vibrating toys this might not do it for you but I liked the lower setting a lot. So into the tub I got. It is waterproof. However if you've never used a vibrator in the tub the sound waves bouncing around in the water can take some getting used to. I didn't really mind it so much.

But I did discover why I don't masturbate in the tub as a habit, at least not since I was a kid. I like to spread 'em and have myself, I don't like being all contorted trying to hit the right spot. I cannot climax that way alone or with a partner. Never have been able to.

The tip of this toy is firm but, moves around a lot if you use a lot of pressure. And insertion sans lube in the tub was a no go for me.

As far as using this occasionally as a clit tickler I think it works beautifully. The curve of the tip if I get it placed right curls right under the shaft of my clit at the bottom, that's a nice thing. But I wouldn't pay that much for that I'd just get another pocket rocket. I will probably try it again in bed or on the floor where I can be more comfortable all the way around.

Now for those looking for (to give or just have) some prostate stimulation find another toy.

First of all, the angle of the head would make it difficult for a man who's not entirely certain where his prostate is to begin with, to find it. Also, if you're by yourself trying to get it inserted properly with the tip going the right way would be difficult. This toy doesn't have any orienting markers.

By this I mean there's no flat spot, or spot with something raised for your fingers to tell you you're on the right track. Minus points.

Also it has no base.

And please, my loves my darlings please do not put things in your butt if the end is rounded like this. Please. Even with a partner, please don't do this. Nobody wants to interrupt a night of lovin' to go to the ER or to fish a toy out of their butt.

Gentlemen, if you want some prostate massaging action and you're with a partner I would suggest something more like this. It has a good sized base, and has a vibrating bullet. That looks like it would be far more awesome for you or a partners booty.

And as a note here.

Before anyone starts looking at their men, or men they know in suspicion of being teh GAY here's some info.

All men, gay straight bi whatever have something called a prostate gland. And while this part does have some awesome biological functions, it also when massages, pressed or otherwise stimulating can, in effect blow a mans spine out the top of his head when he orgasms.

And everyone loves a good orgasm. So if your man, or whatever man wants something in his butt it does not mean he's turned suddenly gay and the next thing you know he's cruising for some deep dicking from some dude. It just means he has discovered his BOOM button as one man I know used to call it. And this is good and yes normal and enjoyable for everybody.

It's only gay if it involves more than one cock and I'm not talking about a strap on.

Are we on the same page?

Awesome.

Now some tips about getting into butt play.

You need supplies for this. I really don't think anal pleasure is something you wanna do on the spur of the moment. This info is from experience and is handy for whatever version of sex you're doing. Gay, straight, bi, group, solo whatever.

First you need lube. Do not be afraid of the lube. Use whatever kind you like. Keep it on hand and be liberal with it.
Clean butthole. If you want to get into anal play I highly suggest while you're bathing start getting into running your fingers around in the area and even a little bit inside. It can make things easier and you can get used to having someone touching you there.
Gloves. Not the yellow dishwashing gloves. But latex or latex free gloves. Safety first people. And the texture of these kinds of gloves can make getting in there a little easier going.
Rubbers for your toys or for your penis.
Patience.
Patience.
Deep breathing.
And clear communication.

If you are getting your butt played with, don't be shy about telling your partner to slow down, or speed up, or don't move or whatever.
If you re playing with someone's butt, listen attentively. Be nice. Rub their lower back, remind your partner to breathe. Be their very own cheerleading section.

Do you need further instruction?

Let me take a moment go to and pick up Bend Over Boyfriend and Bend Over Boyfriend 2 if you are a boy girl couple or don't mind seeing some boy girl action. I have seen a lot of anal sex porn, I have read a lot about anal sex and have done some butthole invading of my own but, Bend Over Boyfriend has seriously got the best no nonsense visual instruction ever. Also the people in them aren't porn stars. They look like they could be your neighbors which I also appreciate.

The first one is more instruction, the second one is more eye candy. Both are really really hot.

To sum this up, that toy was not made of butt area or clit area super win. I will use it again, probably with Uniballer as a clit stimulator if any of my other ones are out of reach.

That said, go poke around at Eden Fantasy's, thanks to them and to AAG for this opportunity. The website is very user friendly, lots and lots of product reviews, there is a blog all sorts of adult naked solo or group fun times things. And I really appreciate having the chance to do this review for them.

Also I really appreciate the chance to maybe pass along good info. This is awesome.

Stay tuned, I have some orgasm questions to answer that I needed to do some research for. Also I am going to start giving you guys some awesome sex blog links and reviews because I read a ton of them and like to share.

That's all.

Remember folks, love the one who loves you the most. I give you the green light to masturbate until you pass out. Bring a friend and remember to keep a glass of water handy.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, sex advice

Tags: annoyed fat girl, sex advice

Right in your pants.

Fat Genes and my fat ass.

Word is all over the fatosphere about some article (this link via Kate) that admits that you might be fat beacuse you have a gene but, the magic formula is 3-4 hours of exercise daily.

Now I've been debating with myself about this particular entry all day. In the end brain won.

Granted as ever I have issues with the terminology used in the article. I personally don't "blame" (usually in anti fat whatever the context of "blame" is to put off responsibility for) my fat on genetics or a virus or some other bullshit.

Just like any other physical thing about me my fatness is a combination of many factors not just one. Let's list some.

Genetics. Like my eyes that have a black ring around the iris, my weakling knees, the heart murmur I had as an infant, the shape of my feet, the texture(s) of my hair, even the shape of my lips and nose, I can look (and I am GOD DAMNED privileged to have the ability to say it) at my family and pick out these exact same traits to one degree or another.

My feet and hands look a lot like my Mother's and Grandmothers, Her Mothers and her Mother's sisters. Long fingers in relation to the palm, kind of knobby around the knuckles. High arched feet, the second toe on both feet is longer than the first and the ubiquitous ugly pinky toes. That is a sure fire method of seeing if I am blood related to someone. 98% of the people in my family have ugly little pinky toes with whacked out little nails on them.

Now if I were still thin and I was having an issue with my high arched feet, and was blogging about my journey through podiatry, and being ashamed of my ugly feet and my need to wear orthotic devices in my shoes, would any of the anti fat acceptance/anti fat people become the anti high arches people? Would those same people who are in power point at me and say I was blaming my problems genetics?

Another factor in my fatness, because I injured myself badly in the past. I am not physically able to exercise more than about an hour a day. Anymore than that and I am in enough pain the next day to make functioning horrible.

Also, I refuse to torment myself and quite frankly I am pretty happy with myself the way I am.

Really think about that for a minute.

Back to genetics.

I can also trace certain facial tics, and one expression that I do to some genetic link. I have a great Aunt whom I think I have met twice ever, she and I look almost identical. I once saw a photo of her taken from the side, her hair all crazy, in a black dress sitting at a table in bare feet and I took it around to relatives asking who'd taken that picture of me because I didn't remember. I was met with a lot of bemused looks and told that was a great aunt not me.

When I say we look almost identical (I found these things out after she passed away) same height, same build, same shoe size, same face shape, same lips, same over all body shape and size. What are the differences?

She did not exercise. Ever. She did not believe it was ladylike to sweat or wear sneakers. She ate pretty much whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. Except she hated vegetables. Hated them. She drank like a fish, smoked unfiltered Lucky Strikes for something like 40 years. Lived to be about 77 or so. Never had emphysema, diabetes. She did have high blood pressure and heart disease.

Me. I do exercise. I like getting sweaty although aesthetically I pretty much hate athletic shoes. I make an effort to eat well. I don't overindulge my sweet tooth because it does bad things to me. I smoke but not nearly as much as I used to. I don't drink often. I don't have diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, high cholesterol, etc.

So much the same and so different.

Genetics?

Now I agree with the article that if you are genetically inclined to be fat yes, it's possible to counteract that. What they don't mention however is the harm you could potentially be doing yourself and I abhor that.

Never in these articles do they mention mental health, they don't appear to study what the long term effects of essentially exercising 15-20 hours a week.

Given how busy many people are already where are you supposed to fit in this extra 3-4 hours? If you have children should you cut your time with them so you won't oh no be fat? Should you tell your employer you need to work less hours so you can fit in this extra workout time? Should you start cutting out activities like sleeping, cooking, cleaning, reading, studying, and living your life?

Oddly enough they don't address these things beyond the always annoying breezy answers of take the stairs! Park far away!

These constant admonitions often have little bearing on real life. Granted I myself do enjoy adding an extra quarter mile to my walk when I can. I find it to be a good thing for me. I don't find it to be a moral imperative or a show of my worth as a human being that I do this sometimes.

It's not a moral imperative nor is it frankly anyones fucking business if I do or don't.

I rarely if ever see these cheers for extra fitness, alongside cautions.

There are a lot of people out there who aren't really in tune with their bodies, there are a lot of people who are so ashamed of their bodies and physical condition they won't go to the doctor before beginning an exercise routine.

I have had more than a few friends and family members tell me they have to lose fifteen or twenty pounds before going to the doctor.

And people applaud that.

This is a disservice.

There are so many people who are not fitness experts and will (and are right now) hurting themselves. And the diet industry and machine doesn't give a shit.

Fat hate and discrimination is not about care or health. It's about money.

If you care about someone who is say dyslexic, do you berate and tease them? Do you shun and shame them into treatment?

If you say yes, than you don't get it or have any idea what caring actually is.

If you want to make money off of people is there any simpler way than to encourage their self hatred, then sell them something they are to believe is the balm for that self hatred?

I am tired of the games and bullshit perpetuated by these people. I am tired of lip service being given to the idea of someone being able to make their own decisions regarding their health and well being. I am tired of ignorant people who can't see beyond their own self hatred.

This is the kind of fuckery we should all not put up with.

As I said the other day. No matter what it is about you, someone will take issue against it.

So all you folks sitting proudly on your taut narrow buttocks, I do hope you've got your armor because you are not immune.

Someone out there is going to play on every insecurity and fear you have and want you to pay for it. Whether it's spiritually or right out of your pocket.

Perfection applies to all and none of us.

Believe what you like, but for your own good think about the messages you are swallowing whole.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to write something.

And I have a migraine of stabby proportions.

Homo Out.

Fat Genes and my fat ass.

Beauty Trends and I am SQUEEING.

Okay first of all the ever fabulous Bias_cut made a syndicated feed thingy. SO that means LJ users who aren't using feed readers can get me in your friends list and that is aweeeeeeeeeeeeesome. Find that here.

So next up, OMG OMG OMG.

This falls make up trends.

There is something especially squee inducing about trends lining up with my usual aesthetic preferences. I am talking like AWESOME.

Usually speaking I am not on the trendy side when it comes to anything. I have liked the same sorts of things for yonks now.

So when I spied Sephora's list of fall trends the squee'ing began like whoa.

Their Power Pouts OMG you guys, you guys OMG.

Have I mentioned lately my serious abiding love for all things big dark sexy shiny lips on myself?

Now let's talk products shall we?

And just so I'm being honest these are Amazon affiliate links.

First let's talk lipstick. Urban Decay has released some really gorgeous looking new lipsticks. Unlike some folks I really love the dagger packaging. I think it's slick and sexy. Different finishes, opaque to sheer coverage. I myself am all about the fantastic color Gash.

If you want to go with the bold lips if you're a little scared of bringing the drama, keep your eyes neutral, pack on the mascara and go.

I myself am really digging the classic glam look as seen here. I will also be sporting this look.

Yes my darlings I am all about bringing the drama.

Next thing beauty related.

For cheaper versions of the hot trendy stuff. Avon has some pretty berry dark gorgeous colors of lipstick. Revlon has this awesome color on Amazon. Side note that is one of my favorite Revlon releases. Love the packaging, love the texture AND you can find some here at Beauty encounter for supa cheap.

For those of you less inclined toward the dark colors think raspberries, and other juicy pinky red fruits. Another less bold but just as beautiful lip product to check out. Revlon's SuperLusturous Lip gloss. I have about four or five of these give or take and they are gorgeous colors. If you have Big Lots in your area keep your eye on them because a lot of the time they will have special release colors for a bargain.

Check this out, I love Temptalia and she has a dark lips contest going. See details over at her blog "_blank">here. I am going to do a look for this and I'll post it. I already have one in mind.

That is a nifty segue into something else I want to talk about.

Inspiration.

I get tons of inspiration from all over. Pictures of people I think are beautiful. Music, flowers, candy. Here is a link to my ever growing (no seriously that's not even a quarter of what I have saved) photobucket make up inspiration folder.

Also I get inspired by music.

The look I am thinking about doing for Temptalia's contest is totally inspired by this video.

It's not the video necessarily but the words.

When it comes to make up, you never know where an idea might strike.

I have been listening to the above album non stop for like two weeks.

Now a quickie review.

I am tentatively giving Mac's Blot Powder a thumb and a half up. It's done me pretty well today, my skin looks fairly dewy tad greasy in spots but I haven't touched up or blotted so that's impressive.

Um.

OH I have some new shades to try out from Aromaleigh so I think tomorrow unless I go all diva crazy I will use those.

Also working on the video thing. I figure I will make a little video of something silly and then if I dig how it turns out then BAM beauty videos out the wazoo.

I've got my blogrolling blog list going again. I will be adding more as I go along.

Also outfit pictures tomorrow because I look really cute today.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, beauty

Beauty Trends and I am SQUEEING.

Awesome things first.

First before I talk about last night or any of your fantastic comments. Holy shit you guys, you guys holy shit. I like brains and when you show me them I get a happy.

So awesome.

This wee tiny little old lady (she really seriously looked to be about 120 years old) who had on fabulous silver shoes, asked me if I am a make up artist and that made me squee a little.

See todays make up here.

And also awesome, the project I was talking about working on is that I am right now (well not right now) working on my very first ever sex toy review. I got an opportunity to do a review for Eden Fantasy (excellent site, lots to choose from) and WOOOT my awesome toy arrived Friday and I have some stuff to say about it. Always Aroused Girl (who's blog you should read because I read it daily) put out the call and I was ON it.

Also awesome things are aligned (planets, my pain levels, my crotch) for more sexytimes advice. YAY.

Also because part of what I'd like to be when I grow up there will be some education posts, some Vagina Monologue type entries, some Penis Monologue (do those even exist? Note to self do some googling bitch) type entries. And more fat, make up, fashion etc.

Oh WAIT one more awesome thing I don't think I posted about it. I ordered a Mac Blot powder with 20 bucks and the last of my paypal account while they had free shipping. So I awaited my fancy black box all atwitter, then it arrived. It was packed really badly. If you ever ship pressed cosmetics you absolutely need bubble wrap of some sort and it was only wrapped in tissue paper.

Now I am going on a vacation of fabulousness and to my homie's wedding and I did not have time to send it to the East Coast and then wait for another one. So I emailed Mac a (for me even though I was fucking pissed) little email to let them know I was disappointed and upset, and to let them know their packaging was sucky. SO they emailed me back on Saturday and OMG OMG OMG they are sending a new one 2 day so I should get it tomorrow or Weds. So even though I was so pissed about my 21 bucks, I am so glad to get it. I tried out the blot powder with my kabuki brush and am really glad I got it.

I haven't mentioned it explicitly but I've been in a weird brain place about what I do and don't want to do with this space. In the end I decided fuck it, I will do whatever the fuck I feel like doing.

So now that we all know what's going on in the State of the Beasty let's get down to some brass tacks as it were.

First of all Annie left this comment by way of apology:

Well, I for one would like to say I'm very sorry and I was completely, 100% wrong. I just wish I remembered doing it; it's not the way I think, it's not the way I feel, and I have no idea how it managed to come out of me. Even being blackout drunk, I still don't understand it. I wouldn't have believed it was me except for this thing about it coming from my profile (whatever that means.) I don't even read this blog. I will be deeply ashamed of this as long as I live. That doesn't mean I'll "shut up and listen" all the time, but I won't forget it.

Naturally I don't expect to count any of you among my friends - not that most of you were anyway - or to be forgiven, and that is fine. I won't be going away, and believe me I'm just as glad that this blog author wouldn't be going away either. No matter what I was thinking, it wasn't an attempt to scare anyone, I can guarantee that.

Though I look forward to people tracking down my IP and trying to get me fired from my job, since that is the MO of more than one of you when you believe you've found a racist or some other kind of hatemonger. Have fun.

I'm going to take this from the bottom up.

Being that this is my blog and I am too busy with other people I have no intention of getting you fired or looking up your IP (really not all that hard) or whatever point you're trying to make there.

It came from your blogger profile because presumably you were logged into your Google account (which are linked to blogger accounts) and it automatically populates your blogger profile.

Quite frankly, drunk or not you should be ashamed. I won't chastize like I am your Mama. You know when you behave badly.

I do hope you don't forget it. I have in my life dealt with that kind of thing many many times. And the fact is that all too many people forget when they behave badly and don't learn from it.

Ms. McPhee I can say that I don't give a shit about your politics. Conservative, Republican, Maoist, Esoteric Dog Healer to the stars whatever. One thing I will say to you is this, this sort of thing only oppresses you.

A lot of you were apalled at Ms. McPhee's statement and behaviour. Some of you (Elusis? I closed my mail window and have way too many tabs open to look) were not shocked.

I was not shocked. Now if you have a looksy through most of those comments, that is what I like to see. Except for this person.

Fat Acceptance has left a new comment on your post "Racism on the internet? Reading comprehension what...":

I am SHOCKED, SHOCKED that some members of the fatosphere are pathetic whiners. SUPRISE SUPRISE! The fatosphere is nothing but a bunch op pathetic whiners who are almost exclusively overeducated in a field that has little commercial value and have graduated from "I wish somebody would do something about how fat I am!" to " FAT IS NOT A CHOICE" and "Even a 500 pound person is healthy, fit and eats no mere than any thin person; thy are fat due to their genetic setpoint!" I love the fatosphere!

Okay first of all if you want to disagree about fat politics that was not the place to do it as if you'd read a word I said, you'd understand that someone behavng badly (as you were FA). I like discussion, I don't mind if people disagree with me. However since I will assume you've never read my blog here is Nudiemuse 101.

Name: Shannon AKA Nudiemuse, Beasty, Fluffer, Tits McGee, Titty McTitterson
Age: 31
Education: High School diploma
Health status: Fat, mostly healthy, no weight related issues.
Eating habits: Okay. Curbed (read often ignored) sweettooth, generally healthy with the occasional foray into fried foods of deliciousness.
Weight: Not sure right now. Have been everything from a size 2 to an 18.

Now you know me a little.

However, really all that comment did was make you look stupid and like you had no idea what was actually going on here. Save it for a Fat Activism specific post and I'll address your issues with FA more seriously.

When I spoke before about activism not being a safe space and being ugly sometimes situations like this are a prime example.

You take someone who is just pissed off, and they are going to pop off without actually comprehending what you may or may not have said. That kind of thing can send people into a tail spin. Some people are emotionally fragile and it could seriously fuck up their day.

I myself am not.

So my darlings. Gird your loins, strap on your helmet, put on your protective cup. No matter what you stand for there will be some jackhole ranting and pointing fingers. There will be some jackhole who regardless of what you may have said will use your color, political affiliation, sexual orientation or lack of, fat ass, no ass, no boobs, big boobs, ugly shoes, nice shoes, economic status, dog having status against you.

Something about you will be used as a weapon.

That is the moment you have to decide.

You have to decide if you're going to be silent, respond politely if venomously, respond with rage or cry. For me it really depends.

In this situation the actions of one person weren't really enough to enrage me. You really have to try harder. And I did think it was a good place to have a discussion.

Next thing since I have my yammering skirt on.

I am not of the mind that we all have to get along, hold hands and sing kumbaya.

I do however expect that thinking adults should learn how to hear and respond to differing viewpoints without resorting to whining, finger pointing or name calling.

If you want to be taken seriously here at this blog here is what you do.

Don't call people names.
Be at least somewhere in the neighborhood of topical during the conversation.

Essentially don't be a dick.

I think that's all for today.

Also WTF why is Gchat being such a douche today?

This is not made of win nor of awesome.

What is awesome is my outfit which I will have Uniballer take a picture of when he brings me surprise dinner.

Also awesome organic no additive mango spears found at the drugstore for cheap. They are delicious but OMG so much sugar I really need to stop eating them now and have real food before I have a sugar crash.

Homo Out.

Also I love you guys.

And my super smart homies, what is the easiest way for a lazy girl to update her blogroll? Or would it be more awesome if I just made a page for them since I read a shit ton of blogs?

Tomorrow part one of my Eden Fantasy review as well as some lessons and links to prostate massagers and other butt toys. And I think I will have a beauty link roundup a little later today. I has some stuff to say.

Awesome things first.

Racism on the internet? Reading comprehension what?

All right.

I was sitting working on another project and this gem popped up in my comments from my entry yesterday.

AnnieMcPhee has left a new comment on your post "Allies, criticism, etc.":

The crane project is NOT racist. It isn't. You are a nattering asshole if you think it is. It's NOT.

And yeah activisim is ugly but fuck you - It is NOT that.

So go ahead token. You're a token of the race wars in thew fatosphere. No one gives w fuck.

First of all Ms. McPhee, had you read what I actually said I did not use the word racist.

I do think it's problematic and in my circles was not presented well. It is my personal opinion that this particular project is not something I would be interested in because it does not feel like something good to me. Using cultural symbols willy nilly from the Big Ole US of A is not a good thing in my view.

I may be an asshole but not because I disapprove of a project. There are lots and lots of other reasons.

For further clarification, I don't have a problem with Marilyn Wann, I think she's a pretty cool person. It was not a personal attack (which your comment does fall under) on anyone. I loved Japan when I was there. I don't think their law against waist sizes over a certain arbitrary number is a good thing at all. I think it's pretty fucking shitty.

I will assume a few things here. I notice you did not comment with your name on the entry at Fatshionista that questions the project more in depth.

I can guess that this is because when you want to let out your inner racist, you don't want to do it somewhere you think has a bigger audience. And I will further guess that you don't read me regularly because, this is the sort of fuckery that I don't put up with. And as I've said before I don't delete comments. I do hope you really meant what you said.

When did the "race wars" start in the Fatosphere?

Did I miss the memo?

If there was in fact a race war going on in the Fatosphere Tokenism would probably be the first thing out of the window.

If we are in the middle of a race war you might want to tell NAAFA that their statement on diversity shouldn't include people who aren't white.

You also might want to tell Marilyn Wann to take those non white people off of her myspace.

And you might want to give Kate a heads up to stop with the talking about racism. If the war is in fact on.

Moving on.

If I am supposed to feel intimidated by your hateful message and run off of the Fatosphere weeping and beating my breast. Yeah that's not going to happen.

Racists don't scare me. You didn't hurt my feelings. You did however give me a little bit of a giggle because I haven't heard the word token in reference to myself in probably more than a decade. If you're going to fly the racist flag do it proudly and not skulking about where you might not get caught.

In other news.

I recently surpassed 30,000 hits. I've only been using that particular counter for a year or so. If I could remember my password to my original one it's probably closet to 80-100K.

I also have a fantastic thing coming up to celebrate the return of sexytimes advice.

But I can't tell you what it is yet but it is in fact awesome. Look for that tomorrow.

For right now though I am off to work on said project, eat some fantastic chili/paprika/sugar dredged mango slices and try to sweet talk Uniballer into bringing home then cooking bacon.

Homo Out

Tags: annoyed fat girl,

Racism on the internet? Reading comprehension what?

Allies, criticism, etc.

There have been some really great posts in the Fatosphere lately that have me thinking.

Lindsay made a thoughtful post about leaving the Fatosphere.

Anonymous and Tara both posted really good entries over at Fatshionista.com about Marilyn Wann's 1000 Fat Cranes project.

The first thing I want to talk about is criticism and the perceived evils of anything negative.

I have probably said this before but I believe it bears repeating.

In any collective group who want something in common, whether it's Fat Activism, Anti-Racist activism, Feminism, Patriotism etc this is what I tend to see happen.

Person A voices a dissenting view, or a concern.

Person B says, "OMG why are you being so negative, DON'T DOOOO THAT"

Person A "I just don't agree with (insert thing here)"

Persons C, D, E chime in upset because person A said something "negative" and decide that Person A's criticism constitute a "personal attack". Others jump on the band wagon.

Person F chimes in that it's a criticism and not a bomb.

Sound familiar?

I believe this happens for several reasons.

A lot of people want to only use "positive" and be positive etc. I personally don't because I believe in the value of critique and the squeaky wheel.

Negativity has a place. In and of itself a negative statement, or disagreement of the proscribed ideals is not such a bad thing.

It is my firm and serious belief that if you are really invested in change and yes revolution you have to be willing to criticize what you stand for. You have to be willing to question those in a (actual or perceived) position of power.

And when you do criticize someone often it is not actually a personal attack. There is a difference between asking important questions about a stance someone takes, or the actions they take and calling them an asshole.

I've seen this kind of thing happening in the Fatosphere more often than I'm comfortable with personally. I understand though.

Especially in the Fat World many of us have spent our entire lives nit picked, picked on, screwed with and as many of us come to Fat Activism we grow a protective streak. That is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing is the silencing of dissent because it's either an unpopular opinion, a questioning of our leaders or makes people uncomfortable.

I hate to break it to you but, if you cannot get into and through these things within a movement chances are that movement is going to fail.

Moving along.

The 1000 Fat Cranes Project.

Frankly I haven't kept up with that at all. I saw the mentions of it in the Fatshionista community on LJ and elsewhere but it didn't really catch my attention.

Aside from the cultural insanity what I don't like is the lack of (at least for the resources I found) context and explanation. And by explanation I mean something more than well the Japanese government hates fat people so do this.

The other thing that disturbs me is that as Tara pointed out not a lot of people have spoken up about what bothers them.

I think unfortunately most people just don't know how to speak as an ally.

The easiest thing to say is something like this, "This bothers me. I don't know why exactly but this leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I don't support it."

Then engage in discussion along the way.

You don't have to have fancy academic language, you don't have to personally know any of the people you think are being offended. You don't even have to be able to eloquently defend your apprehension or dislike.

We all know I can't speak for everyone but that is how I feel about being an ally.

And if you say something fucked up, ask someone what you did and why it was offensive if you can't figure it out. Don't apologize out of hand because you're supposed to. Don't get defensive and above all shut up and listen.

One thing about the Fatosphere (no I'm not picking on anyone) I don't respond to well or enjoy is the fact that all too often the atmosphere of cheerleading and big upping can lead to leaving no room for questions and criticisms.

My personal stance for my wee sandbox here, is that I don't moderate comments. I don't delete comments unless they are obviously spam for Super Fantastic Viagra that will make my non existent cock hard. Other than that have at it.

At heart I am now and always have been a fusspot. I am a seeker and a questioner. And I am proud that I do in fact have the Big Clanking Brass Ovaries to question things when the going dogma rubs my fur the wrong way.

When it comes to activism I don't believe in Safe Space. Activism is hard. Activism is dirty and it can get ugly.

If you can't hang that's okay.

If you can, put on your protective cup and come on in.

I think that's about all for now.

I am trying to write a fucking essay and it is in fact whooping my ass.

Creative non fiction is hard.

Also hard, my fabulous long dark purple fingernails.

Homo Out.

Allies, criticism, etc.

Notes from the edge of hysteria.

I will not speak softly. I will not wrap my words in sugar and glitter to make them more palatable.

This is something I work at. I take time to remind myself that I don't have to tone down or soften up for the world. Yes, there are situations where firing with both barrels is ill advised and I've had to learn about that the hard way. But, the point is I know when I want to fight and I know when to keep my mouth shut.

And this feeling is one of the reasons why I do believe I love Grandpa Dinosaur.

Free speech is not free. It comes with the heavy weight of social responsibility and accountability.

Can I get an amen from the congregation?

Her entry actually tied in neatly with some things I've been thinking about lately.

Believe it or not your very own Miss RantyPants '08 (reigning queen) at one time rarely if ever opened up to call bullshit on people.

For a long time it was an issue of a very deep seated inferiority complex. I bought whole heartedly into the idea that in order to give an informed opinion or to be a person to calls bullshit and shenanigans, one should be traditionally well educated.

As a youngster I believed with all my wee heart that those people who had gone to college or were in college while I was working retail and saving my pennies for thriftstore expeditions, were better than me. I was still at the stage where the accepted idea of an educated person was just it for me.

I don't know what shifted, but over time I started to figure out (probably after hanging out with some really fucking stupid college kids) that I wasn't doing too badly in my quest to educate myself.

It dawned on me at some point that education does not always equate to wisdom or knowledge.

Fast forward a decade and here I am.

I am by nature a very studious person. Even as a child if I was interested in something I'd study it. After 31 years on the planet that hasn't changed.

So what am I studying these days?

A lot of Queer theory, Gender theory, Body politics, whatever else catches my fancy.

I am still not really impressed with a lot of the reading I've done on feminism, Blackness, religion etc. I am getting snobby in my old age about what fuckery I will put up with when it comes to my reading.

Frankly, it's hard going trying to get past the bullshit sometimes.

I think I've gone off point of my original idea here. At any rate, I have outgrown that inferiority complex I had about not being college educated.

These days I am far more difficult to impress.

Moving along.

I am going to be in LA later this months and have been having these weird stalkery thoughts.

I'd like to track down Jerry Stahl and share a nod of acknowledgement because we both get it, and maybe buy him a cup of tea and possibly sneak a hug.

If she was in town at the time I'd also like to find Lydia Lunch and tell her just thank you.

I also really want to grab Clint Catalyst's ass. I know that's not a proper method of meeting people you are kind of into in a literary I think you're cool way but, I do. I wouldn't pinch him, just a little grabby grab.

I Know it's totally inappropriate and weird I can't help myself.

I also would like to hug/ass grab Forrest Black and Amelia G. And there would probably be some boobies involved.

Also on the hugging/thanking list. Justice Howard. I fucking love her photography and have for years. She's also very nice. I would also give my left tit to do one of her Diva Dolls photoshoots. You people just don't know how much I love her work. And oh YAY she has a blog now. AWESOME. (Yes I absolutely subscribed).

I wish Retail Slut was still around. I remember getting the little catalogs in the mail when I was in high school. I would get so excited. And when I actually had a little money to order a few really cheap things I was SO happy. I rocked my Retail Slut stickers so hard it's just not even funny.

I'd like to get to Bar Sinister but don't think I will have time or patience nor wardrobe.

I think I'm spent. I have some thoughts about sex work. As in a return to a little sex work.

Also word on the home front from Uniballer if I film it, he will edit it, and to youtube it will go. So I am going to make a run at doing a little something something this weekend.

So that's all.

Homo Out.

Oh wait.

I totally forgot to share pictures of the candy make up. Here are two.

I am Fierce.

Click for the big versions.

Tags: annoyed fat girl

Notes from the edge of hysteria.

LipGloss Subversive.

In reference to the title, if I ever have an actual legit beauty column I will probably want to call it that.

This isn't all about beauty.

First of all let's set our terms so there is no mistake as to where I am coming from today.

sub·ver·sive /səbˈvɜrsɪv/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[suhb-vur-siv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1. Also, sub·ver·sion·ar·y Audio Help /səbˈvɜrʒəˌnɛri, -ʃə-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[suhb-vur-zhuh-ner-ee, -shuh-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation. tending to subvert or advocating subversion, esp. in an attempt to overthrow or cause the destruction of an established or legally constituted government.
–noun
2. a person who adopts subversive principles or policies.

This is what dictionary.com says Subversive means. Yes the capital letter is fully intended stay with me.

Now first I want to talk about what is in my little slice of the universe subversive. Being that I am not overthrowing the government yet, I am a person who adops subversive principles or policies.

Lots of them.

I believe that the biggest and the one that has the biggest impact is that in this day and age in America I love myself. I love my jiggly, black, fat ass. I love my big meaty throbbing brains. I love that I have at long last, finally decided that up with this fuckery I will not put, and I do my own thing.

I have released my need to cling to philosophies and labels (even when they hurt me), I have consciously and deliberately rejected the expectations of other people.

This makes me among the most dangerous mother fuckers walking.

I am a patriot. I am a goddamn good patriot because I love my country enough to question it, and criticize it because I want it to be a better place for me, my friends, my lovers and my enemies.

I am dangerous because I will not blithely and blindly accept what the established coroporate whores feed me.

I will not accept it and I am not afraid to say I will not accept it.

Up with this fuckery I will not fucking put.

I am dangerous because I am Black, I am a Woman, I am Queer, I am Smart, I am NOT AFRAID.

Let me repeat that last part, I AM NOT AFRAID.

I am not afraid to tell contemporary feminist to fuck right the fuck off and to stay out of my make up case, out of my fucking pants. I am not afraid to not be sorry for your discomfort when I or other people of color call bullshit and double fucking shenanigans. I am not afraid to remind you to listen to your friends.

I am not afraid to give the ruling class the finger and turn my back.

It is dangerous to the status quo of any given group, to have amongst it's ranks or coming in from the outside a person who has no issue making up their own mind and meaning it.

Danger.

DANGER.

I will not allow anyone's agenda to turn my world on it's head.

Are we clear?

Good.

Now off come the RantyPants and I will do the Tuesday TMI.

1. When was the last time someone hit on you? What went down? The last person to seriously hit on me was a very hot ass, black and blue haired butch. She offered to buy me a cupcake, I declined since I was running to work. However if I was single and looking, I would probably have been naked on her couch within three days. No seriously.

2. If you were single and could be with any one person, who would it be (thinking singer/actor or someone famous here, but whatever)? Uh I don't know. I hate these questions. Why isn't it ever what's your ultimate super fantasy poly relationship?

3. Have you ever had done anything sexual in your office or your place of employment? Uh...maybe.

4. Do you apologize when you make a mistake? How do you react when someone calls you out? If I have made a mistake generally I am comfortable apologizing and owning it. It really depends on how someone approaches me as to how I react. If someone is being an asshole about something my reaction is going to be less favorable than if they are reasonable or at least polite.

5. Top or bottom? Both. It really depends on my mood.

Bonus (as in optional): Bonus: How old were you when you first had a willing sexual experience? Does masturbating count? I got down with myself as a kid often and in a variety of creative ways.

What else?

Ah yes beauty.

Today's look is a doozy.

I'll post pics tomorrow but my inspiration was seriously candy. Bright tasty makes your mouth water and gives you a visual happy candy. I recently got a super deal on a 36 color Starry palette. Of course I can't find a picture of it on the intertubes but I got a SUPER deal and I tried out one of the shadows in it.

The only thing I am really missing is the perfect pink gloss for this kind of look. My lips are really pigmented (brown) and finding that illusive perfect sparkly candy pink has been difficult.

Also, still don't care if "real" feminists think my love of make up is a bad thing. Don't care.

The way I look at it what is a more feminist ideal than a woman who enjoys her own skin? So yeah.

I will probably at some point do a tutorial for my make up loving homies of color (yes you brown folks) on how to get super bright BLAM shadow. I am color obsessed and it took me quite awhile to figure out a technique to get color that is LOUD LOUD LOUD.

There is some stuff you need to do to get this and I will show you it.

Also can I just express more love for Aromaleigh right now? They are awesome for my fix of candy raver worthy brights. Srsly.

I also have an idea to do some Fatshionista outfit videos. Would that be cool or way too nerdy?

Mostly things like instant gothification of your wardrobe. (Yes I absolutely just made that word up). Like you're not really into the whole goth thing but your friends invited you to goth night and you wanna look cute.

Hopefully Uniballer and I will figure out a way to do this in the near future. I am still not that great with my camera but I'm working on it.

I think that's all.

No wait, Happy Late Birfday Davitta. I hope you got poutine and cupcakes.

Now really that's it. I am rocking out to Faith No More, and admiring my fabulous but slightly smeared for some reason dark purple.

Tags: annoyed fat girl

LipGloss Subversive.