Not precisely a sex question, but I am ashamed of my fantasies because I identify as feminist; yet my biggest sex fantasies are about women being forced to enjoy sex by men who like to, say, share them around or share photos of them or suchlike. Does that mean that I really think women should be subjugated?
Am I weird because I always fantasize about made up people? It sends little ick messages to me to even think about using people who are real, it seems disrespectful to use them without their permission or knowledge. Doesn't matter if they're friends or celebrities.
Short version, you are absolutely a feminist still if you want to be.
Nothing you said makes me think that you want all women to be subjugated in this way. If you take a cruise around teh internets, I'm sure you'll find somebody who's going to be pissed off about your sexual fantasies and tell you, you're a horrible person and not a feminist and an enemy yadda yadda.
What you're talking about here is a desire to be kinky babe. And to my world view and to the world views of many a kinky person, there is not a damn thing wrong with it. I would feel troubled if you expressed a want for all your woman homies to be subjugated and used etc. But you don't.
I say, don't screw with yourself about it over much. For every person in the world there is something that turns them on.
What I do suggest is that you enjoy yourself.
Also about fantasizing. Let me tell you, if I know you or you're my friend I've probably envisioned you doing perverted things you would probably never in a million years do. I also fantasize sometimes about random people, the odd celebrity, other bloggers. That is human nature.
I look at fantasy this way. If you are keeping said fantasies to yourself unless someone asks who's business is it? I think the ick you're feeling might be coming from someone at some point shaming you about this. There is always someone who's going to tell you that there's something weird and wrong about you.
Maybe it's because you fantasize about made up people (I do too), or because you dream about bending over Becks, putting it in his nono place and riding him till the cows come home. As long as you're not walking up to people at an inappropriate time and saying, by the way Ted I saw you walking just there and I am going to be fantasizing later about riding your face like a bicycle seat. That would be icky.
We humans don't have screens on our foreheads advertising every thought for good reason. I would ask do you need to, or get permission to think when you see someone do something jerky, "what a jerk?". What goes on in your head, and subsequently in the sexy parts of your brain isn't anyone's business unless you make it their business.
I personally don't like to mix my politics and my sex life because inevitably at some point, something in my sex life is going to butt heads with my politics. For me, I think that making my sexual wants and needs political, makes things way more complicated than they already are and frankly, I just don't believe that what turns me on is up for debate.
I've spent way too much time standing up for whatever sexual practice to other people that I'm over it.
I'll tell you a little story.
When I was first introduced to feminism, the women who introduced me to it were kinda nuts. They hen pecked bits of dogma until they had this collection of bits that made me feel icky. They told me all the time that the boys I enjoyed sleeping with at the time were raping me, they told me that my girlfriend and I having kinky sex was a betrayal etc etc.
I spent a lot of time really sad and miserable and feeling guilty like every time I spanked my girlfriend or she spanked me we were turncoats to the cause.
I got a bit older and realized that wasn't the case.
Here's what I want you to do my Kinky Feminist Friend. I want you to enjoy your fantasies. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror, nod and give yourself the wink because you are just fine. You are not icky, you are not terribly weird, you are not an enemy of feminism.
When you have some spare time, head to your local library or sit down with the Google Machine and start looking at some Sex Positive and Kink positive feminism. Read, absorb. Find what suits you. This is homework and there will be a quiz.
When you find books or blogs or whatever that makes you feel good, report back.
Now the rest of you, I know some of you my homies are kinky people or have some kind of sexual thing that other people would consider icky. Now is your time to share if you feel like it. If you want to be anonymous make sure you log out of your gmail if you have it.
In other news, I am making attempt #5 at the hat tonight. My yarn has been unraveled from the cone shaped ugly thing that was attempt #4.
I will take some pics of attempt #1 because it totally looks like I made a crocheted cock cozy. And it would actually be quite cute for that purpose. Should I make them for etsy?
I haz lols.
Anyway. Tired. Uterus is shedding, body is aching and I am eating things that upset my tummy. Later my Droogies.