Monday, February 16, 2009

Sluts, fatties and buckle up.

I want to start by quoting Tara's post over at Fatshionista.


In the queer fat femme context from which I operate, blatant displays of the body can be sources of power and strength.


I quote her to begin with because I am coming from a very close angle here.

I want to start out by saying that if you consider yourself a feminist and you engage in, encourage or support slut shaming, fuck you.

If you are supposedly a feminist but you don't have enough respect for a fellow women to give her an opportunity to live her life, use or not use her sexuality as she sees fit fuck you and your friends.

If you are supposedly pro woman than give women the respect to realize that many of us whom you'd gleefully decry as sluts and point to as hurting the cause, have brains and know how to use them. You are the enemy. People like you who cannot understand that womanhood and sexuality are not monolithic experiences and one means of doing things does not fit all, you are the enemy.

To put a finer point on it, you are my enemy.

The problem is not how someone chooses to present themselves. The problem is when people, women men whomever decide how other people should present themselves.

There is an ocean between knowing what you yourself might do in any given situation and denigrating someone else for not doing just that same thing.

Moving along.

I want to talk more about being fat and embracing your body etc.

First of all I will say again that being a fat woman who is happy and comfortable in her skin (whatever flavor or shade of woman you are) is in and of itself a subversive act. In a society that will tell you the eleventy billion ways that your body is wrong and how to change the shape of it, or take the eye away from it, rejecting those ideals is a subversive thing.

To take things another step, being yes blatantly, wonderfully and provocatively dressed at any time as a fat person is a subversive act. In the act of putting something on that hugs your fat belly, that shows the shape of your fat ass, or your fat back, to show your fat arms is an act of eyes open middle finger flying defiance.

The refusal to quietly put on your sack cloth and walk around with your shoulders up around your ears and your back bent, the refusal to be invisible and therefore non confrontational is a difficult thing to do.

Now if you choose to make this statement via classically tailored clothes and pearls that's just fine. If you choose to make this statement in a tight brightly colored dress (I'm looking at you), that is great.

The fact is ladies gents and all in between that there is no absolute correct way of expressing yourself be it sexually, visually what have you.

What is wrong, is the idea that us policing each other based on what our personal desires and tastes are.

Again it comes down to what I feel is a lack of respect.

If you cannot respect another person enough to either give them the benefit of the doubt or at least ask before proclaiming them wrong what it is they are up to, fuck you. No really fuck you.

To be more frank, I am too old to put up with this sort of fuckery in my small slice of universe. I do not put up with it.

Speaking to my own experience and how I present myself, how I look day to day has changed some what.

Generally speaking these days I am very plain aging office goth. Especially in the winter because I'm a wimp and do not want to be colder than need be. As the weather warms up, you will see me in my natural habitat as I am today, stompy boots, floofy skirts (mid calf prepink Torrid pixie hemmed skirt of awesome), hoody. I also as we know love make up. And today I am rocking the fuck out of some very red shiny lips.

Sometimes do I wear tight clothes? Shit yes I do.

Does this change who I am or how I feel about who I am? Not so much.

I long ago gave up the idea that wearing looser clothing could fool anyone (especially myself) into thinking that I am not a Fat. Fabulous. Femme.

Because yanno know what? I am.

As a queer person I spent some time struggling with and trying my damnedest not to be Femme because as the women around me would tell it, my femmeness was not born of my own soul but a construct of the Patriarchy to which I was clearly and sadly beholden.

Now that I'm older I realize that they were clearly misguided. Perhaps their own forays into Femme were born of that but mine clearly were not.

Granted I have no scientific back up here but, if something has been intrinsically and deeply true of a person since toddler hood, chances are it is not an outside construct.

Even when as a wee tot I was determined to grow up and be Super Man my plan included time for tiaras, ass kicking AND high heels. However I was devastated to find out I would not in fact grow up to be Super Man because he was a boy and I was not. I got over that part because oh HAY I discovered I had a vagina which is a whole other entry.

I did a lot of dress up and pretending as a kid, I was an only child at the time and filled many hours armpit deep in boxes of tatters from the thrift store. I can say with absolute certainty that my love of my own femmeness, that my expression of that femmeness has matured but at the heart of it is still a 4 year old girl in nothing but plastic crystal crusted fake high heels, tiara and boa.

And you know what?

That is wonderful. It is a wonderful fantastic thing for me.

Your presentation, your femmeness, your butchness, your androgyne lipstick wearing-ness, your transness, your genderqueerness, your masculine femininity, your feminine masculinity, your hard ass shit kicking masculinity is also a wonderful and beautiful thing.

We can be unified in a message if we are different in our delivery of that message. And I will not tell you to fuck off. As with many things in life, show me some respect and I will show you respect in return.

We do not have to be enemies. I would venture to say that judgement, and disrespect among the rank and file are a far bigger threat to feminists and the like than any outside force.

Okay I'm done.

I think tomorrow I am going to talk about an interesting conversation I had with someone about having a fat lover.

Also something SUPER FUCKING AWESOME coming up, I will announce it soon but I am excited like WHOA.

I hope you all my darlings, homies and haters had a good Vday however you celebrate it. If you celebrated solo I do hope you wanked until you could wank no more, had a tasty meal and good sleep. If you had partner(s) to play with, giggity giggity baby.

Blogging was uber light last week due to rampant insomnia, I can't write properly when I'm that tired.

I'm off to a good start this week 7 straight hours of sleep yo!

Also Uniballer as a Vday pressie is looking for me a new camera since I broke mine with some drunken revelry.

Also coming soon, MOAR SEX.

I got an awesome question from a man who if he lived withint ass grabbing distance would SO be my gay boyfriend. But since he lives on another continent I will have to be satisfied with giving him some sexy times instructions.

Now I am going to drink my fantastic Kona coffee (fresh French Press FTW), eat some fantastic dark chocolate.

I emailed a few people who I don't think got them because my home internets connection has been on the fritz. more mail later.

Homo Out.





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3 comments:

Jen said...

Your presentation, your femmeness, your butchness, your androgyne lipstick wearing-ness, your transness, your genderqueerness, your masculine femininity, your feminine masculinity, your hard ass shit kicking masculinity is also a wonderful and beautiful thing.

We can be unified in a message if we are different in our delivery of that message. And I will not tell you to fuck off. As with many things in life, show me some respect and I will show you respect in return.


YES. YES to this. Thank you!

piffle said...

first sorry for the lack of capitals, my keyboard is rebelling and making me sad.

i'm perfectly happy to let other adults wear what they wish; but i do insist that my kids

1. wear clothes
2. wear clothes that do not have too many stains when others might see them
3. wear clothes that have some relationship to the weather outside. no, you cannot wear only a t-shirt and shorts outside in freezing weather for instance.

but hey, if my little boy wants to play with sister's frilly dress-ups that's fine.

wellroundedtype2 said...

This:
"I will say again that being a fat woman who is happy and comfortable in her skin (whatever flavor or shade of woman you are) is in and of itself a subversive act"

Needs to be printed on posters and plastered all over the fucking place.

I need to be reminded of that hourly, when I want to retreat or run away or fear being out in the world in this body. I am in favor of subversive acts. I need to be reminded that I am acting subversively when I live proudly in my body, even if some of the time (much of the time?) I'm faking it.

You are a blessing, an inspiration, a treasure.

Thank you!

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