Okay first if you know me or want to know me a little better. Go read this right here.
We all know by now that usually things like that don't really get me excited, I like them for instance I liked Joy Nash's Fat Rants but they did not give me any kind of visceral YES YES YES in my nervous system. That entry up there did.
To continue the theme of aging I realized when I started my period on Thursday that as I get older my boobs swell more than they used to. Which means, while my uterus is showing me might and dominion over all other forms of carbon based life by spewing detritus, my boobs go from a DD to bigger. I did not realize how much bigger until Friday and said boobies were seriously falling out over the top.
It would probably look awesome in pictures but OW FUCK MY BOOBS.
So I'll be buying a bigger titty bra for period time some time soon.
In other news, I was perusing a free "health" mag (I'll get to why I put it in quotes there in a minute) I got in the mail and I sat down and did some serious math.
In it they promised no less than five different work outs/diets that absolutely promise you'll be "sexy", "better", etc.
Diet#1 was designed for some lady I've never heard of who wants to drop her 15 pounds of pregnancy weight. Her stats were listed as being 5'5" and 131 pounds.
Now using the BMI calculator linked in the article her current bad before BMI that is supposed to be horrible and scary is 21.5 which for her height is supposed to be smack in the middle of perfectly healthy. No where in the article did she mention whether or not she's breastfeeding, had any complications during her pregnancy. It did mention that she wants to be back to her prepregnancy weight of 115 pounds which is a BMI of approximately 19 which is barely above underweight.
The promise is that she can get back to being just above underweight from her current healthy weight in just under six weeks with their plan.
Granted I don't have babies but who has time to cut and measure foods down to the tablespoon, workout at an estimated 2 hours six days a week?
Now the hook for this spectacular weightloss diet is that it's supposed to be easy, affordable and work fantastically for the average person. I calculated how much one day of this diet would cost me for one person (nevermind if you are actually cooking for a family) with local resources.
The cheapest day of this diet would cost me about 35$ for just me to eat for just one day. That's not including transportation costs, because I would not be able to get raw organic flax seeds at my local grocer, so I would have to spend time on the bus heading out of my neighborhood to have access.
Also the exercises are good ones no doubt. Old fashioned calisthenics with a twist of some yoga moves and one of those body balls. What they don't mention anywhere in the article is making certain if you have bad knees to be careful with some of the exercises, nor do they mention that it's probably not a good idea to start that kind of serious workout without yanno, consulting your doctor whom I would think if they had your health in mind, might remind you that if your baby is still on the boob you'll probably need more fat and calories in your diet. So you don't yanno starve your fucking newborn.
I did the same math with other of their "miracle" diets and essentially found the same things. Even substituting subpar foods for what was listed they are highly expensive, highly time consuming and I don't know about you but I have shit to do. I do not have time and I can't imagine if I was the everywoman working Mom they like to feature in this particular magazine, that I would have time to do stuff around the house, work, measure my raw organic whatever down to the tablespoon, make dinner for the family, pull out my yoga mat, body ball, hand weights twice a day, sleep and whatever else.
All to get not to a healthy weight as it would appear on first glance but all of these diets seemed designed for those who are already healthy to get skinny or underweight.
I cannot grasp how if one is already pretty healthy, how it is healthy to then starve yourself into being borderline underweight. Why is this deemed to be awesome?
One of their "awful" before pictures showed a woman who was looking pretty damn good. From her little bio she already worked out for an hour a day, wasn't having health issues, and looked to be what I'd call thin. Her big issue was that she wanted to (oh you know where this is going) get into the same jeans she wore when she was 20. Problem was naturally that she was going on 50.
What is wrong with this society that we expect our bodies to remain in a state of youth? How is it at all unnatural that a woman's body changes over time?
If you are a human being, no matter what kind of awesome diet and grueling 7 day a week part time job level work out plan you have, your body is going to change and decay. Yes, there are celebrities and others who look fabulous at 70 but the fact is the majority of human beings are going to get saggy, wrinkly, fuzzy, one nut is going to be in your sock and the other one at your knee.
It is unnatural to be the same (or nearly the same) at 50 that you were at 20. Biology has a clock, it keeps going for everyone.
And it pisses me off that our world has devolved to the point that you are suddenly gross and abnormal if you don't have that burning desire to revert to your 20 year old body.
It does a huge disservice to women and humanity in general to be promoting the idea that if you age, if your boobs start to sag or maybe your ass gets lumpy, your balls sag whatever that there is something wrong and awful about you and that it is your moral imperative to do everything to stop that process.
Now if you folks will excuse me.
I have delicious sencha tea to drink, and a migraine to try and chase away. I also need to work on fabulous project #2 which I would think wouldn't be so hard but it is.