Self righteous Healthier than Thou lady doesn't speak to me anymore. I still see her several times a week and she usually just gives me a kind of sour face. I find it amusing.
So now onto the advice of the day.
One of my hetero guy readers asked this:
Hi Nudiemuse, I am a straight guy in my thirties and would like to know how to be a better lover.
I reworded that a bit because there were some fairly identifiable bits in there and I like to preserve my homies anonymity and this fellow mentioned some shyness about asking.
Okay first of all my peen bearing homie, the fact that you are asking this is an awesome place to start. Bravo.
I think your first step is to be a good partner in and out of bed. Give your lady support when she needs it, know when to leave her the fuck alone, don't expect her to be awesome all the time and chances are she won't expect the same of you.
Next thing, pay attention to her body. A lot of women are shy about being vocal when it comes to what pleases them. Many of us have been led to believe a lot of bullshit about our sexuality, everything from the old stupid idea that a woman is a ho if she enjoys sex to shame about our sex parts. I will tell you my homie, sometimes it is a serious burden for some of us and can really fuck with our sex lives for years.
Be aware of your lovers background. Does she come from a highly religious background? Has she had good sex before? Has anyone been mean to her about her sexuality? These are hard questions to ask sometimes but taking that initiative and starting that conversation can be a really wonderful thing. Also it shows you really care.
Now you're on the road to the emotional part of being a more awesome lover let's talk about some physical bits ok?
Of paramount importance is understanding lady junk. Yes. You need to understand the pussy, talk to the pussy, make friends with the pussy (Okay I totally was just half quoting the band Hed (pe) there for a second) in essence, you need to get a good grasp on how lady parts are.
First thing. Pussies are incredibly diverse. And frankly 99% do not look like what you see in porn or magazines. Actual pussy is not airbrushed.
Also to quote the Vagina Monologues, pussy is supposed to smell like pussy. Not flowers, not douche, not whatever weirdo powder is being marketed that day. Pussy.
You my friend are probably pretty awesome and already know this part.
Here's something to do. Go to Babeland (DUDES my affiliate link with Toys in Babeland check it in the sidebar) with your lady sitting right there with you and together pick out a new toy. Does she like shiny stuff? It's okay if you're both a little shy, giggle together. Read the toy descriptions outloud to each other and make fun of them if you feel like it, laugh, blush.
Remember sex does not have to be serious business.
Buy some porn together. If your lady is anything like me she may not be into mainstream porn at all. In which case I suggest maybe doing some googling together to find something you both like.
Being a good lover boils down to some essentials.
Being an open and honest communicator. Learn to really hear what your partner is saying.
Pay attention. If you do something and your lady's hips move slightly away but move closer when you do something else, go with the something else. You get me?
Be willing to be silly. Being silly and giggly can indicate that you are relaxed and relaxation can make all sorts of sex way more fun.
The truth is my friend, I can't tell you explicitly how to be a good lover to your lady because we're all different. The most loving and important thing you can do, is ask her.
I also as always advocate research. There are a bajillion blogs by women who talk about their sex lives. Head over to The Best Sex Bloggers and do some cruising. Look at their blogroll, just go crazy with the links and explore.
You can also head to the library or book store and peruse the womens studies and erotica sections.
And rely on your gut. If your gut tells you that your girl would not be down for rose petals on the bed and would rather play some DDR then have hot sweaty sexing on the floor, do that. You know your girl best.
Also okay my peen loving readers out there, I know there are a lot of you. Can we give this guy some more pointers? And if there are more of you boys out there, give your buddy some tips.
Okay I am spent.
I have some fatshions to post and um yeah.
Wow I seriously just ran out of steam so I should go eat before I fall out.
PS...my interview is going up soon. Sarah is also, super fucking awesome.