Thursday, March 19, 2009

Oh rly, er ruminations take two.

Okay sooo I remembered what exactly it was I wanted to post yesterday before my brain crapped out.

I was reminded where I was trying to go by Mo Pie's post over at BFD about some article advising men on how to get their ladies who are gaining weight to not do so.

As I sort of said yesterday I don't see the point in going on and on about how someone else's body is not to your liking. Whether it's a fashion model, a piece of art on Deviant Art, some lady at the club whatever.

The point I'd wanted to touch on is this.

The ideology that revolves around thinking that it's good and correct to shame people into change just baffles me. Especially when it comes to outward appearance.

We see it constantly every day. It has invaded our language.

For instance when it comes to weight.

Instead of being healthy, or trying to be, or even dealing with health issues the language is one of strife and conflict.

The War On Obesity.

Fight those unwanted pounds/cravings/desires.

Language is a powerful thing. Is it any wonder that our kids (younger and younger) are so enmeshed in anxiety about their changing bodies?

Is it any wonder that so many people feel they must punish themselves for eating something deemed as bad.

I'm not exempt.

There was quite a long time when I was actively engaged in war with my body. I took the No Pain No Gain approach to my health care and fitness. There is no doubt it was war.

When you are spending 60% of your time and energy actively fighting how your body is naturally at some point don't you wonder what the fuck you are doing?

I was steeped in shame.

I was ashamed because no matter how much fat I cut out of my diet, no matter how many crunches I did, no matter what kind of weight lifting I did, no matter how much yoga I did, I could not get my stomach flat. I was guilty of having fat on my stomach and took that guilt to heart.

Even at about 100 pounds, my stomach was not flat. Even when I was at my most muscular with my lowest ratio of body fat, the eight pack was still covered in a layer of fat and I was so ashamed.

When I was at my technically fittest, I was most ashamed of my body because the usual signs of such fitness were not there.

I still had round cheeks, I still had belly fat, I still had big thighs, I still sometimes from certain angles had a bit of a double chin. My ass still jiggled when I walked or danced.

How was that good for me?

Back to this cult of shame idea.

How many times have you heard or seen people shamed because they might have bright colored hair? Or because she's showing some cleavage? Or because he's not manly looking?

At some point I believe it would behoove society as a whole to stop putting up with that.

Different does not equal bad or wrong it's just different.

What astounds me is how deep into our lives this goes.

People are shamed for so many things in the name of what are on the top of it good causes.

How many feminist centered arguments are there that shame women into not wanting to admit they like to be tied up and spanked?

Why is that good? Why is it good that someone like this, had/has to question her feminism because of what she likes sexually?

Who does that benefit?

Why does anyone have to know if they aren't sleeping with her what she likes sexually? And why should she have to be considerate of someone (who is not in her bed) else's limits?

I have yet to have anyone be able to explain to me how or why shaming someone into change is good.

I think that people who practice this kind of shaming are projecting their own insecurities.

They are afraid to be different and therefore when confronted by difference they freak and get mean.

I also think that people who engage in this kind of shaming may have what they think are good intentions.

Some people are afraid of not being a part of the crowd. Some people are afraid not to toe whatever party line.

Just because you are afraid that does no mean that I must be afraid.

Okay I'm done.

Now how about some links of deliciousness?

First up some sexy links:

The lovely hotness that is Mollena has bought probably the most awesome domain I have heard about in recent times. Fat girls+bondage photos=MOTHERFUCKING HOT. Go read her news about it. I am really really fucking excited about this.

Speaking of hotness she also linked to one of my favorite things. The Bay Area Women of Color project. Beautiful erotic photography featuring women of color. Which leads me to wonder is there something like that here in the PNW? If so where, how, links pls.

I just started reading Scarlet Lotus and I really fucking love this post.

Over at Queer Eye Candy, this Belted Butch photo gave me quite the wee thrill. If you like eye candy, look at all the photos you will be much pleased.

Tom over at The Edge of Vanilla posted an HNT that I think is tasty.

Essin Em' wrote a post about becoming a switch that I think is excellent food for thought.

Diva over at The Best Sex Bloggers put up a feature by Sera about spanking that is just fucking hot. HOT.

Now for some other more worksafe type links.

Mischo guest blogged on SheBreathes.

Dennis Cooper (an author I just love) posted some really neat pictures that are him thinking outloud about a novel he's working on currently. Can I mention it tickles me that other authors do that?

And I think that's it. These are are all seriously links plucked from my google reader.

So my darlings. I am off. I will probably post some pics tomorrow. Including maybe an outfit pic of my uninteresting cold weather cranky office goth variety.

Homo Out.

PS..I am SO excited I'm going to learn how to rollerset my hair. I'll be updating my hair journal tonight or tomorrow. Links to come.


Charlie said...

The Mona Lisa was not exactly svelte, but it may be one of the most popular art pieces in history. Going back to art from 300-400 years ago, most of the subjects were plump. And that was art. It was beautiful. And still is in my opinion.

It's very small minds that think that only very small bodies are beautiful.

Tom Allen said...


First off, thanks for the link and the compliment.

I'm glad that you can honestly express your own feelings about your own body image, and not come down too hard on those of us who are working on ours. Oddly, I've had to defend myself recently from well-meaning friends who were poking at my efforts over the last year. It wasn't so much the idea that middle-aged guys should be small - or big - so much as they've got some kind of idea in their heads about what middle-aged guys *should* look like, and I'm straying from the reservation.

I think that this attitude is behind a lot of what passes for thought among most people. They get some idea about what should be "normal" and they don't understand how to deal with anyone who falls outside of that range.

People are so weird - especially about other people.

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