Tuesday, April 14, 2009

My...milkshake brings all the boys to the..er no.

Oh my darlings we have a fantastic letter from our homie Canelle but before I get to this let me say to Will.


I am so glad we (yes we, that includes you my homies)could be of some help. Now just for me, if you please. The next time you are with Wifey and Kidlet, grab them put on some music and shake it for joy. Or slow dance for joy. Hug each other, and kiss each other and laugh and be merry because you are on the right track and you have people cheering you and your family onto happiness.

Now let's get to Canelle's question. It's taken me a bit to formulate a response but here we go. And as usual my homies let's all
help our homegirl out okay?

Ready..steady GO GO GO.

I know you mostly give sex advice but does relationship stuff count too? I hope so! ('cuz I still haven't had sex yet)

I'm 22, slim, busty n' big bootied but a little shy and soft spoken at first but open up as I get to know the person. I'm very polite and humble; rudeness just isn't me.

I find it difficult to make friends with or even meet males I either haven't grown up with/aren't gay. I like hanging out with guys; they're so much fun! Beer and nachos! But then 99.99% of them are always trying to come onto me sexually beneath a "friendship ruse". Should I just be satisfied with the guy friends I have now and bury this issue?

My gay guy friends have said that men are intimidated by pretty girls. Is this true? Men stare at me everywhere I go.

I don't dress provocatively as I'm at school a lot, so I like my jeans and fitted shirts. I also wear little make-up but most guys never approach me. They just stare. What does this mean?

How do you meet boys, Nudiemuse? Why do they always stare and stare and STARE but never say anything to me? I don't get it! ;_; Also, how can you tell when a guy is genuinely interested in more than just your boobs? The bad ones seem so good at disguising their intentions. Am I doing something wrong?

Thank you!

Okay first Canelle I love you too.

I'm going to go about this a bit backwards but I have to tell you. From remembering my days as a big titty, smarty at your age, yes a lot of boys see boobs are are like, "OH BOOBIES...heee BOOOBIES...no wait pretty girl..but OH GOD BOOOBIES LOOK AT HER BOOBIES" this internal dialogue can keep a young man from actually talking to you.

Also, a lot of men and women are just freaked out and feel weird and shy when presented with a smart, hot lady such as yourself. And some of us when we feel that way do indeed just stare. There is not a thing in the world wrong with you aside from your hotness, friendliness, smartness, awesome shoes, and niceness can be intimidating.

Take a second to take that in Canelle, you in your shy but friendly glory may well be quite intimidating to the boy types. So yes listen to your gays, your gays know these things and pretty girls are in fact intimidating.

Hell, I am 32 years old and can still be struck dumb by the right combination of the above traits.

Next okay, I will tell you honestly at your age a lot of young dudes are in fact trying to get laid. By and large men are at their sexual peak right around your age, and that being what it is want to get their party bits touched however they can.

And some dudes are just assholes about it.

Some aren't.

Now let me ask you a few questions sweetie, are you looking for a steady relationship? Do you want to just date a little?

This is important because, if you're looking for The Dude right away that can be scary when you're young. Some young guys aren't going to want to go there right now.

If you're looking to date, be upfront. I'm very glad you can see through the let's be friends but lemme touch your boobs thing, which if that works for you awesome, if it's not what you want let them know they aren't getting away with it.

If you happen on a boy who's doing that, but who you like try just telling them straight up, "Let's go on a date and skip the bullshit."

Granted some guys this is going to terrify and they might not talk to you. But dating like everything else is a numbers game.

Also dating doesn't have to be srs business. You don't -have- to be in a serious relationship. You only have to do what makes you feel good and happy.

I think you're probably on the right track for meeting boys. If you are into stuff like beer and nachos (WOOT) you'll meet boys. I will say that these days there are so many ways to meet people.

You could (and these things depend on many factors but these are off of the top of my head) join clubs, volunteer, do something you're really into.

That last one is awesome I think. I believe that meeting someone on some kind of common ground can be easier for some of us because you don't have that momentary, "OMG WTF DO I SAY HOLY SHIT BOOOBIES OMG OMGOMG" internal dialogue going on.

Personally at your age I wasn't super into actively trying to meet people specifically for dating. There was so much other stuff I wanted to get into, dating just kinda happened.

So, my bottom line advice to you darlin' is this.

You are not doing anything wrong, you're not weird, you are just fine.

Also, from my remembrances early twenties is a weird time. For a lot of folks. You've maybe not been out on your own a long time, you want to do all kinds of things, etc etc. You get me.

I say relax, hang with your gays. Even if a boy does that whole "let's be friends but lemme touch yer boobies" thing, if you like the boy set him straight and make a date. If you don't like the boy, you can nicely let them know that you can be friends, but the boob touching is out of the question.

Do stuff. Sounds awful simple doesn't it? But the truth is, I think you're on the right track. Keep doing stuff. And keep in mind that you Ms. Hotness can be intimidating so if the boys are just staring, that's probably why.

As for how to tell if a guy is genuinely interested in my experience they stick around. They talk to you, they hang out with you. And for the benefit of the guys, let me ask you to be gentle with them. A lot of young men are not all the way awesome yet at that age. Cut our peen bearing homies some slack.

They don't have the meet someone thing down yet either.

Now I turn it over to my smart and wonderful readers. Any other advice my homies? Boys, I know there are some of you out there can you give our lady here some tips?

Those of you who are coupled up, what worked for you? For you single folks what are you doing to meet people?

Are boys staring at you too?

Okay my darlings. Time for me to get back to work on my script frenzy project.

Also, look for a make up post on the Cheekan this week I have some budget stuff to review and some tips on being fabulous on a tight budget for those of us in the US and abroad.

Ready...GO GO GO.

Homo Out.



Canelle said...

Nudiemuse! Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my question, love ya to pieces!

For the longest time, I felt really bad...I felt like something was wrong with me but now that I've read what you have to say, I don't feel that way anymore. ^_^

I've been on a few dates and have only had only 1 boyfriend (it was a super-short relationship though, he betrayed me!) so it'd be nice to have something steady for a change. Someone who likes me and doesn't treat me like a big-tittied trophy. I suppose I really need to get myself out there and conquer my shyness a bit.

Thanks so much for answering my question with such tact and detail. I really appreciate it...you've no idea how much this means to me!

PatriarchySlayer said...

I have a love/hate relationship with the breastages. I feel like a titty-trophy too a lot of the time. And I guess it just gets old after awhile. I don't particularly feel connected to them. I find them very cumbersome, they weigh me down and they're in the way.
I feel like my breasts are ruling me, not the other way around.
One guy told me once that he would never have thought me beautiful if my breasts weren't as big as they were.
I guess that was the point I was like, fuck that shit!

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