Thursday, April 23, 2009

Seriously? Really...part one.

Okay so I am finally feeling a bit more humanoid.

Allergies are still off of the fucking chain crazy snot filled but, I am in favor right now of putting that bullshit aside.

So it's time for some catch up.

In the last month or so I've had someone who's very dedicated to "helping" me with my various and sundry flaws via my little sexy times question form there. I've been ignoring them thus far and deleted most of the "concerned comments made anonymously".

For our purposes here, we'll call this person Shmoopy.

Okay Shmoopy for someone seemingly so concerned with my physical and mental health and in starting a "dialogue" with me you left out some of the important parts of dialogue.

Dialogue implies there is give and take. A back and forth conversation and since you've given me three bunk email addresses here are my responses.

First thing.

You've commented on how if only I'd diet I would not be so fat, wouldn't be in such "dire health straits", and would be happier.

I am not in dire health straits. I may am no Jack Lalane but I'm not on the edge of death. Despite being yanno death fat according to the seeing nothing BMI charts.

I have never in my life (yes I mean back to emerging weeks premature into the world at a whopping 4 pounds) been an extremely healthy person. I was born almost six weeks premature had jaundice, a heart murmur and failure to thrive.

During my childhood I had other health complications. A weak immune system, chronic bronchitis, very bad allergies. I got sick a lot.

I could give a detailed medical history but I'm not going to. Suffice it to say that I have spent a majority of my life being as healthy as I can be rather than being a paragon of health in general.

In my late teens I decided to be a vegan and went health crazy. I did the stuff you read about in women's and fitness magazines. I had quite nearly a perfect (according to the going literature at the time) diet, I worked out with the aid of a trainer.

And I got sick. I got really fucking sick. Not only did I get sick but I injured myself and exacerbated my already not too great joints.

Now read that slowly Shmoopy.

I will tell you I was quite thin for me. At the worst part of those few years I probably weighed about 105 pounds (I stand at 5'3" or so) and have never felt worse about myself at all.

Vegetarianism works and is awesome for some people but not for me. My immune system was depressed, my body was falling to pieces and I felt ugly.

I was by the numbers supposed to be healthy and happy because I was thin but I wasn't.

That is a fact.

Moving on.

Shmoopy, you've also decided that I'm fat because I "overeat and don't move".

This also is an erroneous conclusion.

Regarding my eating habits they are as follows by and large.

I am trying very hard not to eat a lot of dairy because I am very lactose intolerant and I don't like gastric distress.

I am also trying very hard not to indulge my sweet tooth as much as I'd like to. Mainly because my body tends to metabolize sugar in ways that leave me feeling not so good and I don't like that.

I don't drink much soda.

I drink a lot (as in liters) of water.

I usually have one largish meal when I get home from work with Uniballer and a smaller one while I'm at work. I'm not a breakfast eater I never have been really. I like to snack on things like raw peas, edamame, crackers.

All told (as I was admonished by a doctor in the not so distant past)I don't actually eat enough generally speaking. It's something I'm working on.

And as for exercise.

I don't own a car. I walk everywhere. Some days at work I climb a lot of stairs and do a lot of walking. All told my life doesn't fall into the category of sedentary.

However, if you are using the idea of only dedicated time to exercise counts, then yes it is.

Unfortunately due to some fatigue and sleep issues I have (my shitty joints aside) I just don't have enough energy to devote extra time in the day for dedicated exercising.

This is unfortunate but I'm dealing.

Even though I have dubbed myself the Dowager Queen of All Fatassia, I am neither a widow nor an actual queen and my boy prince is a stuffed bunny, all that said I can't speak for every fat person but as far as this fat person goes your assumptions are wrong.

So Shmoopy here's the deal. I don't know if you're really bored and haven't really read a word I've said, if you're trying to troll or what but pay attention please.

If you are being serious let me give you some tips.

If you are indeed concerned about me, preaching to me about whatever diet craze you read about in US magazine isn't going to cut it. Not listening to (or in this case reading and comprehending) what people say is also not going to cut it.

Being that you don't know me personally, you have no window as to the facts about my life save what I say here. Also, can I tell you that 32 years in this body has taught me about what this body likes and does not like.

Now for people who want to engage someone in an actual conversation about health some pointers.

Do not presume that what helps your body be healthy is going to be a panacea for whomever you're speaking to.

Yes, there are basic things that most bodies dig but, individual biology can be a varied and strange thing.

For instance, you are hyping a thrice daily dose of Unicorn Pee. You feel awesome, you're losing weight, you're hair is magnificent and your cellulite is all gone. Let's say I am not interested in those things, that's ok. It's also okay if I don't want Unicorn Pee because it gives me the glittering shits.

Maybe working out for two hours every single day rocks your mother fucking world. That is awesome. That is Mother. Fucking awesome. That does not rock my world and this too is okay.

The point is being that our bodies are not all exactly the same, the same ways of eating, exercising and living are not going to work for everybody and that's okay.

Different does not equal bad or wrong it's just different.

I think if you're of the mindset that everyone must be healthy as a moral imperative and whatnot, if you're serious about this think long and hard about how you frame health.

Not everyone can be Jack Lalane.

Personally I want all of us to be as healthy as we can.

When I say healthy I mean physically, emotionally, the whole nine yards. I also know and own the fact that this is not possible for everyone.

Let's be as okay as we can be.

I also propose that we stop being such douchebags to each other.

I fully believe that if more people were cooler to each other a lot of us would lead less stressful lives.

Even if you don't want to be cool to people, just leave them the fuck alone. Really.

There is a part two to this because I believe I had a grand total of about 10 messages from Shmoopy. But I have script writing to do.

So my darlings, happy Thursday.

Homo Out.



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Piffle said...

Oh hugs.

When you've mentioned already that you walk a couple miles a day, you'd think people would realize you exercise a lot.

If I could, I'd give you a jacuzzi to float in and make your joints feel better.

Cassandra Says said...

I have to say you have a lot more patience with the concern trolling than I do! Since my response would have basically been Dear Schmoopy, please STFU.

I really don't understand why people are so convinced that one size fits all in terms of diet and exercise. I mean seriously, if you have bad joints, that's going to impact what physical activities work for you. This is common sense. Hello people, remember our old friend common sense?

FatGirlWalking said...

Nudie, your post has made me fall in love with you. If it were legal in my state, I'd ask you to marry me.

Anonymous said...

You're being much nicer than I would be. Yes, we are all different. Some folks can't even eat vegetables due to medication or digestive issues. And I couldn't be vegan (or even vegetarian) either, because I exercise too much, but I'm close, since I don't like meat. PBS had a special that I missed about fat being complicated, not simple at all like most seem to think. Causes, symptoms, effects, treatments, all complicated, none simple. I missed it, but might try to watch it online. It sounds like your admirer (nemesis) should watch it, along with most of the population, me included. I think it's just called FAT, but it shouldn't be too hard to figure out I think

Anonymous said...

You know what?

I am not in the best of health.

I have an autoimmune disease. I am in a wheelchair some of the time, crutches others. Etc.

NO ONE has felt the need to come concern-trolling me about the Next MS Diet or whatnot.

If I were fat, I bet it'd be a whole different story.

FUCK YOU, Schmoopie!!!

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